Visit PossibilityHours.com for notes and links from this episode.

In this episode, Daniel Stillman inspired me with his definition of leadership. He defines leadership as “creating the conditions for transformative conversations”. We talk about the nine elements of his Conversation OS and how you can use them in your life and work.

In his book, Good Talk: How to Design Conversations that Matter, he reminds us, “You are already designing your conversations. (Whether you know it or not.) Maybe you’re designing them for clarity, speed or profit. What happens if you designed your conversations to maximize meaning or connection? Where would you start? Good Talk will help you increase your conversational range and empower you to lead and facilitate a wider range of interactions in your work and life, from large gatherings and communities to your conversation with yourself.”

About Daniel Stillman

Daniel Stillman designs conversations for a living and insists that you do, too. As an executive coach and facilitator, he works with clients of all shapes and sizes on leadership and team dynamics as well as on product and organizational innovation. He also hosts The Conversation Factory podcast (a top 100 Management Podcast) and is the author of “Good Talk: How to Design Conversations that Matter” a handbook for changemakers and innovators.

Daniel has worked with Fortune 500 organizations like Accenture, Cisco, Google and Visa and non-profits and government agencies like The Institute of International Education, UNICEF and The NYC Public School Innovation Lab to help them put people at the center of change.

Daniel has a BS in Physics from the City College of New York and a Masters in Industrial Design from the Pratt Institute in Brooklyn. He lives in Harlem with his wife and a grumpy black cat.

In this episode with Dot Lung, we learn to be comfortable with discomfort. Dot teaches us from her childhood experiences, that it is simply a choice to be social and say hello to everyone. As simple as this may sound, to have an actual conversation or to build a relationship requires you to be authentic, curious, and find common ground. After all, we are all human, we all have emotions, and we are all in the same boat. Once we recognize this, we begin to step out of our echo chambers and work towards something together.

While there may be setbacks big and small, all we need to do is learn from them and keep going. 

Why does this matter? Engagement is all conversational now. Broadcasting your message isn’t sufficient or even relevant. Whether you like it or not, friends, collaborators, and customers can now talk with you and/or about you. Therefore, it’s more critical than ever to start serving others first, to adjust yourself, and to have as many conversations as possible.

Dot Lung is a Los Angeles native that has travelled the world working on different social media campaigns. Her career began in 2011 when she took on the role of Social Media Manager for OFFF Festival in Barcelona. During her time there, she built a strong online following that led her to work with industry giants such as Facebook, Wix, Motionographer, and more.

Dot is short for Dorothy, and Lung is Mandarin for dragons. Taking on the moniker of Mother of Dragons, she has helped her clients build social media empires. She has been featured in Vanity Fair Italy and spoke at Digital Design Days in Geneva’s University of Art and Design.

Through her interest in human behavior and knowledge of all things social, Lung aims to empower creative people to make digital magic, build a future together, and get their work seen.

Links:

Mother of Dragons by Dot Lung

Ladies, Wine & Design founded by Jessica Walsh

Ladies, Wine & Design Tel Aviv

Ladies, Wine & Design Barcelona hosted by Dot Lung, Stefania Talento, Gaby Francisco

Soho House Barcelona

Soho House Tel Aviv

Some relevant signals:

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/30/opinion/loneliness-epidemic-america.html

https://www.thebulwark.com/do-americans-even-know-how-to-agree

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/18/opinion/ezra-klein-podcast-sheila-liming.html

https://www.axios.com/2022/11/22/how-to-disagree-argue-thanksgiving-dinner-table

In this episode, we talk about showing up, over and over again. How expectations and the basic social dynamics change when you show up just as a person versus when you’re invited because of your professional role. It's only when you keep showing up that you begin to get to the root of the problem. Why? We have our guard up, we can be defensive. Especially when we're strangers and power and privilege isn't balanced. If you keep showing up it creates trust and a relationship gets defined. People know what you can and can't do as opposed to what they perceive your role to be in government. Nicole puts a face to the government positions. She asks, "how can I raise the economic prosperity of the community?" We discuss the duality of investing in the community’s revitalization (aka cultural prosperity, pride, etc) and investing in the neighborhood (aka, assets, things, places, services). With a long term view - what does it look like for children not born yet. 

Lesson - Be vulnerable when having these conversations. 

It’s uncomfortable. I don’t have the answer, but, I can help you find one

Nicole Travis has been with the City of Lakeland for 9½ years, during which time she was promoted from CRA Project Manager to the Community Redevelopment Agency’s Manager and most recently to Community & Economic Development Director. During her time at the city she used creativity and innovation in the way she managed multiple large complex projects to completion and significant development approvals. Nicole’s background in architecture and private sector experience gives her a unique understanding of how to consider all aspects of development projects.

Nicole is a graduate of Leadership Lakeland Class 34 and she is now Chair-Elect for Class 37. Nicole is a native of the US Virgin Islands and holds a Bachelor of Architecture and a Master of Business Administration. She has been married to her husband, Shawn, for 10 years and together they have two lovely daughters Jordin, 8, and Madison, 5.

We discuss their project, Metro Test Zones, that prototyped future imaginaries for the city’s green urban commons with the help of a multidisciplinary group of scientists, public servants, designers, and actors.

The Extrapolation Factory is a design-based research studio for participatory futures studies, founded by Chris Woebken and Elliott P. Montgomery. The studio develops experimental methods for collaboratively prototyping, experiencing, and impacting future scenarios.

Central to these methods is the creation of hypothetical future props and their deployment in familiar contexts such as 99¢ stores, science museums, vending machines, and city sidewalks. With this work, the studio is exploring new territories for democratized futures by rapidly imagining, prototyping, deploying, and evaluating visions of possible futures on an extended time scale.

https://extrapolationfactory.com/Metro-Test-Zones

The Extrapolation Factory is a design-based research studio for participatory futures studies, founded by Chris Woebken and Elliott P. Montgomery. The studio develops experimental methods for collaboratively prototyping, experiencing, and impacting future scenarios.

