Real Recovery Talk

Our guest today, is Devon. He has a heck of a story and is willing to share some of the sacrifices he had to make in order to get sober. Getting sober can be challenging. If it were easy everyone would be doing it. There are sacrifices that have to be made. Some of them aren't too bad, but some of them are so difficult not everyone can make them. Devon has done what it takes to become sober, and he shares that with us here today.

Show Notes

• [02:56] Devon has 80 Days of clean time.
• [03:28] Devon has gotten clean in the past, but the longest it lasted was 110 days.
• [03:25] After 45 days of treatment in Florida, he went home and worked the program for about a month, he didn't work the program in the last month and that's when problems happened.
• [04:02] His biggest accomplishment so far is graduating from high school early and getting an opportunity to go to any Big Ten college he wanted to.
• [06:14] At age 11, he started taking Vyvanse prescribed by his doctor.
• [06:58] Vyvanse is a stimulant similar to Adderall.
• [08:02] He switched from Vyvanse and Adderall over to marijuana.
• [09:29] After High School, he experimented with other things from Xanax to alcohol.
• [10:32] The first time he tried rehab he didn't put in the work. He just thought of it as sort of a vacation.
• [14:26] Going home after getting sober can be extremely uncomfortable. We can't be in the same atmosphere we used to be in.
• [16:19] Devon missed the birth of his child while he was in rehab. He also had to give up his old lifestyle. He also doesn't have family in Florida.
• [17:46] Devon had to give up certain jobs that he had back home, because they would be a bad influence towards his sobriety.
• [18:38] He even created a whole new social media profile, so he could keep up with people in Florida and not be influenced by his old friends.
• [19:08] For him, the big sacrifices are giving up comfort and familiarity to embrace a new healthier lifestyle.
• [20:51] He talks to his family daily over FaceTime. He gets to see his mom and his daughter and his sister.
• [23:23] It would be selfish for him to have his girlfriend move down to Florida when all of her family and support group is back home.
• [24:49] People are often afraid to go to treatment and leave their children behind, but if you look at the path of destruction they have been on stepping away is the best thing.
• [26:37] After having recovered, Ben has the opportunity to be the best dad he can possibly be.
• [28:29] This is also an extreme life change for Devon's girlfriend. To be a good dad, Devon can't bypass this process.
• [31:04] It can take yours from going from a liability to an asset in a family. It takes time for people to recognize that. When the tables turn and your family reaches out to you for help it feels good.
• [31:51] Some accomplishments that Devon wants to achieve is he wants to hit 90 days and then go for that all-important year. He also wants to finish the 12 steps. He also plans to go back to college.
• [32:20] He wants to major in architecture or auto body paint.
• [32:47] Devon really wants to be the best father I can be for my child. Devon wants to be an asset for my family. He wants to own his own home, get a car, and set himself up for retirement.
• [35:14] What you are doing now is directly going to affect what happens in the future.
• [36:44] For Ben, getting sober was the hardest thing he ever did in his life.
• [37:33] The challenge of alcoholism and addiction is underestimated by many people.
• [39:20] Final thoughts are to stay sober and do the right thing.

We are going to discuss what exactly you should look for when getting a sponsor in this episode. We will also talk about what to watch out for. There are people out there who in my opinion have no business being a sponsor. By the end of this episode, you should be able to identify the rules of a sponsor, their primary purpose, and what it looks like if they overstep their boundaries. Tom is joined by Benjamin B. and Billy Badass. We are coming to you from South Florida the recovery capital of the United States. People come here to get clean and sober every day of the week. There is a very fluent AA and NA community. Wherever people are in AA and NA, you have to have sponsors. If you are looking for a sponsor, this episode should help you discern if you've found the right person.

