Raine On Your Parade

Carla Gugino? Ted Wheeler? Cole Sprouse? Mary Shelley? A PINK house? How could I NOT cover this on the podcast?

Okay Cole Sprouse could have the best chemistry with a lamp... thankfully in this movie we have Kathryn Newton who I haven't seen before this movie but I LOVE her... this cast is top notch...

this movie is so FUN and colorful and a pink house with a teal door... it's like it was made for me specifically because literally that's what colors my house is too...

"yea... yea... she's a bitch" possibly best line

I laughed a lot but I also cried... I don't care what critics say about this movie... also I want a Victorian man as a bf (mainly Charles Dickens) this movie is so cute, the romance is sweet and real and adorable, Cole is adorable... I love this mix of Edward Scissorhands meets Heathers meets all the best color schemes and fashions... it's all the things I love and this movie is not for the filmbros it's for the tumblr girlies so if you're not down for that... what is wrong with you? lol

what started out to be a podcast about Lisa Frankenstein turned into a rant about Riverdale, I promise I'll get to Lisa Frankenstein next episode

The season two finale, finally.

Travel back with me to the 90s to enjoy one of my favorite guilty pleasures...

This movie has a lot going on, but most of it is super fun and unexpected, it goes against a lot of stereotypes and introduces us to Carla Gugino, which is like so awesome.

The acting is really good, and yes lots of people complain about Pauly Shore but is he really that bad? Really?

He's at the very least adorable... I think he does a good job honestly and he's not NOT trying to be different character, the 'weasel' was kind of his whole thing on purpose just like "Jay and Silent Bob" are the same in all their movies, you go to see them, it's almost an IP ya know?

The 90s was a great time for movies, when even the stupid ones were actually pretty good and lowkey MVP of this movie was Tracy who did nothing wrong and got treated the worst for absolutely no reason until the end.

Also I come up with a new way to judge men, and it's kind of a thing I've been thinking about a lot lately. This is a long podcast and discription but oh well chill out bud-dy :)

Back to the lab again... oops there goes Rabbit... aka Hopper

"Who let the dogs out?"

Sorry corny music jokes aside...

So we come back to the lab and the dogs are busting through and this is an action movie for bit.

Joyce asks Will who she is and he hesitates to she stabs him...

Well with a needle to put him to sleep, his true dad (Hopper) comes and picks him up

Out in the woods Lucas and Dustin are still fighting over a girl and a dog. Steve hears something and they go to the lab where they find Nancy and Jonathon who have shown up to find all the lights out and the gate not working and Dustin shoves Jonathon and says "no you push button, I push button"

After Bob gets the lights on and dies the most unnecessarily brutal death in the history of streaming tv, the rest of them minus Owens who is a nice guy after all who stays behind to get them all out.

They all go to Joyce's and sit around sad and discuss giant monster nazis that take over brains and then take Will out to the shed for a good whipping...

Just kidding, they take him out there to interrogate him and tell him sad stories about his traumatic childhood

This forces the Will inside to tap out some morse code to let them know how to stop the smoke Nazi but not before those dang telemarketers ruin everything and Will figures out where he is and calls the hounds of hell (aka the upside down) to his side to kill his family, what a sweet little boy lol

They all stand at the ready but one by one hear the demo dogs getting demolished outside... then the door opens and it's our GIRL

ELEVEN is back BITCHES, she's home and she's kicking ass and taking names...

Hi Barbie!

(but in the best way) Thank you Margot, Thank you Greta and Thank you Ruth, Thank you Barbie and all the Barbies out there

And Ken is just Kenough lol

We start off with Eleven trying to track down her "sister" aka another child Brenner kidnapped, in case we forgot what an evil monster that guy was (is?)

El finds her in Chicago and overhears Aunt Becky (have mercy) tattling on her to Flo at the Hawkins police Dept.

El then starts her episode-long crime spree by stealing Becky's money and getting out of there, leaving Terry in her dream circle like the rebellious daughter she's been all season

Dressed in her most bada** bibbed overalls, El hits the mean streets of Chicago where she finds the island of misfit toys...

Meet Kali, aka 008 aka "sister"

She's a traumatized victim of the government who's the human version of an acid trip, she can like make you totally see glowing butterflies, it's like a total trip man, far out.

She's also totally healed of her trauma, completely, I mean she talks like someone who is emotionally dead inside but she's totally healed guys, we know this because she says it over and over and because healed people always travel around the country murdering all the people who've wronged them.

There's also the rest of the gang

Axel- he's pretty much just the joker with a mohawk and is scared of spiders

Mick- she worries and drives the van

Dottie- harley quinn/raggedy ann

and Funshine- he's a teddy bear (and I do actually like him because he's nice to 'miss jane')

learn them, know them, love them because you will never see any of these characters ever again.

Kali tells El that anger is good and forgiveness is bad and she should be angry enough to move a train car so El does that... then she gets a makeover that is apparently "bitchin"

They shoplift, El steals Eggos, Kali makes a good point actually about capitalism in the middle of a gas station where it won't actually change anything

THEN

Kali takes El to a man's home to break in and terrify him and his children and then tries to force El to murder him. El thankfully does not turn to the darkside and remains a Jedi who uses 'the force' for good by knocking the gun right out of Kali's (not traumatized anymore seriously guys) hand and straight out the window, anakin skywalker she is not, she's Luke

Then in true Kali fashion she gets revenge for that by making El see Brenner again to retraumatize her and I guess make a point or something?

"ELEVEN krr I am your FATHA krr"

But El doesn't really like putting up with this acid trip nightmare dad and screams at Kali to stop making her hallucinate her abuser like a cruel heartless b*tch

El checks in on her real dad the policeman aka daddy hopper a couple times and at the end sees that he and mike are in danger so she must use the force to destroy the Deathstar... wait wrong show...

the warehouse gets raided so Kali makes them invisible which is honestly pretty freaking cool and then they leave but before they can pull off El tells Kali that she is in fact not up for serial killing across the usa and has to return to the north pole to help santa guide the sleigh... oh crap wrong thing again

Anyway El tells her she has a better island of misfits to get to and admits her friends might not be able to save her but she can save them because she is *that bitch* and we all love her... she's going home because home is not a place, it's the people she loves :'(

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BOY????

well he's a liar is one of the things... lol but no that's not really his fault but still, naughty

Steve gives Dustin terrible dating and hair advice while tossing raw meat around...

Max calls Lucas a mormon and Billy gets more buff and (Im assuming) racist by the second...

Mike is a good friend but more importantly for this episode he's a smart friend

Jonathon did indeed enjoy the pullout and from the grin on her face we can assume Nancy did too

Owens proves himself worthy of some of our trust... while insulting the mind flayer by calling him a virus... word

Bob makes me cry

Hopper makes me cry

Lucas and Max make me cry

Steve makes himself live bait

No but seriously Lucas deserves Max more than Dustin does (sorry not sorry) but really Dustin you're acting a little incel and Lucas is actually getting to know her

and once again we end on a cliff hanger of Hopper being in apparent mortal danger...

and this would be the worst time ever to make a hard left into a completely different genre and show so let's hope they don't do that for the next episode (what? they did what? right now? it couldn't have been placed somewhere else or split up into different scenes instead of making us sit through an entire episode wondering if Hopper was going to die? oh cool cool cool)

I lay it all out there, next episode will be about Stranger things, I promise... just wanted to give an explaination as to where I've been