Queer Divorce Club

In this episode of the Queer Divorce Club, we deep dive into the world of co-parenting. Tera is joined for a second episode with Nina Raff, a therapist who specializes in divorce and co-parenting. Nina offers invaluable guidance on navigating post-divorce parenting. Learn how to maintain a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex, support your children through the challenges of divorce, and manage your own feelings of guilt. Nina's insights provide a wealth of support and information for parents on their divorce journey.

No one gets married thinking they will divorce. Marriage has been such a hard won fight for LGBTQI+ couples. We enter into love relationships with high hopes and plans. It can be devastating when it goes south. Nina Raff, LCSW has been a psychotherapist for over 30 years helping people with transitions and change.

Nina is an individual and couple therapist as well as a mediator, collaborative coach, and a discernment counselor for couples who are not completely sure about divorcing. She has studied and consulted and trained continually since she received her MSW from Cal Berkeley in 1988. Nina has extensive interest and experience working with LGBTQI+ families and individuals. In addition, she has many years of experience treating addictions including both the individual with addiction and family members affected.

Nina belongs to Collaborative Practice Golden Gate, Collaborative Practice California and the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals. She has been a volunteer with Peninsula Conflict Resolution Center and has in the past worked for Kids' Turn. She is a certified co-parenting specialist. Nina is retired from Kaiser Permanente and is working only remotely.

You can find Nina online at collaborativedivorcegoldengate.org.

In this episode of the Queer Divorce Club, Tera has the privilege of speaking with Jonelle Tunney, a licensed professional counselor, transwoman, and divorcee, who generously shares her personal journey of transitioning while navigating the challenging terrain of divorce. Jonelle's story is a poignant narrative of resilience and growth.

During the conversation, Jonelle offers a wealth of insights drawn from her experiences of simultaneously managing significant life transitions over the past five years. She candidly discusses the lessons she's learned, both from her transition and her divorce, shedding light on what worked for her and what didn't. Additionally, Jonelle opens up about her co-parenting journey with her ex-wife, providing valuable perspectives and guidance.

Jonelle's journey is filled with invaluable gems of wisdom, and we are excited to share her story with you.

Jonelle Tunney

Jonelle Tunney is currently a licensed professional counselor with River City Psychological Services in downtown Grand Rapids. Jonelle was born as "Jon", a boy at birth, in the late 1960's. She grew up in Cadillac, Michigan and went on to earn teaching and counseling degrees, serving as both a teacher and school counselor for over 20 years. From an early age, Jonelle strongly identified with feeling feminine and womanly inside, but she hid this from the world and even denied it within herself for decades. Meanwhile, she got married and had twins and did her best to be the person she thought the world needed her to be. Shortly before turning 50, around 2018, Jonelle found herself with a loving family and dozens of good friends, with a successful career, and she was almost completely miserable. This began her process of transition, which started with self-acceptance and exploration, included a couple years of group and individual therapy, and culminated in an explosion of personal changes that included divorce, retirement from the school system, selling her home of 20 years, hormone therapy, surgery, and living full-time as a transgender female. It was as if the turbulence within her matched the turbulence around her, including a global pandemic and major political unrest. Today, she finds herself happier and more alive and awake than ever, still great friends with her ex-wife, with almost universal acceptance and support from her family and friends, and engaging with a career as a therapist that she finds incredibly rewarding and meaningful. She works with people of a variety of ages and needs, including treatments for depression, anxiety, and trauma, as well as a particular specialty in supporting those with queer identities and gender-related issues.

You can find Jonelle online at rivercitypsychological.com.

In this episode I have the privilege of chatting with Nina Raff, a seasoned psychotherapist specializing in collaborative divorce and the discernment process. Nina's expertise shines as she offers invaluable insights on various crucial aspects of divorce.

Throughout our conversation, you'll gain valuable advice from Nina on choosing the right divorce approach for you, recognizing signs that it may be time for divorce, and effectively communicating about this transition with your children. We also delve into the unique challenges faced by queer divorcees and how to navigate them, all while ensuring you make informed decisions throughout the process.

Notably, Nina's perspective on divorce as a reconfiguration of family dynamics is eye-opening, emphasizing that divorce is a choice, not a failure. By working together with our ex-partners, we can create a solid foundation for post-divorce life. Keep listening for a wealth of insights that can guide you through your divorce process.

No one gets married thinking they will divorce. Marriage has been such a hard won fight for LGBTQI+ couples. We enter into love relationships with high hopes and plans. It can be devastating when it goes south. Nina Raff, LCSW has been a psychotherapist for over 30 years helping people with transitions and change.

Nina is an individual and couple therapist as well as a mediator, collaborative coach, and a discernment counselor for couples who are not completely sure about divorcing. She has studied and consulted and trained continually since she received her MSW from Cal Berkeley in 1988. Nina has extensive interest and experience working with LGBTQI+ families and individuals. In addition, she has many years of experience treating addictions including both the individual with addiction and family members affected.

