In this episode Brad Tengler and Geoff Carter discuss getting a parenting plan together before the summer starts. Winter weather might be hanging on to the area, but it ‘s never too soon to plan ahead in order to avoid headaches in the future.

In this episode Attorney Brad Tengler talks with grief coach Emily McGrath about the importance of separating the roles of a divorce attorney. Divorces are always hard, both financially and emotionally, it’s important to know a divorce attorney’s role and a therapist’s role in the process.

Male:               Law Talk does not give legal advice. It is a source of information for people suffering the effects of divorce or who have ended long term relationships. If you need legal advice, please retain an attorney in your own jurisdiction.

 

Brad:               Good evening folks, and welcome to Divorce Talk Radio, this is attorney Brad Tengler here in the studio with Emily McGrath. How are you Emily?

 

Emily:              Hi Brad, good, how are you?

 

Brad:               I am doing great. Our topic for discussion this evening is your divorce attorney is not your therapist.

 

Emily:              That’s a great topic Brad.

 

Brad:               I think it’s an important topic because obviously for many people when they’re going through divorces, it’s a very emotional time and the natural response of people when they come to their divorce attorney is to also use them as a therapist and that can be financially burdensome for them and it cannot also be productive.

 

Emily:              Absolutely. You need to, as a divorcee myself, I actually did use my thera–excuse me, my divorce attorney as my therapist not knowing it and looking back, it really did cost me a lot of money that was unnecessary.

 

Brad:               Well and I think it’s a natural response. You’re coming to a professional who is well acquainted with the ups and down of divorce and all litigation and there’s many things you want to tell them, many things you need to tell them, especially during emotional litigation because you feel as if they need to know the whole story. And a divorce attorney does often need to know the whole story.

 

Emily:              Right.

 

Brad:               I tell my clients, I want to know absolutely everything. I don’t want to have any surprises. I want to know what the other side is going to say, I want to know the lies that they’re going to say.

 

Emily:              Right.

 

Brad:               Because the worst thing that can happen to me in court is to be caught by surprise.

 

Emily:              Absolutely.

 

Brad:               Never want to be caught by surprise, but at the same, you know, in the same sense, divorce attorneys are not therapists and it can be counterproductive when clients use them as therapists.

 

Emily:              Absolutely. That’s so true and by using a therapist during this time can be helpful to alleviate that need to come to their divorce attorney and use that time to talk to their divorce attorney about the same things that are still going on, so they’re kind of reliving everything through you which is not helpful to try and get your litigation work done, correct?

 

Brad:               Yes, and I think the first point under this topic is, the reason we say this, that your divorce attorney is not your therapist is because divorce attorneys are not trained therapists.

 

Emily:              Right.

 

Brad:               That’s not what we are trained in professionally.

 

Emily:              Absolutely.

 

Brad:               And while we might have some intuition and while we might have a lot of professional experience observing people going through these situations, in terms of providing a therapeutic environment, that’s not what we do.

 

Emily:              Right.

 

Brad:               What we do, is we hear the facts, or the alleged facts in a case, we put together a litigation strategy that will help get our client what they want or minimize damage if there’s all kinds of problems with the c[...]

While in a self-described “power couple,” a woman tells her story of her 10-year marriage. Reflecting back on her divorce she realizes some of the choices she made early on affected her relationship years down the road.

 

Transcript:

 

Announcer: Divorce is the end of a relationship, but it can also be the start of a lot of good. You might become a better parent, a better businessman, a better person. What’s your story?

Woman: I met my ex-husband at work. When I met him, we started dating. He told me right away he that didn’t want to live where we live and I was in love with him, so I went ahead and moved out of state with him even though that was never in my plan to move out of state. We got married before we moved away and moved out of

state to Texas, and pretty much was out there for my whole marriage which was almost 10 years.

Things started to fall apart maybe about halfway through at about the five-year point. Within our relationship we experienced a lot of people passing away. His parents passed away, and it seemed rather quick. It started to show how we as a couple are handling things like that in our marriage. It seemed like we really weren’t handling things together. He was kind of handling things his way. I was handling things my way. That’s pretty much where it started to happen where it seemed like we were running into problems.

When I met him, I fell for him. I was in love with him definitely. We were very similar. I definitely had that feeling of being taken care of. He was always wanting to handle things. I never had that concern of having to worry about myself when I was with him, which I really liked. It was really hard to…That was the thing about him that I had a hard time letting go of. It took me a while to be comfortable with not having that anymore.