[bctt tweet=""Anyone who has ever been addicted or who has dealt with addiction knows that there's a breaking point where they don't want to deal with it anymore." -Mark Bell" username="realrecoverytlk"]

Show Notes

• [04:40] The job of a sponsor should be providing inspiration.
• [05:00] It's a sponsor job to share their experience. They need to take the clear precise directions that come from the big book.
• [06:25] They need to stick to the steps and share their experience.
• [07:52] A sponsor can give another viewpoint and help look at things from a different angle.
• [09:49] Sponsorship and having someone to guide you and show you the message is absolutely vital.
• [10:41] It's a sponsor's responsibility to share that their opinions are opinions and if they give advice that is not part of the 12-step program be clear that it is not part of the program. It is just something that they've found helpful.
• [13:20] The sponsors job is to take the sponsee through the 12 steps.
• [14:33] Sponsors aren't there to tell you what to do. They can give suggestions.
• [15:36] A sponsor starts out as an instructor who teaches people a method that already exists. They then end up as a teacher who shows people how to think on their own.
• [17:22] The 12th step is sponsoring someone. That is where the magic happens if you want to see growth in somebody.
• [18:42] A sponsor isn't in the results business, they are in the business of just showing up.
• [22:33] If all you do is plant a seed it's good. Don't withhold the truth or have people call you for 30 days before helping them.
• [24:52] Be willing to help people.
• [25:52] A sponsor doesn't have to be clean and sober for a year before sponsoring someone.
• [28:58] The steps are laid out in the textbook. Go through it together.
• [29:34] A sponsorship is a promise.
• [35:15] You get a sponsor and do the step work, so you can find out about yourself and the disease.
• [36:23] Having a sponsor helps with the treatment side and the accountability. Treatment and 12 step work are two different things.
• [37:15] Nobody should be forced to go to an AA meeting. Being in treatment and having the willingness to do whatever it takes goes along with attending AA.
• [38:43] You have to find meetings and fellowships that you like. Don't let any certain individuals make you condemn AA as a whole.
• [39:23] Some people don't buy into AA and then other people are way over the top.
• [40:26] Doctors should be utilized. Most sponsors aren't doctors or therapists.
• [41:08] Ben believes that the 12-step programs are the best way to get sober. He also believes that opinions can kill alcoholics. He believes that sponsors should not overstep their boundaries.
• [42:14] 100% of Ben's sponsees who have done all 11 steps and then became sponsors and continue to do the work stay sober.
• [44:12] To find a good sponsor take suggestions from other people.
• [44:47] Put yourself out there You have to be okay with getting uncomfortable.

[bctt tweet=""Anyone can get addicted to anything at any moment. We should always be on the lookout because too much of any one thing isn't great." -Mark Bell" username="realrecoverytlk"]

Links and Resources:

• Alcoholics Anonymous
• Narcotics Anonymous
• Ebby Thacher
• The Big Book

I am in West Sacramento, CA with Mark Bell of Super Training Gym. Mark is a powerlifter and entrepreneur who has had his own experiences with addiction. In this episode, Mark shares his early exposure to addiction and talks about how everybody needs something to hold onto while overcoming addiction.

Mark shares all kinds of knowledge like how exercise and nutrition can make everything better and the importance of looking into why you have certain behaviors. Mark is a husband, father, gym owner, powerlifter, inventor, podcaster, and inspiring guy. This podcast is packed with knowledge and inspiration that will help anyone start to look at addiction in a different light and make positive changes towards their life.