Nina belongs to Collaborative Practice Golden Gate, Collaborative Practice California and the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals. She has been a volunteer with Peninsula Conflict Resolution Center and has in the past worked for Kids' Turn. She is a certified co-parenting specialist. Nina is retired from Kaiser Permanente and is working only remotely.

You can find Nina online at collaborativedivorcegoldengate.org.

In this episode, Tera has the privilege of connecting with the wonderful Cariann Moore as she bravely shares her journey through the intricate phase following her divorce, often referred to as the "messy middle." Through her vulnerability, Cariann opens up about her personal experience during this challenging period and offers profound insights into her healing process. We delve into the strategies she employed to navigate the messy middle during the post-divorce rebuilding stage and discuss how others can find their own paths to healing.

The "messy middle" is a shared experience after divorce, and Cariann's wisdom provides invaluable guidance on managing its complexities. While there's no one-size-fits-all approach, I hope that by listening to her story, you'll grant yourself the grace needed for your own healing journey.

Cariann Moore is an established global marketing and communications professional. With a proven track record in dynamic, multicultural settings, Cariann thrives in fast-paced environments. She has spearheaded groundbreaking LGBTQIA+ and Women's Employee Resource Groups as part of corporate diversity and sustainability efforts.

Cariann's impressive career spans over 20 years, encompassing both non-profit and for-profit sectors. Holding a bachelor's degree in political science from the esteemed University of Florida, she proudly supports her alma mater as a dedicated Gator fan and volunteer.

In her spare time, Cariann also acts as an admin for an online support group for late-blooming queer women and non-binary folx and is passionate about helping others navigate their own coming-out journeys. She believes in finding joy in the little things - a perfect cup of coffee, a centering yoga session, watching the sunrise on the beach, and everything pumpkin spice.

With her partner Drew, their two kids, and five dogs, Cariann calls Fort Lauderdale home.

You can find Cariann online at www.linkedin.com/in/cariannmoore

In this compelling episode of the Queer Divorce Club, Tera had the privilege of talking with Dr. Lynda Spann, the founder of the Lesbian Couples Institute. They delve into the crucial topic of recognizing red flags in relationships and navigating the difficult decision of when to call it quits or persevere to strengthen your marriage. Additionally, they explored the concept of consciously uncoupling and discussed how to embrace self-compassion and understanding when making the choice to get divorced.

Dr. Lynda Spann is the founder of the Lesbian Couples Institute (LCI). Lynda and her wife, Lisa Yaeger, live in the Denver, Colorado area.

LCI, which she founded in 2018, offers personal in person therapy and online coaching to lesbian couples by a lesbian

couple.

Lynda's parents were Baptist missionaries from Texas, however she was born and raised in Uruguay, South America. She spent her childhood and teen years living in Uruguay much of the time and in Texas some of the time.

Dr. Spann has a BA in Psychology from Baylor University. Her MA in Family Studies & PhD Marriage Family Therapy were earned at Texas Tech University.

After completing her Doctorate in 1996, Lynda moved to Pueblo Colorado and started her private counseling practice.

Lynda and her wife, Lisa have been a couple since 2005. Outside of work, they love to travel, make homemade raviolis, hike, spend time with their 3 grandkids, throw great Halloween parties, & go to concerts.

The combination of having a doctorate in Marriage and Family Therapy, years of practice as a couples counselor, and her own challenges in learning how to create a truly healthy intimate relationship, is what enables Dr. Spann to guide her clients at LCI to build thriving relationships that last. In her 25 years as an expert licensed marriage therapist, Dr. Spann has helped hundreds of couples.

You can find Dr. Lynda online at lesbiancouplesinstitute.com, on Instagram @lesbian_couples_institute, and on TikTok @lesbiancouplesinstitute.

Welcome to a bonus track from The Gay Divorcees! In our last episode, Ethan Philbrick graced us with a discussion of his gay divorce and how he brought together The Gay Divorcees in part to build community around queer divorce. This beautiful song, "You Can Leave What Isn't Working," holds a special place in his heart and he is sharing it with our community! For the full album from The Gay Divorcees, head over to divorcee.gay.

The Gay Divorcees

The Gay Divorcees is a band of real-life queers who got gay married and gay divorced, led by composer Ethan Philbrick, who came together during a pandemic to write songs about getting into and out of state-sanctioned intimacy in the 21st century.

Throughout February 2021, The Gay Divorcees streamed their album of songs over the toll-free number 1-855-GAY-DIVO. On Sunday, February 14th, they teamed up with the One Archives at USC to present a remote Valentine's Day listening party filled with performances, readings, and other surprises. On Thursday, February 25th, a group of queer theorists offered responses to the project in an online event hosted by the Department of Performance Studies at NYU.

