This week, we're talking about this idea of spring cleaning your relationships, and part two of this is “to get clear about what you want”. Think about all of the things that you do in your life, either your work, your home, et cetera, and set it all in one place. So you could see it all, you'd touch it. And you'd say, what brings me joy? What I really want to encourage people to do this week is to think about what they want more of and in contrast what they want less of.

 

 

Fieldwork this week: Think about what deserves to stay in my life. What do I want more of? What is it that I'm going to move out of my brain, my workspace, you name it so I can create space for more of the things that I really want? This is spring cleaning. And so we're going to create spaces where our environment is something that feeds us each and every day.  

 

Mentioned in today’s episode:

Jack Canfield

Marshall Goldsmith

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My mission is to make work fun again by building better leaders. Find out more on my website: shawnacorden.com

So this week, in particular, I want to talk about making space by clearing out the toxins, particularly in work relationships, but this could be home too. We want to make sure that the relationships that we have are valuable, that they're nurturing, and supportive. So how do we decide what deserves our space and our effort? How do we decide who's a toxic person and why we need them out? The best way to do this is to go back to your values.  

 

Fieldwork this week: Think about what deserves to stay in my life. What do I want more of? What is it that I'm going to move out of my brain, my workspace, you name it so I can create space for more of the things that I really want? This is spring cleaning. And so we're going to create spaces where our environment is something that feeds us each and every day.  

Mentioned in today’s episode:

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My mission is to make work fun again by building better leaders. Find out more on my website: shawnacorden.com

Conflict develops slowly, usually, someone in a group would test the atmosphere about a certain topic with a light comment expecting to see what the reaction of the audience is. Then, if the response of the group is receptive and even encouraged by one or more people, the subject can tend to escalate until it becomes a confrontation that separates people, following opposing ideas like right and wrong or good and bad. Most of the issues that we can be upset about are not moral compass issues but can involve our sense of integrity. 

 

Fieldwork this week: Next time you are in a discussion create some space for questioning your own set of beliefs and challenge your comfort around allies.

 

Mentioned in today’s episode:

Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, Byron Katie

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My mission is to make work fun again by building better leaders. Find out more on my website: shawnacorden.com

What is the price we pay for not holding the space for dialogue? What is the cost of not stopping to try to understand another’s point of view? We pay with our once “significant connections”, we sacrifice friends who become acquaintances.

I am passionate and curious about this topic, how did we get from “agree to disagree “ to the intolerance we usually hold for anyone with differing points of view?  In order to get closer to a better understanding of this social phenomenon, I have been working on a book and this week, we are launching the first pass at the research and it consists of a survey asking about what caused people the most regret in the past 2 years in regards to politics,  matters related to the pandemic, and among their closest loved ones. We are expecting you to join this survey too!

 

Fieldwork this week: Be curious! Seek to understand before being understood. Negotiating is an option! Get creative to find a middle ground and keep your meaningful relationships as a result.

 

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My mission is to make work fun again by building better leaders. Find out more on my website: shawnacorden.com

In today’s episode, I am diving deep into fight stories and how people engage and end up escalating. 

Fights find their ground when people start reacting from their egos in a defensive way, this way, the conflict turns out to be more about the image that we have of ourselves rather than being related to a particular topic. Our egos don’t allow us to be vulnerable or open to others’ points of view.

Are you tired of entering into useless fights, losing important connections, and feeling terrible about yourself as a result? Try to visualize yourself as a continuous and limitless learner who is searching to grow and is willing to question his/her beliefs. 

 

Fieldwork this week: Next time you foresee yourself engaging in a fight try to apply Susie Welch’s Rule of 10-10-10.

 

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My mission is to make work fun again by building better leaders. Find out more on my website: shawnacorden.com

People are not able to hold to polarizing ideas in their minds at the same time, leading to generalizations. The truth is that people can make bad decisions, and we can still be friends, what we need to do is to UNDERSTAND each other. 

Most people have lost a special relationship due to having opposing ideas on a certain matter, and that is one of the reasons why I am so passionate about this topic and actually writing a book about it! 

Values could be expressed in different ways and you would be surprised how many people struggle to find what their values really are. One way of searching for your values is by paying attention to where you spend your money, and another way can be to find the opposite of what drives you crazy, what is creating the polarity is people experiencing other people who think differently than they do… but wait… this polarity is not necessarily an indicator of a value. Listen to this episode to learn how to keep friendships over unpaired opinions.

