Are You Quitting or Letting Go?

Can you walk away from a difficult situation, or does that feel like giving up? If it makes you think of yourself as a quitter or a loser, you may not be perceiving the situation accurately. Worse, it may be draining your confidence and productivity.

If you never quit, you may believe you are getting what you want. The truth is, if it’s time to walk away, staying takes a high energetic and emotional toll  that leads to unhealthy relationships with yourself and others.

Not everything in your career, organization or life is meant to carry on indefinitely—even when the ego keeps whispering “don’t quit, don’t be a loser!” So how do we know whether to move on from an unhealthy situation or not, without feeling horrible? Let’s follow our Planting the Seeds of Change process to create a healthy change.

Step 1: Find the Pattern

Our first step is preparation and research. It can be helpful to see what drives you to avoid quitting. Where did this pattern come from? It is hardest to let go of the things we are emotionally attached to, and, often, we learned to never quit because it was modeled for us early in life.

My mom survived, for example, by pushing through and never quitting. For three decades, I did the same, improving myself, working harder and harder, pushing myself to the limits to achieve success. It worked—I did well—but it was exhausting. Now I can choose a different path.

For aspiring professionals, growth and recognition often come from tenacity and hard work—putting in the hours. We learn to push push push ourselves and others. We fit round pegs into square holes because we refuse to quit!  As an executive coach, I see the high cost and unhappiness that comes from this approach. So many of my clients have worked hard to achieve that didn’t, ultimately, bring fulfillment.

Additionally, most of us can only perform to our max for so long before we burn out. In my mid-20s, pushing hard to land a new client, make a partnership successful or acquire a bigger home was fun and exciting. By my late 30s, however, it had become stressful. While stress can be beneficial, the accumulation of stress and repeating situations you have grown beyond requires a different choice: letting go.

A few years ago, I had to learn this lesson. For the first time, I decided to stop trying and to let go of a business partner. It was scary and uncomfortable. Like many of my clients, I experienced constant negative self-talk. Was this the right decision? Am I too weak? What will others think of me?

I was not weak, and neither are you. I chose to improve my life by removing something that wasn’t working. At the time, I saw how different letting go is from quitting. This choice moved me forward. In letting go, I was the winner, not the loser.

Step 2: Reframe Your Outlook

When you reframe quitting into the healthy step of letting go, it becomes easier to eliminate situations that are holding you back. Can you think of a negative or difficult situation in the past that you now consider a learning experience? Now identify a current challenge that you refuse to walk away from. How might shifting your perception here help you to finally let it go, without feeling like you’re quitting?

Reframing to the letting-go perspective allows your thoughts and self-talk to change. Emotions shift and it leads to new responses that will support your decision to walk away. You can stop second-guessing yourself.

For example, suppose the company you have been with for over 10 years is implementing its third reorganization. You’re proud of your work in the last two reorgs, pushing hard to manage your team, keeping your focus on client satisfaction and being a supportive asset, even when the changes were not well thought out. But you aren’t interested in a third one. It’s not exciting any more.

That’s ok. This is not quitting.

Diana Bolivar, Principal Diana Bolivar & Associates

Diana Bolivar is the immediate past president/CEO for the award winning Hispanic Chamber of Commerce of Metro Orlando where she served for seven years as Director of Marketing, Vice President and the latter 4 years as the chamber’s President/CEO. With more than a quarter century of experience at the local, national and international levels encompassing the nonprofit, legal, medical and construction industries, Bolivar is the principal for Diana Bolivar & Associates.

Bolivar is a native of Medellin, Colombia, whose first language is Spanish. At the age of nine, she moved to the US alongside her family. Bolivar is a graduate of the University of Massachusetts, in Amherst, with a degree in Political Science.

Her firm contributes to the success of companies and organizations across the globe because they invest in results. Diana’s cultural elasticity has allowed her to become an expert in reaching both the Anglo and Hispanic markets for her clients through training, advocacy and business development.

Diana is a graduate of Leadership Florida, Leadership Seminole and Leadership Orlando.  She serves on several boards and committees, including Heart of Florida United Way, Florida Abolitionist, Children’s Movement of Florida and Valencia Community College, Dr. Shughart’s advisory committee.