In a moment when many people are trying to figure out how to get out of situations that are no longer working or keep going after the end of something, The Gay Divorcees approach their experience with marriage and divorce as potentially instructive. Divorce your old patterns! Divorce your broken political systems! Divorce your inherited ideologies!

In this episode, Tera had the privilege of chatting with the talented Ethan Philbrick, a cellist, artist, and writer. Ethan shares his own heartfelt divorce story and sheds light on his inspiring initiative, The Gay Divorcees, a musical platform created to honor the narratives of queer divorcees.

Together, we explore the culture surrounding queer divorce and the significance of its relatively short history in our country. Delving into the importance of this history, we reflect on its impact on divorcees and the expectations they may face when choosing to separate.

Join us as we celebrate the power of making the choice to get divorced, and the transformative effect it can have on shaping dynamic individuals.

Ethan Philbrick (he/him) is a cellist, artist, and writer. He holds a PhD in performance studies from New York University and has taught at Pratt Institute, Muhlenberg College, and New York University. His book, Group Works: Art, Politics, and Collective Ambivalence, was recently published by Fordham University Press.

You can find Ethan on Instagram @ethanphilbrick, at ethanphilbrick.com, and at divorcee.gay.

In this episode, Tera has the pleasure of hosting Ash, a Certified Somatic Practitioner, and her wife Dawn, a relationship coach trained in a psychobiological approach to couples therapy.

Join us as Ash and Dawn, both divorcees turned happily married couple, share their inspiring journey of healing and love. Discover the remarkable story of how they met and the transformative healing they embarked on as a couple following their divorces.

But that's not all! Get ready to dive into some invaluable tips on healing, moving into new relationships (not just romantic ones) after divorce, and the profound impact of attachment styles on your healing journey and presence in relationships.

Music in this episode is from Bungalow Heaven. You can find more music from Bungalow Heaven and singer/songwriter Gretchen DeVault at gretchendevault.com.

Ash is originally from Oklahoma, before she moved out to live with me (Dawn) in March 2021 soon after their unexpected and traumatizing separation from their wives.

We recently got married on May 14th on the Metolius River with all of our closest family, friends around us and live in Bend, OR where we work together in our Coaching Business teaching Queer couples all over the world how to build secure and lasting relationships in their 10wk program.

Ash is a Certified Somatic Practitioner and Dawn is a Relationship Coach trained in a psychobiological approach to couples therapy.

You can find Ash and Dawn on Instagram @ashanddawnnoble and on TikTok @queercouplesexperts.

Discover a powerful journey of healing and growth in this episode of the Queer Divorce Club. Join Tera, as she sits down with the incredible Kate Herald Browne, who candidly shares her personal story of divorce, remarriage, and co-parenting.

In this heartfelt conversation, Kate and Tera delve into the intricacies of queer divorce, exploring its unique dynamics and shedding light on the differences between queer and heteronormative divorces. Together, they uncover the transformative power of repairing relationships with ex-partners and offer invaluable insights into navigating the challenging "murky middle" of divorce.

Get ready to be inspired as we piece together the puzzle of divorce and self-healing, leaving you with a sense of awe and newfound understanding.

​​Kate Herald Browne teaches people how to tell stories that change the world for good. She holds a PhD in English and uses her background in storytelling research as a learning designer, gender studies professor, and curator for TEDxNormal. Her writing has appeared in Runner's World, Refinery29, Autostraddle, and SELF magazine. Recently, Kate added a new dimension to her story exploration practice as a singer/songwriter, performing as a solo artist and as the leader of the Evening Orchid Band, a pop-up music jamboree.

You can find Kate online Instagram @kateonthemic and Substack: Katie Girl.

In this episode of the Queer Divorce Club, I had the pleasure of chatting with Rachel Kieras, a financial expert with certification in the divorce process. Together, we dive deep into the crucial topic of managing finances during divorce. Rachel breaks down the essential financial aspects to focus on and provides a step-by-step approach to navigate the complexities of the process.

Beyond the logistics, Rachel emphasizes the emotional aspects of finances and the importance of building a supportive team during divorce. We explore budgeting strategies and setting yourself up for a prosperous life post-divorce. This episode is a valuable resource for anyone contemplating divorce or currently undergoing the legal process. Even if you've already finalized your divorce, Rachel shares insightful advice on budgeting and saving that you won't want to miss.

Rachel Kieras is a financial advisor with Edward Jones, located in West Michigan. She partners with clients to develop personalized strategies that help them achieve their goals. Rachel's focus areas are working with divorce individuals, young professionals, the LGBTQ+ community, and small business retirement plans. She loves being outside, warm weather, and food-motivated travel.

You can find Rachel online at Edwardjones.com/Rachel-Kieras on Facebook @EJAdvisorRachelKieras.