First, an important update about the way we podcast! Then, Jessica does a deep dive into the uproar about Disney changing their Disability Access Service (and the Disney adults who are screaming and shaking and shitting about it). Other topics discussed include HBO’s Julia, audiobooks (Irish), aging gracefully like Isabella Rossellini, Prison Brides, and more. Plus, a 2014 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us 5  “stealth new signs that he’s cheating.” God help us. And finally, the hardest FMK we’ve ever done: 3 men who are not trash. 

A lot of questions are answered in this episode: "Why do we exercise? Why do we drink? Would we be good gay dads? WHO IS EATING THE SUN???" And the one question that's on everyone's mind..."How many calories does holding a drink for 20 minutes burn?" Other topics discussed include Everyone Gets Divorced, nachos, getting blasted by lasers, Raized Wrong Productions, UTIs, Trans Easter, and 'art.'  Plus an October 2010 Cosmo gives us the "ability" to burn an extra 305 calories a week. And finally, we FMK three very real things that Joe Biden controls.

17:25 - JG Horny (poorly estimated taxes)
20:43- JR Horny (honesty)
31:35 - JG Gripe (Raized Wrong boys)
35:20 - JR Gripe (customer service)
41:15 - Cosmo's "How to Burn an Extra 305 Calories a Week" (2010)
52:15 - Internet Dumb (Tesla art)
1:07:05 - FMK - "3 Things Joe Biden Controls"

Stepmother of the pod Jessica is back and she's got some gripes! Topics discussed include the phonetic alphabet, Venmo transactions, ghost kitchens, amphetamines, dipping sauces, cyber trucks, embryos, women's sports, and so much more. Plus, a 2009 Cosmopolitan magazine unlocks the secrets to getting hit on "all the time" and they are...not what you'd expect. And finally, in honor of Jeanne's 40th birthday, a very special/disgusting 1984-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.

15:22 - Giving people money
19:51 - New slang
22:54 - Ghost kitchens
28:43 - JG Horny (ranch)
33:00 - JR Horny (pharmaceuticals)
44:54 - JG Gripe (sweatpants)
49:49 - JR Gripe (embryos is people)
57:03 - JR Griple (men & women's sports)
1:02:11 - Cosmo's "How to Get Hit On All the Time" (2009)
1:18:31 - Internet Dumb (cyber trucks)
1:28:00 - FMK - "Best Boys Born in 1984"

Long-time patriot and Type-A friend Emily Taormina joins Jeanne on the pod this week! Topics discussed include the millennial lol, cutting onions, Crocs, botox alternatives, woes of the Pacific Northwest, Swedish candy, Jude Law, milk, and so much more. An October 2005 Cosmo article about giving your man attention so he doesn't cheat on you causes us to question what the meaning of the word "pamper" is.  And finally, the three most popular Girl Scout Cookies get f**ked, married, and killed. (Plus, a special message from Stepmother of the Pod, Jessica!)

Segments:
00:14:10 - Gripe (JG)
00:20:35 - Gripe (ET) 
00:26:00 - Horny (JG) 
00:34:15 - Horny (ET) 
00:39:40 - Cosmo's "How Much Attention Does Your Guy Need" 
00:58:35 - Internet Dumb 
01:08:00 - Message from Jessica
01:09:00 FMK (Girl Scout Cookies)

Jeanne and special guest Julia Vickerman (artist/writer/lover/director) get to know one another and trauma bond over the horror that is a 2014 Cosmopolitan magazine. Topics discussed include foster dogs, tattoos, mewing, turning 40, movies where the ocean is the villain, dog dentists, cat eating disorders, Love Island UK All Stars, MGMT’s new album, orca whales, the great (imaginary) ketchup wars, and so much more!  A Cosmo article entitled "What He Really Says About You To His Friends" is so much worse than you can imagine. And finally, 3 of the 4 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles get f***ked, married, and killed.

Follow Julia on Instagram @juliavickerman
Watch the awesome music video that Julia & her lover directed for MGMT's Bubblegum Dog.

Topics/Segments:
00:11:45 - "Mewing"
00:20:25 - Horny (JG)
00:28:15 - Horny (JV)
00:33:25 - Gripe (JG)
00:35:40 - Gripe (JV)
00:42:00 - Killer whales
00:45:50 - Cosmo's "What He Really Says About You"
01: 00: 25 - Cosmo's "The Cockiness Meter"
01: 13: 10 - Internet Dumb (Ketchup)
01: 17: 10 - FMK (TMNT)

A June 2003 wedding issue of Cosmopolitan magazine gives us some "naughty newlywed tips to keep your guy guessing" and we are legally obligated to discourage you from trying them out. 

Your friendly neighborhood Ava (Williams) is back and we've got ! Topics include  orange foods, cyber bullying (light), audiobooks and the Libby app, wool (give it a shot), Baldur's Gate, gift guides, pervy male authors, and more.  Plus,  a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine gives us tips and tricks for not killing the snowboarding boyfriend we apparently hate because that would ruin Christmas or Hannukah! And finally we F**k, Marry, & Kill 3 mainstays of holiday decorations.

Caution this episode contains *SPOILERS* for holiday classic The Haunted by Bentley Little, so hurry up and finish reading it before you listen to this one.

Follow Ava on Instagram @ava_carrie
Follow Ava on Storygraph @queenb00ger

Main Stories:
00:15:15 - Audiobooks & Libby 
00:25:15 - Wool & Baldur's Gate 
00:33:30 - SPOILERS for The Haunted by Bentley Little 
00:45:50 - Black Friday & Gift Guides 
00:55:45 - Cosmo's "Stay Close During Holiday Chaos" (2005)
01:23:45 - FMK: Candy Canes, Paper Snowflakes, & Garlands

Oops! All Internet Dumbs! Jessica’s back after a 5-month hiatus and we talk about very current events like the Titan submersible implosion, the death of Sean Connery, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, and Gary Larson’s The Far Side. 

Other topics include CAPTCHA, Bing.com, more Bing.com, going to the dentist, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and more. Plus, a 2005 Cosmopolitan's  "Great Ways to Spend a Weekend With Him" will have you eating giant paninis and boning at your friend's house next Saturday night. And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill three times of day. Yeah, we did that.

Also, if you haven't left us a good review on the podcast thing, we are mad AND disappointed. Give us the external validation we so desperately need to survive.

Main Stories:
00:17:20 - Rick Moranis (horny)
00:23:55 - Bing.com (horny)
00:32:10 - Bing.com (gripe)
00:34:50 - Dentist (gripe)
00:46:00 - Cosmo's "Great Ways to Spend a Weekend With Him" (2005)
00:58:00 - Internet Dumb: The Far Side on Facebook
01:07:55 - FMK: 5am, 12pm, 5pm

Let's give a warm Raised Wrong welcome to special guest/artist/neighbor/friend/copywriter Ava Williams! Topics include advertising, Jeanne’s 3rd grade music teacher, an update on walking, Bob Odenkirk, coffee (is it bad?), pepperoncinis (is that how you say it?), peanut butter and the state of journalism, being a jock, nausea (is it worse than itchy??), and more. Plus, we discuss "Mind Tricks That Get You What You Want" from a 2008 Cosmopolitan magazine and...wow. And finally a clever little neighbor-themed edition of F**k/Marry/Kill.

Main Stories:
00:09:30 - Another walking update!
00:13:30 - What are we horny for?
00:46:40 - Cosmo's "Mind Tricks That Get You What You Want" (2008)
01:09:50 - Internet Dumb: "Never Throw Out An Empty Peanut Butter Jar"
01:16:30 - FMK: Ned Flander, Cosmo Kramer, & Mr. Rogers

Topics include she sheds, strike life, Free Solo, Brittany Murphy, the Lawrence brothers (woah!), the Property Brothers, Tom Cruise,  and a *BIG* update to the "Jeanne walks" saga. Plus, we learn(?) a lot about decoding men's facial expressions from a 2005 Cosmopolitan magazine, and we do an impromptu deep-dive into a former Cosmopolitan features editor. (We support you, Beth!) And finally, we F**k/Marry/Kill present-day Joey, Matthew, & Andy Lawrence.

Main Stories 
00:11:40 - Update: "Are you a walker?"
00: 24:40 -Lawrence  brothers Pt. 1
01:04:30 - Cosmo advice: "6 Signals His Face is Sending You" (2005)
01:40:30 - F**k/Marry/Kill: the Lawrence bros