Episode 13, Mom's Mental Health, Our Drive for Perfection, The "Hurt Cycle," and Finding Joy in the Valley - Val interviews Amanda Colliatie, Marriage and Family Therapist with a Live Studio Audience.
Mom, you’re committed to monitoring your child’s mental and emotional health, but what about your own?  Today we’ve got a LIVE studio audience and a marriage and family therapist to help us turn the mirror on ourselves, take a gentle look to make a doable action plan for heading toward healing.

You are a mom who is seriously trying your best to be a great mom. You are all in. You are focused and you are daily growing and seeking new ways to better be there for your family to pull your family to a better place. You’re a marathon mom!  Sometimes we marathon moms can quickly slide into perfectionism -seeking perfect actions, decisions, and results.  What pressure!  When we get our expectations set on perfection and it doesn’t come, what’s our response then?

Amanda Colliatie will walk us through four buckets - Blame, Shame, Escape, and Control-  that moms find themselves pulling from in their moments of distress. We’ll learn to recognize this in ourselves and get some action items for stopping the cycle? Regardless of if we're struggling with perfectionism, anxiety, depression O. C. D. parent-child conflict, the “Hurt Cycle” is one to be aware of and have solution steps in place for stepping out of the cycle of blame, shame, escape, or control (from the Restoration Therapy Model).

 Amanda Colliatie is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Wichita, Kansas. Her practice at Encounter Freedom Therapy Center website or Facebook page is dedicated to providing skilled therapy that is safe, affordable, and practical. Amanda likes to talk emotions! She is passionate about mental health and creating space for intentional conversations about difficult thi

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We're on a mission to strengthen families.
Want to help cover some of the costs of the show? click here. A few dollars a month would help so much!
Here's some other ways to give:
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All donations will be used for the ministry. Gifts are not tax deductible.
THANK YOU for partnering in this ministry to strengthen families and encourage intentional moms.
"May the Words of my mouth and the medit...

Episode 12, T.I.M.E., not Time-Out.  Dealing with the HEART of Your Child through Mercy Seat Parenting. Lying, Part 2. (Lying Part 1 is in episode 4).
Quote
"I have got to spend some time praying and evaluating my own self in the situation because this is a big deal. I don't want to handle it wrong. I need God's help. I need God's wisdom and I also need to evaluate what could have I been doing differently..."
Resources
Proverbs for Parenting (affiliate link)
Val's blog post on getting the word of God into our kids
Val's blog post on Root Parenting vs Surface Parenting
Val's blog post on helping littles to not have idle time that makes them bored and clingy
No Room for Emotions - when mom is emotional, walls can go up causing the child not to learn the lesson
Sort of like Time-out Together
SOS to the True Expert
Evaluate YOU and Your child in specific areas before responding
Identify the root cause behind the behavior
Use Mercy Seat Parenting
T.I.M.E.
Talk about the TRUTH
"I" statements from mom When we take the time to share vulnerably from the heart with our kids, even if that means confessing how we have messed up in this area, it helps to keep walls down as we move to the next step in this important character and relationship conservation.
MEND relationship
EQUAL consequences
Contact Val in her Facebook Group: Intentional Mom, Strong Family or thru her website www.PracticallySpeakingMOM.com
If you found this podcast helpful, would you please consider leaving a review and sharing this with other moms who are seeking to be more intentional.

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Support the show

Visit Val's website: PracticallySpeakingMOM.com
Join Val's Facebook Group Intentional Mom, Strong Family
Follow Val on Instagram and her Facebook Public Page Practically Speaking MOM
We're on a mission to strengthen families.
Want to help cover some of the costs of the show? click here. A few dollars a month would help so much!
Here's some other ways to give:
Cash App: $valPSM
Paypal: [email protected]
Donate with a credit card HERE
All donations will be used for the ministry. Gifts are not tax deductible.
THANK YOU for partnering in this ministry to strengthen families and encourage intentional moms.
"May the Words of my mouth and the medit...

