Raccoon Court

Case #0031 -  Mel cannot think of a single sports movie plot to reference due to their brain being melted by work and insane shit happening in their personal life (not even surf’s up, the worlds best sports movie). Anti-counsel Ally dismisses the severity of Nodes. Judge Barbara Lynn reveals her chore song, and it’s NOT what you would expect. Angel of Death Ben Platt silently judges Mel through Zoom from behind Anti-Counsel Ally’s shoulder. 

NOTE - To save Mel's ass, here are some relevant sports movies to back up her argument: 

• sports movie where people go to jail or are in jail: The Longest Yard With adam sandler, Mystery Alaska, Cars, that part in Riverdale when Archie says “the epic highs and lows of high school football” while in a prison yard
• sports movies where the coach and the new talent don’t get along: Cars, Remember the Titans, Rudy, Surf's Up
• sports movies where someone gets sidelined by an injury: Rocky 2, The Blind Side, Million Dollar Baby, The Might Ducks, Surfs Up, The Rookie, The Natural, Friday Night Lights, Any Given Sunday, Sea Biscuit
• sports movies with dad propaganda: The Blind Side (actually, its mom propaganda), The Mighty Ducks, The Rookie, The Sandlot

Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session at the end of September!  

TW: Matthew morrison, getting waterboarded, kidnapping, Mel accidentally forgetting Bologna Barb’s singing, bullying, mention of suicide 

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Album art by @sansh_pixel on Fiverr

Today’s podcast includes soundbites from Pitch Perfect (2012) and the TV shows Glee and Jessie. This is not my content, and I am utilizing it under fair use for comment and criticism.

APPENDIX

• the article Mel quoted 
• our Letterboxd accounts (Mel)
• RACCOON COURT MERCH BABY (we now have unhinged bumper stickers)
• BL's plugs (going outside, Rose in Chains, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, a League of their Own, NADDPOD) 
• Ally's plugs (Pentatonix, Benchwarmers, Duke's Pitchforks, Glee, Ben Platt) 
• Mel's plugs (I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997, 2025), Audrey Hobert, Girl of Your Dreams) 
• Aly and AJ playlist

Welcome back to Raccoon Court! After almost a full calendar year, we are back in the courtroom, but before we get into new cases, we have to lay some ground rules (which can be found here). Honorable Prosecuties, Judges, and Anti-counsels Ally, BL, Jess, and Ilsa join Mel for a reading and open comment session on the rules while updating the jury about shit they've been up to since last July. 

Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session at the end of July!  

TW: tyranny, the state of the world, breakups, astronaut Katy Perry, religion, mormonism

NOTE: We joke a little bit about current affairs, fascism, and tyranny in this episode. Please note that this courtroom obviously condemns the many insane and illegal acts of hate currently executed by the US Government and the disregard for the people of Gaza. This court stands against hate, fascism,  discrimination, and the blatant disregard for rules and regulations in the justice system, even though we allow for all manner of silliness and lies in our own court.  

Follow us on tumblr (https://raccooncourt.tumblr.com/) and instagram (@raccooncourtpod), or you can send a long form memo to our email ([email protected]).

Album art by @sansh_pixel on Fiverr

APPENDIX
- Jess's Music!
- The Raccoon Rules of Civil Fuckery
- our Letterboxd accounts (Mel, Jess, Ilsa)
- our goodreads accounts (Mel, Jess)
- RACCOON COURT MERCH BABY (we now have unhinged bumper stickers)
- Mormon YouTuber that Mel brought up but couldn't remember the name of
- Ilsa's plugs (Listening to music that is outside your comfort zone, making a ball of fuzz or doing a craft)
- Mel's plugs (Sophie Truax, Twisters, I Don't Understand You, Clown in a Cornfield, Hell of a Summer, One of Them Days, Freaky Tales, Street Signs by Ila Amiri, the MTA song)
- Jess's plugs (Fallen Leaves)
- BL's plugs (Going outside, Face Off)
- Ally's plugs (Overcompensating)

Case #0030 -  Can you tell all three of the people on the podcast are reading the Feminine Mystique together for book club? Mel acts as the resident internet historian on grave robbing and John Green. Judge Prosecutie Jess teaches us about otter mating rituals. Judge Ilsa is very brave. 