He understood our situation, and if our situation started to go south, which at one point it did, he took it upon himself to something about it. That wasn’t something that we had to fight about or even discuss. It was just something he automatically did which was really a great thing.

I really thought for a long time, actually, that we were…Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’m admitting this, that we were our own little power couple. Because together I just felt really good and confident with him. I felt powerful, for lack of a better word.

I guess it would be around the five year mark that I started to see things kind of happen between us. It wasn’t anything really obvious. It was like subtle things like how we would cope with problems. Some things we didn’t seem to be together on anymore. It started to be more separate.

So even though I felt like things were starting to drift between us where we were starting to drift apart from each other…When I got married, I had no intentions of marrying again, so I stuck it out. I thought that we were just going through a bad period and that things would get better. They talk about the first year of marriage, the seven-year itch, or whatever, and so I was committed. I was planning on that we were just going to ride this out and things would get back to normal.

I think at one point we even tried counseling, and it did sort of help things for a little while. But then it seemed like after a while, it really didn’t fix anything and we were still having issues and fighting more often.

Announcer: [inaudible 00:03:43]

Woman: Yeah, at this point where I’m at in my life and how long it’s been since I’ve divorced, I can reflect back. I definitely don’t see this as something that was all his fault or all my fault. I can see where I could’ve handled things better, or he could’ve handled things better.

I think if anything, I wish I just would’ve really kept fighting. I consider myself a fighter, and I wanted to keep fighting at it. But I guess it’s not always easy if you have a mate who [...]

Finances change after divorce. Emily and Kevin talk about the changes and issues that come from divorce.

 

Transcript:

 

Emily: Divorce Talk Radio does not give therapeutic advice. The topics discussed are for informational purposes only. If you are in need of therapy or counseling please consult a licensed professional in our own state.

Welcome to Moving Forward. I am your host Emily McGrath here with my co-host, Kevin McCarthy. How are you doing today Kevin?

Kevin: Emily good Sunday evening to you. We’re doing fine and making it through a whole other week here and let’s see what the weekend holds in store for us.

Emily: Fantastic, the always go too quickly.

Kevin: They do, the older we get time just slips by.

Emily: I know. So were going to be talking about finances and divorce and all of that.

Kevin: Money.

Emily: What comes with all the difficulty and trying to survive.

Kevin: That’s exactly it. But when you talk about especially divorce it’s usually the other person or one of the other one is just blindsided. When you’re blindsided, oh my gosh, there’s an even more so of a problem than you know if you both are going to separate.

Emily: Right if it’s a joint agreement. Yes, I don’t think that happen very often where it’s a joint agreement because it’s usually one sided like you said. So finances come with that because there’s change with divorce. There’s change with divorce with every aspect but with this you go from having a joint account. Usually couples have a joint account. For me I was a semi-stay at home mom. I only worked part time and income was not something that I had a lot of.

Kevin: So your husband at the time was working full time.

Emily: Full time.

Kevin: You had a little part time job and you pretty much took care of your son. You were taking care of the things at the home and handling the other part of it.

Emily: Right exactly.

Kevin: Because marriage is a partnership.

Emily: Right exactly. So when this comes up and the marriage is oh, what happens with the finances? Because I didn’t make a whole lot of money and how I’m I going to do it being a single mom and only having a part time job, where do you go from there?

Kevin: Did your husband handle all of the aspect of the business, the checking accounts, the banking the savings or did you have a little input?

Emily: I did most of it.

Kevin: Oh you did it, good okay.

Emily: I did. Yes but with the big stuff we would somewhat talk together. A lot of it was just him doing it. I paid the bills because I was home more. But I didn’t bring in a lot of money.

Kevin: At least you knew though what was coming in…

Emily: I did.

Kevin: . . . and what was coming out.

Emily: Yes and it was more coming out than coming in. It’s not like we had abundance of money…

Kevin: Right.

Emily: …by any means and that’s why I was working to bring in some extra money for…because diapers and formula, that stuff is all expensive.

Kevin: Has nothing to do about the food and all that other care.

Emily: Gosh! It’s just the…

Kevin: That comes with having a child.

Emily: Yes, it’s just the iceberg.

Kevin: Which coast money?