Diana’s most recent recognitions and awards include:

2016 Latina Role Model of the year by Latina Role Model TV

2015 Ana G. Mendez University Presidential Medal of honor and graduation commencement speaker

2015 Leadership Award, Women of Distinction, by Girl Scouts of Citrus

2015 Executive of the Year, by Florida Association of Chamber Professionals (FACP)

For a complete list of awards and recognitions, or more information visit: www.dianabolivar.com

True Grit and 6 Other Tips for Change

From immigrating to Massachusetts at age 9 to starting her own business in 2017, Diana Bolivar has experienced many major life shifts. I sat down with her to glean a few tips for thriving through change.

1. Remain Open and Malleable

Change is difficult (and constant) for everyone, she points out, yet we are not typically taught to how to handle change. Immigrants, Diana believes, are more comfortable with change because they have had to be. Leaving one’s country, culture, and language to move to another place is huge change on many levels. When she was little, “Coming to this country…and seeing what my parents and my older and younger sibling went through with schools, language—that was a very difficult time,” she says.

As a little girl, she learned to not be afraid of something new—and even to embrace it. When you deal with huge change by accepting it right away, changing as quickly as possible, and remaining malleable, she reports, incredible opportunities lie around every corner.

2. Embrace Diversity to Find Happiness

After a lifetime of change, Diana says it’s people never have the same likes, beliefs and customs as you. To embrace those differences allows you to avoid self-segregating, following your pack and sticking with what you know. And that is when you become wealthy in knowledge and happiness. Diversity enriches us all.

For her, life’s most important lesson is to understand what love and happiness are. “When you accept that everything out of your comfort zone is different, you’re going to be filled with love and happiness, which is what every human being should strive for.”

3. Make the Call when “This Is Not Working”

Being afraid of change spills over into every aspect of your life. Yes, it’s very difficult to make the decision that “this is not working out” when you’re not happy or fulfilled. It’s easy to wonder, looking back,

Jean-François Cousin

Jean-François Cousin became a global executive coach in 2006, after a first career in management around the world with a Fortune-500 company. He has served over 750 executives, from 50 nationalities, as well as dozens of executive teams.

Accredited as a ‘Master Certified Coach’ by the International Coach Fede

ration, the highest distinction in the profession, Jean-François coaches CEOs, Region and Country Presidents and Board Members, most often on executive leadership development, on-boarding and role transition, organizational & cultural change management, strategic planning and cross-cultural leadership.

Jean-François also regularly facilitates or coaches executive teams.   

Jean-François is also a speaker and a published author. Marshall Goldsmith wrote about his latest book ‘Game Changers at the Circus: how leaders can unleash Greatness in organizations’: “[this] book is full of surprises – many counter-intuitive ideas that can help leaders change even the most stagnant and inflexible organizations into thriving, dynamic performers.”

His book: 

Order Here

Contact him:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/greatnesscoach/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/JF_Cousin

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/greatness.coach/

Website: http://www.greatness.coach/speaking/

9 Lessons on Leadership through Humility

My podcast guest Jean-François Cousin is an author and fellow executive coach, who has gone through extensive changes in his life. He is an expat, a French citizen who lives in Asia, and today has worked with people of 50 different nationalities.

Like many of my followers, he transitioned from his corporate job into a career centered on his passion. Today as an executive coach and speaker, he helps people unleash their inner greatness.

I asked him to discuss some challenges he has experienced with life’s great constant: change. Like so many of us who leave comfortable corporate jobs to hang out our own shingle, the biggest change he made was starting from scratch again when he was 40 with a new business and new career.

1. In Change, Find a Mentor

Though his corporate operations career was satisfying, he didn’t find the jobs above him fit his personality. At that point, he had to ask himself: what do I love best about what I do? What is my greatness? One of his favorite tasks as a manager was helping his team members to blossom. He decided to become a coach.

As you can imagine, everyone told him he was crazy. Asia seemed fertile ground for coaching, so he rented a “crappy” townhouse in the business district of Bangkok and started working hard. Though he was passionate, he still felt like a nobody and very much alone. After many weeks, nobody was biting.

One day his friend introduced him to a Thai coach, who gifted him with some business advice. This coach also reminded Jean-François to talk to his ex-colleagues as potential contacts. He even presented him to a client of his own as a good fit. When you embrace change, it’s important to look around for good mentors who can hold your hand and help you move forward.

