Power To Be Happy: Journey of Healing, Together

What is life without a moment of true connection – when you’re feeling the joy, the fun, and sharing of something unique, and yet simple, together.

This might be a moment you share with a friend, child, your lover:

You don’t have to think, and just live it – what a relief!

But there are moments when things go the opposite way…

You cannot get through to your child, friend, or lover:

They might be upset, angry, they’ve got their walls up…

They don’t want to talk, they don’t want listen, they don’t want to be there around you!

It hurts.

Hurts when you try, and maybe you’re helpless, and that is the worst, it’s no way to feel…

I know I’ve been both – being desperate to help, and yet helpless, and also shutdown, locked out, away in my own world of anger, frustration, and empty.

This isn’t so strange – there’s so many men that I talk to, there’s thousands:

The people I meet at my talks, support groups, in hospitals, all ages, and stages, and facets of life, and yet what we all have in common is not the inability to express our emotions, or being so afraid to show weakness, no!

In this day and age, we can speak our minds when we’re feeling safe without judgement.

The biggest obstacle of all is not being able to make sense of the challenging situation, least of all to yourself.

For if you cannot make sense of what it’s like to be losing your job, or your business, or a difficult time from the past, then how are you meant to share it with others?

So what can we do?

We must talk about clarity, and make making sense a core part of our experience!

It’s what I am sharing in my recent talk – I open it up to you on the podcast.

Thank you for being here, my friend!

Your journey is unlike anyone else, and yet there’s so much we share – we all who are touched by trauma.

Your story is our story, and through connection, through sharing our pains, struggles and hopes, we keep moving forward.

Together!

If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:

Some say happy moments are brief, but their impact is often long lasting.

These are moments that walk through unseen, and they’re bringing us strength, strength is fuel that’s keeping us going when we’re needing it most.

I remember my hospital stay during cancer, and what I loved the most was the cafe downstairs.

You could get yourself cake, a sandwich, a coffee, and make your way into a little courtyard.

You find yourself in a beautiful little oasis amongst the hospital walls – it is covered with tropical plants, shrubs, and flowers.

Birds are praising this day, in the hope of feasting themselves of the

As I’m watching my three year old covered in chocolate, I can’t help but smile.

The three of us sharing a moment – together.

We don’t know what’s next, but we’re in this together.

The moments we need as survivors – the moments of joy, pride, understanding, and trust.

We are in this together – you and I, those who know what it’s like to suffer.

Our journeys are always unique, yet struggles we so often share!

We want to be sharing the joys, the good times, the times we make change.

It’s life, our life, the only life we are given.

Life – not easy, or perfect, and yet it is here and it’s ours.

These moments we cling to in times we are needing them most.

For me, the chocolate cake in the garden, a moment of light – the picture I try and hold on to as I watch the liquid black bag drip into my vein.

These moments of beauty, of light, of trying and trying and not giving up:

These moments define us.

We’re choosing to look towards happiness, hope, and feeling you truly belong.

The happiness – you deserve!

To seek clarity, to show up at your best in proving to yourself that you are enough, and hold on to hope…

Hope that things can, and do, change – for the better!

The happiness we truly deserve, here on the inside, and this week we delve into happy:

What it means in your life today, and how you might bring more of it into your life today – join me as we walk through it on the podcast:

Thank you for being here, my friend!

Your journey is unlike anyone else, and yet there’s so much we share – we all who are touched by trauma.

Your story is our story, and through connection, through sharing our pains, struggles and hopes, we keep moving forward.

Together!

If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:

The biggest impact of traumatic past is you being shut off from part of you deep on the inside.

But when it is back, your whole being is surging to wholeness…

The best thing about it?

There’s no going back.

The surging of joy, the welcoming back of a part that lay buried within.

The moment that I stopped myself running away…

From when I was eight, the memory of the stranger.

He led me away from the home, deep into the forest.

I was like a puppet in following every instruction to please him.

The shift back was sudden – I found myself running into the light, familiar places and people I knew…

But I had no words, and no feelings.

No way to describe what this was – the rape.

And no way of knowing of how it would haunt me, for years.

The panic, the fear, and being so alone – it wasn’t the worst.

The worst part was trying – and failing – to find the way out.

Every time I wanted to open, get close, or have sex, I was frozen, a failure.

Even as I learned to set it aside, to love and to live, this hurt has lived on within me.

The war in Ukraine and the stories, the countless stories of innocents having to suffer has brought it all back…

It was strangely confused, it’s like something was missing, or lost.