Show Notes

• [01:34] I am with Mark Bell of the Super Training Gym in West Sacramento, CA.
• [01:55] Training here has been a huge deal for me. I have been following Mark for 5 or 6 years. I wanted to get into powerlifting.
• [03:28] When people get clean and sober they want to change everything. I tell them to take it slow. The men always want to get jacked.
• [04:09] Mark's first experience with addiction. There was a lot in his family and he recognized it at a very young age.
• [04:56] Every year they dreaded going to Marks Mom's side of the family's house, but then they enjoyed going to his Dad's side of the family's house.
• [06:35] As a kid, Mark was always slightly uneasy when he went to his mom's family's house.
• [06:57] A lot of his mom's family struggled with addiction.
• [11:44] There's always a possibility that your child could end up being addicted to something.
• [12:48] Addicted people are no longer really in control.
• [14:22] If you are struggling with drugs and alcohol try to find one thing that you can hold on to like lifting weights or something.
• [16:21] When people give up drugs and alcohol it's like losing their best friend.
• [19:38] Sometimes Mark likes to get away from weight lifting and focus on his health.
• [21:33] A lot of great things happen when you're forced to do something. A strong why will help you figure out how.
• [25:08] Hold on to something and tell yourself that you have the discipline to do something until it is finished.
• [28:18] Why would you continue to do something that's harming other people in your life that you care for?
• [29:47] When you are addicted to something that suffocates you and consumes your life in your time.
• [36:48] People need to distinguish what being sober means to them. It's your own internal definition of what being sober means. Kratom could be a new addiction, it depends on why people use it.
• [42:34] Nutrition and exercise can be helpful towards any problem that you have.
• [44:40] What you put in your mouth is going to directly affect how you feel.
• [47:14] People in active addiction can't take ownership of anything and everything is someone else's fault.
• [49:04] Constant movement promotes constant movement. Do more be more.
• [50:11] Move a muscle change a thought. If you lay around on the couch all day that's exactly what you're going to get.
• [51:16] A 10-minute walk is a great life lesson because you can do 10 minutes of anything.
• [52:23] Look into why you're not doing the things that you should be doing. If you just do the things you're supposed to do, even if you don't want to do them, you will be so much further ahead of everyone else.
• [55:04] Coming clean with pornography addiction is very difficult. Even more difficult than coming clean with alcohol or drug use.
• [55:34] You have to be careful about what you put in your brain.
• [57:16] Mark usually does his personal development stuff from 4 to 6 a.m. This includes drinking some water maybe going outside going for a walk or listening to a podcast.
• [59:10] He plans his days in advance, so he can get done what he wants to get done.
• [59:43] He then cooks for his kids, goes to some meetings, gets to work out, and create his podcast.
• [01:02:04] Mark tries to get people excited about fitness even though it's a long painful process.
• [01:02:50] Mark can take wisdom that he learned from lifting and apply it to other areas of life.
• [01:03:35] Gain knowledge on the things you love to do and have those be part of your life.
• [01:04:36] Everyone possesses the ability to learn, gain more knowledge, and be stronger. Our abilities are endless once we open up our minds.
• [01:05:20] The more you can learn about yourself the more you can help other people.
• [01:05:57] If you are struggling right now reach out and ask for help.
• [01:06:46] If you recognize that someone has an addiction problem, take them out to lunch and see what's going on.

Links and Resources:

• Mark Bell Sling Shot
• Mark Bell Super Training Gym
• @MarkSmellyBell on Twitter
• Mark Bell on Instagram
• Mark Bell's Power Project
• Mark Bell's Power Project iTunes

We have a round table with a group of addicts and alcoholics. We are all sitting here in a circle. We're going to talk about real life experiences when it comes to getting clean, staying clean, and what treatment is like. We also talk about what they've been going through and the struggles that they have.

We also talk about what they're looking forward to. Chris, Evan, Casey, Dylan, and James kick off the discussion with what they were going through prior to treatment. We talk about turning points and the actual treatment process once they are here. Everyone shares their struggles and more in this episode.

Show Notes

• [03:38] The group consists of Chris, Evan, Casey, Dylan, and James who are first going to talk about some of the barriers they had prior to treatment.
• [04:13] Life blowing up in your face is one of the things that gets you to treatment.
• [05:16] Evan was only 16, and he was embarrassed about his drug use. He overdosed and his parents knew something needed to be done.
• [08:34] Accepting that you are an alcoholic is a big part of going to treatment and having it work.
• [09:58] Changing things like beginning to exercise and who you hang out with can help, but you really do need the treatment process.
• [12:31] Everybody shares what they struggle with the most while they're in treatment.
• [12:59] For Chris, relationships are a struggle while in treatment. He needs to find relationships with people who have long-term sobriety.
• [16:24] People have different reasons for coming to rehab.
• [18:28] Certain things that you have done in the past can lead to misery. Don't repeat those behaviors that lead back to addiction. Don't get overconfident.
• [19:37] You don't realize how much you actually have until you look at it everyday and see all the things you have to be grateful for.
• [20:55] Go to treatment where you're going to be living. Build a support network because 30 days isn't enough.
• [22:52] A lot of people have the urgency to progress forward. Goals have to happen within a certain time frame. It can't be rushed.
• [25:49] Sometimes people with heroin addiction think that they can drink. There isn't much of a difference with the addiction aspect and needing to change something about yourself with a substance that you will use to an extreme.
• [30:42] Be okay with what you feel and what you think and try to find the core reason why you're putting these substances in your body in the first place.
• [31:37] Drinking begins as a social thing than it progresses to something more when you have the addictive mentality and the addictive mindset.
• [32:59] If you're not a drug addict or an alcoholic, you may never discover some of the things from childhood that are holding you down.
• [33:27] Tom's addiction has given him the opportunity to look at everything that has happened in his past.
• [35:12] Fears that come when treatment comes to an end.
• [36:02] It's crucial to build a foundation around people who are serious about recovery.
• [36:28] Reach out and find people in meetings to hold you accountable.
• [37:56] A big fear is what are you going to do when no one is watching you.
• [39:59] Stay as long as you can and make sure you are ready to go home. There's a good chance that home isn't a sober place to be.
• [40:35] When you go to treatment be completely open-minded and let the people there make the decisions for you.
• [41:03] Do your research on treatment places before you go, and 30 days isn't enough. Take your time, because you can't fix your problems and do what you have to do when you're using.
• [41:54] Be careful who you associate with. Get in a 12-step program. Take some time and sit with yourself.