Emily: Yes everything coast money and so at the time I was the one that was leaving. I wanted to find a way to try and save up money before I left, because it was just bad. So I actually called up one of the local banks and they were having a deal where if you put in 100 dollars in checking then you get a hundred dollars.

Kevin: Yes.

Emily: I was like oh my gosh. That’s like huge.

Kevin: Almost a no-brainer but that’s doubling.

Emily: Right but the catch was that you had to have a check. Like write out a check and deposit a check into the checking account. Which I did not want a trail.

Kevin: Right, just a paper trail.

Emily: Paper trail.

Kevin: Well you were just trying to plan ahead for you so when the di[...]

Emily and Kevin talk about dealing with a Disney parent. They discuss ideas on coping with your child after being spoiled with the other parent.

 

Transcript:

Emily: Divorce Talk Radio does not give therapeutic advice. The topics discussed are for informational purposes only. If you are in need of therapy or counseling please consult a licensed professional in your own state.

Welcome to Divorce Talk Radio. This is Moving Forward. I am your host Emily McGrath with my co-host Kevin McCarthy. How are you today, Kevin?

Kevin: Emily, hey, how are you? Thank you for having me here as always.

Emily: Thank you for being here and thank you to our listeners as well for being here. Today we’re talking about a topic that I’m always dealing with, Disney parents. I’ve diagnosed it as Disney parents.

Kevin: Disney parents? Just a little side bar here, Emily, then we’ll go back. Actually there are some acquaintances of mine that, it turns out I didn’t really know this or pay attention to it, but a lot of people get married at Disney Land and Disney World. Did you know that? I didn’t really know that. Either I was just totally dumb by it. There you go.

Emily: Interesting.

Kevin: A lot of things take place at Disney Land and Disney World, and amusement and theme parks overall.

Emily: Yes, and there are individuals in their own Disney Land.

Kevin: That’s right. We’ll put it nicely by saying just that. What would Roy Disney think at this time?

Emily: I don’t know. It’s probably not what he would have wanted.

Kevin: Not at all. Mickey Mouse came a long way since Minnie.

Emily: Yes. What I mean by Disney parents is either mom or dad in the individual family who give the child anything that they want whether it be from sugar cereal to watching TV or pop, and no rules.

Kevin: Al lright, so why would they do that? What would be the reasoning?

Emily: For the child to love them. Children love their parents unconditionally.

Kevin: Right.

Emily: No matter what they love them unconditionally.

Kevin: I know when the chips are down with my kids, we might have had a little argument or something, but push comes to shove here comes old daddy. Dad’s there for them, but still I think you bring up a great topic today.

Emily: This way of parenting is not productive. It is a false sense of love because it’s all things or food or

whatever the case may be. There’s no discipline. There are no boundaries at all, and it can be hard on the other parent who parents with boundaries, discipline, and healthy food. I deal with this on a weekly basis I get: “But, dad says this, and dad lets me have this, and have that.” How do you deal with that? My way of working with

this, because it has come up.

Kevin: In general you would just want to make the kid happy because he or she is going home back to the other parent in two days, so you go out, you pig out, you order the third pizza that you had for the past two nights because the kid wanted it. Is that where we’re going here?

Emily: Right, yes. What I do, this may not always work, is explain to my son: “Well, you have two homes and things are different at daddy’s house and things are different at mommy’s house. We have rules at mommy’s house, and we don’t eat junk.” I don’t allow junk in the house.  Occasionally I’ll let him have a treat here or there, but it’s not a regular basis. I want him to have a good breakfast especially now that he’s in school. He needs to have something that’s going to stick with him. I don’t believe sugar cereals, or Pop Tarts, or anything like that is going to sustain his learning and stay with him until snack time.

Kevin: Right.

Emily: I prefer to do proteins and healthy fruits and vegetables, well not vegetables for breakfast.

Kevin: Boy, you really drive that kid back to dad real quick.

Emily: Actually, he’s very good a[...]

Emily McGrath has parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham on this episode of Moving Forward. They discuss alternative ways to punishment while working with your children. Dr. Laura gives options and tips while gaining a relationship with your child while dealing with divorce.

 

Transcript:

Emily: Divorce Talk Radio does not give therapeutic advice. The topics discussed are for informational purposes only. If you are in need of therapy or counseling, please consult a licensed professional in your own state.