2. Share Your Results, Not What You Do

When Jean-François began to call his former colleagues, nobody responded with more than a “that’s nice” until he started explaining his results: bringing out the best in people. The listener’s ears perked up and Jean-François got to explain what he did. This experience taught him: don’t tell people what y...

The topic of self worth is coming up in several of my clients sessions. Whether it is through net worth or self-love, it is important to reflect on how you define your self-worth.

This episode is deeply personal, triggered by an assessment I took last December in France, when I became newly aware of my own challenge with self-worth. It was powerful. I felt totally naked when I realized that I was not valuing myself and that it was affecting my net worth.

If you consider yourself successful yet experience failure in your bank accounts or romantic relationships, you might also be struggling with hidden self-esteem issues, whether you realize it or not. Though I feel I have been a strong and successful woman for a long time, though I have helped innumerable clients through their own issues as a coach, my lack in self-worth and self-esteem was hidden from me… until December.

Net Worth and Self-Worth Grow

Money-wise, my life has been a little up and down. Yet I always held positions that brought in a healthy paycheck. I felt successful and earned a lot of money.

My challenge? Keeping this money. Though I don’t consider myself a big spender, nor do I waste money, I was always “investing” (ok, spending) my money on valuable experiences. Though it seemed reasonable, it ensured that my money did not stay in my bank account.

Self-worth, or the lack thereof, comes in many shapes and forms. Many of us who outwardly seem successful and strong, have a hidden lack of self-worth that manifests in struggle. Another way this issue comes to light is an inability to engage in a fulfilling romantic relationship. Others are successful in their intimate relationship but don’t have a penny in the bank, regardless of career or income. Others have a lovely family but not enough self-esteem to raise their hand in a meeting or chase a well-deserved promotion.

I wanted to prune out this limitation, to approach it as an opportunity for self-love. I am excited you to join me in this journey. We will use the Planting the Seeds of Change process to give us a couple of steps and actions to become more wholistically successful.

Prepare the Ground

Change can only be obtained and sustained if you prepare the ground and fertilize. The first step is awareness—self-awareness here. The first thing I did was to explore where in my life I felt I was not successful, especially where patterns repeat. When I saw a struggle, it was powerful to identify several beliefs about myself, money and everything I cherish, and see how much connected to through those beliefs.

I know how much I’m worth and how much I charge. Not being able to keep the money told me how I was defining wealth, worth, and myself against those two concepts. I wrote all this down.

If your dating life sucks or is filled with deception, if your bank account is deep in the hole, or if your career is stagnating, then regardless of how well-off you think you are, something about self-esteem and self-worth is holding you back.

Narrow the issue down. What is beneath the ready excuses (no promotion because your boss can’t see your value; empty bank account because too many expenses)? Poor self-esteem began when, at some point, you decided to hide the little imperfection on the perfect portrait that you wanted to show to the world. What don’t you want others to see? What benefit comes from poor net worth? Here are more questions:

Poor Dating Results:  How much do you like the person you are? Are you the most datable person you know? What would discourage you from dating yourself? It is time to practice self-love to develop your self-worth.

Empty Pockets:  If you have constantly empty pockets like me, so broke that you live paycheck to paycheck though earning well—how much do you value yourself? Why not? When you remove all external parameters for being cornered, what is left? You and yourself.

Success Lies Outside of Your Comfort Zone

Tamara Knight

Tamara Knight is a certified professional photographer (and very proud of this fact!) based in Orlando, Florida. Originally from Russia, she is a mother of two teen kids (please keep her in your prayers) and a wife to amazing guy. She has been a photographer for 9 years and loved every second of it.

In my work as a coach, I often come across inspiring professionals who have pushed themselves through significant change to achieve remarkable success. Certified professional photographer Tamara Knight is one such business owner, and a fellow immigrant as well, whom I interviewed on my podcast. Tamara serves women who believe they are not photogenic and haven’t recently had a photo they love.

Tamara takes genuine joy in showing people their beauty and who they are through her art. So many of us, men and women, do not want to be seen. The truth is we are afraid to see who we are and how beautiful we can be. I know I don’t like to be photographed, and when we met, Tamara made me comfortable. This ability and her quality of work  have contributed to her success.

Here are a few shots of wisdom and insight from our conversation.