There is no shortage of people who need to be in recovery. Many people in recovery consider at one point or another working in the industry. There are wrong reasons and right reasons to work in the addiction recovery business. Today Tom, Ben, Adam, and Renee discuss how and why they got into the business.

We also talk about the right reasons and the wrong reasons to get into the business. We talk about the challenges and complete chaos that happens as well as the joy of seeing people succeed. We talk how you have to have a desire to help people to be successful and why your own recovery is a separate thing.

Show Notes

• [02:00] Why would somebody want to work with a bunch of addicts?
• [02:48] Adam asks why wouldn't someone want to work in this field? It is so rewarding. Even though, there is chaos all the time and so many moving parts.
• [03:06] Adam went to school to become a counselor. He tried several things, but working with the addiction population is way more exciting and fun.
• [05:55] Adam has a four-year degree with a specialty major in something related to psychology and a graduate degree in mental health counseling. He had two years of supervised work. Then he sat for his exam. Then he can go out and help people.
• [07:45] Adam was told do what you love and the money will follow and he loved helping people.
• [09:20] There's a common story in the helping profession, people have just been doing it their whole lives.
• [11:49] It's pretty natural for a lot of our clients to decide to get into this field. There is definitely a right way to do it and a not so right way to do it.
• [12:29] If you go full time to the addiction program it's 18 months.
• [12:48] The South Florida Shuffle is when people come down here and get into treatment and they start marketing for treatment centers down the road. The South Florida Shuffle is people bouncing from treatment center to treatment center because some street marketer got involved.
• [15:39] One of the problem is these people don't know anything about the care that these clients will receive.
• [16:11] There is now less client brokering going on here in South Florida.
• [16:44] You can also start as a behavioral health tech and work your way up. This is what Ben, Renee, and Tom did.
• [17:12] This is a great way to find out what it's like and to spend time with clients.
• [18:47] Legitimately good treatment centers require you to have at least a couple years of being sober.[22:11] We let people know that if they relapse they have a place to come to.[22:27] Renee was managing a pest control company. A friend of hers told her about a job in the recovery industry. At first, she really didn't want to do it.[23:04] Ben was Renee's tech, and she wasn't a good client at that point.[24:02] She was actually blacklisted from that treatment center.[24:59] Renee and Ben ended up working together and Renee was HR and case management.[25:15] Once Renee started working in the field, she never wanted to do anything else.
• [25:31] Renee loves the fact that we want to make the world better.
• [27:01] Ben says that Renee is so valuable because there's not much that she can't say to a client or a parent that she hasn't been through.
• [29:48] Treatment work is not your recovery. Your personal recovery happens outside of work.
• [30:44] In the addiction industry, you are caring for other people.
• [34:00] Sometimes Ben feels even more effective helping people outside of work.
• [37:06] Everybody sees themselves staying in this job for the future.
• [38:03] They not only love working with clients, but they also love working with each other. People in this field are very passionate.
• [39:08] The opportunities helping people are amazing. They have built lives that they could never met imagine. They're always trying to find creative ways to treat people.
• [40:16] If you like helping people and you're strong in your recovery then get in the industry.

To get the right answers, you have to ask the right questions. Today's episode is a recording of a group session led by Tom and Ben. Eric and Casey are their guests. Tom asked these gentlemen to answer the following questions. What is your name? Who are you? What are you interested in? Where are you from?

