Rebelliously Tiny

*Content Warning: Discussions of racism, colonialism, police brutality

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode: What brings you joy when you are fighting for social justice?

The goal of Rebelliously Tiny has always been to be a space for struggle and rebellion, and all of the related emotions, without the constraints of any narrative that tells us that strength and resistance is loud, harsh, masculine. The question of joy in the fight for social justice - as a reason to fight, as something sustaining, as an end goal - is important to us, and we thank everyone who submitted answers for us to feature in this episode when we posed the question on Instagram in August 2020.

This episode is a little different, and we’re really excited to share it with you, it is our first podcast takeover! With the fight for social justice, fuelled around the globe with outrage at killings by police this past summer, we considered how to connect with our community more and invite more voices to our little corner of the internet.

This episode takeover is hosted and written by Sunny Adcock (you may remember her from episode 12!) an avid reader, writer, editor and podcast host from Australia. To help answer our question, she invited her two friends Francoise Nestor and Binta Yade to discuss joy and “self care” as not only necessary, but also as real tools for sustained activism. Together Sunny, Francoise, and Binta explain how they advocate for themselves and their joy as young black women living in a patriarchal white supremacist society. How is self-preservation an act of political warfare, as Audre Lorde writes? How has self-care been co-opted by Capitalism? How do we maintain and support the joy in our collective rage?

References: A Burst of Light (1988) by Audre Lorde

Episode Host:
Sunny Adcock
www.asunnyspot.com.au
IG: @sunny_adcock
TW: @A_SunnySpot
Podcast: @tenderragepodcast

Guests:
Francoise Vaughan
IG: @fran_d_n

Binta Yade
IG: @binta.fm

Hosted, written and co-edited by Sunny Adcock
Co-edited and co-produced by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced by Hannah McCasland
Music: Greg Barkley

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*Content Warning: Heartbreak

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode (the message has been slightly altered to preserve anonymity): I recently broke up with my ex and I've been trying to love myself, and I have no idea how to do that. I've placed so much of my value in other people's opinions of me, and what hurts the most is that he lied to me about so many things and didn't care all that much about me. I'm tired of feeling unlovable and unable to move past hurtful life experiences. Honestly, I just feel unworthy of love.

We’ve all been there. Going through heartbreak is hard. And we don’t just mean break ups with romantic partners. There is heartbreak, or at least difficult make-or-break-it moments, with friends and even family. But we learn, grow, and even hold on to love through these moments. What can these challenging emotional processes teach us about relationships and about ourselves? How are we influenced by norms of heteronormativity and patriarchy without even realizing it? Join AY and Gen for some advice on heartbreak including what books to read and what podcasts and music to listen to. Gen is the illustrator at Lovestruck Prints, she recently illustrated a book about love entitled: “C’est quoi l'amour?” written by Lucile de Pesloüan, and she used to share a studio with Ambivalently Yours. 

References:
- Sonya Renee Taylor on IG @sonyareneetaylor and @thebodyisnotanapology 
- The episode "Freedom from the Prison of Limiting Beliefs” (September 25, 2020) on the Tara Brach podcast
- All About Love: New Visions, by bell hooks
- C’est quoi l’amour? written by Lucile de Pesloüan, illustrated by Geneviève Darling

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Artist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley and Lizzy & the Fanatics

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*Content Warning: this episode deals with anxiety and depression

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode (the message has been slightly altered to preserve anonymity): I have a great life with a supportive family and wonderful boyfriend. I do good in school and have a lot of friends, but I'm sad. Not all the time, but sometimes at night I just lay down and feel empty. I think it's partly because of my anxiety that keeps me constantly worried about my loved ones. I'm not depressed, just sad.

We are excited to share a new episode, featuring our conversation with Freya Bennett, an artist, the mother of a tiny feminist and the Co Founder and Director of Ramona Magazine for Girls. In this episode, we discuss the complexities of experiencing a full spectrum of emotions and feelings in a world complicated by social media, where we are constantly confronted with images and tales of seeming perfection, happiness, and “success”. This episode is about the feelings we hide, the feelings we don’t want to show to the world, the feelings we avoid if we can and the feelings we escape by scrolling on our phones. Freya and AY demonstrate resisting this urge to craft a persona of happiness and success and talk through some of these feelings openly and honestly together. They make some suggestions for how we can mindfully and healthfully experience and embrace these emotions without shame while resisting the pressure to make happiness the end-all-be-all-goal - there’s always going to be something more, and that’s okay.

