Och aye the Noo! Ye dinnae ken the trubbel ye coz when ye treps roon bonnie Scotland wi’out a kilt or haggis tae call yer ohn....

A toff falls down a hole in history while Polly and a Scottish bird prowl the moors at night looking to mug people. Ben does porridge with a man who plays the bagpipes and the Doctor collects hats while dressed as a washer woman!!

As the Doctor hides from the English soldiers, Ben tries sneaking off to Barbados (looking for a cushy life, no doubt) but changes his mind and goes swimming. Polly and her Caledonian counterpart get fruity with the troops before moving on from late-night mugging to blackmail, then to arms smuggling and finally, to kidnapping.

The Doctor brings the whole thing to a close by impersonating a German lawyer and incites a load of prisoners to riot! As the bodies pile up, Polly adopts the bagpipe man as a pet and they all make their getaway in the TARDIS.

In the end, there can be only…oh no, that’s the wrong series. Damn! Damn! Damn!....oh no, so’s that!