Plan, but Be Flexible

About 20 years ago, Tamara moved to the US from Russia to pursue the American dream. For the first couple of months, however, her limited English and thick accent made life unbearably frustrating—I can relate! In Texas, they have their own accent, too, and she struggled to understand what people wanted of her. She was ready to go back to Russia, to her comfort zone.

Tamara’s Plan A was to get married, have children, build a career and stay. Plan B was to return to Russia as a rich woman, which she decided was having $500 in her pocket. But life, of course, had a third plan. For 10 years she worked as a graphic designer with good pay, and assumed she would do that for the rest of her life, but it wasn’t challenging and she didn’t feel fulfilled. Then she discovered photography—accidentally—and went back to school to study it.

Moving was the biggest change in her life, and it came with the greatest reward. She found her husband here, and her calling—she doesn’t believe she was meant to be a teacher, as she was in Russia, nor a graphic designer, but a true artist, a photographer.

Best Advice: Practice What Is Uncomfortable

Tamara started her business the wrong way, of course, charging way too little money while pouring her heart into her work. Even if you have the greatest talent, Tamara says, you won’t be successful if you don’t understand the business side of things. She took many workshops and classes and set big goals for herself.

Tamara’s greatest challenge in her new business was phone conversations. It was so bad that if anyone called her, she wouldn’t pick up, but wait to listen to the voicemail and then maybe call them back. (or not). She was that scared.

Tamara is a self-proclaimed introvert and decided to push herself to rehearse her words, slowing down her speech and trying to erase her Russian accent. This practice gave her confidence and changed her business. She surprised herself when she eventually started calling her clients and offering new things, unafraid any more.

If you are afraid of something in your business, Tamara says, rehearse until it becomes second nature.

Lesson Learned: Success Is Outside the Comfort Zone

Many small-business owners tend to undersell themselves, but Tamara’s favorite quote helped her overcome this fear. Imagine a blank sheet of paper with a circle in one corner called “success,” and a circle in another corner called “comfort.” You can see that success and comfort never touch. If you choose to sit in your wonderful comfortable happy place, you will not succeed.

Moving from comfort to success takes practice, practice, practice. Practice explaining what you do until it becomes second ...

We are in the hamster wheel and miss the opportunity to appreciate who we have become.

Have you ever come across a past version of yourself and felt dismayed at the “old you?” I’ve been going through this exact experience recently. A better way to look at these moments, however, is to admire how far you’ve come! I’ve decided to make this “aha” experience a habit, to encourage my personal evolution—and here’s how you can too.

An Unexpected Look Back

After 6 years in business, I’ve been revamping my website. Going through the old files, I have found pieces of myself I had forgotten about. This experience reminds me that change is constant and change happens painlessly if we allow it to happen naturally without resisting.

I could not have imagined back then who I would have become today nor what my brand would eventually stand for. My growth has been enormous! If I hadn’t lingered over these snapshots of my life and business from 2011-12, I might have missed what was going on.

What an empowering experience, to pause and experience appreciation for change! When was the last time you did this—really examined who you are and how far you have grown to become who you are today?

These moments are opportunities to boost our “strong egos.” Ego is often defined negatively, but there are two sides to the coin. According to Bruce D. Schneider, Founder of the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (Ipec), weak ego is characterized by defining ourselves against other people’s perceptions. When someone has a strong ego, however, they take charge and define themselves by their own self-awareness and self-acceptance. (Which would you rather have?)

Appreciation Strengthens Confidence and “Strong Ego”

By regularly appreciating who you are and what you have accomplished, you can build the kind of healthy ego that comes not from competing or fighting with others but from your own amazing evolution.

Experiencing appreciation for change boosts our ability to expand ourselves, to create new opportunities in our lives, careers, and families, relationships, and communities. Imagine if every day, people everywhere took just five mins to appreciate who they are and what they had accomplished since the day before, last week, last month, or a year ago! What if we noticed what change is happening, that it’s happening for good, and what we have wrought?

In my recent experience, I initially looked at what I found the wrong way—with much judgment at first, thinking only about how backwards I and my business were six years ago! That state of mind didn’t last long, however, because I walked myself through the process from Episode 20: Let Go of Judgment. Only then did I see the truth: how far I’d come.

