I’m pretty good at coping once I’m already overwhelmed. The harder part is recognizing what my mind and body are telling me before I get there.

Today I’m talking about proactive coping—recognizing the physical and emotional warning signs before they become emergencies. I look at the difference between coping and avoidance, intentionally visiting my “dark place,” and why even healthy things like hobbies, creativity, and excitement can push me too far when I stop listening to myself.

Recovery is teaching me that I don’t have to wait until I’m hurting, exhausted, isolated, or overwhelmed to respond. My emotions don’t have to make my decisions for me.

What is your mind or body whispering to you today?

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Why do I say “I’m fine” when  I’m not? Sometimes I hold back because I don’t want to burden anyone, seem dramatic, be misunderstood, or admit that I need help. But what I refuse to talk about doesn’t disappear. It usually finds somewhere else to go.

Sobriety taught me that connection requires my participation, and stroke recovery has taught me the same lesson in a different way. When I live with symptoms other people can’t see, I have to talk about it for others to walk beside me. Sharing what’s wrong isn’t asking someone to rescue me.

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Boris takes over the podcast today. Don't miss it.

I spend a lot of time paying attention to difficult emotions, like fear, anger, sadness, resentment, anxiety, but the emotion wheel goes both ways. Joy and love have a whole vocabulary of their own, and I deserve to experience those feelings without guilt or waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Recovery has taught me that difficult and pleasant emotions can exist at the same time. I can grieve what my stroke took from me and still love my life. I can live with chronic pain and feel excited, inspired, peaceful, proud, playful, and hopeful. One feeling doesn't cancel out another.

Today I'm looking at the joyful side of the emotion wheel and asking, "What does happiness actually feel like?" Because happiness isn't something I should wait for. I need to participate in it. I need to do happiness.

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Humility used to feel a lot like humiliation to me. My recovery program helps me to know what belongs to me, do my part, and trust God with the rest.

In this episode, I talk about how sobriety and stroke recovery have challenged my need for control, how pride can disguise itself as independence, and why asking for and receiving help is part of humility. I can plan, advocate for myself, and participate fully in my recovery without trying to manage the universe. That position is already filled.

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I didn’t want to record today. I wanted to run into my art studio and make handmade journals—my newest creative obsession. But recovery skill I learned in sobriety kicked in: do the next right thing.

I’m learning how to put a container my enthusiasm in order to not abandon my purpose in recovery which is connecting with you. Feelings are information, and that includes excitement. Wanting to do something isn’t the same as the decision to do it. Sometimes I need to turn off my “wanter,” stop asking what sounds more fun, and focus on what the next right thing is in front of me.

Recovery tools become most powerful when we practice them enough that the healthier response starts becoming automatic. And today, apparently, the next right thing was recording an episode about how much I didn’t want to record an episode.

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Living with stroke-related disabilities, chronic pain, and fluctuating capacity means my mind and my brain don’t always agree about how much I can do. I need to notice when my brain needs a slower pace and adjust before I reach the point of crashing. Slowing down doesn’t mean I have to stop, while not slowing down requires me to. Instead of trying to push through, I ask myself what would make today 10% easier? The day may simply need to be a different size than the one I planned.

Do you ask too much of yourself?

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For the longest time I tried to change everything around me and thought that I couldn’t change me. I was a victim of my thoughts and emotions. I had it totally backward. I can't change anything beyond my fingertips, but I can change what's happening between my ears. Even thought when I can't choose the circumstances of my day, I still get to participate in shaping how I experience it.

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I know I need to rest. I just don't want to. It can be for me to stop, take a nap, or simply sit without thinking about everything else I could be doing. After stroke, things people normally do to relax, like watching TV or reading, aren't options for me because using my eyes hurts. Meditation practice that I learned in sobriety has helped me to “rest my thinker,” when I’m restless, irritable, and don’t want to lay down for a nap. Today I explore ways I can rest without using my eyes. Rest isn't doing nothing. It's accomplishing something my brain needs.

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Being able to do something and deciding whether I should do it are two very different things. In sobriety, I look ahead at the consequences of my choices. In stroke recovery, I’m still learning how to do that with my physical and cognitive capacity, especially when the consequences don’t show up until hours or even days later.

There’s a fine line between perseverance and restraint, and expanding my capacity and exceeding it. I also share about boundaries, self-awareness, and acknowledging when I successfully honor what my brain and body are telling me.

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Being busy can make us feel important, productive, and needed. But when productivity becomes part of our identity, stopping can feel frustrating and uncomfortable. Stroke recovery teaches me lot about the physical, mental, emotional, recreational, and spiritual rest we need to stay well. Sometimes it’s anxiety, ambition, money, technology, and ego that keeps us constantly moving. We can become physically tired, mentally scattered, emotionally short-tempered, spiritually disconnected, and unable to enjoy the life we’re working so hard to build. Even the things we love can exhaust us. We forget to give ourselves permission to stop or ignore the signs that we should. 

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