Today, specifically, we're going to talk about the shared principles in coaching culture and preventing polarization. You may or may not know, that I literally wrote the book on a coaching culture. You can find my book available on Amazon, as well as the audible version. It talks about what coaching is, why it works, how to do it and how to implement it. And I regularly speak to organizations about coaching skills for leaders and how managers can have more of a coach approach with their folks. So more and more, I've been investigating these principles in building my second book with a working title of reunited. There's a little bit of history behind that, but I think the real bang for the buck has to do with preventing polarization rather than the investment in reuniting, because a lot of people don't find it worth the effort, so let's get into it.

So all of these principles are part of a coaching culture. The willingness to question one's beliefs. I talked about the research in the last podcast on this about it doesn't matter about the mastery of the coach, or the level of the individual being coached, it all comes down to are they willing to question their beliefs?

Fieldwork this week:

Create that awareness in you. Ask yourself,

Where are you prone to polarization?

And if you've already become polarized with someone else, you separated, there's quite a distance.

Where do you wish to reunite?

You may not want to invest efforts and acquaintances, but you may want to in key relationships. And so far, my research tells me those are family members.

Mentioned today:

International Coaching Federation (ICF)

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Today specifically, we're going to talk about preventing polarization. As I’ve mentioned in my podcast a couple of weeks ago, there are several organizations that have done some very quality research in this area about how we have arrived at the state that we're in.

We've seen things come across from politics, #MeToo, BLM, and the police situation, all kinds of stuff. And this week we're seeing a polarization in the Roe V Wade decision and all of that to say what has happened is people are really digging in on these issues that are important to them. But one of the commonalities in all this polarity is that they have made the issue more important than the person or the people. And except in very close relationships, based on my interviews, people are not really willing to do the work to overcome that polarization or to reunite with people that they've separated from unless there's a long history of demonstrated value in relationships. 

Fieldwork this week:

 Exercise that gift of self-control.

Get in the practice of asking, not telling, and be open to exploration. What are the views or standpoints that they have that really are quite valid?

Take a break when you needed to.

So even if you feel like you're on a roll, stick to the plan breaks, everybody needs a break, don't tough it out.

And then think about the process when you're done with this discussion, whatever it might be, what can you be proud of?

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This month we're discussing the parallels between a coaching culture and preventing polarization. And today, I want to talk about reuniting and the willingness of people to invest.

So this whole idea that people have about reuniting is this challenge they have with investing their time, their effort maybe their money in something. That's not a sure thing because others are not always predictable. And we might put our heart on our sleeve and say, I was wrong. I chose my feelings about this issue or concern over my feelings for you and we might be met with so, and that's very difficult for people. And so we really want to make sure that we want to feel safe, right? And, but sharing those feelings, being vulnerable is what builds trust. And if we can overcome that hurdle by revealing our feelings and, and building that trust, the likelihood of us being able to reunite with those we're separated from is probably pretty good.

Fieldwork this week:

Is there anyone you wish to reunite with? Is it a family member, a close family member?

Maybe it's a colleague that you did work with in the past, but you lost touch during the pandemic and would like to reunite? What kind of outcome would you choose if you had a magic wand in order to make that happen?

The second question I really want to ask goes back to that Gay Hendricks question. What percentage of solving the relationship would you be willing to take on? And if you're like, Hey, you know, if it was convenient, twenty-five percent, then I'd say, Hmm, maybe, maybe not right now. Then wait till your willingness, your bandwidth is a little bit better.

 And then finally, what is one thing that you could ask of them that would improve your relationship going forward?

And it might be to not post things. They haven't personally researched. It could be anything, but what would be one thing that you could ask of them and have them do the same for you.

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This month, we're going to be talking about conclusions from the research on polarization and what we learned between these qualitative interviews and the survey.

So loads of organizations are devoted to hosting discussions based on polarization and overcoming polarization. There are groups that are devoted to politics, getting conservatives and liberals together to talk about what they have in common, how to host meaningful, respectful discussions, and avoiding attacks. There are organizations that are hosting a discussion in academia, making sure that people are being confronted with opposite ideas because that's when learning takes place and how to overcome these feelings that people are having about being injured or offended, et cetera that is disrupting true learning. And there are other organizations and I assure you that they are doing a better job with their research than I have. And so I'm delighted to be able to lean on them and some of the conclusions that they have come to as well.

Fieldwork this week:

 I would love to know how do you find yourself aligning with the research during the great reflection?

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This month’s theme is all about restoring your integrity and today we're gonna be talking about "Shedding Ego Identities". So what does that mean? What's an ego identity. So in coaching, when we talk about ego, we're talking about that sort of demographic, the outside of you, the things that people can see and surmise about you based on your appearance, your age, your gender, your race perhaps what you worship of your position, your affluence, et cetera. Sometimes we can get caught up in the rat race and we let our ego determine our joy versus the other way around.