 

Fieldwork this week: Keep an inventory of all the areas where you censor yourself and notice if this is influenced by your audience. Why do you feel how you feel? We want to hear your experience, we are in the process of creating a website for you to take a brief survey (anonymous if you wish) about what are the things that are creating polarity and separation from those formerly near to you.

 

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My mission is to make work fun again by building better leaders. Find out more on my website: shawnacorden.com

There is a lot of damage that can come with conflict, part of it is the loss of control, the escalation, the narratives we tell ourselves about what the other might be thinking, and mainly that we become separated from the other conflictive party.  How can we respect our differences and remain friends with someone who believes differently than we do? My suggestion is: Have fun and be playful. Playing is a way to stay a little bit separated in order to avoid being triggered. Listen to today’s episode for very useful examples of how to use play in difficult situations. Remember: Curiosity is the opposite of judgment, the more you stay curious and playful the less likely it is that you will get into a fallout of conflict.  

Fieldwork this week: Autonomy. Choose your mindset before entering a challenging conversation. Play the game of your choice, and chose to have fun in an area of anticipated conflict.

 

Mentioned in today’s episode:

SuperBetter: The Power of Living Playfully. Jane McGonigal

 

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My mission is to make work fun again by building better leaders. Find out more on my website: shawnacorden.com

Here are the tools you need to create the right mindset to approach and resolve conflict. The first step is to suspend judgment; curiosity is the ultimate coaching tool, simply ask more questions. The second tool is to have the intention of creating peace as your main objective; if your goal is to convert, accuse or convince others, they will react defensively. The third piece is to approach with calm (ground yourself if you feel agitated or emotional). Lastly, and most importantly, is to take 100% responsibility for the situation, meaning that you should become accountable for creating the event as well as for the resulting outcome, show that you are in control of your response.

 

Fieldwork this week: Keep this in mind: E + R = O (Event + Response = Outcome). Choose a recent event (ideally one that didn’t go so well) and think of your response, consider other responses you could have used by practicing the four tools given today, and prioritizing the fact that you are 100% responsible for the outcome and, by responding differently, you can alter the outcome.

 

Quotes:

“Curiosity is the ultimate coaching tool, suspend your judgment and ask more questions.”

 

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My mission is to make work fun again by building better leaders. Find out more on my website: shawnacorden.com

There are different kinds of conflicts: expressed conflict, unexpressed but anticipated conflict, and thirdly, unexpressed but resentful conflict. We long for clarity and settlement, we are wired for connection; that is why conflict puts us in a state of anxiety and disruption. The first thing we need to do in order to resolve conflicts is to do an Internal Inventory by asking ourselves: What is this conflict really about? Step two is to identify what is the real desire and the third step is to realize what this real desire produces for you, which generally leads to three answers: freedom, uplifted status, and that I’m being acknowledged, heard, appreciated, and understood. As a fourth step is needed to evaluate if the conflict is resolved, will it indeed create the desired effect?

 

There is a second part of this practice, which is what we do with others. Start by expressing your desires in the form of a request instead of a demand. First, express the conflict as you perceive it, secondly, the desired end state, and thirdly, express the suggested method that you have to resolve it. Ask the other party to share the conflict, desired end state, and possible solution as he or she sees it. After this exchange, it is easier to determine where the conflict is and consequently to be able to reach an agreement.

 

Fieldwork this week: Follow the four-step model above! Choose an area of open conflict or unexpressed but anticipated conflict and walk yourself through the internal preparation to prepare for the dialogue.

 

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My mission is to make work fun again by building better leaders. Find out more on my website: shawnacorden.com

An ideal state is when we are at our best, using our gifts and talents and being surrounded by a community that brings out the best in us, the best performing teams know this and encourage people to be at their ideal state consequently fostering psychological safety. 

There are several ways to promote people reaching their Ideal state:

• Share challenges especially when the team reacts with empathy and compassion.
• Authentic expression.

• Diversity.

• Choose the right crowd.

Fieldwork this week: “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken”, express yourself authentically, consider the amount of censorship you apply to yourself, what would it take for you to be able to express what you are censoring? Turn your complaints into polite requests and make sure you express why they are important.

Mentioned in this episode:

Gallup's Q12

Gallup's Strengthsfinder

6 Types of People Who Do Not Deserve to Hear Your Story, Interview with Brene Brown 

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My mission is to make work fun again by building better leaders. Find out more on my website: shawnacorden.com