After that process, I could reread pieces from my first newsletters in October 2011 and find them cute instead of cringing. I was impressed with my boldness, trying to write in English when I was not fluent. I remembered how tiring it was to expose myself, naked like that, without using a proofreader.

Today, I communicate with podcasts and videos, a natural evolution. I love it and I’m more active while speaking this way. Yet writing those monthly articles for four years gave me the confidence to speak with you here. I am grateful for every step of this amazing process!

Appreciation is a gift we can give regularly and easily to ourselves without searching for external approval. How can you work this into your routines? Here is a brief version of this process.

1. Prepare the Ground: Consider Where You Were 5 Years Ago

Pause for a moment and consider these questions. Pausing like this will help you access the gifts that sometimes are hidden in change. Review your last five years:

Who were you five years ago? Where were you living, who were you spending your time with? How was your hair? What was your personal and organizational brand?

Often we think that taking a risk or making a change can be costly. But what about the cost of inaction?

 

 

The Cost of Inaction: 5 Steps to Decide to Coach or Not

Recently I was struck by a couple of potential clients who decided not to hire any coach, and chose to live a life they didn’t enjoy. Did you know that the cost of staying put can be up to 400% more than making a change? For an organization, it may cost up to $75,000 more to not coach an executive.

That may sound counterintuitive. Coaching looks like a huge expense. But the mistake is to perceive it that way—as an expense, not an investment—distorting your evaluation. The most common mistake is to avoid weighing the cost of the status quo in a decision. Excluding this factor biases your results, often in the wrong direction.

Poor decisions can be very expensive. Here is a simple exercise to evaluate a potential investment in coaching. We will use our proven Planting the Seeds of Change process. (Download the file I have created for you here.)

1. Preparing the Ground: Evaluate the Status Quo

To prepare the ground, awareness is key. It’s common to want to jump right into the process, and to skip researching when you want to make a change in your life, career, or organization. Making decisions based on what we think we know limits our outcomes.

So take a sheet of paper (or open a spreadsheet) and draw six columns, A–F. Begin in Column A by listing all the benefits of not making a change, of putting it off for good. Be exhaustive. Consider emotional, financial, spiritual and physical benefits of sticking with how things are.

In Column C (yes, skip B for the moment), write down all the risks and costs of postponing change. For instance, the financial loss from not applying for the next promotion. Or the cost of continuing to be bullied at work. Or the cost of stress on your family or relationship due to a toxic work environment, which could possibly lead to divorce or chronic health issues down the line.

As human beings, we have incredible strength to cope with the worst situations and to accept them because we think it is our only choice. But we must consider all the costs of doing so.

Think long-term. What will happen six months from now? A year? Ten years from now? Going through this exercise should bring to light issues you hadn’t noticed before.

2. Fertilize the Soil: Value the Pros and Cons

Now, in Column B, set a financial price for each benefit in Column A, as if you bought it in a store. Someone looking at a stagnant career for 15 years might have written “financial stability” as a benefit, yet she might have given up a $15,000 raise—that is the price.

In Column D, set a value for each risk or cost in Column C. For instance, the cost of your stress on your family may create $1,500 in additional medical or counseling expenses each year, or trigger a $20,000 divorce.

Total up both columns for greater insights into your priorities. Which is more, the benefits of the status quo or the costs? Do not beat yourself up if you find an expensive status quo. The good news is that you are here today with renewed awareness.

Price tags give us a sense of what we value in life. This exercise helps you see where your efforts to change could pay off. Discuss your results in open conversation with family and friends.

3. Planting the Seeds of Change: Understand Cost vs. Investment

Cost is commonly seen as an expense, where no value is created. By this definition, money, energy, work, and time are simply gone, down the drain, plain and simple.

A better way to look at change is as an investment, which implies you will create increased value later in the form of energy, opportunity, time, satisfaction, and financial gain. Investing allows you to move forward and become who you want to be.

Judgement is leading us to unhappiness, how to let go of criticizing.

 

 

 

 

How to Let Go of Judgment

As a coach, I am still a work in progress too. On a recent trip back to France, I surprised myself by noticing how judgmental I was being. I consider myself open and compassionate, so it was hard to admit that I was being negative, typically in unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations. I could feel how those heavy thoughts were affecting me, my energy, and my relationships, too.

