The two panelists started this conversation on opposite sides of the spectrum.

Kevin Wash gave the example of a heart surgeon – you want them to be really good at what they do and be super confident in their skills. He further pointed out that with his work, his clients should know within seven working days if he can back up his swagger with action.

Coach M J Tolan took the other side with the example of a Grammy winner saying, “Other people seem to think this song is good.”

I followed up with two examples – One: It was easy for me to downplay my volleyball skills right before a match because I knew I was going to walk on the court in a matter of moments and demonstrate my ability quite clearly.

Conversely in my professional life, I don’t have the luxury of downplaying because I would never get the opportunity to show I am world-class at what I do.

Is it bragging if it’s true? Maybe not. But it is certainly better for someone to hear how good you are from someone else rather than from you.

That isn’t always an option. You have to toot your own horn to get a seat in the band.

So how do you do that without sounding like a braggart?

Connect with the panelists:

Speaker, author and entrepreneur with 35 years experience. He has lived in 12 countries and is the host of the podcast Mission I’m Possible.

Kevin Wash: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-wash-23b90915/

Coach, mentor, author, trainer, and speaker running a consultancy business specializing in sales for international property development. Based in Spain

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

Known as The Mental MacGyver and providing luxury level support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

  #QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

When I asked this question, I didn’t think about all the different situation where it could apply; online, family, friends, coworkers, boss, peer, employees, colleagues – the list goes on.

And each relationship makes the answer to this question a little bit different. How much do you care about the person who has the problem? Some random keyboard vigilante? Who cares. Someone you love dearly, that’s a different question.

Brooke Miles started us off by sharing her experience dealing with comments on her YouTube channel. If she can find a shred of usefulness she likes to thank them and then maybe ask for more evidence based information.

Domenico Ciarallo stepped in next to say he likes to take things out of the world of abstract text, like emails, text messages or social media comments and have a real conversation face-to-face and person to person.

Fallon Siniscarco agreed, particularly for her generation. She said it is too easy to be passive aggressive if everything is done via text.

For me the first question is always, “Is this my stuff?” Sometimes it is and I need to own that. But often, particularly online, it’s not. I recently responded to a comment on one of my videos by saying, “I can tell that you believe I’m wrong and I’m okay with that.”

Sometimes someone can have a problem with you and it is their problem to deal with.

What do you do when people have a problem with you? How do you decide if you should cut ties or work it out?

Connect with the panelists:

Is the President of Delaware Shout Out where they teach you to outshine your competitors on social media

Fallon Siniscarco: https://www.linkedin.com/in/fallon-siniscarco-889558267/

Student Utica university studying occupational therapy. She will be going to grad school in the fall.

Domenico Ciarallo: https://www.linkedin.com/in/domenicociarallo/

Entrepreneur and CEO at rocket sport. He is an avid cyclist and based in Canada

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

Known as The Mental MacGyver and providing luxury level support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

  #QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

I realized over the course of this conversation that it is never about me wanting to slide down to someone else’s level of behavior. Instead it is about wanting them to come up and join me on the high road. (I shared a personal story about that during the discussion.

Stewart Wiggins brought it up first and we all agreed, letting go of an argument is something we learned to be better at with age.

I didn’t share it in the recording but, the idea that you can just let people be wrong.

Judy Musa compared it to Jimmy Cricket – just listen to the good angel.

That said, Jim Tam said it well – sometimes there are things convictions that you have to dig your heels in about, regardless of how frustrating it is to always have to be the bigger person.

Do you have any suggestions for how to get someone to join you on the high road when you get frustrated about always having to be the bigger person/grown up?

Connect with the panelists:

She is a trilingual Swiss-American who thrives on the challenge to solve communication problems and leveraging the power of a well-told story that educates, informs and persuades.

Jim Tam: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jimtam/

Is a Principal Client Director with Korn Ferry’s Digital group where he advises organizations on how to improve their sales effectiveness through using world-class sales methodology and technology.

Stewart Wiggins: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stewart-wiggins/

Induna Advisors – where he offers Fractional Chief Operating Officer services and Brings resources together to help scale your business.

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

The Mental MacGyver providing luxury level support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

  #QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

There always seems to be that one person for whom life is absolutely horrible and getting worse and they can’t wait to tell you all about it and drag you down the road of misery with them.

Bonnie Sussman-Versace started us off by sharing that she used to be that person and it took someone pulling her aside and saying, “Hey do you realize…” before she even noticed it.

Now she uses the physical action of putting her hand up to stop someone in their tracks and give her an opening to ask what is going on with them.

Gary Fredericks goes straight to the point and makes the timeout sign with his hands (Notice that is also a physical sign to pattern interrupt and get someone to stop talking) and tells someone that is too much information. I don’t need to hear it.