Emily: Thank you for joining us on DivorceTalkRadio.net. I am your host, Emily McGrath, on moving forward, and today we have a wonderful show. My guest today is Dr. Laura Markham, the author of “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kid: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting.” Dr. Laura has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from

Columbia University and speaks all over the world on how parents can transform their relationships with their children, and you can find her on online at AhaParenting.com, where you can sign up for her free newsletters on any pages and find lots of Aha! moments. Dr. Laura is the mother of an 18-year-old and 22-year- old who were raised without punishment, so she knows her advice works. This is just wonderful. Thank you for joining us, Dr.

Laura. It’s so nice to have you here.

Dr. Laura: Thank you for having me today, Emily. I’m delighted to be with you today.

Emily: And I want to say I subscribe to your newsletters and they are so full of information. They’re wonderful. I just appreciate them. I’ve learned so much from them, and being a single parent and dealing with discipline and punishment, it’s such a relief to know that there’s someone out there that has all of this knowledge and is willing to share it. It’s priceless, really.

Dr. Laura: Well, thank you, and I don’t know whether your listeners know this, but this is a public service, this newsletter. There’s no charge for it, so you can sign up on any page of the AhaParenting.com website and just receive it for free. There’s an unsubscribe link in every newsletter if you decide you don’t like it, but usually what I hear from parents is that they find it very valuable.

Emily: Absolutely. There is one newsletter that really sticks out for me. It was one that you had an issue with a child not listening, and you actually got down to his level and you almost validated their feeling, and I thought that was just amazing, because I did it with my five-year-old and it worked wonders. I couldn’t believe it. He was, before, crying, and after we did this process, he was hugging me and telling me he loved me, and I’m, like, “This is wonderful!” There’s no yelling, there’s no discipline. It’s, like, holy smokes, this works!

Dr. Laura: Children really want to be understood and when they feel like we not only understand but we will help them with these big feelings that are so overpowering to them, children are so grateful. I hear from parents all the time that children thank them and tell them they love them and really say, “Thank you, Mommy. Thank you. I’m sorry I was so mad before. I don’t even know why I was so mad, but thank you for helping me,” and they

hug their parents.

Emily: Right, because you’re helping them understand why they’re so angry and what they’re feeling.

Dr. Laura: Yes, exactly.

Emily: It’s such a priceless tool to have and really to be able to use.

Dr. Laura: Otherwise what we’re doing is we’re making them bad. We’re saying, “Those are bad feelings to have,” and of course we’re careful not to say, “You’re a bad boy.” We say, “It’s bad to do that,” right? But what the child thinks is, “I must be bad because I can’t stop myself from having these feelings. I can’t stop myself from doing these thing[...]

On this episode, Emily McGrath has child behaviorist Bryan Post on Moving Forward. During this episode Bryan and Emily discuss ways to reconnect with your children. Bryan offers reasons why children gain negative behaviors and how to stop the behaviors.

In this episode, Attorney Brad Tengler and Geoff Carter discuss the increase in divorce around the “holiday of love.” Studies have shown that February sees an 18 percent increase in divorces over other months. Tune in to learn more about the possible causes for the increase.

 

Transition:

Brad: Law Talk does not give not give legal advice. It is a source of information for people suffering the effects of divorce or who have ended long term relationships. If you need legal advice, please retain an attorney in your own jurisdiction.

Brad: Good evening folks and welcome to Divorce Talk Radio. This is attorney Brad Tengler in the studio with Geoff Carter.

Geoff: What’s going on Brad how you doing?

Brad: Doing fantastic. How are you Geoff?

Geoff: I’m doing pretty good.

Brad: Good.

Geoff: What’s going on here? You’ve got a topic coming up here, Valentine’s Day. You know, the day of love, roses, all that sweetness.

Brad: And divorce, Geoff.

Geoff: No way.

Brad: Believe it or not, divorce.

Geoff: Before and after, I’m guessing.

Brad: Before and after. And between, weeks before, weeks after. Studies indicate that divorce filings in February are 18% higher than any other month during the course of the year.

Geoff: One thing I heard was that’s also because families that were thinking about getting divorced wanted to wait until after the holidays to kind of do the whole family thing with the pictures and eat together. And then I’m leaving you.

Brad: I can imagine it’s a bunch of different factors. You’ve got people not wanting to go through that kind of drama during the holiday season.

Geoff: Right.

Brad: You have an increase in financial stress after the holiday season from all the spending during the holiday season.