So I decided to explore and share applying my own process, Planting the Seeds of Change, to help me create change and let go of this judgment. Here is how I did it.

 

1. Prepare the Ground: Observe Your Thoughts

The first step towards non-judgment (or any change) is creating awareness. I asked myself how, when, and how often was I judging things instead of accepting them?

Judging others is understandable. We are conditioned by society, education, culture, religion, experiences, and self-beliefs, to name a few. Before doing this work, I never noticed my judgmental thoughts, yet these thoughts arise frequently, naturally and subtly. They happen in a split second. As you practice, you will notice more of them.

Mindfully observe yourself. Whatever you are doing—pause, scan, and listen for your thoughts about things, people, or your experience. See what comes up. Don’t judge those thoughts or banish them; simply listen and notice how they come. You are collecting data.

While relaxing at the beach, for instance, I found myself judging what people chose to wear, their shoes, what they did, and their weight. My mind was telling me that here were people and things that appeared different from my own standards and points of reference.  As I watched, I also noticed my friends and people talking at other tables doing the same thing. I could feel it dragging my energy down.

(Ironically, it’s not only negativity that hurts us. Positive judgments can be just as draining when they create separation and duality, comparison, and a sense of fitness or unfitness.)

2. Fertilize the Soil: Consider the Source

While you observe, make a list of your judgments. My list included: Interesting (bad) outfit. This car is dusty inside. He’s too tan. This is a messy place. This food is good. This candle smells wonderful, but not this one. She looks older.

Now consider your list. One or two items might surprise you. You might instantly let go of some simply by seeing them—where they come from might not be “you” any more. Congratulations!

This step is also about awareness. Ponder your list and where those judgments come from. Do they arise from a past experience? Cultural differences? Religious beliefs? Societal standards? Many magazines for women have set up harsh visual standards that few can reach. Can you understand their source?

What’s important here is to look at your comments without shame, without self-judgment or criticism. Acceptance will help you move past these thoughts and engage with others based on shared values rather than comparing others to our own point of view.

3. Plant the Seeds of Change: Choose a New Way

The next step is to consciously choose how you want to perceive the world. Your thoughts and words shape your world. How can you perceive the world form a friendly, collaborative viewpoint that values and appreciates what is around you?

Choose how your world will look and feel, with less judgment and more appreciation, more compassion for others, more acceptance of situations you have no control over. This new attitude removes all labels, allowing you to see the bright side of each object or relationship.

Recently I felt judged by a dear friend of mine who has the exact opposite political views. I asked him, “Let’s agree to disagree. Let’s agree to not convince the other of our own views but to have a...

Lolly Daskal, Leadership Executive Coach, Speaker, Author

Lolly Daskal is one of the most sought-after executive leadership coaches in the world.

Her extensive cross-cultural expertise spans 14 countries, six languages and hundreds of companies.

As founder and CEO of Lead From Within, her proprietary leadership program is engineered to

be a catalyst for leaders who want to enhance performance and make a meaningful difference in their companies, their lives, and the world. Based on a mix of modern philosophy, science,

and nearly thirty years coaching top executives, Lolly’s perspective on leadership continues

to break new ground and produce exceptional results.

Of her many awards and accolades, Lolly was designated a Top-50 Leadership and Management Experts by Inc and 100 Great Leadership Speakers for Your Next Conference and Speakers at your next event by Inc. magazine.

Her writing has appeared in HBR, Inc.com, Fast Company (Ask The Expert), Huffington Post,

and Psychology Today, and others.

Lolly’s proprietary insights are the subject of her new book, The Leadership Gap:

What Gets Between You and Your Greatness, and is available for pre- order

www.theleadershipgapbook.com

 

Attain Freedom by Practicing Excellence

Guest: Lolly Daskal, Leadership development  executive coach

(LollyDaskal.com, TheLeadershipGapBook.com, or on Twitter)

My guest today is Lolly Daskal, author of the book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness. A pioneering force for 30 years in leadership and executive coaching, Lolly never saw the leader as an absolute top-down dictator. Instead, she showed that every person is a leader, that every person has a voice, and that leadership comes from within.

She came to this conclusion after reading hundreds of business books and noticing that most business schools and courses are all about the how, the what, the when. She found that we are missing the who. Her roots in psychology and philosophy told her that the beginning of anything comes from who we are being  as we create it.