NOTE - the plot point about the gay boyfriend that Mel was hallucinating about is from Clueless, not 10 Things I Hate About You

Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session at the end of August!  

TW: trad wives, bullying, misogyny, revenge porn, possession of child pornography, pete wentz’s nudes, home wrecker Rory Gilmore, grooming, self-harm

Follow us on tumblr (https://raccooncourt.tumblr.com/) and instagram (@raccooncourtpod), or you can send a long form memo to our email ([email protected]).

Album art by @sansh_pixel on Fiverr

Today’s podcast includes soundbites from 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) and "Ain't No Love in Oklahoma" by Luke Combs. This is not my content, and I am utilizing it under fair use for comment and criticism.

APPENDIX
- Jess's Music!
- our Letterboxd accounts (Mel, Jess, Ilsa)
- our goodreads accounts (Mel, Jess)
- RACCOON COURT MERCH BABY (we now have unhinged bumper stickers)
- Ilsa's plugs (Have a Nice Life, Locrian, Planning for Burial)
- Mel's plugs (Collective Rage, Sophie Truax, Fruits Basket 2019)
- Jess's plugs (My Lady Jane)
- the article Mel quoted ("Misogyny, Media, and Male Approval: The “I’m Not Like Other Girls” Phenomenon" by Sreesha Ghosh) seems to not exist because that website doesn't exist anymore?? 
- Mel's favorite Pick Me Girl Video Essays (1, 2)
- uncarly John Green Video 

Cross Examination #0006 - Defendant Judge BL outs herself as the #1 Nick Miller hater? Judge Prosecutie Jess is foiled by the shackles of heterosexuality. Mel reveals what celebrities they would like to have dinner with in 2009. 

Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session at the end of June!  

TW: murder, familial abuse, sexual relationships with a phone booth, Nazi mention, death, Mel and Jess’s accounts on Polyvore from 2007, unhealthy relationships, screaming

Follow us on tumblr (https://raccooncourt.tumblr.com/) and instagram (@raccooncourtpod), or you can send a long form memo to our email ([email protected]).

Album art by @sansh_pixel on Fiverr

Today’s podcast includes soundbites from Jujutsu Kaisen, Attack on Titan, and Howl's Moving Castle. This is not my content, and I am utilizing it under fair use for comment and criticism.

APPENDIX
- Jess's Music!
- our Letterboxd accounts (Mel, Jess)
- our goodreads accounts (Mel, Jess)
- RACCOON COURT MERCH BABY (we now have unhinged bumper stickers)
- inspiration for this episode!
- BL's plugs (Going outside, Howl's Moving Castle, The Princess Bride, Captain America and the Winter Soldier)
- Jess's plugs (Challengers)
- Mel's plugs (Jujutsu Kaisen, Scott Pilgrim Takes Off, Attack on Titan, Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter, Cool! by Leanna Firestone, Losing My Mind by Montaigne) 

Case #0029 -  ITS OUR SECOND ANNIVERSARY EPISODE!! Judge Ilsa did NOT watch either of the movies we talk about today. Prosecutie Jess dedicates herself to keeping good white people sayings alive via  oral tradition. Mel teaches her friends the differences between 🫰🏼and🫶🏼 and 🤌🏻. 

Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session at the end of May!  

TW: murder, attempted murder, suicide, death, bitchy teenagers, rehab, drugs and drug related crimes, homophobia, misogyny, sexual assault, leaked nudes of minors, Straight Men (evil), thirsting over a psychopath murder, Mel saying the word fag when quoting from Heathers 

Follow us on tumblr (https://raccooncourt.tumblr.com/) and instagram (@raccooncourtpod), or you can send a long form memo to our email ([email protected]).

Album art by @sansh_pixel on Fiverr

Today’s podcast includes soundbites from Do Revenge (2022) and Heathers (1988). This is not my content, and I am utilizing it under fair use for comment and criticism.

APPENDIX
- Jess's Music!
- our Letterboxd accounts (Mel, Jess)
- our goodreads accounts (Mel, Jess)
- RACCOON COURT MERCH BABY (we now have unhinged bumper stickers)
- Ilsa's plugs (Project Pat)
- Mel's plugs (Sherlock JR, The Tortured Poets Department)
- Jess's plugs (Sublime)
- Do Revenge soundtrack
- Riff Raff vine
- Mel's favorite Gossip Girl Video Essays (Mike's Mic, Shay A)

Case #0028 - Defendant Prosecutie Jess is making moves in silence. Judge BL gives us a much needed geography lesson. Mel “Sound Design is my passion” Bee provides original vocals in more than one segment of the podcast.  

Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session at the end of April!  

TW: Niall Horan in your ear, abuse, murder, assault, cops, endangering minors, anti-social personality disorder

Follow us on tumblr (https://raccooncourt.tumblr.com/) and instagram (@raccooncourtpod), or you can send a long form memo to our email ([email protected]).

Album art by @sansh_pixel on Fiverr

Today’s podcast includes soundbites from "Someday Soon" by Harlem, "Populonia" by Mattiel, and "Things Fall Apart" by The Nude Party. This is not my content, and I am utilizing it under fair use for comment and criticism.

APPENDIX
- Jess's Music!
- our Letterboxd accounts (Mel, Jess)
- our goodreads accounts (Mel, Jess)
- RACCOON COURT MERCH BABY (we now have unhinged bumper stickers)
- BL's plugs (going outside, Along for the Ride movie)
- Mel's plugs (Drive-Away Dolls, the PWHL, Obsessed with Brooke Averick)
- Jess's plugs (Dune 2, Dune 2 soundtrack)
- Mel's tween playlist 

Case #0027 - Judge Gardiner tells tales from the Nest in the Hatchback. Prosecutie Jess pulls the most poetic fucking quotes out of her ass multiple times. Mel forces a stop in hyper fixation station by bringing up the Magnus Archives, again.

Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session at the end of March! 

CORRECTIONS: At time of recording, Lionsgate had 5.6 million tiktok followers. Also, when discussing the Dead Poets Society edit, Mel repeatedly refers to Neil as Todd because they haven’t seen this movie in quite some time. Apologies! 

TW: referencing the Pandemic, death, fear, religion, climate crises, suicide

Follow us on tumblr (https://raccooncourt.tumblr.com/) and instagram (@raccooncourtpod), or you can send a long form memo to our email ([email protected]).

Album art by @sansh_pixel on Fiverr

Today’s podcast includes soundbites from "I Know the End" by Phoebe Bridgers, "Starstruck" by Sterling Knight, "The Girl is Mine" by Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney, and the Han Solo Ridin Solo Parody song. This is not my content, and I am utilizing it under fair use for comment and criticism.

APPENDIX
- Jess's Music!
- our Letterboxd accounts (Mel, Jess)
- our goodreads accounts (Mel, Jess)
- RACCOON COURT MERCH BABY (we now have unhinged bumper stickers)
- references (1, 2, 3)
- plugs (Mel's 13 top songs,  I Kept These Old Blues) 
- I Know the End Tiktok Edits are posted on our instagram! 

Cross Examination #0005 - Jess declares the first man to ever eat. Mel regales her trials during the Big Time Rush Hiatus. The court discusses the many triumphs of Dr. Bridget Mendler. We discover that we may have been regressing to our 2010 selves in 2016. 

Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session IN THE NEW YEAR!!! 

TW: R. Kelly, Sean Kingston’s jet ski accident, mental health, sex, death, prison 

Follow us on twitter (@raccooncourt) and instagram (@raccooncourtpod), or you can send a long form memo to our email ([email protected]).

Album art by @sansh_pixel on Fiverr

Today’s podcast includes soundbites from "Stockholm Syndrome"/"Girl Almighty" by One Direction, "Boyfriend" by Justin Bieber, "Pillow Talk" by Zayn, "Eenie Meanie" by Sean Kingston and Justin Bieber, "Big Night" by Big Time Rush, "Ignition - Remix" by R. Kelly (ew), "Push it to the Limit" by Corbin Bleu, "Guns for Hands"/"Stressed Out"/"Ride" by Twenty One Pilots, "You'll Be Back" from Hamilton, "After Today"/"I2I" from the Goofy Movie, "Hurricane" by Misterwives, "I Know It's Today" from Shrek: The Musical, "Wouldn't Change a Thing" by Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas, "Barbara Ann" by The Beach Boys, "Downtown Girl" by Hot Chelle Rae, "You're Welcome" from Moana and a sound clip from Lemonade Mouth (2011). This is not my content, and I am utilizing it under fair use for comment and criticism.

