Proper Madness

What if your creative block isn’t actually a creativity problem?

In this bonus episode of Proper Madness, I’m talking about self-abandonment, people-pleasing, creativity, relationships, business, and what happens when you build your life around getting an outcome instead of choosing yourself.

I share a conversation with one of my students who was struggling with a creative block, and how we traced it back to something much deeper: forcing an outcome, seeking approval, and not giving himself the space and capacity to actually create.

That realization made me look at my own creative blocks, my business, my community, my relationships, and even the people I’ve attracted into my life.

Because sometimes the thing you’re struggling with is a mirror.

Your creative block might be reflecting burnout.
Your relationships might be reflecting self-abandonment.
Your business might be reflecting what you think other people want from you.

And sometimes the way forward isn’t to try harder.

It’s to stop abandoning yourself.

https://www.mymyndspace.com/becometheart

I’ve spent a lot of my life wondering why the same patterns kept showing up in my relationships, my creativity, my mental health, and the way I expressed myself.

Eventually, I realized they weren't as separate as I thought.

In this episode of Proper Madness, I talk about self-abandonment, emotionally unavailable relationships, childhood wounds, emotional triggers, addiction, creativity, and the stories we carry in our bodies.

Sometimes the patterns in our relationships, our creativity, and our lives are showing us something about the relationship we have with ourselves.

So the question I'm sitting with is:

What story are you still living from that you haven't fully told the truth about yet?

Grab your tea, coffee, whatever you're drinking, and come sit with me.

Welcome to Proper Madness.

This one came out of nowhere on a Sunday morning. Unedited. No plan. Just something I needed to say.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much the people we surround ourselves with — our friends, our partners, the people we're dating, the people we share energy with — directly impact our creativity, our confidence, and our ability to show up as ourselves.

I get into why love bombing isn't malicious, it's just someone who doesn't know how to fill their own cup. What it actually feels like when someone is pulling at your energy field. Why I stopped giving people more chances than my gut was giving them. The conversation I had with my dad on his birthday that confirmed everything I'd been feeling about the kind of partner I actually need. And why if you have a purpose bigger than yourself, you cannot afford to keep surrounding yourself with people who are abandoning their own.

This is the Sunday Sabi Show — unhinged, unedited, and exactly what I needed to get off my chest.

Everyone online is telling you the old you has to die.

New identity. New era. Kill off who you were. Become someone else.

In this episode I'm calling that out — because I think it's one of the most dangerous things being taught right now, and I think a lot of people in the spiritual and self development space are using it as a way to keep you dependent on them instead of yourself.

The truth is your shadow self, the parts of you that you've been told are too much, too messy, too dark, too complicated — those aren't things to kill off. They're the parts of you that got you here. They're your deepest allies. And the moment you start integrating them instead of suppressing them is the moment you actually step into who you are.

This one gets personal. Really personal.

In this solo episode I'm getting into something nobody talks about honestly — the direct link between pleasure, desire, sensuality and your ability to express yourself, create freely and take up space in the world.

I share my own story with this. Growing up in a strict, culturally conditioned household where freedom was always conditional. My first love at 16 and the moment I learned that being seen and desired meant someone would eventually leave. The relationships that followed — the emotionally unavailable ones, the abusive ones, the codependent ones — and what every single one of them was actually mirroring back to me about where I was abandoning myself. My two and a half years of celibacy by choice, and the intentional decision I made to break it because I finally found someone safe enough to do so with.

And then I connect all of it to creativity. Because your creative power lives in your sacral. And when you're shaming yourself out of desire, out of pleasure, out of connection — you're shaming yourself out of your art too.

Jealousy is one of those emotions we've been conditioned to treat like a character flaw. Avoid it, suppress it, spiritually bypass it -and definitely don't admit you feel it.

But what if jealousy is actually the most honest thing your nervous system has ever said to you?

In this solo episode I'm getting into why jealousy and envy are not emotions to run from — they're shadow emotions that are showing you exactly where you've been neglecting yourself, abandoning your creativity, and not showing up in the way you know you could be. I share two very real, very personal examples of jealousy hitting me recently — one at the gym and one with a creator I deeply admire — and how both of them pointed straight back to where I was letting myself down, not where they were doing better than me.

In this episode discuss the difference between being seen and being perceived, and why I've spent most of my life quietly making myself invisible even when I desperately wanted to take up space.

I talk about growing up with body insecurities, learning disabilities, social anxiety, and neurodivergence - and how all of that stacked up into a subconscious decision I made about myself before I even knew I was making it. We're stepping into the spotlight whether we're ready or not.

In this episode, I sit down in person with Kelly, founder of Luna Love in Whittier, California, a spiritual shop specializing in candles, oils, ritual tools, crystals, and classes — for one of the most grounded and honest conversations I've had about quantum leaping and timeline jumping.

Because we're not here to sell you the idea that manifesting your next level is all flow and ease. It's not. It's your body getting sick. It's your knee giving out. It's people around you suddenly acting weird. It's panic attacks the day after you sign the contract. It's everything in your subconscious trying to drag you back to who you were.

We get into what quantum leaping actually looks like in real life — the resistance, the calibration period, why things sometimes seem to go backwards right after you leap, how to tell the difference between fear and intuition, why you don't have to have your subconscious fully healed before you jump, and what resilience actually means when you're building something from your gifts.

We also talk about the energetics of being seen online, why your social media is a mirror of your frequency, and how to step into visibility in a way your nervous system can actually hold.

Find Kelly: Instagram & TikTok: @luna_love Website: lunamlove.com In person: 1512 Whittier Blvd, Whittier CA 90602

Find Sabi: Instagram | TikTok | YouTube: @_sabidhillon

I'm back. New space, new walls, and honestly a lot to yap about.

In this solo episode I'm having the conversation I've been sitting with for a while. I moved, I turned another year older, I became a published photographer, and somewhere in the middle of all of that expansion - my creativity went completely quiet. And I had to figure out why.

This episode is about what happens to your identity when your environment shifts. I spent years building my creativity, my business, my whole aesthetic out of chaos, pain, and dark beauty. And then I finally landed somewhere safe - and my nervous system didn't know what to do with it. Neither did my art.

If you've ever gone through a big transition and felt yourself go quiet right when things were finally starting to work - this one's for you.

Subscribe, leave a review, and share this with someone who's in the middle of becoming.

What does it mean to live as an infinite being inside a finite human experience — and how do you stop fighting that paradox?

This week on Proper Madness, I'm joined by Nino Palacio: behavioral coach, breathwork guide, mystic, poet, and retreat facilitator. Nino's work lives at the intersection of psychology, philosophy, and spiritual practice, and this conversation goes places I didn't expect.

We talk about discovering autism later in life, losing his best friend to psychosis, and why that loss made him question everything about traditional psychology. We get into psychedelics as a tool that bypasses the logical mind, the danger of intellectualizing your own healing, and shame alchemy - using content creation as a genuine spiritual initiatory process.

And we end up in a full conversation about the villain era, what your shadow self is actually asking for, and why expressing your truth online might be one of the most liberating things you can do.

This one is for the overthinkers, the mystics, the healers, and anyone who's been living a little too small.

Find Niño: @eldivinenino