Geoff: Yeah. Billing and the credit cards and everything. Now you’re going to try to pay them off with taxes.

Brad: And everybody gets their W2s on or about January 30th. January 31st. And so they file their taxes and have the tax returns to file for divorce.

Geoff: Can I ask you a question? This is kind of random. I think I’ve asked you this before. But what’s the cost… Is there a different price? Does it depend, like the actual fee that you pay to file?

Brad: That depends on the county.

Geoff: Oh okay.

Brad: Every county has their own fee system for filing a divorce. That necessarily doesn’t hold people back. Because if you are in a certain realm of the poverty level, you can file a pauper’s petition and get the fee waved.

Geoff: Oh.

Brad: Yeah. You can get the fee waved in certain financial circumstances.

Geoff: Really? I didn’t know that. I got something that might be able to help.

Brad: Yeah. But there still is a fee associated with it. And it appears as if during the Valentine’s Day season, i.e. February, that divorces are on the rise as a general rule.

Geoff: Yeah it’s too bad. I’m sorry. I mean now that I talk to most of my friends now. Though you know, I talk to them and this is such a small amount of my friends, in their 30’s, they have their parents still together. Like almost everyone’s divorced or remarried or divorced twice and remarried.

Brad: It’s unfortunate.

Geoff: Yeah.

Brad: It’s unfortunate.

Geoff: It’s good for divorce attorneys, though. I have to say.

Brad: There’s a movie coming out. There’s a movie coming out called… Or, it just came out. It’s independent. It’s called Divorce Court. Actually we need to do a podcast on that some time.

Geoff: You haven’t seen it yet though?

Brad: I haven’t seen it yet. It’s an independent film. It’s coming out or just came out. But it talks about the whole divorce industry. And yeah, I mean absolutely. Divorce attorneys, we make good money on helping people through a divorce. But I don’t think that is a contributing factor to the divorce rat[...]

In this episode, Attorney Brad Tengler and Geoff Carter discuss how cheating can affect your divorce. From child custody to visitation and even alimony. How can an extramarital affair affect a divorce case? Tune in to find out!

 

Transcript:

Recording: Law Talk does not give legal advice. It is a source of information for people suffering the effects of divorce, or who have ended long-term relationships. If you need legal advice, please retain an attorney in your own jurisdiction.

Brad: Good evening folks, and welcome to divorce talk radio. This attorney Brad Tengler, here in the studio with Geoff Carter.

Geoff: How you doing?

Brad: Fantastic, man.

Geoff: Me too. As Todd would say.

Brad: The topic is cheating in divorce, Geoff. It never happens. First of all, we know it never happens.

Geoff: I’m kind of confused though. When you say cheating in divorce, you’re saying cheating because our divorce happened because of cheating?

Brad: You’re confused that cheating never happens in a divorce?

Geoff: No.

Brad: Or confused at how I labeled the topic for tonight?

Geoff: Yeah. There you go.

Brad: Basically, just what we’re talking about is cheating in the context of a divorce situation or custody situation. Does it affect the litigation?

Geoff: I’m going to say definitely. It makes sense, at least in my eyes.

Brad: And I’m going to say you’re wrong, Geoff.

Geoff: Really?

Brad: Wrong. But we’ll talk about, may be a possible exception later on in the show. But, generally speaking, no it doesn’t. It doesn’t. That’s not what the law is. Having an affair does not, according to the law, nor should it, affect your divorce in Illinois. In Illinois. Again, we’re only talking about the context of the law in relationship to a specific state. And in Illinois, it does not affect a divorce. It does not affect custody, it does not affect maintenance. And we can talk about the specifics of that.

Geoff: Well, I hope so because I want to know why.

Brad: Which one. Custody or maintenance?

Geoff: Let’s do custody first.

Brad: Okay. So, kids. Who gets the kids? And should an affair, or does an affair according to Illinois law, effect a divorce? The straight answer to that is, No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t.

Geoff: I can see that I guess. Because, just because, the mom or dad, or whatever the situation might be. I can see why that doesn’t make them better or worse of a parent. So, it shouldn’t affect custody. I see why there.

Brad: Well, let me play devil’s advocate here.

Geoff: Sure.

Brad: Why shouldn’t it? Isn’t it immoral? According to most peoples standards?

Geoff: Correct.

Brad: Shouldn’t affect who gets the kids?

Geoff: That’s a long thought there. No, you’re right. You’re right, that is a wrong.