But inside of me I found an urge – let it out, find a way.

I had no idea how, but then I made a choice:

To latch onto this hope, wish, this desire to find the way out.

This – the hardest decision that you often make, one that nobody sees, one that won’t get acknowledged, it’s so easy to miss…

And I missed it, for so many times, but not now.

It’s the most fragile time of all when you’re falling towards the unknown.

You are trying, exploring, you don’t know what to do, and it’s crucial to trust:

Trust yourself, that you’ll figure it out, that you will find a way!

You have done this before, in the innermost moments, in the moments when you did your best, everything that you can, to hold on, to preserve, to keep going!

You will do so again, and you’ll find your way through it, and this journey is unique to you.

So I found myself writing a play – about past, and of losing the memories, but I also wanted some feedback to see if I’m on the right track…

In search of a practitioner who gets storytelling for stage, I came across the profile of a researcher who’s running a program for women who are survivors of child sexual abuse.

The program is all about writing this gut wrenching past out of yourself as a group, and boxing – just reading about this sent shivers down my spine… I just had to talk to her!

A few emails later, we sat down together, and hearing her story has opened me up.

And you should have seen it:

This torrent of pain, shame, and anger, and hurt, it all came out hurtling from someplace within me.

And here was this person who’s lived it, who knows what it’s like – the pristine and absolute moment of pure understanding.

And when it was done, she said to me:

It seems you’ve been holding back in your play. You are survivor, we need to hear your voice.

This struck me like thunder, and next day I go for a jog in the bush, I cannot stop thinking about what she said, and there, in the moment, this phrase in my mind:

You are a survivor. You are a survivor. You are…

I fall on my knees, and I’m crying, no, sobbing, a heavy weight lifts from my shoulders.

I get up, and pointing towards the sun, I only can whisper:

You are who you are.

And right in that moment, I feel a part of me come to life, a part that’s inside, but also a place in my body, within the abdominal.

This part never left.

It’s there, it helping me feeling more, it’s pulling me forward to heal.

I’m feeling more present, alive, greater purpose.

I have greater calm on the inside, I feel there is so much to give…

Because we have so much to give – to ourselves, to the world, and people around us.

This journey to heal is a wild one – you won’t know the places it takes you until that one step:

Step into unknown because somewhere, somehow you’re hoping there’s more to life, and suffering isn’t the end.

You’re here, my friend.

Please know – you belong.

You’re one of us, many, we’re striving for more:

TOGETHER!!

And each step, each decision is bringing us closer to our story of personal triumph.

Decisions – the topic of this week’s podcast.

I hope you can join me this week on The Happy YOU for Healing and Growing together:

Thank you for being here, my friend!

Your journey is unlike anyone else, and yet there’s so much we share – we all who are touched by trauma.

Your story is our story, and through connection, through sharing our pains, struggles and hopes, we keep moving forward.

Together!

If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:

Turning your feelings in words – always hard.

Especially when those are the feelings that speak to the hurt and uncertainty that has built up inside…

But here’s the challenge – if we don’t find a way to *somehow* release them, they will stay trapped in inside.

But words have power – for us, and the people who care.

In this podcast, I am exploring some safe, compassionate ways to release your feelings from being pent up inside and out into the world:

Thank you for being here, my friend!

Your journey is unlike anyone else, and yet there’s so much we share – we all who are touched by trauma.

Your story is our story, and through connection, through sharing our pains, struggles and hopes, we keep moving forward.

Together!

If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:

There’s a moment you know you’re in love – you remember it, don’t you?

It’s that spark, the emotion, and you don’t know what’s next, yet you can’t help but feel.

We say ‘falling in love’ because it’s what happens – you do not get a choice, and you’re drawn to them.

It’s the same when you’re living with trauma:

We do not get a choice, or say, with what happened to you.

We do not get a choice into how it’s shaped us, inside…

For me, thinking I’m crazy, and fall into panic, unable to breathe, or feel frozen, exposed, and unable to feel, move, or

I can’t take back what happened, undo, but you are where you are.

When you miss out on choices, it is ever so vital to make your choice today, and the choice is that simple:

To heal.

What’s the next step on your journey?

For me, it is sharing the message of hope and connection – we are in this together.

Because one thing that’s shaped me today is meeting survivor, fellow human who’s seen what I seen, and who’s made feel heard, understood.

And I want this for all of us, you, me, all who know how to suffer, but inside, they want more.

This has helped me decide to seek therapy, and to share the story with my friends, and start writing a play reconnecting us to our story of trauma, and the pathway to heal.