He also asked about what their lifestyles consisted of, what are their backgrounds, values, how people describe them, what people notice about them, future goals, what makes them smile, perfect date, qualities of a life partner, and what do they believe is the key to a successful relationship? As we work through their answers, it'll become clear why Tom asked these questions as he puts a bow on things and ties up the end of the show.

Show Notes

• [03:26] Eric is a person with a strong sense of morals finding his way to a better life on the path of recovery.
• [03:48] Casey is a brother, son, and uncle who loves music and Pokemon.
• [04:13] Eric and Casey are both from Georgia. Ben is from South Florida, and Tom is from Pittsburgh, PA.
• [04:35] Eric is interested in having a good time and being intellectually stimulated.
• [04:55] Casey likes music, art, Pokemon, social science and self-care.
• [05:25] Eric works at two stores and is going to five AA meetings and two group sessions.
• [05:51] Casey is looking for a job.
• [06:48] Eric has a retail background and is a communications major. He comes from a broken family and was orphaned and moved around.
• [07:26] His background and fear of abandonment and uncertainty tied into his addiction.
• [07:41] Casey is one of 10 kids. He has one semester left to graduate.
• [08:06] Both guys are 24 years old.
• [08:29] Eric's values include honesty, respect, and doing the right thing no matter how difficult it may be.
• [08:45] Casey's values include Independence, work ethic, honesty, and creativity.
• [10:00] Casey has been clean 62 days and Eric 65 days.
• [10:32] Eric is described as loving and caring yet sometimes irresponsible or incompetent.
• [11:29] Casey is a good person who makes terrible. His decision-making is getting better.
• [12:51] Eric is open and easy to talk to.
• [13:09] Casey comes off as shy but opens up once you start talking to people.
• [13:32] Ben has been told that he is intimidating.
• [15:36] Eric's future goals are establishing a career.
• [17:00] Casey wants to get a job. He wants to get six months sober. He also wants to go back to school and graduate with a degree in anthropology.
• [17:54] Humor makes Eric smile and random acts of kindness.
• [18:46] Casey likes seeing himself grow and when his higher power works things out for him. He also loves his nieces.
• [19:51] One of the first signs of relapse is losing the attitude of gratitude.
• [21:50] A perfect date for Eric would be dinner, shopping, a movie, and then back to his place.
• [22:48] A perfect date for Casey would be to go to a mom-and-pop restaurant and then chill outside. There would be lights, a fire, and they would even hang out and drink hot chocolate.
• [23:46] Eric would want his mate to be honest, caring, resourceful, intelligent, physically attractive, and to love his family.
• [23:59] Casey would want his mate to be independent, confident, kind, giving, honest, possess a good work ethic, patient, and they would have respect for themselves.
• [24:14] Compassion, understanding, trust, dependability, and honesty are the keys to a great relationship for Eric.
• [24:30] Honesty, not relying on each other too much, self-awareness, effective communication, and being able to spend time apart are keys to a great relationship for Casey.
• [25:16] These questions all came off of match.com.
• [25:41] The point of all this is a question that Tom noticed from Andy Stanley. The question is are you what you are asking for?
• [26:18] This is an opportunity to look at your answers to these questions and ask if you are in a position to get in a relationship right now.
• [26:52] New relationships often cause relapse, because they are an excuse not to focus on yourself.
• [31:27] Are you exuding the values that you say that you have?
• [32:19] The recovery process takes an emotional toll and it takes time to heal. It wouldn't be good to jump into a relationship before you are ready.
• [34:54] Nick shares tips for working on your weaker qualities one by one until they are mastered.
• [39:30] Even casual dating is opening yourself up emotionally.
• [41:51] The important thing to understand is relationships right now shouldn't be part of the equation.
• [42:57] The person you want to date will not be the same person after your 12 steps are completed.
• [45:24] Anything you put before your recovery and your sobriety, you will lose.

Links and Resources:

Andy Stanley

David was a guest we had on episode 12 last January. He talked about his journey from addiction to sobriety. That David was a totally different David than today's David. After the episode, he joined the military, had a relapse, and became sober again. We talk about his journey and the LGBT recovery community.

He shares how the military was a scapegoat for him, but it didn't work out. He ended up getting discharged and going on a party bender right afterwards. He then went back to detox for a week and spent 90 days in Rock Recovery. He has been sober for eight months now and shares the entire story with us.

Show Notes

• [01:56] David was here at the beginning of the year in Episode 12. He had a slip after the episode was recorded. He has since been sober for about 8 months.
• [02:00] David joined the military and had a mental and emotional relapse before the physical relapse.
• [03:03] Recovering addicts and alcoholics are some of the most accepting people on the face of the planet.
• [03:58] David about nine months ago talked about his journey and going into the military.
• [04:32] When he knows people are going to tell him something opposite from what he wants to do, he just doesn't talk about that thing.
• [04:55] In the back of his mind, he thought that joining the military would be a way to leave and use again without people knowing.
• [05:43] He discovered that the military environment wasn't the most supportive emotionally, plus he was being messed with for being gay.
• [06:09] The Baker Act means you spend a week in a psych ward and then he got a medical discharge.
• [07:15] After his discharge, he went on a party binge.
• [08:02] He was in the military for three months.
• [09:55] He did learn discipline and a code of ethics while he was in the military.
• [11:55] After his binge, he went back to detox for a week and then 90 days in Rock Recovery.
• [12:14] He has a new sponsor and has been sober first. He went through the steps in the book.
• [15:43] From David's experience, LGBT people want to be treated equal, but they want their struggles to also be recognized.
• [17:08] The common denominator between all of us is that all addicts have the same type of issues.
• [22:49] How some gay people may feel that making themselves vulnerable and showing who they are is showing weakness, so they use deflection to stay apart from the group.
• [23:39] Many gay guys take on the identity of stereotypes, because that's what society tells them is their role.
• [24:43] Doing the steps and finding a higher power can help someone become more comfortable with who they are.
• [25:35] You can grow from the steps. You figure out what defense mechanisms you use in your life with other people, and then you can change them and grow as a person.
• [26:03] Being vulnerable is a key step to recovery.
• [29:18] Things that we can't control don't need to differentiate us so much that we can't bond with other people. Our underlying experiences and emotions are similar.
• [31:14] If we look at our similarities instead of looking at what makes us different, our experiences are going to be so much greater.
• [31:19] If you get vulnerable, other people around you will get vulnerable.
• [36:36] We all have different issues. Gay people can have different issues in therapy, but a lot of us have the same issues. Everyone has traumatic events.
• [39:29] David tries to treat people the same and not look at them as being different. The only thing about being gay that sets him apart is that he's attracted to men.
• [40:41] Ben gets David's opinion on transgender people.
• [42:31] Ben also asks David about LGBT exclusive recovery meetings. David thinks these might be distracting.
• [44:55] While doing steps, people don't really have an idea about who they are. It's not the best time to be in a relationship to give love and respect.
• [45:38] Know who you are before getting in a relationship.
• [46:14] Exclusive meetings can be closing yourself off.
• [47:17] Gay men may be more prone to sex addiction. Sometimes people can get confused as sex as love.
• [51:03] It's very easy for gay guys to find hookups.
• [54:22] David suggests not to only hang out with people in the gay community when you're a gay person in recovery. Also, stay off of the dating apps. Open up and share your story. Use your drug addiction experiences as a beacon of light.
• [56:56] Ben is super proud of David, he is nailing quality sobriety.
• [57:42] Giving back to the community is what keeps him sober.

Links and Resources:

Ep. 12 - A Discussion with David, His journey from Addiction to Sobriety

We recently received a text from the mother of one of the people that we tried to help. It thanked us for our efforts but said that her son recently lost his battle with addiction and life. Getting a message like this puts everything in perspective. It is sad and heart breaking, but it also is a reminder of why we do what we do.

It's a reminder of all that we have to be thankful for and why it is important that we do the best we can to help people cherish their lives and strive to move foreword in a positive way. Today, we are going to discuss how serious addiction can be even when you do everything possible to help someone.

