Raised on Shame

Leaving a harmful system doesn’t always bring immediate relief. Sometimes it brings grief - quiet, complicated, and hard to name. Especially when what was lost wasn’t just belief, but community, certainty, identity, and belonging.

In this episode of Raised on Shame, we talk about ambiguous loss - the kind of grief that doesn’t have a clear ending or social permission to exist. We explore why leaving alone doesn’t heal, why grief often shows up as anger, numbness, or shame, and why missing something that harmed you doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice.

Together, we cover:

• What ambiguous loss is and why it’s so common after leaving shame-based or high-control systems
• Losing community, certainty, and identity all at once
• Why grief doesn’t always look like sadness
• How anger, numbness, or shame can be expressions of unacknowledged grief
• Giving yourself permission to miss what mattered -even if it also caused harm
• A gentle writing practice to help name loss, growth, and what still aches

This episode isn’t about rushing healing or finding meaning in pain. It’s about allowing grief to exist without judgment - and recognizing that grieving is not a step backward, but part of integration.

If it feels supportive, try this writing prompt:

• What I lost
• What I gained
• What still aches
  

There’s no requirement that gain outweigh loss. Honesty is enough.

As you move through the week, consider:

What are you still grieving, even if you don’t wish it back?

This episode discusses grief, loss, and spiritual harm in a non-graphic, trauma-informed way.

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re looking for additional support, resources for finding a therapist in your area are available in the show notes.

Books

• Ambiguous Loss by Pauline Boss
• It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine
• Braiding Sweet Grass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
• Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
• Tuesdays with Morrie by by Mitch Albom
• It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn
• When Religion Hurts You by Laura Anderson

Trauma Therapy

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy 

• Somatic Experiencing® (SE)

• Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)
  

Other Resources

• Religious Trauma Institute
• Religious Trauma Syndrome
• Expressive writing research — James Pennebaker
  

Pop Culture (Blanket trigger warning for all - please read reviews before viewing)  

• Still Small Voice (MUBI)

• Surviving Death (Netflix)

• Shrinking (Apple TV+)

• The Leftovers (HBO)

• The Unknown Country (MUBI)

• Station Eleven (HBO)

• The Moon Was the First TV (MUBI)

Practice/Journal Prompt

Try writing three lists:

• What I lost
• What I gained
• What still aches
  

There is no requirement that gain outweigh loss.

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re looking for additional support, resources for finding a therapist in your area are available below.

Find a Therapist

• https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/

• www.psychologytoday.com
  

PracticeReflectionContent NoteReminderResourcesReminder

Many of us were taught-explicitly or quietly-that our bodies could not be trusted. Whether through purity culture, dieting, or both, the message was often the same: control your body, monitor your impulses, and override what you feel.

In this episode of Raised on Shame, we explore how purity culture and diet culture fracture body awareness in remarkably similar ways. Through a trauma-informed lens, we talk about how disconnection from the body often develops as a survival strategy-and why rebuilding embodiment doesn’t require confidence, sexuality, or positivity.

Together, we cover:

• How purity culture and dieting teach distrust of the body
• Common sex myths and body-image beliefs many women carry into adulthood
• Why advice like “just relax” often increases shame instead of safety
• How trauma reshapes body awareness and sensation
• A gentle practice for reclaiming neutral body awareness

This episode is about presence, not performance. It’s about learning to notice your body again—without fixing it, judging it, or demanding anything from it.

As you listen this week, consider starting with neutrality:

• Notice one neutral body sensation (temperature, pressure, contact)
• Let awareness be enough—no interpretation or change required
• This episode discusses purity culture, diet culture, shame, and body disconnection in a non-graphic, trauma-informed way.

What to be a guest on the show? Click here and scroll to the bottom of the page to complete the form.

Books

• Health at Every Size - Linda Bacon
• Intuitive Eating & Intuitive Eating Workbook - Evelyn Tribole & Elyse Resch
• More Than A Body: Your Body Is an Instrument, Not an Ornament - Lexie Kite, Lindsay Kite, et al.
• The F*ck It Diet: Eating Should Be Easy - Caroline Dooner
• Shameless: A Sexual Reformation -  Nadia Bolz-Weber
• The Marriage Portrait by Maggie O'Farrell

Trauma Therapy

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy 

• Somatic Experiencing® (SE)

• Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)
  

Other Resources

• Religious Trauma Institute
• The Reclamation Collective
• Center for Body Trust®
• Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent
• www.OMGYes.com
• Happiness in America, Part 1-The Secret to a 'Good Life,' According to an 80-Year Study

Pop Culture (Blanket trigger warning for all - please read reviews before viewing)  

• Let Us Prey: A Ministry of Scandals (HBO)
• The Keepers (Netflix)
• Under the Banner of Heaven (FX / Hulu)
• Spotlight
• The Vow (HBO)
• Dying for Sex (Hulu)

Reflection/Journal Prompt 

Where did you first learn to override your body’s signals—and what did that protect you from?

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re looking for additional support, resources for finding a therapist in your area are available below.

Find a Therapist

• https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/

• www.psychologytoday.com
  

Many of us were taught to look outside ourselves for answers—to seek approval, guidance, or certainty from authority, faith, or fear. Over time, this can make it hard to know the difference between intuition, discernment, and a trauma-driven threat response.

In this episode of Raised on Shame, we explore how trauma and shame-based systems can rewire intuition, often training people out of trusting their own bodies and instincts. We talk about why phrases like “pray about it” or “don’t trust your heart” can unintentionally disrupt self-trust, especially in high-control or faith-based environments.

Together, we cover:

• The difference between intuition, discernment, and hypervigilance (without jargon)

• How trauma shifts decision-making from inner knowing to survival

• Why urgency is often a clue that fear—not intuition—is leading

• How self-trust is rebuilt slowly after shame-based control

• A simple body-based practice for mapping intuition versus fear

This episode is not about telling you what decisions to make. It’s about helping you notice how your body learned to make them—and how that process can gently change.

As you listen this week, notice:

• How does your body signal fear?
• How does it signal safety?

There’s no need to act on what you notice. Awareness is enough.

This episode discusses trauma, shame, and high-control systems in a non-graphic, trauma-informed way.

Practice Content Note

This episode discusses trauma, shame, and high-control systems in a non-graphic, trauma-informed way.

Resources

Books

• Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

• Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Book by Peter A. Levine

• When Religion Hurts You by Laura Anderson

• Untamed by Glennon Doyle

• Rumors Secrets & Lies: Poems about Pregnancy, Abortion & Choice by Carol Knight (Editor), Kristine Snodgrass (Editor)

• Out on a Limb by Shirley MacLaine
  
  

Trauma & Nervous System

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy 

• Somatic Experiencing® (SE)

• Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)
  

Other Resources

• Religious Trauma Institute

• The Reclamation Collective

• People Leave Cults

• Marlene Winell's Religious Trauma Syndrome

• Betty Martin’s  Wheel of Consent

• Linda Marie's Artwork

• • Priestess vs Patriarchy. Palaver Tree Theater. March 2025
  • Why Men Love War
• • The Rewilding by Ada Limón

  
  

Pop Culture (Blanket trigger warning for all - please read reviews before viewing)  

• Shrinking (Apple TV+)The OA (Netflix)
• Undone (Amazon Prime)
• Take Shelter
• Severance (Apple TV+)
• Arrival

Reflection/Journal Prompt

How does your body signal fear—and how does it signal safety?

Reminder

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re looking for additional support, resources for finding a therapist in your area are available below.

Find a Therapist

• https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/

• www.psychologytoday.com
  

Shame is something many of us feel but were never taught to name. In this opening episode, Kimberly explores what shame actually is, how it differs from guilt, and how it takes root in silence, control, and conditional belonging, especially within faith-based and high-control systems. Through reflection, nervous-system awareness, and poetry, this episode invites listeners to begin noticing shame with compassion, not judgment.

Kimberly also interviews Kendra Lumadue about her time in Catholic school you can find her on Instagram and Tumblr @teeth_ings.

Resources

Books

I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) by Brené Brown
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson
Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher
When Religion Hurts You by Laura Anderson

Trauma & Nervous System

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy 

Somatic Experiencing® (SE)

Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)

Other Resources

Religious Trauma Institute

The Reclamation Collective

People Leave Cults 

Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent

Talking To Your Child About Online Pornography Exposure

Pop Culture (Blanket trigger warning for all - please read reviews before viewing)  

Midnight Mass (Netflix)

Rectify (SundanceTV)
BoJack Horseman (Netflix)

Encanto (Disney+)

Far from the Tree (Disney+)

Other Podcasts

Exvangelical with Blake Chastain

Unlocking Us with Brené Brown

Plain English with Derek Thompson

Reflection/Journal Prompt

Where did you first learn that being yourself might cost you belonging?

Reminder

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re looking for additional support, resources for finding a therapist in your area are available below.

Find a Therapist

• https://www.emdria.org/find-an-emdr-therapist/

• www.psychologytoday.com
  

First episode releases January 13, 2026

Raised on Shame is a trauma-informed podcast about unlearning the beliefs that kept us silent, disconnected, and small, especially those rooted in faith, purity culture, and high-control systems.

Hosted by licensed therapist and EMDR-certified clinician Kimberly Wilder, the show explores shame, attachment, identity, and healing through grounded conversation, lived experience, poetry, and cultural reflection.

This is not a podcast about abandoning faith.
It’s about reclaiming agency.

If you were taught to be “good” at the cost of being whole, this space is for you.