But it all begins with one tiny decision…

It need not be big, in fact, it may not be clear, but a decision to act in the name of you:

To find what will help you in making you happy, more hopeful, to feel that you’re moving, moving forwards, on your terms!

Choose to move away from feeling alone, towards feeling heard. Understood.

To know – you belong.

I am starting a community here in Melbourne to be there for each other, to give, grow, and heal together.

Do you want to join us?

Hit reply, and let me know.

Tune in for the podcast for more:

Thank you for being here, my friend!

Your journey is unlike anyone else, and yet there’s so much we share – we all who are touched by trauma.

Your story is our story, and through connection, through sharing our pains, struggles and hopes, we keep moving forward.

Together!

If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:

Losing someone you love changes your life in an instant.

This is the story of my friend Helen losing her husband to cancer.

We talk about grieving, healing, and the life beyond.

Helen is so honest and full of light, and her story is moving in a profound way because it speaks to our shared story of struggle:

Thank you for being here, my friend!

Your journey is unlike anyone else, and yet there’s so much we share – we all who are touched by trauma.

Your story is our story, and through connection, through sharing our pains, struggles and hopes, we keep moving forward.

Together!

If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:

Denial – a soft woolly blanket on a cold morning.

If I can stayed curled up here in bed, then everything turns out okay.

And does it?

Life is facing the inevitable – you are seeing things as they are.

You try and keep going even you don’t know how – this is HOPE.

Our hope, the journey to giving your because you have so much to give!

Our hope, the journey to grow into the life you deserve, of love, the joy and affection, and dreams, your dreams of making things right.

Our hope, the journey to heal, from troubles and hurt, even if hazy, unclear, remote, and forgotten…

Forgotten – by whom?

Not by us.

Deep inside, we remember.

Our brains and our hearts, they want to move on, but they find it hard.

And so we deny.

Denying our truth, denying our trauma – it comes with a cost.

For me, it was having to hide my wounds so I deep that I couldn’t see them myself.

The hurt and the shame that came from abuse at the time when I was a child did not go away.

They reared the head when I was defenceless, and literally naked, in wanting to be intimate, to have sex:

And I could not do it.

Because it was blocked, frozen, and I could feel nothing.

Nothing at all – not body, not mind, not within.

Lost, helpless, alone – the price that I paid for denial.

Denying the truth that I faced it’s me who has suffered for decades, me – no, not the one raping a child, but me.

You know what – I am grateful:

Denial has helped me go on, but to a point.

The damage it did I got to face at my lowest, but glad that I did – there’s no going back.

Only forward.

The truth that we carry inside – it needs to come out, and live, in helping us heal and to go on, together.

Because your story is our story.

We’re in this together!

I wish that I started this earlier.

I wish I had words.

I wish that I wasn’t afraid.

But maybe then I wasn’t ready?

You are where you are, and I don’t know where you might be finding yourself on your journey to heal, but I’d love to check in the way I do with myself, as survivor.

This week on the podcast I’m asking the questions I wish I had asked myself:

If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:

The strangest thing happened – I was driving to work when all of a sudden, the car behind me starts honking and screeching, and driver leans out the window, starts hurtling abuse.

No, I blow him a kiss.

With a big loving smile.

And there’s a change:

Bravado is gone, in an instant – the driver shuts off, turns away, and steering the car onto the freeway, he disappears.

Oh I felt a winner, my friend – if only this once!

But why blow a kiss to a guy who is cursing you down?

And what in the world does any of it have to do with forgiveness?

I came across a book by Robert Enright which starts off with this sentence:

Forgiveness can save your life.

I do not believe that I have ever forgiven anyone ever who’s hurt me, but honestly – what do they care?

They live on their days in ignorant bliss, happy with life and themselves…

No, it is I who is carrying the burden of hurt, of anger, frustration, and hate.

How could this be fair?

And I had enough!

I want to let go of this hatred, resentment that I have inside.

Sure, the whole business of letting go, it is easier said than done, but I’m trying:

Right now, I’m forgiving a friend who has let me down during cancer (more on this on the podcast), and I want to forgive the more deeper hurts.

And when I say forgive, I do not mean absolve, or forget.

It is part of my healing journey, and I want to share it with you.

So this week, I pick out three key themes that helped me forgive, and how it also applies in our everyday life.

Because life isn’t easy, and if we consider forgiving the hurts, we can only do so by seeing people as they are, with their faults and their suffering.