Todd Karges brought up the relevant point that if it is your leader who is dumping on you, telling them to stop talking isn’t really an option. Instead, you might use empathy and ask questions to try to understand what is going on with them and hopefully help them see they are being toxic.

I agree with that, assuming you have to emotional energy to give to the situation. There are times when being empathic is dangerous and you have to protect yourself by getting away from it.

How do you handle toxic dumping? What has worked or not worked for you?

Connect with the panelists:

CEO of On Point Partners where they provide back-office services for small businesses

Todd Karges: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toddkarges/

Has a background in project management and building agile development mindsets.  He is a transformation and change management practitioner and a leadership development coach.

Bonnie Sussman-Versace: ver-sayss https://www.linkedin.com/in/bversace/

Re-imaginer at FOCUSED. Where she specializes in developing leaders, building positive and productive workplace cultures, and improving individual, team and enterprise-wide performance

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

The Mental MacGyver providing luxury level support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

  #QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

#toxic

I’ve noticed that I have recently done several Quick Hits about things that I thought would go away  when I graduated from high school – bullying, peer pressure and today, gossip.

But sadly, they are alive and well in the adult world.

During this discussion Simon Coles and I talked specifically about the Better Conversations course. You can learn more about it here: https://betterconversations.courses and feel welcome to reach out to me or use the contact form on the website and mention that you heard about it on Quick Hits.

Glady Baradaran lightheartedly said you can always join in with gossip that is about you - - at least then they will have the right information.

Rick Alcantara did a great job of bringing us back to the broader risk of reputation management. With social media gossip can become a global “fact” in an instant. Do you rebut it? Or will that give it more fuel? Do you ignore it and risk it sticking?

This panel was the perfect balance of experience for this topic because we all deal with and have to address gossip professionally from different angles.

There are some interesting personal stories in this one.

Listen in and then let us know – what is your personal experience with gossip being about you and what did do about?

Connect with the panelists:

15 years of HR experience and a love for organizational development. Based in Canada.

Simon Coles: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sjcoles/

CEO at Amphora Research Systems where they free scientists from the tyranny of paper. He is also the founder of Better Conversations Foundation.

Rick Alcantara: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rickalcantara/  

He does public relations, digital marketing and crisis communication at Rick Alcantara consulting

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

The Mental MacGyver providing luxury level support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

  #QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

#gossip

The panelists in this discussion provided some really good, personally tested ideas for disagreeing.

Brandon Mahoney started us strong by suggesting that sharing that he has found it useful to provide some context and reason behind why he is disagreeing rather than just drawing a line in the sand and walking away.

Iris Culp shared some wisdom from her grandmother, “A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.”

And Camille Diaz talked about keeping your own emotions in check so things don’t escalate.

As a group we realized that sometimes you just have to let people be wrong and let them learn. But that only works if you have the luxury having the time to let that play out.

If you don’t, you might have to lean into the relationship and say, “For this, you’re just going to have to trust me.”

Side note – don’t hire an expert and then tell them how to do their job.

What have you used to disagree without being disagreeable?

Connect with the panelists:

Co Founder of Launch Point Labs, National venture firm where he is the expert in creating sales departments. He is known as Dr Startup

Camille Diaz: https://www.linkedin.com/in/camillediaz/

She is an Optimization Coach. creating custom systems and processes you’ll love so you can do it, stick to it, and get lasting results.

Iris Culp: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ic-growth/

Marketing and branding coach specializing in LinkedIn. She believes that once your message is clear your clients find you

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

The Mental MacGyver providing luxury level support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

  #QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

Philip Tate started us with a story from his agency days where the big boss made an inappropriate comment to someone. Philip brought the meeting to a quick close. But then, rather than calling the boss out he called him in.

Meaning he had a conversation with him in private and explained why hie behavior was inappropriate.

Fortunately, the boss was mortified and called to apologize.

Bonnie Sussman-Versace had a different experience where she spoke to someone in private about inappropriate behavior and he responded by shrugging it off.

Domenico Ciarallo agreed that talking to someone privately was the right way to go because if you call someone out publicly the situation could escalate and then you could end up in an even worse position.

I struggle with allowing people to behave badly in public and apologize in private. That is likely because I was taught as a child that if you did something wrong publicly you should apologize publicly.

Do you think that it is always best to address situations privately or are there times when you have to take a stand in public and not worry about shaming the person?

