Queerstake

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Editing by Richard Templeman.

Podcast art provided by Briton Groesbeck.

Here’s today’s steak recipe:

-1 Can Whole Peeled Premortal Existence (In the LDS faith it’s believed that we existed as spirits before the creation of earth and willingly chose to come to earth to gain a body.)

-Sprinkle of Temple Marriage to Taste (A temple marriage or sealing is where a married couple gets sealed together for eternity… in the LDS faith they don’t deal with that ‘until death do you part’ nonsense.)

Mix in bowl. Marinate steak. Grill until medium rare. Pair with a heavy dose of cynicism and a martini glass with a light cinnamon sugar on the rim filled with frozen mango . Enjoy.

Podcast art provided by Briton Groesbeck.

Music provided by Pink Pocket Squares (Dave Supplee & Mika McIntosh)

Here’s today’s steak recipe:

-Brigham Young University Idaho, sweetened and condensed, 8 oz can (Formerly Rick’s College, BYU- I, often called BYU- I Do due to the high rate of marriages found in BYU schools, BYU- I is the stricter younger brother of BYU. It’s also the Lord’s 5th favorite school.)

-1 freshly picked Temple Sealing (Sealings are a marriage that takes place in the temple. Unlike traditional marriage, a sealing binds a couple for all eternity instead of until death.)

-A pocket full of Temple worthiness (In order to enter a temple, a person must speak with the bishop in a temple worthiness interview to make sure they’re, well, worthy to participate in temple ceremonies.)

-1 ripened Menace to society (A famous Mormon legend states that Brigham Young once addressed a congregation saying that any young man over the age of 25 [or 24 or 27 depending on who you ask] who is not married is a menace to society. The story is apocryphal but still really fun to bring up when you’re still in the closet and unmarried.)

Combine ingredients in a black bag and shake vigorously for 30 seconds (this both marinates and tenderizes the meat). Grill. Pair with the turning of the seasons.

Podcast art provided by Briton Groesbeck.

Music provided by Pink Pocket Squares (Dave Supplee & Mika McIntosh)

Here’s the recipe for today’s steak:

-1 dash of BYU (Brigham Young University, the Lord’s favorite school.)

-1 chopped Mission President (leaders of a mission area who are in charge of up to 600 missionaries.)

-3 Bears (A larger, harrier gay man.)

-2 Cubs (A younger bear, I’m really not sure why you were expecting anything else)

-1 Otter (Leaner guys with body hair and scruff. Like a petite version of a Bear or Cub.)

-2 pairs of Garments (The “Magic Mormon Underwear” non members may often hear or joke about. Older members who have gone through the temple wear temple garments as a reminder of their covenants made to God in the temple.)

-28 oz. whole peeled “Eternal Smile” (Garment tops for men have a few different styles including the crewneck, the v neck, and the swoosh, which is often called the eternal smile. Chances are if you know a member you’ve noticed the swoop neck through a tee or a white dress shirt of his. Nobody knows why some men think the visible swoop neck under a diaphanous white shirt is a good fashion choice but whatever. I’ve probably done it.)

-1 Confession to a Bishop and 3/4 of a confession to a Mission President (Bishops and Mission Presidents conduct worthiness interviews with members and missionaries to see if they are still worthy for the sacrament or to enter the temple. Sometimes members go to their leader on their own to confess a sin. Consequences on any given sin depend on the leader and the sin.)

Blend ingredients in a food processor. Pour over steak and grill between the hours of 6:27 - 6:57 pm, making sure the meat is exposed to plenty of sunlight.

Podcast art provided by Briton Groesbeck.

Music provided by Pink Pocket Squares (Dave Supplee & Mika McIntosh)

Here’s the recipe for today’s steak:

-3 tbsp of Wards (A congregation determined by location and, sometimes, marital status)

-Bishop, whole peeled (The unpaid leader of a ward or congregation)

-1 Full time mission, cubed (Young men in the LDS/Mormon church are often expected to serve a religious mission at the age of 18 for 2 years.)

-Brigham Young University Idaho, sweetened and condensed, 8 oz can (Formerly Rick’s College, BYU- I, often called BYU- I Do due to the high rate of marriages found in BYU schools, BYU- I is the stricter younger brother of BYU. It’s also the Lord’s 5th favorite school.)

Marinate ingredients in fridge for 45 min before grilling outside in 87 degree weather (Fahrenheit). Pair with large helping of open mindedness and a heaping splat of take-all-this-with-a-grain-of-salt. Bury leftovers under a tree no younger than 64.

Podcast art provided by Briton Groesbeck.

Music provided by Pink Pocket Squares (Dave Supplee & Mika McIntosh)

Here’s the recipe for today’s steak:

-1 sliced and diced Church Policy: A course or principle of action as dictated by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One of the more famous ones is the November 5, 2015 policy change regarding same gendered couples and the partial reversal in 2019.

-3 tbsp. powdered Church Discipline: More serious sins and transgressions require more than a meeting with a ward Bishop; they require other priesthood leaders to participate.

-8 semesters of BYU: Brigham Young University, the Lord’s favorite school.

-A squeeze of Mama Dragons: Mormon mothers of LGBTQ children who have banded together to show support for their kids and to empower other mothers of LGBTQ children.

-1 Vocativ Article: The article both Kris and I were quoted in regarding the Queerstake on tumblr.

Combine ingredients and marinate steak in them for no more than 30 minutes. Grill. Pair with a mug of gender identity shenanigans.

Podcast art provided by Briton Groesbeck.

Music provided by Pink Pocket Squares (Dave Supplee & Mika McIntosh)

Here’s the recipe for today’s steak:

-Brigham Young University Idaho, sweetened and condensed, 8 oz can (Formerly Rick’s College, BYU- I, often called BYU- I Do due to the high rate of marriages found in BYU schools, BYU- I is the stricter younger brother of BYU. It’s also the Lord’s 5th favorite school.)

-2 Dashes of a Mission (Young female identifying or female assumed members of the LDS or Mormon church can serve an 18 month mission at the age of 19, much like their young male or male assumed counterparts at 18 and for two years)

Coat the steak in the ingredients. Immediately grill. Pair with your favorite flannel.

Podcast art provided by Briton Groesbeck.

Music provided by Pink Pocket Squares (Dave Supplee & Mika McIntosh)

Here’s today’s steak recipe:

-2 Cups Studio C (Sketch comedy television show produced by BYUtv. Sort of like the Mormon answer to SNL.)

-1 Full time mission, chopped fine (Young men in the LDS/Mormon church are often expected to serve a religious mission at the age of 18 for 2 years.)

-idk man i was too busy watching the big game i didn’t pay attention to the recipe

Soak the steak in a bowl with the ingredients for 2-10 years. Grill in February while it’s snowing. Pair with some brigadeiros.

Podcast art provided by Briton Groesbeck.