Show Notes

• [02:34] We received a text message from the mother of someone that we have known for more than a year. It said that he had lost his battle with addiction.
• [02:56] We did everything we possibly could to help him.
• [03:37] even when we do everything right on our end someone can still lose their battle with addiction.
• [03:43] We aren't in the results business. We are in the business of showing up.
• [04:04] We do what we can with what we have to help people. Unfortunately, this stuff happens a lot.
• [04:58] We feel a sense of responsibility to the parents of the people who come to us for treatment.
• [06:04] In some cases, we work for three or four months with the parent before we even meet the person who is struggling with addiction. We get to know the parents very very well.
• [06:38] It hits home when you know the family and know that they are depending on you to do the best job possible.
• [07:13] We are at a loss for words because we know this is a terrible Thanksgiving for this mother who lost her son.
• [08:37] There's a fine line between helping someone and enabling someone. You need to be able to look back and know that you did everything you could. In this case, this mother did do everything that she possibly could.
• [09:31] Ben's aunt recently passed away from alcohol and drug induced overdose.
• [10:16] A childhood friend of his also recently passed away.
• [10:52] If you stick around recovery long enough, you're going to see a lot of death. On the other hand, you're going to see miracles that outweigh the tragedies.
• [11:48] People react differently with the grieving process. Ben has seen parents get angry at him. and he has had parents thank him for all that he tried to do.
• [13:00] It's not your fault. The three C's. You didn't cause it. You can't control it, and you can't cure it.
• [14:00] Sometimes tragedies like this bring more awareness to the battles that people have with addiction.
• [15:13] We need a lot more people doing the same thing that we are doing and getting the word out about addiction.
• [15:52] It hurts when people don't have the resources to get into a good treatment center.
• [17:04] If you have the opportunity to get help, please utilize it.
• [17:41] Treatment helps, but it's not a cure-all.
• [19:07] If someone decides that they want help down the road, if they've been to treatment before, at least they know that these resources exist. Sometimes success in our field is planting a seed that will sprout later.
• [19:30] There are faith-based organizations out there and AA and 12-step programs and Celebrate Recovery.
• [19:54] Tom is grateful and thankful that he and Ben get to do this and talk to multiple people throughout the days in an effort to help them and spread the message of recovery.
• [20:36] Ben is thankful for the here and now. He is so grateful and proud of the people in the groups that he is a part of.
• [22:41] Ben is making up for all of the harm that he did in the world. Being a dad is an amazing feeling. He is grateful for the little things in our precious lives.
• [23:55] Be grateful for what you have been through and what you are here to do now.
• [26:04] Ben and Tom have known each other for 7 years plus. Now they podcast together, work together, and help as many people as possible.
• [26:30] If you have questions or need help with anything, please reach out to us. We are a resource that you can utilize.
• [28:23] Getting better is more important than being home for the holidays.

Links and Resources:

Celebrate Recovery

Billy is a man who has been clean for 14 months and is helping other people to do the same. In this episode, he shares his story and his history of abuse. He was in a downward spiral until a man he met in jail told him about Fern House recovery center. Billy took it step by step and just followed the directions. He now not only is in recovery, but he is helping others do the same.

This show is going to focus on the differences between a private treatment center and a state-run treatment center. People whose resources have been used up often end up in a state run center or a non-profit like Fern House. These centers are much more bare bones, and you really have to want it to recover with minimum help. We also talk about how people who are fortunate enough to go to a private treatment center have an opportunity of a lifetime. Listen in as Ben and I talk with Billy about treatment and recovery.