APPENDIX
- Jess's Music!
- our Letterboxd accounts (Mel, Jess)
- our goodreads accounts (Mel, Jess)
- RACCOON COURT MERCH BABY (we now have unhinged bumper stickers)
- plugs (Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes soundtrack, Within the Wires, Thirteen Storeys, Comedown Machine by the Strokes) 

Case #0026 - Mel says “If I’m going down, everyone else on the ship is going down with me” as justification for sending Ilsa and Jess the Josh Hutcherson Whistle edit multiple times a day. Prosecutie Jess tells us about how she used to explore Professor Leighton’s Diabolical Box ;) Judge Ilsa considers the rapture. 

Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session ✨during that christmas creep✨ (end of December). 

NOTE: Mel forgot to mention that her favorite sticker on her car was one that said “this car brakes for short kings” with pictures of Levi Ackerman from Attack on Titan on both sides

TW: sexual assault/harassment of a minor, religion in general, child labor, Pick Me Boy sentiments, cyberbullying, giving an angel head, the Challenger Explosion, the Rapture / End Times, death, heaven, discussions of a camel being forced through a needle, talking about balding in the negative, dentistry 

Follow us on twitter (@raccooncourt) and instagram (@raccooncourtpod), or you can send a long form memo to our email ([email protected]).

Album art by @sansh_pixel on Fiverr

Today’s podcast includes soundbites from "Meteor Shower"/ "Angels"/"January 28, 1986"/"Deer in the Headlights"/"Sunburn"/"Lonely Lullaby"/"If My Heart was a House"/"Vanilla Twilight"/"Enchanted (Cover)"/"Rugs from Me to You"/"Cave In"/"Rainbow Veins"/"Kamikaze"/"Tidal Wave"/"Alligator Sky"/"Fireflies"/"Umbrella Beach"/"On the Wing"/"Strawberry Avalanche"/"Hot Air Balloon"/"Beautiful Times"/"Up All Night"/"Vitamin Sea"  by Owl City, "Gold" by Britt Nicole, "I am Denmark" by Aquarium, and "Kamikaze" by Carly Rae Jepsen. This is not my content, and I am utilizing it under fair use for comment and criticism.

APPENDIX
- Jess's Music!
- our Letterboxd accounts (Mel, Jess)
- our goodreads accounts (Mel, Jess)
- RACCOON COURT MERCH BABY (we now have unhinged bumper stickers)
- plugs (Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, Scott Pilgrim Takes Off, The Southern Reach Trilogy)
- Mel's Owl City Playlist
- Music with hard stereo (Ghost Stories by the Narcissist Cookbook, Northern Downpour by Panic! at the Disco) 
- Songs that run into each other (De Selby Part 1 and 2 by Hozier, 20 Dollar Nose Bleed and West Coast Smoker by Fall Out Boy)

Case #0025 - Mel gets Trump’s IMDB credits incorrect (only Ivanka was actually seen on Gossip Girl, ugh). Judge Gardiner secret knits throughout the entire podcast. Prosecutie Jess and Judge Gardiner deliver killing blows to Mel’s ego. 

Thank’s for showing up to jury duty! Court will be back in session ✨during that christmas creep✨ (maybe end of November).  

TW: sexual assault, murder, surveillance states, child loss, white men abusing power, general horror, Donald Trump

Follow us on twitter (@raccooncourt) and instagram (@raccooncourtpod), or you can send a long form memo to our email ([email protected]).

Album art by @sansh_pixel on Fiverr

Today’s podcast includes soundbites from The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Gossip Girl (2007), Avatar the Last Airbender (2005), and The Magnus Archives podcast. This is not my content, and I am utilizing it under fair use for comment and criticism.

APPENDIX
- the magnus archives <3
- Mel's episode of Tiny Terrors!
- Jess's Music!!!
- TMA youtube videos (1, 2)
- Gossip Girl youtube videos (Mike's Mic, Dylan is in Trouble)
- our Letterboxd accounts (Mel, Jess)
- our goodreads accounts (Mel, Jess)
- Mel's TMA character playlists (Martin, Jon)
- Jess's TMA character playlist (Martin)
- RACCOON COURT MERCH BABY (we now have unhinged bumper stickers)
- Recommendations (The Owl House, The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess)