Rachel & Sam Read a Story

Yeast Burps can't stop Rachel and I from doing our job, and our job is READING YOU STORIES.

Let me tell you about this week's book. Hoot Owl has a problem. I mean, he (or she, it's never actually addressed) is hungry. So Hoot Owl has a solution, use a disguise, sneak up on prey, and STRIKE! For Hoot Owl is king. Hoot Owl is leader.

Hoot Owl worships the encroaching permanent darkness. The forever dark is coming for us all. Especially....

You.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Do you know about alternate universes? Did you know that we're IN an alternate universe RIGHT NOW? Either you belive it, or you're a PART OF THE CONSPIRACY!! Want more information? Read this fun article: http://www.avclub.com/article/how-you-spell-berenstain-bears-could-be-proof-para-223615

Far, FAR more important this episode are our guests! Sean David (@TheSeanDavid) and Will Link (@TheRealWillLink) host their own amazing podcast. Rachel and I were guests last week! It's called Will Sean Podcast? (http://willseanpodcast.blogspot.com/) You should listen to it and subscribe and become as big a fan of it as we are!

Now sit back, and relax as we read the story of The Berenstain Bears and The Spooky House!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

I'm not sure what this kid is looking for. His parents spelled it out, but I don't know how to spell! What on earth could this t-r-u-c-k be?

*whisper whisper whisper*

OOOOOOoooooh!

Okay, so listen to a fun little book where a poor kid can't quite find his favorite toy, which just so happens to be a TRUCK!

The word truck makes a lot of sense once you think about it.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Ferrets, Stoats, Minks, but most importantly.... WEASELS! They're here for a very specific purpose: World Domination. And why should we expect anything less?

This fun little book was a surprise in how much we enjoyed it. So much fun literally from beginning to end-papers. (See the pun I did there?) And if you, for one, wish to pay respects to our future weasel overlords, the least you could do is listen to this episode!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

Sometimes there is a tale as old as time. And sometimes it is about a crocodile. Now, this crocodile was made promises. Promises of a PARTY nature. And you can't just make a promise like that. It sets expectations WAY to high. Now we have to figure out a way to celebrate reptilian style: by killing everyone because we don't know how to relate empathetically. We're cold-blooded monsters.

Anyway, let's party!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

It is what it says it is. A book with no pictures, but that doesn't mean it lacks frivoloty! And by frivolotyu, we of course mean the potential for a horrendous feedback loop that the reader could be trapped in for all eternity.

Run children. Run for the hills.

Anyway, it's a fun book by a guy I'd heard of before I picked up the book itself. So that's fun!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

It's pretty simple. What do you get when you combine and elephant and giraffe?

Why instant comedy for all ages, that's what! Oh those silly kids Giraffe and Elephant may have their differences, but gosh darn it, they still manage to get up to some WACKY hijinks. Gosh darn it, Giraffe and Elephant, can we ever stop loving you?

Answer: no we can not.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

No spoilers, but Emma Yarlett's Orion and the Dark had a couple of the most creative pages we'd ever seen in a kids book! It's super cool!

Okay, so it's about this little kid whose scared of, well, basically EVERYTHING! Especially the dark. But that all changes when the Dark comes to life and comes into his room and right up to him! Then it's not scary at all! When it's all anthropomorphic and immediately present in the one place in the world you considered safe! Super comforting forever!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books new and old, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them as we go. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

First of all, we apologize to you, the listener, because this has absolutely NOTHING to do with the creation of Nuclear explosives.

Second, we apologize to singing and those implicitly expecting us to be able to sing properly.

Finally we apologize to Chris Ballew. It's just.... we are so so sorry.

Anyway, ENJOY THIS BOOK! YEAH!!!

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!

We kept BJ (@BJcomedy) around for another week before he has to leave to do his fancy schmancy "military training," so what better was to goof around with the ultimate goofball than to read an illustrated picture book not intended for children! Hooray!

You Have to Fucking Eat, by Adam Mansbach and illustrated by Owen Brozman, is a perfect interpretation of a parent's biggest frustration: Getting their goddam kids to eat a motherflipping sandwich. Fuck!

Anyway, this episode may not exactly be SFW, but it's absolutely delightful and evocative. And full of shitty kids.

Rachel & Sam Read a Story is about the fun of reading children's books, and also about how little sense these books make when you read them 20 years later. We read the books aloud and make fun of them while we do. Enjoy!

Follow Sam (@SamGasch) or follow Rachel (@Sknowite). Either way, please subscribe!