Brad: Well, but again, we’re not talking about right or wrong. Obviously, for a lot of people that is absolutely one hundred percent wrong. But, we’re talking about whether or not, the Illinois statutes and the law that defines the how, and who, should get custody. Is it affected by an affair or a divorce? And the simple answer is, no.   Someone’s, quote end quote, “immoral acts” behind the scenes do not affect who gets custody a kid. It does not factor into the best interests. Actually, it can be barred from even testimony at trial.

Geoff: What does that mean though? How is it barred from testimony?

Brad: Well, as a divorce attorney, what we want to do, often, when we’re in a trial situation, is we want to disparage. To bring down the character of the other side. If I’m representing husband, and I know the wife has had an affair, I want to bring out dirt on her in the trial.

Geoff: Oh, sure.

Brad: But, the point is. And that dirt issue is having an affair some man for a year. Every Thursday night she’s go out have this affair. The judge would bar that as testimony[...]

In this episode, Attorney Brad Tengler and Geoff Carter discuss issues that arise with visitation for parents who are going through a divorce around the holiday season – and how to help ensure that you have the least amount of stress as possible during that time.

December 19, 2013

Transcription:

Brad:   Good evening, folks. Welcome to Divorce Talk Radio. This is Attorney Brad Tengler, here in the studio with Geoff Carter. How’s it going, Geoff?

 

Geoff:  It’s going good. How are you doing? Happy holidays.

 

Brad:   Happy holidays to you. Merry Christmas. We’re only a couple . . . we’re only a week away.

 

Geoff:  Wow. That’s fast.

 

Brad:   Yeah.

 

Geoff:  Time flies. 2014.

 

Brad:   We should have probably have done this show in July, but no one would be listening to it. It would be applicable in July because the issue that we’re talking about this evening is how to plan for visitation or custody issues, any child-related issues, before the Christmas seasons so that you can actually enjoy your Christmas with your kids as someone who’s divorced.

 

Geoff:  I know from experiencing it myself right now, because my girlfriend has 3 kids from different fathers, and to try to plan it all and to make everybody happy to make sure they get a Christmas Eve or . . . actually 2 of them are in school as well, so you got to plan around Christmas break and how many days each you get, too. It’s gets stressful trying to figure all that out.

 

Brad:   It can be a complete and total nightmare.

 

Geoff:  Man, it is.

 

Brad:   A complete and total nightmare, especially if . . .  obviously, it’s going to be . . . it can be a complete and total nightmare if you don’t get along with your ex. Even if you do get along with your ex, it can be a nightmare if you don’t have a clear plan and specifically clear court orders that lay out for you when the kids are going to be at what house at what time so that you don’t have to think about it.

 

Geoff:  You can get all those things in writing?

 

Brad:   Absolutely. People get court orders all the time that indicate when the child is going to be at what house on what time on Christmas Eve, on Christmas Day, Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving Eve is an important holiday, too. I guess New Year’s not so much, but it’s important. You don’t want people fighting about that stuff.

 

Geoff:  How’s that work, though? Let’s say if you’re supposed to get . . . I get one kid this Thanksgiving and you get it next year or however you do it; what if you don’t comply with those court orders? Is that a fine?

 

Brad:   If you disobey a court order, you can be held in contempt like any court order.

 

Geoff:  And go to jail.

 

Brad:   Possibly go to jail, get fined. There’s a number of different sanctions that can be leveled against you in a civil case. If you don’t comply with court orders, there is going to be a consequence or time might be taken away from your kids at a later date on important holidays. In extreme cases, it can be if you’re withholding your children from your ex, it can be grounds for modifying custody.

 

Geoff:  Oh no. No good. What do you start out with?

 

Brad:   My first rule of thumb, if I’m telling someone to plan for the Christmas holidays, is exactly that: Plan. Plan ahead. Nobody should be arguing about Christmas during Christmas, during December. Nobody. All of the arguments, however heated they’re going to be, need to happen in July. You need to go to a mediator, you need to sit down and talk. You need to work out what the schedule is going to be. Obviously, are there some exceptions to that? Sure. 2 out of every 100 clients that I have, or 5 out of every 100 clients that I have, can have a broad visitation schedule that doesn’t really get very particular and they work things out. Those are the exceptions. The general rule however is you’ve got to be prepared for Christmas so that you’re not fighting about visitat[...]