HEALTH OF THE HEART SERIES - Part 1

Maybe, just maybe, the reason you and your spouse feel disconnected is the amount of guilt and shame that's come in between you two. But what do you do to overcome the gap?

We've been away for about 8 months without a single Podcast Episode and now we're back! But where the heck dd we go? This Episode is a summary of where we've been and what's next with the Quick and Dirty Marriage Podcast.

We do this all the time. THINK. And it's a bad habit when it comes to relationships. 

• We think we know what they want
• We think they know how we feel
• We think, "Of course he knows what to do"

And that's a bad habit and it leads to too many problems.

Have you ever wanted to be intimate with your partner and just thought they knew what you wanted? So you didn't say anything about it and just assumed it was going to happen...and it didn't. And then you got disappointed, frustrated and then ignored them because of it? And now they're left in the dark thinking, "What did I do?"

STOP THAT!

Stop thinking. If you want something, if you need them to know how you feel, if you want to avoid a lot of these issues, then just ask or just talk. It will solve almost 99% of your problems.

No one can read minds.

Breaking up with your Ex and then trying to live your life afterward. Especially when the relationship wasn't ideal towards the end. Dealing with pain, regret and most of all hurt.

So what do you do? How do you 'get over' them?

• Severe the Toxic Relationship
• Surround yourself with people who love you
• Counseling is always helpful when needed
• Look forward to, and set Positive Goals for yourself
• Forgiveness

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Trust is built with Transparency. And that is evident when it comes to Dating and Social Media. And more specifically, allowing each other to have access to your Social Media Accounts.

As your dating relationship progresses and begins to move into a more serious one, the subject of access to each other's accounts may come up. 

If you are unwilling to share, your partner may begin to question why. On the flip side, if you are willing to share, trust is built by being transparent with each other.

What are you hiding?

Too often, and usually in younger people, we hear the saying "You Complete Me!" It's this false idea that someone else in your life will complete you. It's as if to say that I am less when I am single, but now that I have that special one, they are the finishing touch to make me and my life complete and whole.

Run as far away from thinking as you can!

You don't NEED to be with someone. And in fact, them bringing their broken stuff over into your life will only complicate you, and NOT complete you.

Instead, try shifting your thinking. Look at your partner and ask, "Do they compliment me?"

We all have needs in a Relationship. Legit ones like:

• Love
• Trust
• Security
• Respect
• ...and more

But what happens when other things are masked as needs, but in turn, are really just high expectations? Things like:

• He needs to see me at least 3 times a week (dating)
• We need to hold hands while walking around
• She needs to call me at 12 noon every day
• He needs to say "I Love You" every night
• ...and SO MUCH MORE!

Those high expectations, when unmet, are the start of a toxic relationship and become a way for each other to control your partner.

If you feel you are in a toxic or controlling relationship, who really need to assess your relationship and whether or not you are willing to continue in these patterns.  

Getting engaged, or married for that matter, by a certain age or number of years you've been in your relatiponship puts nothing put pressure on the both of you. Those numbers are simply arbitrary and should never be used as a time to get engaged.

Instead, you must first identify what it looks like to live your ideal marriage. 

Some younger couples who have yet to figure out what their school or career path even looks like might experience more challenges along the way if they get married early, versus a couple who has it 'figured out'.

If you are in a serious relationship, you have the luxury of deciding the level of struggles you both will experience. It's like a choose your own adventure.

Married early=more struggles, married later=less struggles.

We chose the road of getting married and going to college with 2 young kids. That was HARD! And if we could do it all over again and keep our family together, you betcha we would have waited to get married.

There's a good chance that you may know someone who is part of a blended family. They might be a step child, foster child, someone who is adopted and any other relationship that is not blood related. Or, you might be part of a blended family yourself.

We want to drive the point home that it is SO important to maintain a healthy relationship with their Bio families...when possible. If you are the parent, it is your responsibility to foster healthy relationships.

As we go on in life, we get used to our family dynamics growing up. But what happens when we get married? How do we bring two different worlds together and function in a way that's best for our new family?