If you’ve ever watched a monkey try to do calculus, you know what you’re in for: John & Pat, with no improv background between them, play improv games. Aren’t you tired of professionals like Paul F. Tompkins and Jason Mantzoukas giving you polished, reliably entertaining comedy? Of course you are. Welcome to the future.

The end of the Reagan years vs. the end (hopefully?) of the Trump years: who made better art? Or, for that matter, better TV, movies and pop music? The answer will both delight and sicken you! Just like life.

Bust out your Nickelback and Nelly CDs and journey back to the year 2002 – a simpler time, when cable cop shows dealt with lighter subject matter like heroin addiction and pedophile rings.

John & Pat tackle philosophy by discussing nothing to highlight the meaninglessness of existence. Or they were just to lazy to come up with an actual topic. Listen and decide for yourself.

It’s that time of year again! John and Pat each pick their top 10 songs from the first half of the year. Note to listeners: your terrible band didn’t make the list.

For their milestone 250th episode extravaganza, Pat & John celebrate by doing the exact same thing they do every year at this time: looking at the new fall shows. What did you expect, Paul F. Tompkins? Get a grip.

John & Pat discuss the Emmy nominations and predict the winners with their usual well-informed accuracy. And if there are any Emmy voters reading this: you’re idiots. And if there are any Emmy voters not reading this: you’re not idiots.

Michael Morris returns to discuss the 2 greatest films of the 20th century. And we mean 20th century B.C. when films didn’t exist, which is the only way these would qualify

John & Pat compare these two albums. Seems obvious enough this description hardly seems necessary.

John & Pat disregard the expertise of the professionals and offer their own advice to the dum-dums who write in to weekly columnists – with sometimes shocking results! Mostly not, though.