In this Reads and Recovery episode, I review Haven Point by Virginia Hume, a multigenerational story about grief, alcoholism, family secrets, resentment, and belonging. I reflect on how one person’s unprocessed pain affects an entire family, why honest conversations matter, and how understanding the experiences that shaped our parents can change the way we see them and ourselves.

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The clot buster worked. My words returned for the most part. There was no brain bleed. I was 46 years old, five years sober, and I had survived a stroke. I genuinely believed I could go home and get back to my normal life.

In this episode, I look back at those first days after my stroke and the enormous relief and gratitude I felt when I could communicate again after suffering aphasia during my stroke. I talk about how five years of sobriety had already taught me how to survive scary things one day at a time. I didn't know it yet, but the recovery program that helped me rebuild my life with alcoholism would be essential to rebuilding my life after stroke.

At the time, though, I wasn't thinking about a lifetime of stroke recovery. I thought the worst was behind me. In retrospect, I'm grateful I didn't know what was coming. I needed the chance to believe I was okay, return to my life, and discover for myself what recovery was going to ask of me.

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Five years ago, a nurse walked past my room in the ICU after my stroke and said, “You belong here.” 

My outward appearance didn’t match the seriousness of your medical condition. That moment became significant in shaping my understanding of invisible illnesses. It was my first glimpse of what I would encounter repeatedly—people believe what they can see. Living with a central vestibular disability and chronic pain created a strange internal negotiation. If people see me laughing, creating, enjoying my life, or simply having a good day, will they think I'm not suffering? 

A photograph captures the smile, but doesn’t capture the work it took to get it on my face or the fatigue and pain after everyone goes home. 

In this episode, I talk about the pressure I've sometimes felt to look "sick enough" to be believed, what my stroke recovery has taught me about living with things others can't see, and why I don't have to prove my pain exists. I can laugh while my head hurts, be grateful while grieving what I've lost, and love my life while wishing parts of it were different. My disability doesn't disappear when I'm happy, and I don't have to have a cure to allow myself to live.

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I have a lot going on right now, all of it is stuff I want to do. I'm writing, painting, volunteering, crafting, decorating, and apparently I've added learning to fish now too. So I was walking the other day feeling completely overwhelmed. How have I somehow managed to achieve being overwhelmed in medical retirement just doing my hobbies?

In this episode, I talk about what I'm learning about enthusiasm, capacity, and the energy it takes just to add something new to my life. I'm also learning that every idea doesn't have to become a project, everything doesn't have to be finished right now, and sometimes I need to leave a little space in my life to experience it.

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Living with a vestibular disorder has made Maslow’s hierarchy of needs very apropos to me. Every day, I have to consider how much energy I have and where I need to spend it, from taking care of my basic physical needs and navigating my environment safely to participating in relationships, maintaining my self-esteem, and building a meaningful life.

In this episode, I talk about what “I can’t watch TV” really means when visual movement causes pain, how I balance my limited spoons with the things that fill my cup, and why living with disability requires me to reevaluate my needs throughout the day. 

Sometimes the best way I know how to do that is simply to get still.

“The more still I am, the more I see.”

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Four questions have guided people many folks in recovery for generations since the Oxford Group began:

How loving have I been? 

How unselfish (kind) have I been? 

How honest have I been? 

How pure have I acted?

Known as the Four Absolutes, these influenced early AA and still offer a practical way to examine our thoughts, motives, and actions daily. They provide a compass for living one decision at a time.

In this episode, I explore what each one means in everyday life, and how these timeless principles can strengthen emotional sobriety, deepen our relationships, and bring intention to the decisions we make every day.

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Last night, a massive tree crashed to the ground just feet from our house, somehow falling in the only direction that didn't cause damage. It became the perfect reminder that I spend far too much time trying to control outcomes that were never mine to control. In today's episode, I talk about surrendering before life becomes unmanageable—not just in sobriety and  stroke recovery, but also in everyday life. What if asking for help, praying, accepting reality, or simply opening our mouths earlier could keep us from reaching yet another crisis? Maybe surrender shouldn’t be an emergency response. Maybe it's preventative maintenance.

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What does it really mean to "give yourself grace"? It's a phrase we hear all the time, but I don't think I truly understood it until I found myself fighting against the reality of my own limitations. In this episode, I share how recovery is teaching me to let go of the invisible rules I've created for myself, stop measuring my worth by impossible expectations, and respond to each moment with flexibility instead of stubbornness. I talk about the hidden rules that keep us exhausted, why joy and disability can exist together, how self-care can become a resentment if we aren't careful, and why the strongest trees are the ones that bend in the storm. 

Grace is giving ourselves permission to live in the moment we're actually in as we are.

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When I got sober, alcohol stepped off the throne of my life. But that left me with a new question: What would take its place?

In this episode, I share insights inspired by a recent church sermon and translate it into the language of recovery. We explore how addiction doesn't necessarily disappear. It often just changes clothes. Careers, achievements, creativity, helping others, and even exercise can quietly become the center of our lives if we're not paying attention.

How can we tell and what’s the harm? Sometimes the answer is hidden in what we worry about, what we can't put down, or what we believe gives us our identity and peace.

Join me as I think out loud about freedom, purpose, emotional sobriety, and the importance of the pause. Because the question isn't simply What do I believe in? It's what is directing my thoughts, my decisions, and ultimately my life today?

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This week’s Facebook memories have reminded me of my Longwood ZTA reunion 17 years ago. The pictures look like I was having a great time. But the memories behind those photos tell a very different story. I remember dancing on the bar, falling in the street, lying on a sticky beer-soaked floor, and believing I was just partying like everyone else. Looking back through the eyes of recovery, I can see that I hadn’t grown out of drinking after college. I was falling deeper into my disease.

I look at those memories and see my insecurity, anxiety, and the desperate need to belong fueled by alcoholism long before I understood what was happening to me. Recovery has transformed those painful memories from sources of shame into opportunities to spread hope to others. Sometimes the stories we most want to hide are the very stories someone else needs to hear. We think our greatest contribution comes from our accomplishments, but I've learned that my deepest impact comes from honestly sharing about the unmanageable pain I’ve survived.

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