And that meant: to achieve success on the outside, learn to master it on the inside.

Who You Are As a Leader is the Core Issue

When companies reach out to a leadership consultant, they tend to want results. Helping any business unit that’s underperforming, however, begins with the leader. Any leader of a struggling business needs to find their unique style and learn to express it more effectively.

That’s where Lolly’s book The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness can help. When you are ready to take responsibility for your business and make it right, this book will help you work through the challenges that impede your best leadership style. While not always an easy exploration, certainly, it can be interesting and rewarding.

In reading between the lines, you could say Lolly is talking about leading from the heart, or even with love. She has a straightforward way of simply saying that: who you are as a leader is the core issue.

A good executive coach can support that thought leader, who is influencing the world around them. Through coaching others to be the best leaders they can be, we coaches serve and impact the world in our own way, which is one of many things I love about this work.

Leadership Archetypes

In her book, Lolly walks readers through her “RETHINK” system. She says there are polarities of character within us that can lead us to greatness. That is, our strengths can lead us to our weaknesses or gaps. When we learn to recognize and master those, we become better leaders.

The “RETHINK” system refers to its seven archetypes: the Rebel, Explorer, Truthteller, Hero, Inventor, Navigator, and Knight. Each type of leader has virtues, such as confidence, integrity, trust, loyalty, intuition, courage.

Wishing to leave your corporate job? I share with you my own story.

 

 

11 Lessons I Learned by Leaving Corporate America to Start and Run My Own Company

Happy Anniversary to my business, Equanimity Executives, created in May 2011! In case you are considering leaving your job for to become an entrepreneur, I’d like to celebrate by sharing almost a dozen lessons I learned along the journey.

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You Have What You Need

For a long time, I assumed I would never leave corporate America. I had been mentored to become a highly successful corporate executive—why would I change that? I simply did not believe I had the potential to be my own boss. Today I see I took all the strengths and training I had learned in corporate America and simply applied them to my small business. Much is transferable!

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Look around You for Seeds to Plant

My story begins in 2005, when I hit a wall after being let go. Difficult times can be great windows of opportunity to rethink where you are going. Without really knowing what coaching was, I hired an executive coach and worked with her to reflect on who I was and what I wanted to do. My intuition told me that one day I would support others in the way I felt so supported by my coach for those six months. A seed was planted.

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Keep Learning

In 2005 I earned a bachelor’s degree and moved to the United States. When I arrived, I worked with large corporations like Disney and was again successful, mentored by people who trusted me to keep learning, which I did. It was a wonderful opportunity to expand myself, build resources, and get training in that corporate framework.

In 2010, an ad popped up online about coaching, and I felt it was time to explore that field. In my research, I discovered IPEC, the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching. Instantly I enrolled (encouraged by my fiancée), and one year later I became a coach.

Coaching is such a fulfilling and rewarding job. I love supporting others and witnessing their transformation, not only at an individual level but at a corporate level too.

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Move Around Your Own Roadblocks

I was very blessed, too, in that I trusted my intuition. It told me that whatever I wanted to accomplish, I would be successful if I could remove the roadblocks I put before myself. This advice is good for anyone venturing into the unknown!

In March 2011 one of the clients I was coaching pro bono while in coaching school asked how she could hire me. I was stunned. And I had no idea! It would have been easy to brush her off. Instead, after googling how to take a payment, I opened my business the next day with my first client.

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Everything Unfolds in Its Perfect Time

Year one of EE was scary, with my inner gremlins talking to me the whole time, afraid that I would fail. I remember often feeling lost, wondering what to do next. Do I need a lawyer, compliance, accounting? How do I get paid? How do I market myself?

Today I realize that everything unfolded perfectly at the right time. The hardest thing was to think about selling myself and my own services. Working for other companies to sell, promote, and close deals for them was easy compared to having to sell myself. That felt complicated. But I figured it out. Step by step the answers came.

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If You Don’t Ask, You May Never Get

It took me about a year to transition out of corporate America. I began by sharing with my supervisor that I wanted to explore a new career and asking to work four days a week. She of course wanted to ensure I was still present and invested in what I was doing, and I was.

Early on, my mentors had taught me to knock on doors and ask for what I wanted, whether for more salary, a promotion,