To learn more about Ramona Magazine for Girls visit ramonamag.com or @ramonaforgirls on instagram. To see Freya’s illustration work visit  www.thecinnamonsociety.com or @thecinnamonsociety on Instagram.

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Artist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley

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Content Warning: This week we discuss eating disorders, and while we tried our best to approach this topic as responsibly and thoughtfully as we can, it is still a potentially triggering episode.

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode (the message has been slightly altered to preserve anonymity): I have been “mildly” anorexic for three years and “mildly” bulimic for a year, but I am now in the process of recovery. “Mildly” was part of the diagnosis, but I am not sure I agree with this term. I ate only enough to subsist on and my mind was consumed by food but I was still able to continue a relatively productive life. Not fitting into the image of the extreme anorexic meant that I did not think that my situation was severe enough to seek treatment. Not recognizing ambiguity (ambivalence!) failed me.

It’s not always realistic to expect ourselves to “love” our bodies all the time. And that’s okay. Instead of pressuring ourselves to “love” our bodies, we can learn to respect our bodies, and give thanks for all they do. Unfortunately, we live in a world that is constantly telling us that our bodies are something to be fixed and “worked on.” This week, we discuss our complicated relationships with our bodies, and how we can try to show more care for ourselves and each other.

Some helpful resources:
www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Disordered-Eating
www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Body-Dysmorphia
nedic.ca/blog
nedic.ca/give-get-help/help-friends-family
everydayfeminism.com/2013/11/mythbusting-ed-recovery/

Commonly associated to EDs:
www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Perfectionism

Set point theory:
nedic.ca/set-point-what-your-body-trying-tell-you

About changes to your body during recovery (it won’t stay that way forever, I promise!): www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/hunger-artist/201402/recovering-anorexia-how-and-why-not-stop-halfway%3famp

Books:
“The Body Image Workbook: An Eight-Step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks”
by Thomas F. Cash PhD

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Artist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley

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*Content Warning: This episode deals with issues of colonialism, racism, and sexism

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode (the message has been slightly altered to preserve anonymity): I have lots of feminist feels. Mostly anger about the way that women are portrayed, street harassment, and representation of women in media and fashion. In this day and age I feel that, as a woman, not being skinny/not shaving your legs/not wanting babies is an act of RADICAL disobedience. I still feel pretty squeezed by narrow stereotypes, even though I'm almost 30. My question is: What does one actually DO with one's feelings of feminism? How do we speak out? How do we make change?

It can be difficult to figure out how to channel our “feminist feelings.” How do we take our frustrations, sadness and concerns about white supremacist capitalist patriarchy and actually “do something?” How do we do this work in a world that is inhospitable to feminist activism? How do we take care of ourselves amidst the pressure to make change? This week, AY sits down with Cam, a street artist, community art organizer and curator based in Tiohtià:ke/Montreal to discuss art and activism. Cam shares some of her experiences and some helpful tips on how to find your crew - the people to do the work with. Learn more about Cam's work and her projects at @cam_mtl and @unceded_voices.

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Artist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley

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*Content Warning: Discussions of ableism and sexism.

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode (the message has been slightly altered to preserve anonymity): I have been constantly judged my whole life because my legs are two different sizes. High school this year was a little bit better when I realized that why should I care what people think of me? I am my own person, I shouldn't be so fixated on the idea of perfection. Are you confident in your skin? Or do you secretly wish you were someone else?

This week, we are excited to share our conversation with Rebekah Taussig, a writer, teacher, advocate, and human lady person, as her website explains. AY and Rebekah first connected on Instagram, where Rebekah shares soft yet confrontational mini-memoirs about what it feels and looks like to live as a disabled woman. We skyped Rebekah from our makeshift apartment studio and after gushing about her amazing collection of floral dresses featured prominently on her Instagram feed, we addressed this week’s question by asking for her insights on disability, emotions and what it’s like to live in a world that is uncomfortable with both. Together, we talk about the strains of traditional femininity and remind ourselves of the importance of valuing our feelings and creating spaces that embrace vulnerability, messiness, and diverse bodies and identities. Above all, this episode is a celebration of how good it feels when you meet someone who just, you know, gets it.

You can find out more about Rebekah’s work at rebekahtaussig.com or @sitting_pretty on Instagram.

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced, edited and narrated by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Artist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley

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*Content Warning: this episode is about growing up. We touch on some of the heartaches and struggles that go along with growing up in a society that sees you as other. The discussion contains some harsh language.