Central to these methods is the creation of hypothetical future props and their deployment in familiar contexts such as 99¢ stores, science museums, vending machines, and city sidewalks. With this work, the studio is exploring new territories for democratized futures by rapidly imagining, prototyping, deploying, and evaluating visions of possible futures on an extended time scale.

https://extrapolationfactory.com/Metro-Test-Zones

What is the social form you’re in right now?

Social forms are interactions, “the social can only exist in the space between two people,” Nancy tells us in this episode with Nancy Nowacek and John Sharp. Social Form is a concept created by sociologist Georg Simmel to understand the grammar of human interactions, the kind of roles and spaces we’re occupying in relationship to one another.

Why do we care about this? We are messy and unpredictable and whenever we approach a stranger we can't really ever be sure of who they are where they're coming from what to make of the potential unfolding situation or even be able to guess at how it might unfold unless we have some grammars. These grammars developed over time as forms by which we can engage with one another. We can understand these forms undergirding lots of different possible interactions with people.

Ted Pervez, the founder of the Social Practice Program at California College of the Arts, observed that we can begin to actually manipulate or understand those forms In more detail and then manipulate them towards new kinds of interactions.

We discuss some contemporary examples: Half-way, Sideling, Arenas, and Popup Social Forms.

Nancy Nowacek is an artist, designer, and educator researching the implications of the designed world on human, non-human and social subjectivities. She is currently on faculty in the Visual Arts and Technology department at the Stevens Institute of Technology.

John Sharp is a designer, writer, and educator researching the intersection of history, play, ethics, and aesthetics, often through designed artifacts like games and sports. Together, they teach courses on creative research and social and ludic form. He is currently the director of the MFA Design and Technology program at Parsons, the New School.

nancynowacek.com

http://www.heyimjohn.com

I learn from Indi how to connect. To recognize - when talking to a stranger - that I’m having a thought AND a feeling. Sometimes the two are connected and I won’t notice it. But sometimes they might react differently or even seem disconnected from each other whether because of safety, or some micro expression, or good or bad energy.

Indi tells me she sees Possibility Hours as giving us this space to be aware, to notice. Providing a third possibility to just notice what is the state of connection between a thought and a feeling. This simple awareness, the connection or disconnection itself, noticing simply that allows us an opening to get outside our fixed views.

Indhira Rojas is a creative director, design entrepreneur, and mental health advocate. For over a decade, she has worked at the intersection of branding, editorial, and interaction design. In 2016, she founded Anxy magazine, an award-winning publication exploring vulnerable personal narratives from an artful and creative lens. She holds a bachelor's from Parsons School of Design and a master's degree from California College of the Arts.

In this episode, I meet with Shelli from Triple Aught Design, an apparel company in Dogpatch. We’re both members of the Dogpatch Business Association. That’s how we met. We had our chat on a park bench as buses and other amusements pass by. She shares her insights on how to talk to strangers - about dogs, t-shirts or the weather - and how working in retail is the best practice for talking to strangers. Because it’s like throwing a party every day.

Shelli's bio:

Sales and Operations Coordinator with 15+ years of experience in high-end sports and outdoor apparel, including store/merchandise management, budgets and marketing strategies. Expertise in product development, store construction and openings, inventory and operations. Extensive background in staffing, training, fundraising, relationship building, and event coordination.

bio

Neetal Parekh is the Founder of Innov8social.  She is a social impact ecosystem builder and licensed attorney, with expertise in digital strategy, storytelling, and communications.

Neetal is the author of book 51 Questions on Social Entrepreneurship, host of The Impact Podcast by Innov8social, convener of Impactathon®, and a frequent speaker, facilitator, and moderator on topics including social enterprise, social entrepreneurship, and ways entrepreneurs, intrapreneurs, and consumers can build and strengthen ecosystems for social impact.

Neetal has been a speaker at SXSW, Net Impact, Stanford Law School, Santa Clara University Law School, Berkeley Law School, General Assembly, WeWork, Sustainatopia, SF+Acumen, Nasdaq Entrepreneurial Center, and has been featured in Idealist Careers, SSIR, GOOD, Horyou, Women 3.0, Social Entrepreneur Podcast, The Good Radio Network, among other media.

Neetal holds a B.A. in International Political Science from UCLA, where she interned at the U.S. Consulate in Mumbai, India. She pursued her interest in international work through volunteering in rural India and studying public human rights law in Geneva and Strasbourg. Her past experience includes strategy roles at FindLaw, Calvert Foundation, Net Impact, and a handful of early-stage startups. She also served as Chief of Product and Impact at an education company (and public benefit corporation) where she designed and delivered entrepreneurship and business education.

Neetal has participated as a fellow in StartingBloc, Boem Media Fellowship at Opportunity Collaboration, Hive Global Leaders, and New Leaders Council, where she also served on the Advisory Board. She also engaged with the Executive team of VLAB, the MIT Enterprise Forum Bay Area Chapter at Stanford University, as Outreach Chair, and serves on the Advisory Board for SXSW Pitch Advisory Board. Innov8social has co-created 12 Impactathon® events in eight cities across the US, serving over 300 participants ages 13-80+. The goal of these interactive convenings is to engage new generations of problem-solvers and invite new leaders to the table of social entrepreneurship.

A passionate advocate for social entrepreneurship and impact innovation, Neetal believes that this field empowers us to creatively re-imagine how businesses and individuals can create meaningful impact and lasting value.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/neetal/

https://www.instagram.com/innov8social/