Kids these days! Out causing trouble! Always involved in some sort of mischief. Resurrecting into ghoul demons and trying to eat everyone around! Hey, don’t blame the kids. Blame the ancient curse. Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and his psychic partner with a case of the blues, Alley Oates (Deborah Rose), get caught up in this zombie madness. Can they get out? Shepard (Norman Fell) has a ponytail. Will that assist anyone? RTS casually walks out the front door and drives off. Those cursed demon children never see it coming. Jeremy takes on Miss Pooppinplatz (Phyllis Diller) after she eats some head goo. La-Mar explodes Floofsoms. Collin impales (via a forklift) all who stand in his way. If you get a psychic vision to hang out here, you just got bone-yarded. 

Some people claiming to be scientists (they could be) are experimenting with dreams and deep sleep. They do this in an underground facility (as you do), and they open a parallel dimension (also, as you do). Because a test subject dies (explodes all over the place), Captain Hickock (David Beecroft) is called in to investigate the work of Dr. Erhardt (Louise Fletcher) and Dr. Van Fleet (James Hong). Now, there is an alien from another world running amok. Really, a bunch of stupid stuff is going on. Miguel A. Núñez Jr. is here but not as Dee Jay from Street Fighter. A nude woman is on display! There is a monkey named Bingo! RTS thinks Hickock is Tommy, but they are different people, but it doesn’t really matter. One is “Ginger Beard” with a shotgun! Where is Mike in all of this? Jeremy appreciates how everyone talks as if they have molasses in their mouths. La-Mar feels one droplet of water fall on him and he goes bonks! Between all the slow, nonsensical tech talk, the goo pipes and non-verbal transitions, the length of the movie is felt. How the hell are we getting out of this GD Shadowzone?

Emmett Fitz-Hume (Chevy Chase) and Austin Milllbarge (Dan Aykroyd) have been promoted! Congratulations! They will serve as decoys while other CIA agents take down a Soviet nuclear missile launcher. But, not everything in this mission is adding up. Along the way, there will be parachute drops! A metal briefcase with handcuffs is used. There is a secret underground base! Will Sam Raimi let you in? There is mention of codebreaking. There’s a lot of spy stuff happening here! Mr. Ruby (Bruce Davidson) and Mr. Keyes (William Prince) are trying to mastermind it. Karen Boyer (Donna Dixon) “spent the last two and a half years of [her] life preparing for this penetration.” So, there’s that! RTS trains with Colonel Rhombus (Bernie Casey) to become woods ninjas. Jeremy becomes an extra within the Ace Tomato Company. La-Mar smashes the hell out of the SatScram terminal with a rock! Rami hangs with Frank Oz while scrutinizing test takers. B.B. King is here! “Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor…”

It’s that magical time of year for another SUPER HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR episode! Happy Halloween from everyone at RTS! We have a very spooky trivia quiz as well. Charley Brewster (William Ragsdale) should be grateful for the life he is living. While in his bedroom, between mom-approved sex sessions with his girlfriend, Amy (Amanda Bearse), Charley spies on his new neighbor, Jerry Dandrige (Chris Sarandon). Turns out that ol’ Jerry is a vampire. Instead of being cool about it all, Charley calls the cops and starts a bunch of trouble. He also enlists the aid of a television horror host, Peter Vincent (Roddy McDowall), and his friend with some horror knowledge, Evil Ed (Stephen Geoffreys). Jerry is not thrilled with any of it. He is thrilled with Amy though. RTS does play it cool and now has wealthy, well-connected vampire friends. Jeremy befriends Billy (Jonathan Stark), and they oversee the estate together. La-Mar bewitches us all as he lays down some slick moves at the 80s nightclub. We all hope you’re having a good time. If not, the master might be upset. Have more treats than tricks – but, really, whatever you’re into. 

Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and his best pal Dale (Tyler Labine) are starting their dream vacation. Tucker just spent his savings by purchasing a fixer-upper cabin in the woods. They want to spend their time fishing, relaxing and drinking some beers. There are stories and rumors of some sort of a woodsy massacre from years past, but that won’t stop these two from living their best lives. What will try to stop them is a bunch of Chad-bros led by Chad (Jesse Moss). They mistake the harmless duo as a pair of backwoods psychos! When Tucker and Dale save Allison (Katrina Bowden) from drowning, Chad and the crew take their paranoia to dangerous levels (for themselves). RTS performs a lovely chainsaw ballet amongst the trees. Jeremy learns how heavy half a guy really is. La-Mar successfully escapes a swarm of bees. Emily sensibly decides to stay at a hotel up the road. It includes a pool and a continental breakfast. Be mindful of the woodchipper! 

