Travis was diagnosed with both depression and ADHD as an adult, and recently his symptoms have intensified to the point that they are creating problems in his marriage and sabotaging his satisfaction with life in general. "I've stopped trying to pursue things that I want," he explained to Renée. Travis came to the show in the hopes that Renée can help him manage his executive dysfunction and recapture his initiative. And so she does, clarifying the relationship between ADHD and depression before giving Travis actionable strategies for managing his symptoms, restoring harmony in his marriage, and finding his motivation. They make a few stops along the way to talk about grief, alcoholism, and the difference between negative reinforcement and punishment. Travis and Renée are both self-proclaimed nerds with psychology backgrounds, so the conversation gets into a groove quickly, thanks largely to Travis's gentle spirit, sharp intelligence, and impressive insight. Plus, the intro is extra this week: Renée outlines 5 steps for navigating stressful family holidays. The season is upon us, people! Gird your loins, channel your breath, and, if all else fails, let these 73 minutes distract you.

Support the show

"I was the kind of kid that made friends with my bully," Alyssa told Renée. This didn't help her much, because the bullying was rampant. She was bullied at school all day, every year, only to come home to the biggest bully of all: her father. Add to that the facts that Alyssa grew up racially isolated and that her parents' divorce only intensified her father's abuse, and you get a nasty web of complex trauma. Alyssa comes to the show looking for help with the present, however, specifically a friend break-up that she can't get over. As is so often the case, it turns out that the emotions of the present are tangled up in the past, so Renée helps Alyssa develop a plan to untangle them. Alyssa is not only smart, articulate, and creative; she also laughs easily, which is particularly impressive given the many pain points in her history. And at only 22, that pain is still fresh. Alyssa shares her story with humor and vulnerability, and Renée points her towards the healing that will put her many years of therapy to good use.

Support the show

"Here I am two years later and I still think about her every day," Mark told Renée, referring to his ex-wife. His first marriage survived his partner's affair and went on to produce two children before ending amicably in divorce. His second marriage came to a much pricklier conclusion, and Mark is still struggling to accept and process its end. He came to the show hoping Renée can help him "get closure and move on." And get this: he specifically wants some guidance around his own relationship behaviors, which he identifies as narcissistic and abusive. You read that right: he wants to discuss his own narcissistic behavior. He and Renée discuss all of it and more, and ultimately they arrive at the answers Mark needs to understand and address his own behaviors as well as to accept the end of his marriage. Mark adds a compelling curveball at the end, and Renée puts an astrological spin on it before she ties it all together with a big, intergenerational, therapeutic bow. From marital rituals to grief rituals to hangover rituals, the conversation gets deep fast and covers loads of content, thanks largely to Mark's brilliant honesty, easy humor, and deft storytelling. (Plus, the intro to this one is extra juicy and all about last week's controversial episode.)

Support the show

Edited to add this note from Renée:
Hey there everyone! The feedback on this episode has been intense already. I was aware when we aired it that this would be the case! Our guests are almost exclusively deeply vulnerable and eager for support. Bianca comes to the show in a much different place. So I decided to air this episode to challenge us all -- myself included. How do we find our empathy and desire to help someone who doesn't immediately inspire us to want to help them? If you find yourself frustrated when you listen to this one, I get it. And I encourage you to go into that frustration and ask yourself why it is. There are some obvious reasons, and then there are some deeper ones. Go deep! Lastly, if you are new to the show, I recommend you go back a few episodes to start. This one is a better listen once you are familiar with the format of the show. I love you all! - renée

Bianca went from feeling herself and living her dream life as a dancer in L.A. to losing herself in the chaos of new motherhood during Covid lockdown. Now, she finds herself sorting the leftover pieces of a broken relationship, specifically the shame and self-consciousness she learned from her ex-partner's critical voice. Bianca's only objective when she came to the show was to tell her story - and she has a lot to say! Fortunately for us, she is an engaging storyteller. And at the end of Bianca's beautifully thorough narrative, Renée surprises her by dropping some existential bombs, connecting Bianca's past to her present and giving her an entirely new way to think about her future. It's well worth the wait to hear the pieces come together. 