Quotes from Episode 11,  A Christ-Filled Christmas:
"We don't want to waste any holiday opportunity to pour into the life of our kids - to grow some character, to make some memories, and to build some traditions that our kids will want  to come back home to later."
"Learning to serve helps their heart and also develops people skills." 
So, let's get kids involved in:
*Making some of the food and/or prepping the house (our preparation let's our guests know how valuable they are to us) *Hosting includes thinking of the others' needs ahead of our own, learning to honor them and also serve them *Kids can make some cards in the shape of leaves with words on it of thankfulness for each special guest that is coming, or words that they feel describes that guest
What values do you want your kids to know you hold in the Christmas season?
Val's Wassail:
one carton OJ   one carton Apple Juice   one carton Cranberry Juice cocktail   Optional one carton of Lemonade   one Tablespoon Cinnamon Heat on the stove top or crock pot
Val's favorite thing on Katie Waalkes' YouTube channel, Life in the Mundane, is her Morning PlayList  Here's Katie's Chri

Send Val your encouragement and thoughts about the show.

Support the show

Visit Val's website: PracticallySpeakingMOM.com
Join Val's Facebook Group Intentional Mom, Strong Family
Follow Val on Instagram and her Facebook Public Page Practically Speaking MOM
We're on a mission to strengthen families.
Want to help cover some of the costs of the show? click here. A few dollars a month would help so much!
Here's some other ways to give:
Cash App: $valPSM
Paypal: [email protected]
Donate with a credit card HERE
All donations will be used for the ministry. Gifts are not tax deductible.
THANK YOU for partnering in this ministry to strengthen families and encourage intentional moms.
"May the Words of my mouth and the medit...

Episode 10: Time-Saving Strategies for Busy Homes, Part 3.
Quotes
"These systems increase simplicity and they also increase self-discipline in our kids."
 "Recognize that your kids' hearts and souls require tending to build their character and to help them to become the people that God really created them to be. Having systems in place allows you more time with your kids. Maybe one of them is going through a difficult thing and you want to slow down and pray with them, let them know that the God of the universe is also personal and loves them specifically and directly.That requires slowing down a little bit. That is why I've got these systems for you."
'Why am I talking about our kids' internet usage in a time-saving strategies podcast? It's because having a family internet agreement saves us so much time in multiple ways. Such as, I don't have to wrestle with myself about what my rules are going to be today with the kids regarding internet. Otherwise, if I didn't have a clear plan for internet usage in our home, then on days when I was tired or sick or overwhelmed, then I would be very tempted to be very lax on those rules. And that's when things end up happening is when we're distracted as parents."
Resources (some are affiliate links):
Internet Usage Agreement
Net Nanny Filtering service, Covenant Eyes accountability service
Simple Systems for Homeschool Success
Blog post about my sticky note system with three Brain Books.
Blog post about Save Your Sanity- one hour a week  meal prep.
R

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Visit Val's website: PracticallySpeakingMOM.com
Join Val's Facebook Group Intentional Mom, Strong Family
Follow Val on Instagram and her Facebook Public Page Practically Speaking MOM
We're on a mission to strengthen families.
Want to help cover some of the costs of the show? click here. A few dollars a month would help so much!
Here's some other ways to give:
Cash App: $valPSM
Paypal: [email protected]
Donate with a credit card HERE
All donations will be used for the ministry. Gifts are not tax deductible.
THANK YOU for partnering in this ministry to strengthen families and encourage intentional moms.
"May the Words of my mouth and the medit...

 Listener Q&A (consequences, child's weaknesses, mom's mistakes), Episode 9.  Plus Meet Val's Son, Andrew.

Resources (some are affiliate links)
Free Val's video workshop on Time Saving Strategies (slides in youtube shownotes)
Free Slides to Time Saving Strategies printable
Love Works: Seven Timeless Principles for Effective Leaders by Joel Manby
Strength Finders 2.0 by Tom Rath
Do Hard Things by Brett and Alex Harris

Question: "How do we handle it when we make a mistake as a mom?"
"Sometimes, when we make mistakes as a mom and we apologize to our kids about that, that's a more effective lesson in their life than if we had gotten it right at the beginning... It's not our role to be perfect.  It's our role to model for our kids how to apologize when we've made a mistake, to learn from our mistakes, to listen to God for direction in our life and that we're mold-able to his direction.  Let them see you be excited that God is showing you something new in your character that you can work on."
Question about dealing with our child's weaknesses
"Most of the time, our kids' weaknesses are strengths in disguise.  It's like the strength is inside a treasure chest and the weaknesses have it all locked up and we want to help them throw off the weaknesses or work on the weaknesses so that you can unlock that treasure chest and fully experience the strength!"
"We want to be discovering our children.  God created each of them uniquely with all of these wonderful hidden, uhhh wonderfulnesses! And we want to discover those and hone them and help them to balance their life. And that's just one of the great privileges of being a parent - studying your child."
Topic of appropriate consequences
"Appropriate consequences, coupled with a gentle, humble, grace-filled spirit helps their heart today and p

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Support the show

Visit Val's website: PracticallySpeakingMOM.com
Join Val's Facebook Group Intentional Mom, Strong Family
Follow Val on Instagram and her Facebook Public Page Practically Speaking MOM
We're on a mission to strengthen families.
Want to help cover some of the costs of the show? click here. A few dollars a month would help so much!
Here's some other ways to give:
Cash App: $valPSM
Paypal: [email protected]
Donate with a credit card HERE
All donations will be used for the ministry. Gifts are not tax deductible.
THANK YOU for partnering in this ministry to strengthen families and encourage intentional moms.
"May the Words of my mouth and the medit...

Intentional Marriage, 8: *Moms find serenity moments in your day *Single mom's marriage perspective *Your marriage can be redeemed!! *Meet Val's husband as they discuss what principle God used to transformed their marriage, including a short, original marriage song at the end
 Quotes from Episode 8
"Mom, find some serenity spots in your life so that you can have a moment of peace every day."
"Single moms, I know you're probably feeling like tuning out for this episode. I just want to encourage you not to do that. If your child marries some day, you want them to have a strong marriage and a healthy perspective about marriage and you can influence that even if you are not married. No matter your situation with your child's other parent, you can honor them in your attitude, actions, and words.  You may not be able to respect them or trust them or condone their actions, but you can be honoring about them for your children's sake."
"I had to care enough about the strength of our marriage to set aside my emotions that I wanted to have and replace them with what is best for our marriage.  If I do that, then in the end that's best for me too - to be in the middle of a strong marriage is of course more blessing-filled in every possible way than if I just stand on my end of the tug-of-war rope and pull with all my might."
Main Points:
Times away together to re-calibrate on what is important and how are we doing at it?
Praying  with our Creator to show us what healthy marriage looks like.
Keep a notebook - writing down what we were doing right, what we were doing wrong, and what's the better way.
ONENESS, a pinnacle philosophy that shaped several principles that we are very committed to now in our marriage. We'll be sharing these principles with you in marriage moment segments in future podcasts
ONENESS is...
*a mini picture of what the Trinity is (Father, Son, Holy Spirit)  three separate personhoods with unique personalities yet completely one. Nothing separating them. Fully aligned. It's a mystery.
*Oneness is... a healthy marriage, a little mini Trinity, of husband and wife and God all working together t

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Support the show

Visit Val's website: PracticallySpeakingMOM.com
Join Val's Facebook Group Intentional Mom, Strong Family
Follow Val on Instagram and her Facebook Public Page Practically Speaking MOM
We're on a mission to strengthen families.
Want to help cover some of the costs of the show? click here. A few dollars a month would help so much!
Here's some other ways to give:
Cash App: $valPSM
Paypal: [email protected]
Donate with a credit card HERE
All donations will be used for the ministry. Gifts are not tax deductible.
THANK YOU for partnering in this ministry to strengthen families and encourage intentional moms.
"May the Words of my mouth and the medit...

