Bear witness to the SHOCKING CONCLUSION of "Can Christians Eat Pork?". The answer may shock you!

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Wow what an episode! David AR White's garbage streaming service kept crapping out for Adam Creep so he only watched 30 minutes of this movie. How will we stretch this out to a full episode?!?! Maybe by adding a new segment? Maybe by adding to the legend of Adam farting in vacuums? Steve Creep is the allstar of this episode since he watched the entire movie. 

Honestly Adam is so bummed he didn't watch the movie because from the sounds of it, it's buck wild. Oh well there's always next week! Hey don't forget to set your clocks ahead

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Finally a movie that teaches us how to find TRUE LOVE in this modern age of 2014! 

Step 1: Lie about yourself on Christian Mingle

Step 2: Meet a good Christian boy and beg him to kiss you on the first date

Step 3: After 1-3 dates, fly to Mexico to help his family hang a bell in a church that was destroyed... also your lies are discovered and you get dumped

Step 4: Decide to completely overhaul your life for this guy and start going to church and reading the Bible. Do this for about a week

Step 5: Reunite with the guy (who has moved on), trash talk his new girlfriend and humble brag about what a good Christian you are (for the past week)

Step 6: Get denied (what are you, dating the apostle Peter?)

Step 7: Go crazy and talk to God in the middle of the street or by yelling out your window

Step 8: Quit your job, move to the Mexican village the guys family volunteers in all the time and get to know his parents/make his family love you

Step 9: Keep wearing your Commifornia clothing including wedges. Really rub it in the poor Mexicans faces that you have money

Step 10: For no reason the guy will decide to take you back

Success!

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*HOMOSEXUAL GARBAGE* (there's context for this)

Kevin James is at the end of his hose. He saves lives as a firefighter but can't get his children on his insurance! That's when he gets the bright idea to marry his best friend Adam Sandler and commit fraud against the state of New York. Truly a fart warming story for the ages. 

This episode has it all... the best porn star name ever created, some choice quotes that without context make us sound like truly awful people, promotion of Tila Tequila aka Queen Esther (after we recorded this episode I found out she's a Nazi now or something so whoops!) and plenty of talk about that hero mayor Rudy Giuliani. We support all stars and stripes on this show! 

Firefighters are heroes!

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"Hero Month" marches on with this 1991 Ron Howard (remember Happy Days?) classic!

Christmas Switched's William Baldwin is at the end of his hose. He saves lives as a firefighter but can't save some sleazy businessmen from getting what's coming to them. Maybe they shouldn't be shutting down fire stations and causing firefighters to have NO BACKUP?!?!  Whomst could be lighting these fires? Maybe it's Kurt Russell?!? Maybe it's Donald Sutherland?!?! Maybe it's Dead David Crosby?!?! Whoever it is... they'll need to be dealt with the way firefighters have been solving problems for years... by killing them in a fire!

Firefighters are heroes!

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Fireproof our podcast please. Fireproof ALL podcasts PLEASE. We love you please. It's our 2 year anniversary and so of course we have to celebrate it with Stephen and Alex Kendrick by watching 2008's Fireproof!!!

Kirk Cameron is at the end of his hose. He saves lives as a firefighter but can't save his marriage from his porn and boat addiction! Will his wife cheat on him with a bozo doctor? Will the other firefighters respect him for screaming at his wife in the kitchen? Will someone please fireproof their marriage?!?!

We absolutely love the Kendrick Bros and their films. Easily the best Christian film makers around (shots fired David A.R. White). Please cast us as podcasters in your next movie about podcasters finding God and love please!

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If you haven't seen Clerks III yet skip this episode! Then watch Clerks III and come back and enjoy this episode! It's packed to the gills with Clerks III spoilers. But don't worry, I censored them so the only person they're actually spoiled for is Steve Creep (who is pretty bummed about it)

I can't believe I put all of that at the start of the description when this movie features KEVIN SORBO AND DEAN CAIN!!!!! It's another in a long line of Christian movies where some guy loses his family but then a new sexier woman enters his life, he immediately moves on from his dumpy old wife and also he gets guilted into going to church again. It really has it all and is a wet dream come true!

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First we had to solve a "code", then we wrestled with our angels and demons, now we've gone to Hell because this is an Inferno! Bobby Lang is back and E Nigma-ing all over the place. Honesty... we have no idea what this movie is about... and we watched it! If you can explain what happened in Inferno please write to us at [email protected] or head to speakpipe.com/pureboys and leave us a voice mail about it. Good luck! That's YOUR cryptex.

Having now seen the entire Robert Langdon Trilogy I can honestly say... I've seent them. They're fine. Actually this one is pretty boring. As was the first one. There's no Paul Bettany buttocks or Tom Hanks in a Speedo so who cares amirite?

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Robert Langdon is back and in a Speedo! This time he's called into the Vatican to solve a mystery and save the lives of Cardinals and perhaps everyone?!?! Does he succeed? Not really! 

Hey here's something fun... we accidentally commit a hate crime in this episode! Lock us up! Lock us up!

Also all the clues are just statues pointing. Literally all of them. People consider Danny Brown a good writer huh? See you next week for Robert Langdon Goes to Hell: The FInal Friday!

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"What's another name for a mystery? Enigma! Mr E. Nigma. Edward Nigma". Just replace any of those words with Jesus, Mary Magdalenes p*ssy or cryptex and you've got 2006's The Da Vinci Code! Why is it even named that?

Join Tom Hanks on a rollicking globe trotting adventure as he tries to solve a Mr E! Who is Jesus's great great great great great grandchild? I bet it's the lady who just happens to be rolled up into this nonsense. Jesus rules, the Devil drools (and so do we in regards to Paul Bettany's tight little butt!)

See you next week for Angles and Lemons!

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