Support the show

"I think I'm just a temporary person," Michee told Renée, explaining that she has never felt prioritized by friends or family. She describes her childhood as "toxic and abusive," with a controlling, unpredictable father and a loving but absent mother. She has struggled with all of her relationships, whether platonic, familial, or romantic, and insists that she "wasn't someone people cared much for." You need to hear Michee for only a few minutes to know that this can't be true. She is smart, funny, gracious, forgiving, talented, honest, resilient - she is extraordinary. Then why are her relationships so dysfunctional? This is one of the questions Michee and Renée explore and answer. They also talk about how to hold boundaries and empathy at the same, how to safely excavate repressed emotions, and, at the end of the episode, why Michee struggles to say no to unwanted physical touch. Don't sleep on Michee; her humor is sneaky! She cracks Renée up several times. In exchange, Renée helps her find the way out of the depression and codependency that has kept her stuck.

Support the show

When Bobby applied to be a guest on the show, he wanted help resolving the leftover emotional wounds from his childhood, which he described as one of "constant chaos, instability, and... abuse." Despite some intense breakthroughs in talk therapy, strands of trauma remained. But get this: a few days before he recorded his episode, Bobby had a life-changing Ayahuasca journey that healed those wounds. And that's not the only fascinating part of Bobby's story. He tells Renée about all of it, from growing up and coming out as a gay man in a hyper-masculine community to the estrangement and reconciliation he navigated with each of his family members to the cataclysmic psychedelic experience that healed his emotional wounds - and more. Renée narrates the therapeutic pieces and shares some details from her own psychedelic experiences, and in the end she gives Bobby a plan to start healing his body now that his mind and soul are well. Bobby is a fantastic storyteller with a story that's intense, dramatic, full of happy endings, and a lot of fun.

Support the show

"Emotions were a taboo thing in my house," Alyssa said when Renée asked about her childhood. And, get this: Alyssa is now a therapist. She raised in an invalidating environment by an emotionally misattuned mother and often absent father, but since then Alyssa has made it her job, literally and figuratively, to honor her sensitivity and sharpen her insight. She has done both and beyond, yet she still struggles to release her anger over the circumstances of her recent divorce, and for good reason. Renée helps her get to the bottom of it, and in the process they untangle Alyssa's complicated relationship with her mom and unresolved grief around her dad. That's not it, either! This is a fast-paced, punchy, and content-rich episode!

Support the show

Dan grew up in an abusive household with perfectionist parents who often asked him, "Why can't you be normal?" Not only did Dan feel misunderstood and disconnected at home, but he also struggled in social situations; his childhood was lonely. Now, at 41 years old, Dan has a loving wife, a happy daughter, and a new understanding of his neurodivergence. What he doesn't have is a sense of peace about his parents. That's where Renée comes in. She and Dan sort out his wounds and triggers, and in the process they talk about all sorts of stuff, including online dating, cycle breaking, and finding purpose. Renée gives Dan hope that he can finally silence his father's critical voice in his head, and Dan gives everyone a master class in corrective emotional experiences. (Plus, there's an anxiety tutorial in the intro!)

Support the show

Last week's guest, Annette, shared with us late in the episode that she is in an abusive relationship, one that she is not quite ready to leave. So many people were moved by Annette's story, and some of those people reached out to Renée with questions about why it can be so hard to leave an abusive partner. Renée had planned to address the questions in this week's intro - and then Brandi came to the show. "I'm not afraid to talk about it anymore. I need to talk about it," she said. Brandi's beautiful bravery is brilliantly timed. She recently left her husband for the 5th time, and she comes to the show to tell her story, a perfect follow-up to last week's conversation. Brandi takes us through the details, and then Renée breaks down the layers of trauma, domestic violence, addiction, and grief to outline Brandi's path forward. Plus, Guest Co-Host Ashley shares some of her own story, one that is at times startlingly similar to Brandi's. There's a lot of trauma and a lot of healing in this episode, an unintentional but fitting Part Two to Annette's Part One. And don't worry, there still manages to be plenty of nonsense; the episode ends with a mini stand-up routine. You know, the usual.

Support the show

"I have so many stories for you, you don't even know," Annette tells Renée early in this episode. And, wow, was she right. Fortunately for all of us, Annette is hilarious and smart and tells her story perfectly. This makes it easy for Renée to find places to go - so much so that a conversation that Annette had expected would be about one aspect of her childhood trauma becomes a much deeper and more complex dive. Annette and Renée cover a lot of topics as they explore her story, from promiscuity to polyamory to why self-love is so elusive. And make no mistake: this is an intense one, a roller-coaster narrative that takes an unexpected deep and dark dive into the present at the end. Somehow it's a lot of fun, too, once again thanks to Annette's engaging openness. Renée is able to not only find hope in Annette's story but also give her practical steps towards finally separating her present from her past, much to Annette's surprise. 

Support the show