7. Giving Kids the Habit of Happiness. Work Ethic in Littles, Middles, and Teens; Success Habits for Teens from GAINING MOMENTUM: Preparing Your Student for Success with or without College
Quotes from Episode
"We want our kids to fully experience what God created them to be,  in the life He created them to live."
"We want them to become strong leaders who are leading people in the right direction, which builds stronger communities and a stronger nation. And leading them to Christ and a life in Christ."
John Maxwell says, "Leaders don't rise to the pinnacle of success without developing the right set of attitudes and habits. They make every day a masterpiece."
Top 4 Skills for Equipping My Kids for a Successful, Abundant Life:
1. People Skills - interacting effectively and positively with others
2. Adaptability -flexibility, overcoming obstacles
3. Integrity - doing what is right no matter what
4. Wok Ethic - having a high standard of excellence in all we do
-having good follow through, even when it's difficult,-able to work independently
-maintaining a good attitude
Negative Things that Happen when Moms Try to do Everything Themselves:
1. You don't accomplish what you're supposed to, because you're busy doing other things
2. Others don't accomplish what God intended for them to accomplish because you're doing their things.
3.You end up being at your worst because it's all too much for you
4.If you try to do everything for your family, it makes your family weak by missing opportunities for your children to develop good character qualities through hardwork
When your child hasn't done a good job at a task, evaluate if you taught the task thoroughly and clearly:
-Did you SHOW them how to do it, talking about all the details?
-Did you WATCH them do it while talking about all the details?
-Did you EVALUATE it with praise and correction with a high STANDARD of excellence?
-Did you continue to FOLLOW UP with praise and correction the next several times after teaching the task?
If you didn't do these steps, don't be upset with

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Visit Val's website: PracticallySpeakingMOM.com
Join Val's Facebook Group Intentional Mom, Strong Family
Follow Val on Instagram and her Facebook Public Page Practically Speaking MOM
We're on a mission to strengthen families.
Want to help cover some of the costs of the show? click here. A few dollars a month would help so much!
Here's some other ways to give:
Cash App: $valPSM
Paypal: [email protected]
Donate with a credit card HERE
All donations will be used for the ministry. Gifts are not tax deductible.
THANK YOU for partnering in this ministry to strengthen families and encourage intentional moms.
"May the Words of my mouth and the medit...

Quotes from Episode 6 Parenting Middles & Teens, Negative Self-Talk, What Teens Aren't Telling You:
"We can either fight the reality that they're starting to look more outward now for their influences rather than toward us, or, we can face this reality, decide to be intentional about it, and get a game plan for the teen years."
"What they're struggling with on the inside, these are the more critical things than the things that they're struggling with on the outside."
What I've Observed in the middle years
1.They're figuring out social skills about themselves so be sure to be teaching them people skills.
2. They're being absentminded for a reason - have grace and try the two techniques mentioned.
3.They're turning more outward for their influences so pray for their influencers and build bridges with their influencers. Also
- Watch carefully the different ways your introvert or extrovert teen or preteen handles this time.
-Be a visionary to help them see what they don't see in themselves (learn about being a Visionary Parent in my book, Wearing All Your Hats without Wearing Out or the Ebook version - the Ebook is an affiliate link).
-Be their biggest cheerleader as you help them find something to win at, which volunteering can be a great way to feel like they're winning!

Val and youth director, Tori, on how to parent Gen Z'ers:
-Middle Schoolers, "Do you like me?"
-High Schoolers, "Do I like you?"
The world is telling them, "If you perform well, if you bring something to the table, if you have something to offer then you're worth something."

Val shares some lessons she learned the hard way in parenting teenagers including applying Mercy Seat Parenting to the teen years -  and they discuss how to get teens to open up with parents about the hard things.
Resources Recommended:
Techwise Family by Andy Crouch 

Send Val your encouragement and thoughts about the show.

Support the show

Visit Val's website: PracticallySpeakingMOM.com
Join Val's Facebook Group Intentional Mom, Strong Family
Follow Val on Instagram and her Facebook Public Page Practically Speaking MOM
We're on a mission to strengthen families.
Want to help cover some of the costs of the show? click here. A few dollars a month would help so much!
Here's some other ways to give:
Cash App: $valPSM
Paypal: [email protected]
Donate with a credit card HERE
All donations will be used for the ministry. Gifts are not tax deductible.
THANK YOU for partnering in this ministry to strengthen families and encourage intentional moms.
"May the Words of my mouth and the medit...

Episode 2, Getting Kids to Listen the First Time:
"Delegating Chores to your child isn't about making life easier for you.  It's about growing your kids' abilities, character, and work ethic, teaching them responsibility, building up self-esteem based on accomplishment and capability, equipping them for success habits in life, and to be over-comers in whatever obstacles that come up in their lives."
Four Options with each Obligation in your life
1. Do it (put it on a to-do list)
2. Delegate it (keep a to-do list of the obligations that have been delegated so that you can followup)
3. Dump it (sometimes even good things need to be reduced)
4. Leave UnDone and handle it with prayer -"God, give me Passion for YOUR purposes in my day and Peace about the things that you don't want me to get done"

Create a code for your to-do list:
C- calls you need to make
E- electronic tasks
O- errands that I will do when out
Initials of the people to whom I delegated tasks so that I can follow up
Star by the "frog" task that you don't want to do and do it first!