Their struggles and suffering might mirror our own, and seeing them as they are can help us forgive – not only the other person, but also ourselves.

For not being perfect, not having it all figured out, for being human – our true gift is an act of kindness.

Today, when I run into an angry colleague or a random stranger in road rage, I ask myself – what if there’s a reason that they feel this way, a reason they can’t feel, or put into words?

The person we meet just might be a trauma survivor, like you, me, or any of us.

They deserve a kind thought because we’re all looking to catch a break.

And so we try – I am hopeful to be forgiving to friends and strangers because I want to be happy.

Because being happy is what you deserve – despite the worries, struggles, and hurts.

I’m here for you – and this week, on forgiveness:

If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:

A friend asked me if I have any episodes about inspiration…

Because he was feeling down, and not in a good place.

And that’s what it’s for:

Inspiration is a feeling that’s lifting you up, and giving you boost, and urging you act.

NOW.

When you feel inspired, you don’t wait for the perfect moment…

You also don’t brainstorm – you ACT!

No waiting, but action that helping you heal, and feel better, in sharing your truth, expressing your true, authentic self.

It’s hard – for us as survivors, for all of us living the struggle, and yet this is why we want to doing whatever we can to feeling inspired today.

Here’s what helps me – connecting with what I do care about deeply:

My dreams, my people, my values!!

And if I lose sight of that, I start feeling lost, distant, alone.

My values, my people, and dreams they live on my wall as reminder, they are marked in my calendar so I don’t forget or get blindsided by every day life.

Staying connected to your dreams, your people, your values is key to us feeling we’re here, and here we deserve.

We know what it’s like suffer, and we deserve MORE

In finding the joy, and beauty in your life today.

On feeling inspired, check out my latest episode of the podcast today:

If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:

The rape – I couldn’t talk about it for years.

And I was a child, I didn’t have words to describe what it was, or how it’s been messing me up.

The worst part of trauma – it hides in your body, and you’re trapped, inside.

You’re helpless, alone, and want to do something about it, but what?

The first person I spoke to was our family doctor.

I left his office with a prescription for antidepressants, throwing it in the bin…

I wasn’t sure about what kind of help I wanted, but this didn’t sit well with me.

To look at it now, some therapy would be a great help, and yet it’s taken three decades for me to get there, and here’s why:

First, I had no idea what therapy was.

I heard bits and pieces from people, it didn’t seem fun, or even make sense.

The stereotype got me – you lie on the couch, the therapist asking about my mother…

So how is any of it going to be useful?

What I lacked is knowledge of experiential, embodied, integrative approaches that work through the body and have little in common with talk therapy.

So this been the first barrier:

I wish I had looked into healing from trauma – from books and mental health experts to research and support groups.

Second reason the therapy didn’t work for me is because I did not believe that it would work – for me.

Even when I learned all about therapy and how it might help, what I lacked the most was a role model.

Someone who’s done it, a flesh and blood person that I could believe…

And I found one – by chance.

She was a survivor, first person I spoke to who’s been through my struggle, and I am forever grateful:

For making me feel seen, heard, for knowing that I’m not alone.

And one thing she asked me was whether I have done therapy.

No, I said, and she smiled, and told me, I’ll never forget this:

It’s so good, and you’re going to love it!

It’s just what I needed to hear…

I knew I could trust her because she was real, she’s been through it, and that’s helped me make a decision.

So now I believed that it’s going to work, for me…

The third reason it’s taken me decades to healing with therapy is I went into it blindly.

I looked up the specialists where I lived, and my first touch points left me with a sour taste in my mouth…

I was expecting a great experience from the get go, and what I didn’t realise is how vital it is to get a connection with someone who gets you.

The time I looked back on was cancer:

The long journey through treatment taught me how vital it is to find a specialist who isn’t only a capable doctor, but gets me at real, human level.

And if someone is going to be helping me healing my mind and my body, it’d better be someone I trust, who’s there on my side, helping me heal!

So I started digging deep into what makes me connect with a therapist – what do they think about patients, the people they work with, their research.

What are they interested in? What drives them?

In other words, I wanted to find a human on the other end that I could rely on.

And find one I did – so proud that she’s helped me to deal with the most painful, traumatic experiences of my life with grace and compassion.

I trust her, she’s helped me demystify the process of therapy and that’s why I asked Danielle to be my podcast and talk about what therapy is and what isn’t, what you should expect, and how to find the right person in helping you heal.

Right now on The Happy YOU podcast, tune in for my conversation with my therapist Danielle Sellick:

If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty: