Reaching Out with Michael Constable

In this week’s episode we chat with a new friend of mine and first fellow Michigander on the podcast, Ames Ghani!

Ames and I met a few months ago when we were both traveling through Mexico City and shortly after meeting, we found ourselves deep in a conversation about our coming out stories (classic me).

Ames tells us what it was like growing up as an Arab-American in a predominantly Arab-American community and how cultural norms influenced the course of his coming out.  We also chat about his strategy for coming out to those people that you feel might not handle the news so well, how he had the self-awareness to get into therapy before he came out in order to help him sort through the complex feelings and emotions from being in the closet, and even highlights some of the benefits – yes benefits – of coming out later in life.  (As someone who came out at 28, I appreciated his perspective on this so much.)

We also chit chat about the weather because what kind of Midwesterners would we be if we didn’t talk about the cold?

Ames is such a lovely and kind person, I’m excited for you to hear his story.

Links:

• Instagram @amesghani

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• Instagram @reachingoutpod
• Twitter @reachingoutpod
• Host @michaelwingsit
• Share your story!

We're back with Part 2 of Andrew Coconato's coming out journey!

As a refresher, you can think about Part 1 as Andrew's journey to finally coming out to himself (which finally happened after a close encounter with a wild bear while on a hike with his brother and friend), while Part 2 is his journey to finally "tapping into his colors" as he finally says bye to Florida and moves to LA to begin his life as an openly gay man.

Andrew's story tackles so many fascinating topics like healing trauma through his creativity and his art, coming out to family using words and language that they will be able to best understand, and leveraging your uniqueness to impact and influence others in your work (or anywhere, really) regardless of your background or professional experience.

We also talk a lot about the concept of finding community on Reaching Out -- often when discussing the concept of "chosen family" -- but that can be hard to find or build depending on your circumstances.  Andrew shares with us his approach to building a community from scratch that blew my mind.

Lastly, I also think that this episode is going to resonate with anyone who has ever had an idea or passion that they wanted to pursue but has put it off due to not feeling qualified or feeling too much like an imposter.  Andrew's story about how he found inspiration, motivation, and support (thanks to the aforementioned community) to start his businesses at a time when he did not have much and was hitchhiking could be just the kick in the motivational tush that you've need to start making moves.

Links:

• Instagram @vincecoconato
• Instagram @bobsdanceshop
• TikTok @bobsdanceshop
• Youtube Bob's Dance Shop
• Instagram @twistedoakcreative

Follow along with Reaching Out!

• Instagram @reachingoutpod
• Twitter @reachingoutpod
• Host @michaelwingsit

In this very special two-part episode we sit down with professional vibe maker, Andrew "Coco" Coconato!

Andrew is the visionary behind the impossibly catchy and stellar vibes-inducing dance experience that is Bob's Dance Shop (go check them out on TitTok or IG... I'll wait!).

 In part one of his story, we focus mainly on Andrew's journey to coming out to himself.  He touches on topics like such as:

• How his art, which was often in the form of dance, became the most effective way to release the trauma that came from living in what he refers to as his "straight" jacket
• How he struggled during his fraternity days to reconcile feeling different than everyone else amongst an environment of toxic masculinity
• How finding the "perfect" girl that gave him hope that maybe being straight could finally be an option only to realize that it was not in the cards
• How coming across a bear in the woods was the eye-opening moment he needed to accept himself as being gay

Links:

• Instagram @vincecoconato
• Instagram @bobsdanceshop
• TikTok @bobsdanceshop
• Youtube Bob's Dance Shop
• Instagram @twistedoakcreative

Follow along with Reaching Out!

• Instagram @reachingoutpod
• Twitter @reachingoutpod
• Host @michaelwingsit

Grab your handbells, folks, because on this week's episode we dive into the topic of shame *bell sound* with none other than the shame sommelier himself, A.J. Bond!

I am so excited to have A.J. on the podcast because his podcast, Discomfortable, was a huge help for me while coming out (linked my favorite gay-themed episodes below!). Having him on Reaching Out was such a fun full circle moment for me.

A.J. goes in-depth on his coming out story and shares a few powerful memories and shame-related experiences that shaped his journey from a very young age.  It's an incredible story (and reminder) of how much shame and coming out -- or not coming out -- can be intertwined.  He is so knowledgable about the subject that it's absolutely fascinating to hear him speak about it.  I really think that some listeners will have a few 'aha!' moments as he explains how it's all connected.

Links:

• Instagram @a_j_bond
• Twitter @discomfrtble
• Michael's Discomfortable Podcast Recommendations:
  1. Getting Discomfortable with Being Gay
  2. Getting Discomfortable with Gay Sex
  3. Getting Discomfortable with Nail Polish
  4. Getting Discomfortable with Dancing
• Discomfortable Website -- A.J.'s book, coaching, and more
• Hirsute -- A.J.'s multiverse short film

Follow along with Reaching Out!

• Instagram @reachingoutpod
• Twitter @reachingoutpod
• Host @michaelwingsit

In this week’s episode, I chat with one of my very first gay friends, Ryan Killian Krause!

Ryan walks us through his quote-unquote “phenomenally messy, not made for a Hulu series” coming out journey.  He talks about how he wrestled with the feeling of needing a boyfriend while coming out in order to validate his new queer identity and then about the freedom queer people have to redefine relationships from the heteronormative standard most of us grew up in thinking was the only way (super interesting and true vibes!).

Ryan also shares some powerful thoughts about sexual empowerment stemming from his journey to reconcile his public, heteronormative-leaning gay life with his private promiscuous side.  As someone who grew up with a general “sex is bad” upbringing (and is still working through some of those repercussions today), I loved hearing Ryan’s take about how people should feel less shame about their sex lives. 

He is one of the most transparent, genuine, and funny people I know and you’re about to see what I’m talking about.  I think you’re simply going to love it.

Links:

• Instagram @ryankilliankrause
• Twitter @ryankkrause
• Check out the podcasts Ryan produces!
  • Shut Up Evan
  • V Wanna Know

Follow along with Reaching Out!

• Instagram @reachingoutpod
• Twitter @reachingoutpod
• Host @michaelwingsit

In this week's episode, we chat with Jessica Bedussi!

Jessica shares her coming-out story with us on today's episode, and in doing so, she covers so many interesting themes and topics:

• How labels or boxes like "gay" or "lesbian" or "bisexual" were able to open up her mind to what was possible at first, but then started to make coming out even more complicated than it already was for her
• How growing up in the South influenced how she thought about and dealt with those "inklings" that she might not be straight
• Why having a general air of nonchalance when coming out to friends and family suited her best
• How to notice and appreciate the subtle signs that family members are genuinely trying to grow along with you after coming out to them (including the absolute loveliest story about her mom!)
• How internalized biphobia and bi-erasure can be damaging and confusing to those who don't identify with labels society commonly uses to categorize someone's sexual or romantic identity

I genuinely had so, so much fun having this chat with Jessica and I ended up learning so much in the process.  I think that this episode is going to resonate with a lot of people -- especially those who never quite felt like any of the labels or boxes that society commonly uses applied to them.

Links:

• Instagram @jessbedussi 

Follow along with Reaching Out!

• Instagram @reachingoutpod
• Twitter @reachingoutpod
• Host @michaelwingsit

And just like that, we're back, girlinas!

On today's episode, we have the HILARIOUS Ross Matth -- I mean -- Nick Lehmann!

I'm so thrilled to have Nick share his story with us in the most Nick way possible: with the perfect blend of humor and heart. <3

Nick tells us what it was like coming out early on in high school, why seeing an older boy (honestly, work) made him uncomfortable... but in a great way, why having supportive family and friends doesn't necessarily equate to smooth sailing for your coming out process as a whole, and what it took for him to finally be able to shift his mindset of gay being bad to gay being *~*the golden ticket*~*.

This one is full of both laughs and heartfelt observations.  I think you're gonna j'adore it. #hitopspartner

Links:

• Instagram @nicklehmann
• Twitter @nickstoptalking
• TikTok @nickstoptalking
• Nick's viral Instagram coming out video

Follow along with Reaching Out!

• Instagram @reachingoutpod
• Twitter @reachingoutpod
• Host @michaelwingsit

Oh my gosh, what a special guest we have this week with my year-long travel buddy and fellow gayby, Iris Crowe-Lerma!

Iris and I met in 2017 when we were on the same year-long remote working travel program, Remote Year.  We bopped around the world for an entire year with a group of 50 other people, but neither of us were out the whole damn time!

Iris and I  pour one out for the missed international dating opportunities from that year (and the rest of our lives, really), we talk about the challenges that come along with coming out in your late twenties / early thirties (but prove it’s never too late!!), and we discuss how exactly one comes out when you're a bit older -- like, how does that even work??

Iris also shares with us her personal challenges with coming out in a conservative and religious family, the frustration that comes with being in your early thirties and feeling like a teenager amongst adults, and that lightbulb moment where it all of a sudden made sense why her relationships with men just never seemed to work out...

I'm obsessed with Iris, I'm obsessed with this episode, and I'm obsessed with you.  Let's gooo!

Want to reach out to Iris?

• Instagram @icrowe

Follow along with Reaching Out!

• Instagram @reachingoutpod
• Twitter @reachingoutpod
• Host @michaelwingsit

In this week's episode, we chat with someone who was a very big part of my coming out process when I moved to SF -- my friend and former coworker, Jimmy Long!

In this episode, we cover the topic of being out in the workplace.  Unbeknownst to him until we recorded this podcast, Jimmy was absolutely crucial for my coming out journey as he was the one who helped me navigate being out at work back when we both worked for Lyft.

Jimmy also tells us about coming out when he was going to college in the midwest.  He talks about so many good topics, including the confusion that came from having a long term girlfriend in college, coming out at the same time as his best friend and fraternity brother, and how he was able to overcome one of the most challenging hurdles in his coming out process: self-acceptance.

Want to reach out to Jimmy?

• Instagram @jlong324

Follow along with Reaching Out!

• Instagram @reachingoutpod
• Twitter @reachingoutpod
• Host @michaelwingsit

Rainbow flag (n): a sign you should have known you were queer before you actually came out (to yourself or others), often times painfully obvious and frequently hilarious

I get some really funny responses from people when I tell them I came out at 28 years old. Usually they want to know how I didn’t know or why it took so long, to which I say… uhhh yeah, same lolz.

While I now know and believe there’s no “right” time to come out and everyone does it when they’re ready, I can’t help but look back on my life and wonder… were the signs there?? Should I have known? (Spoiler: yes)

I’ve been writing down my rainbow flags in my little notes app for the last three years. I  feel like it’s probably a topic other LGBTQ+ people can relate to. I have to imagine I’m not the only one whose mind was hellbent on avoiding the truth for a while, whether that was for 18 years, 28 years, or more.

Links:

• YouTube Iceman Coming Out to his Parents
• Vulture on Queer Subtext of X-Men
• YouTube High School Musical 2 Dance Along
• YouTube Sailor Moon Transformations
• Medium My Rainbow Flags Part 1
• Medium My Rainbow Flags Part 2

Follow along with Reaching Out!

• Instagram @reachingoutpod
• Twitter @reachingoutpod
• Host @michaelwingsit