Written by Stephen King, we have three creepy tales guided (sort of) by a cat’s experience and perspective. And, we have our first anthology to discuss on RTS. In our first tale, Dick Morrison (James Woods) is trying his best (maybe) to quit smoking through Quitters, Inc. Dr. Vinny Donatti (Alan King) assures Morrison that he has a 100% success rate, and there will be results or else. In tale two, we meet Johnny Norris (Robert Hays) who has fallen for Cressner’s (Kenneth McMillan) wife. Worst part, he’s a crime boss about to end Norris. Good thing is he bets on everything. If Norris can shimmy around the outer edge of an entire penthouse, riches and love await him. What’s the pigeon have to say about this? Our last story is about a cat! A cat fighting a troll and winning over Amanda’s (Drew Barrymore) affection. RTS feeds the neighborhood cats only the best tuna and goat. Jeremy becomes a plume of smoke at an 80s party. La-Mar successfully circumnavigates the ledge of the first floor. Collin shuts down the troll hole for good. The life of a cat isn’t all playful yarn games and frolicking, at least not this season. 

Cole (Judah Lewis) is a somewhat nerdy but good-natured boy who is turning into a young man. When Cole’s parents leave town for the weekend, he’s beyond excited to spend time with his mega-crush babysitter, Bee (Samara Weaving). Bee is the whole package for Cole. She’s funny, she’s pretty, and she can talk nerd culture with ease. When Cole stays up one night to see what the cool kids do, he is surprised to find out that Bee is dealing with the devil and her friends are crazy as hell killers. Cole, now being hunted down, runs, hides and gets assistance with his friend Melanie (Emily Alyn Lind). Blood and explosions ensue! RTS flips cars and burns demon books. Jeremy is insta-bewitched and spins a bottle. La-Mar shows the world the fat dragon! Collin dances himself out of the way of eggs and BMX bullies. Will we ever figure out why Max (Robbie Amell) is shirtless? Will this be your first question? Are you too old for a babysitter? 

The struggle of a teen is real. This isn’t the story of a young republican banker to be or of a time traveler avoiding the affections of his mom. This is the howling tale of Scott Howard (Michael J. Fox). He wants to date the girl of his dreams, Pamela (Lorie Griffin), be a high school basketball star and just be popular and liked. Seems like average teen aspirations. He’s also surfing on vans with Stiles (Jerry Levine) and avoiding the affections of a much better local gal, Boof (Susan Ursitti). Wait, Scott is also a werewolf that can summon powers on command! Dad/Harold Howard (James Hampton) thought it could have skipped a generation. The town is super cool with it though. Just got to win some b-ball. RTS searches for Mike in this episode. His body is feeling the change. Jeremy sweats buckets upon buckets. Someone is going to have to clean this up. La-Mar avoids a card game with a guy who has the first name of a city, but he does go out with a lady with a dagger tattoo. Collin learns what really happens in the bleachers at the end of the game. You don’t need a full moon to have a good time here. It’s been inside you this entire time? That seems right. Go FULL WOLF! 

The mustachioed mythos of Jack Ramsay (Tom Selleck) is revealed and is in full force (full stalk) within this futuristic dream. Ram-Man does NOT like rogue robots. They really twiddle his stache. He also doesn’t like heights, and sometimes he becomes a real grump about it. Luckily, he’s partnered up with Karen Thompson (Cynthia Rhodes) to temper the crank. And, if Ramsay can’t grab a dinner with Jackie (Kirstie Alley), maybe it will work out with Thompson. Getting dinner seems like an integral plot point to this film. That and Dr. Luther (Gene Simmons) brandishing weapons and staring into your eyes like a madman. Well cast! Whatever! Machines are angry or something! Microchip! RTS fights off drones and tries future sushi. Jeremy dodges an array of heat-seeking smart bullets. La-Mar casually knocks around a horde of spider robots. Collin rides the corn-cutter bot to freedom. This future is bonks! And, in many ways, Michael Crichton, you predicted it well. Now, let’s talk dino DNA. 

What do you have planned for your science project? Another show stopping volcano? Regrow some vegetable scraps? Solar powered something? How about submitting an unstable device that creates time warps? Let’s go with that! Michael Harlan (John Stockwell) has been told by ex-hippie turned professor, Bob (Dennis Hopper) that he needs to submit a science project or he will fail. Mike takes his friend/date Ellie (Danielle von Zerneck) to a military junkyard of wonders. Classic first date! They find a device that houses a glowing purple orb. Note: these are not sexual allusions. Once Mike and his friend Vince (Fisher Stevens) hook a car battery up to this alien device, time becomes unhinged. Is this project worth an A? What’s Cleopatra doing here? Get ready for Sherman (Raphael Sbarge) to quickly break away from nerdom. RTS outruns electricity! Jeremy makes sure you don’t forget about the school tax, jellyfish. La-Mar gets the device past the fuzzballs. Collin obliterates a dinosaur. History be damned! “In the ozone, blowzone,” make sure everything is “dyno-supreme.”