100% Habit - give full attention and full effort to whatever you're doing and teach this habit to your children.  This is learning to live life abundantly -John10:10 and doing well for the Lord's sake - Col 3:23.

How to Followup with chores or tasks:
Have a high yet attainable standard - a Standard of Excellence within reason
Praise what you want Repeated
Appropriate consequences when they don't follow through with what they're capable of and have been clearly prepped by you to do

Getting Kids to Listen the 1st Time, Obey, or Obedience:
Think before you speak: "Is what I'm about to say, am I willing to enforce it?" "Is what I'm about to ask them to do consistent with our family values and rules?"
Be calm, clear, follow through consistently, have good eye contact when you tell them to do something and if they're little, also be near them.

*Mean what you say or don't say it.
*No must mean 'no' or it will mean, "Mom doe

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Support the show

Visit Val's website: PracticallySpeakingMOM.com
Join Val's Facebook Group Intentional Mom, Strong Family
Follow Val on Instagram and her Facebook Public Page Practically Speaking MOM
We're on a mission to strengthen families.
Want to help cover some of the costs of the show? click here. A few dollars a month would help so much!
Here's some other ways to give:
Cash App: $valPSM
Paypal: [email protected]
Donate with a credit card HERE
All donations will be used for the ministry. Gifts are not tax deductible.
THANK YOU for partnering in this ministry to strengthen families and encourage intentional moms.
"May the Words of my mouth and the medit...

(Part 2 of Dealing with Lying can be heard in Episode 12).
Today you're listening to  Episode 4, "Dealing with Lying in Your Child, Part 1." For the first ten min of the episode, Val is joined by her grown daughter, Becca who has two preschoolers. They discuss some techniques for developing Manners in your toddler.
Then the final 20 min of the episode focus on how to handle lying in children elementary-age and up, including Root Parenting vs Surface Parenting and Mercy Seat Parenting.
Steps to Dealing with Lying:
1. Slow down to take time to do it well in order to preserve your relationship and to be the most impactful in reaching their heart on the issue.  Fight the urge to be reactionary.
2. Let your child know that you need to take some time to pray while they're taking time to reflect on why they did it and possibly praying also. In this step you really are getting God's direction on what to do next.
3.Evaluate if lying is a regular habit in your child or if it hardly ever happens (months between times).
4.Evaluate how you as a parent have been modeling truth - valuing TRUTH, valuing truth in your relationship with your child AND in your relationship with God?
5.Root parenting vs. Surface parenting.  Evaluate what is going on in their heart right now?  Being a barometer.
6. Go back to your child and ask questions. Not getting emotional or defensive with their answers. 
7.Mercy seat parenting. This step will be explained in part 2 of Dealing with Lying in your Child

Resources:
Being a barometer of your child's heart is taught in Val's book, Wearing All Your Hats Without Wearing Out. https://www.practicallyspeakingmom.com/product-page/wearing-all-your-hats-without-wearing-out-from-chores-to-character-issues-to-ch?fbclid=IwAR0ktH4g78ZOJomwMe3_Ho9eSbcBAsX9WpHvjVAby8Ig9tLLZqE85EaHShs

Root Parenting is taught Val's books Clash in Your Home: A Game Plan for Cleaning Up the Conflict.

Send Val your encouragement and thoughts about the show.

Support the show

Visit Val's website: PracticallySpeakingMOM.com
Join Val's Facebook Group Intentional Mom, Strong Family
Follow Val on Instagram and her Facebook Public Page Practically Speaking MOM
We're on a mission to strengthen families.
Want to help cover some of the costs of the show? click here. A few dollars a month would help so much!
Here's some other ways to give:
Cash App: $valPSM
Paypal: [email protected]
Donate with a credit card HERE
All donations will be used for the ministry. Gifts are not tax deductible.
THANK YOU for partnering in this ministry to strengthen families and encourage intentional moms.
"May the Words of my mouth and the medit...