So we want to get into that a little bit today. So we want to start off with this idea and practice of what is your identity, how do you think of yourself? What are the labels that you put on yourself? What are the limits that you put on yourself based on those things?

Fieldwork this week:

Craft your new identity, shed your old ego, and be sure to name both sides of it.

Mentioned in today’s episode:

Jack Canfield, author of "The Success Principles"

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Today we're going to be talking about reuniting, forgotten parts of yourself to make yourself whole. Now you're probably wondering how does this make work fun again? How does it build better leaders? Well, all of this comes down to our integrity. When we think about pieces of ourselves that are out of integrity, we're thinking about things splintering off and it takes a lot more energy for something to travel through space. If it's flaking off, the paint's peeling off the side, as you're going creates a lot more resistance. You don't travel as quickly. And so today we're going to talk about how to reunite those parts, kind of re-laminate parts that are splintering, put a coat of shellac on it, and then we'll be good to go for maximum speed.

Fieldwork this week:

Think about things you did as a child, as a teenager, and as a young adult.  What were the things that really just gave you the best time that you came home and you were like, oh, that was so great, I can't wait to do that again. What are some things that you could possibly bring back now? It may not be the same version of it.

Mentioned in today’s episode:

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Laura Berman Fortgang

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This month we are talking about restoring your integrity and specifically today, we're going to talk about boundaries, standards, and preferences.

We discussed this a little bit last month when we were talking about spring cleaning your life, and creating some of these things, but we want to go into more detail about what this will do for you and what this does for your integrity.

Boundaries are our force field that keeps the bad stuff out and good stuff in.

Standards are how you choose to behave yourself. What is important to you in how you conduct yourself? And so those same things that I just mentioned as boundaries, those could be your standards.

How do we honor preferences?

So one of the techniques that we can use to honor this is something that we're borrowing from the great writer, Julia Cameron who wrote the book, the artist's way. One of the activities that she highly recommends is something that she calls an artist date, where once a week, you make a date with yourself, not for others. This is not a time to be deferential or compromise anything else. This is truly something that feeds you and feeds you only with no other influence.

Fieldwork this week:

Think about your purpose, front, and center. How you can honor it, choose that artist's date. That's going to help you honor that practice by eliminating it from your vocabulary.

What are you about, what actions and words do you have totally in alignment. And how can you rephrase how you talk about yourself so that you are of integrity.

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Julia Cameron, author, of "The Artist's Way"

Biblical Phrase: The truth shall set you free

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For this month's theme, we're going to be talking about integrity. Do you feel yourself splintering? So the solution here to this idea of splintering is to try integrity, to reunite those parts and become whole.

So what is integrity and what are we talking about when we say integrity?

Well, first of all, it's not a moral compass. The idea of integrity is that something is intact, that it's strong. It really supports you. And that when things are not in integrity, you may feel them splintering off or shaving.

Fieldwork this week:

So look at the pieces of your life that feel like they're splinters and how they're probably not in alignment with your values and your beliefs.

And if we can get those back on track, either shed those pieces or reconcile or reunite those pieces, then we're going to be in a lot better shape.

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So onto today's topic, we're talking about standards. Standards are companions to boundaries and the fact that boundaries are what people may say or do or behave around you, your standards are your rules about how you would behave for yourself. So this is your code of conduct. Megan Kelly wrote a book entitled " Setting For More", based on this reflection that she had watched a Dr. Phil show. She was watching an episode where he encouraged someone to raise their standards.

And he said the only thing that's different between you and those that you envy is that you have settled for less. So the only thing different between you and those that you envy is that you have settled for less. 

In her book, “Settling for More”, she wanted to make sure that she was upgrading her standards and expectations of what she would tolerate in her life, but also how she was going to operate as a person.

Fieldwork this week:

Write down your personal standard statements, suggesting who you are, how you operate, and in summary, what your standards are.

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Megan Kelly, author of "Settling For More"

Dr. Phil

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This month, we are talking about spring cleaning your work relationships, and today we're going to be talking about boundaries. What are boundaries? Boundaries are like fences. They keep the good things in and the bad things out. I find that there are two main issues that show up when encountering boundaries with my clients. The first is that people know that there is a line, but they're really uncomfortable forcing that line. The second is they're not so sure what's bothering them, that they're upset about an interaction, or they feel confused about the interaction, but they are not quite sure really what happened until processing it much later.  Knowing your boundaries helps you recognize what you want to keep and leave out of the system.

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My mission is to make work fun again by building better leaders. Find out more on my website: shawnacorden.com