Show Notes

• [02:16] Billy has been in South Florida for about 23 years.
• [02:27] He is from Pomona, California. He is 45 years old and has been clean for 14 months.
• [03:40] Billy was in a motorcycle accident about 10 years ago when he was trying to outrun the police.
• [03:48] He was put on medication and it eventually got a hold of him. He would go to a dual diagnosis hospital and get his meds for the month so that he would not be sick.
• [04:23] He had a pain medication doctor who would legally subscribe his medication. He was abusing the medication, so he would run out before the month was up.
• [05:14] Billy already had a history of addiction. He started with pot when he was just a kid and gradually worked up the chain of drugs. He even did something that he said he would never do and put a needle in his arm when he was 36.
• [07:19] After his motorcycle accident, Billy lost his new house and his business and had to move back in with his parents.
• [08:26] He had limited insurance, but he would use it to fuel his drug habit. When he ran out of medication, he would get admitted to a dual diagnosis hospital to be given pain medication during treatment.
• [09:21] A dual diagnosis Hospital treats mental illness and substance abuse. The Baker Act means if someone is a harm to themselves or others, they can be put into a hospital for up to 72 hours.
• [10:03] At the dual diagnosis hospital they do provide treatment groups, but you don't have to attend. You basically just eat and sleep and go out for cigarette breaks while being high on the drugs that they give you.
• [11:16] Things continued to spiral downward for Billy. He got arrested and met a guy in jail who told him about Fern House residential rehabilitation.
• [11:20] He went there and stayed there for six months. People in jail or prison get referred here often.
• [13:10] In state-funded facilities the clinicians aren't paid very well, and it's more of a bare bones treatment plan. Private centers have more resources.
• [18:41] At the Fern House, Billy learned to go to meetings, and he kept following the directions. He did what people told him and followed the process.
• [20:55] Ben and Billy met at the Fern House and Ben shared his 12-step experience with Billy.
• [21:32] Today, Billy sponsors guys at the Fern House and passes it on.
• [22:38] Billy shares a story of how lying is not the best idea. Honesty is part of the process.
• [25:28] Sending kids to a treatment facility is not sending them on vacation.
• [26:16] Private facilities provide more in client care such as quality well-paid therapists. You can also have fun, because getting sober isn't easy. At Rock they do fun activities like boating and fishing.
• [28:07] It can be a struggle to learn how to live again at a state lock-down type facility.
• [31:21] Ben would look at Fern House as more of a boot camp style facility.
• [32:01] People need to be ready for treatment, but having insurance can be an excuse to not try because they can keep going into treatment.
• [33:19] Going in and out of detoxing can cause people to overdose.
• [34:32] Alcoholics recover when they have two options either die or recover.
• [35:31] Billy helps people recover in the right way.

Links and Resources:

Fern House

Tom and Ben discuss the top five reasons to come to South Florida for treatment. There are a lot of reasons why South Florida is a great place to come to for treatment for you or your loved ones. We talk about those reasons along with real life examples that have affected us.

We also give our real opinion on the TV show Dope Sick Nation. We want to set the record straight on why everything on TV isn't portrayed as accurately as it could be. We also talk about what a good recovery center is and the importance of having a great community.

Show Notes

• [03:54] How Dope Sick Nation is a bit misleading.
• [06:03] When treatment doesn't work out for people the first time. Then they lose insurance and need a scholarship to go through treatment again.
• [06:20] Scholarships in Florida are limited because there's been a huge crack down on client brokering. Unscrupulous owners can look at individuals as insurance policies.
• [07:04] The show does not show accurate representations of professionals in the recovery field.
• [07:56] The detox being represented in Dope Sick Nation isn't well-established.
• [08:48] Unfortunately, addicts can use suboxone to get high.
• [09:27] Dope Sick nation is not what South Florida treatment looks like. You can't stay street and continue to help people.
• [10:38] True interventionist inspire people, they don't go running around looking for addicts.
• [12:35] It looks like premature intervention is what's going on in the show. You can't treat people until they are ready.
• [13:12] We think South Florida is a good place for treatment. There is a good recovery community here.
• [13:30] The 12-step Community is key. There is a meeting on every corner at every hour in South Florida.
• [13:52] The recovery community is widespread. We can't go anywhere without seeing someone in recovery.
• [14:39] South Florida fosters a good environment for people to get clean.
• [15:18] When you come to South Florida for recovery, it's like a getting a fresh start. There is no fear of running into people who know about you.
• [16:51] There's very little stigma in South Florida and a lot of acceptance.
• [18:12] The meetings are great opportunities to meet new people even if you are looking for a job. Talk and mingle because you never know what opportunities you will find.
• [19:16] When people get clean and sober, they have an opportunity to do whatever they want.
• [20:22] By going to treatment, you get the opportunity to rewrite your script.
• [20:43] Geographical change. There are so many benefits to getting out of your hometown. You get a new place and a new you and you get to portray something different.
• [22:11] There are so many cool things to do in South Florida that you don't have time to go out and get high.
• [22:42] We take our clients surfing, boating, horseback riding, and do all kinds of fun activities.
• [23:17] Adventure therapy shows that there are other things to enjoy.
• [25:29] These activities also give people an opportunity to develop new hobbies that they enjoy.
• [25:44] We aren't the only good treatment center in South Florida. There are many great treatment centers here.
• [27:22] The FBI has a task force that cracks down on unscrupulous treatment centers. We wish Vice News would cover the better treatment centers.

Links and Resources:

Dope Sick Nation

Ep. 38 – Geographical Change: Assisting People Through Recovery