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode (the message has been slightly altered to preserve anonymity): Do you ever get into one of those moods where you feel like changing everything about yourself? Style, personality, everything. I guess I just feel like I've outgrown it all and it isn't who I am anymore. The problem is, I'm worried about how people will react if I change too much, and I'm not sure I know how to change.

How do we change? When do we change? Does it happen quickly or does it take forever? How much of how we look on the outside is reflective of how we feel on the inside? This episode is all about change, so we decided to make a change of our own and put co-producer Hannah in the driver’s seat. To answer our question we talk to Ryan and Bejal, two of Hannah’s dear friends, about what it means to change. Both of our guests share their stories and discuss the distinctions and similarities of their experiences with queerness and identity. We discuss the uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassing paths to becoming the most honest versions of who we are, and we talk about the struggle of being different in a world that craves sameness.

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced, edited and narrated by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Artist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley

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*Content Warning: this episode deals with issues of violence against women, stalking, online harassment, and contains harsh language.

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode (the message has been slightly altered to preserve anonymity): I have been undecided all my life about feminism and it's weird because I’m a girl and I have very strong opinions about the issues. But when I see posts online about feminism that I don't quite agree with and all the arguments and the fights of feminists against other feminists, i rethink it. Do i really want to be a feminist?

A lot of us learn about, explore, and engage with feminism online. We’ve discussed in many episodes of Rebelliously Tiny how the internet can make learning about feminism more accessible. But the internet can also be host to hurtful, harmful interactions where call out culture grows and spreads, sometimes out of control. Anonymous users starting fights just because, trolls, harassment… But problems within activist movements do not rely solely on the anonymity and distance of sitting behind a screen. Sometimes the aggression comes from within our own feminist circles, and the nuance between right and wrong or ally and enemy becomes more painful and difficult to sort through. In this episode, we talk to women’s rights advocate and public educator Julie S. Lalonde and together we take a look at some of the conflicts that exists within feminism, we reflect on all of our mixed feelings and we discuss how we can work on together to find alternative ways of communicating when we disagree.

Learn more about Julie’s work at yellowmanteau.com or @JulieSLalonde on Twitter and @yellowmanteau on IG. To learn more about the Outside of the Shadows project visit outsideoftheshadows.ca or @outsideoftheshadowsproject on IG

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Arist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley

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*Content warning: this episode deals with issues of racism, body shaming, femme phobia and contains some harsh language.

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode: "I look way older than others my age because I'm more curvy. I'm also biracial, so my skin is more light brown and I’ve got curls. I like pink, I like dresses. mainly boys have called me things like "stupid fat black b*tch" as soon as I stood up for myself and some of my friends who claim themselves as feminists tell me that I can't really be a feminist because of my obsession for girly things. although i act like it doesn't, it does hurt me."

This week’s episode is dedicated to the fangirl living inside of each of us. The question we respond to deals with the struggle of loving “girly” things like the colour pink and dresses, fangirling over pop culture, stumbling through activism, and learning to be a feminist… a few of our favourite things. To work through this question, we reach out to AY’s friend Sunny, a blogger based in Australia. Despite the 14 hour time difference and grainy Skype connection, we got to hear Sunny share some wisdom about the role of joy in activism, the importance of respecting, rather than belittling, and how to build inclusive activist movements by prioritizing diverse perspectives. 

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Arist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley

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When we set out to create a podcast, we didn’t have much (okay, any) experience in podcast making. We had a few goals and ideas, we found inspiration in other podcasts we admired, and we relied on support from the amazing Oboro artist-run center in Montreal. Mostly, we had a lot of feelings: a desire to talk about and give time and attention to things belittled or demeaned in the mainstream, tenderness towards the questions sent to AY online, feminist fueled frustrations. In this first episode from the next series of Rebelliously Tiny, we reflect on Season 1, we share the process of creating a second season, talk about the challenges of our Kickstarter campaign, and we discuss our own passions and careers. Use this episode to catch up with us and learn more about Rebelliously Tiny, or even to hear a few tips on starting a creative project from scratch with limited resources and funds.

In keeping with our formula from last season, each episode explores a question received by AY on social media: “I'm about to finish a degree in writing, and I'm struggling with my next step. What I really want to do is publish novels, but I worry that it won't pay the bills (and I guess it never might). I'm worried that if I don't get into a field related to my degree, I will never use it. Family are putting on the pressure to just get any job, get money coming in. What should I do?”

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Arist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley

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