Connect with the panelists:

He is a communications consultant doing Brand Building | Strategic Communications and Marketing based in Charlotte NC

Bonnie Sussman-Versace: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bversace/

Re-imaginer at FOCUSED. Where she specializes in developing leaders, building positive and productive workplace cultures, and improving individual, team and enterprise-wide performance

Domenico Ciarallo: https://www.linkedin.com/in/domenicociarallo/

Entrepreneur and CEO at rocket sport. He is an avid cyclist and based in Canada

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

I am the Mental MacGyver providing luxury level support and coaching to executives, entrepreneurs, celebrities and athletes and the Facilitator of the Quick Hits podcast

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

  #QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

#shame #takeastand #callsomeoneout

Dr Jesse Carrie shared that when he was in grad school, he used to wear Hawaiian shirts. He stood out but maybe wasn’t taken as seriously as he could have been. He noticed when he got out of school and could afford better clothing, he was taken more seriously.

Laura Agafitei agreed. Saying that she is quite tall for a woman (5’11”) and that she often felt awkward for standing out as a teenager.

Dave Roberts added that as long as his students are dressed appropriately, he is much more interested in interacting with them intellectually.

However, there have been many occasions in my life where I have been told I’m too pretty to be smart.

Tattoos even came up in this conversation.

While I did have international diversity on this panel, I believe the conversation would have been even richer if there had been more racial diversity.

How much do you think looks impact success and how do you keep yourself from judging someone by how they look?

Connect with the panelists:

Strategy and design Consultant for the health and wellness industry

Dr Jesse Carrie: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jesse-carrie-70765036/

Doctorate in Chemistry and degree in history he is currently a Senior scientist at the Idaho national lab.

Dave Roberts: https://www.linkedin.com/in/david-roberts-56690513/

Teacher, co-author of the book When the Psychology Professor Met the Minister and a bereavement support specialist

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

I am the Mental MacGyver providing luxury level support and coaching to executives, entrepreneurs, celebrities and athletes and the Facilitator of the Quick Hits podcast

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

  #QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

#dressforsuccess #iflookscouldkill

Todd Karges suggested that it could be that they do have “values” to treat people well but that doing that conflict with their other value to make as much money as possible. (He was not suggesting that as an excuse to treat people poorly.)

Brandon Mahoney said what many of us were thinking – the values on the website are just there to make the company look good. Inside they all know it’s hogwash (That is my word not his.)

That is corporate gaslighting.

Stewart Wiggins said he thinks it is sadly more the norm than not that what an organization says about its culture and what is actually going on are two different things. In his words: “The rhetoric doesn't match up with what's actually taking place.”

I’ve never seen or heard of an organization that openly admitted, “It’s awful to work here.” (I do wonder why interviews lie about culture. I need to do another conversation about that.)

Stewart made a great point that Todd called out for us, someone at an executive leadership level can experience the culture very differently than someone at an individual contributor level.

Assuming that is true – who is right? What is the culture of the organization?

I have told many overworked people – If you die, your family will be heartbroken forever. The company you work for will just backfill your spot and move on.

Do you know of any companies where what they say about their culture matches what it’s actually like to work there?

Connect with the panelists:

Induna Advisors – where he offers Fractional Chief Operating Officer services and Brings resources together to help scale your business.

Todd Karges: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toddkarges/

Has a background in project management and building agile development mindsets.  He is a transformation and change management practitioner and a leadership development coach.

Brandon Mahoney: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drstartup/

Co Founder of Launch Point Labs, National venture firm where he is the expert in creating sales departments. He is known as Dr Startup

I am the Mental MacGyver providing luxury level support and coaching to executives, entrepreneurs, celebrities and athletes and the Facilitator of the Quick Hits podcast

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

  #QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

Oh man this conversation got spicy.

Lauren Schieffer started us off with no hold barred – “You tell the truth.”

From a marketing and PR perspective Rick Alcantara agreed.

And as Kevin Wash pointed out, if you tell the truth, you never have to try and remember who you told what.

But, does the truth mean airing people’s dirty laundry? Kevin Wash shared a story about someone introducing a woman in her place of work by saying she had two kids, by two different men and wasn’t married.

The truth? Yes? Needed to be said? Absolutely not!

If someone is at risk of losing their job, would you tell a little fib to give them another chance?

Near the end Kevin asked the spicy question – what if you know a friend’s significant other is cheating?

Listen in and hear our take on that moral quandary. 

How do you handle situations when it is kindest to lie?

Connect with the panelists:

Lauren Schieffer: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurenannschieffer/

Known as The Colonel’s daughter. She is a certified speaking professional doing keynotes and training focusing on significant leadership. Based in Kansas City.

Rick Alcantara: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rickalcantara/  

He does public relations, digital marketing and crisis communication at Rick Alcantara consulting

Kevin Wash: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-wash-23b90915/

Coach, mentor, author, trainer, and speaker running a consultancy business specializing in sales for international property development. Based in Spain

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

I am the Mental MacGyver providing luxury level support and coaching to executives, entrepreneurs, celebrities and athletes and the Facilitator of the Quick Hits podcast

Want a summary of the Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

  #QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

#NeverLie #TellTheTruth #WhenToLie #Lies #FakeNews