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"Love is what gives us the strength to balance the anger."

It seems improbable that a human being who has shouldered the weight of so much trauma, so many secrets, so much shame could come to this conclusion, but this is part of what makes Dr. Deborah Derrickson Kossmann such a powerful writer, and such an unshakable empath. 

In this episode of Recovery Diaries in Depth, Deb speaks openly about her mother's descent into hoarding disorder, their immensely complex relationship, and broader issues related to mental illness, trauma, anxiety, and recovery in this fascinating interview with host Gabriel Nathan. Deb's book, "Lost, Found, Kept: A Memoir" is a stunning, award-winning debut book from this therapist/author who confronts so much buried pain with such compassion, not only for her mother, but for herself and for others going through similar trials in life. 

"Lost, Found, Kept" is far more than a story of one woman's mental illness, it is a complex narrative woven and stitched through time that traces, through objects and memories, a story of what happened and how, and what comes after shame is discovered and uncovered. 

Deb shares with Gabe what writing "Lost, Found, Kept" was like, why she decided to tell this story, how she navigates her two lives as therapist and as writer-- one requiring discretion and boundaries, one necessitating public openness-- and she vulnerably shares about what it has been like to navigate the immensely complex nature of coming to grips with a family member's mental illness when you yourself are a practitioner.

This book and this interview are, ultimately, about survival of what threatens to consume and destroy, what lies buried under detritus and secrets, and what can emerge to give hope, strength, and love. Listen, and share.

Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they're always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting www.wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988.

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NAMI asserts that the average length of time between onset of mental health symptoms and reaching out for help is eleven years. That is an excruciatingly long time to be living with mental health challenges without professional help, and the reasons behind why many people wait so long are varied, complex, and understandable. If you are one of those people living in anguish or despair, if you are one of those people who know, deep down, that there is something wrong and that help is desperately needed: this episode of Recovery Diaries in Depth is for you.

Brian Marshall needed help. He was living in throes of a deep, vast depression, not wanting or able to leave his house. His father, a police officer working a side job of painting houses, observed his son suffering. He also observed something else: a stead trickle of children from the neighborhood going into and out of the home that he was painting. One day, Brian's father asked the homeowner why the kids were coming. She said that she was a psychotherapist, working with children who needed help. Brian's father, a good-natured helper of others, but who had difficulty opening up, being vulnerable and expressing himself (like many cops, let alone men, of that era) put those feelings aside and did what he knew was best for his son; he asked this lady for help for Brian.

What ensued was a therapeutic bond between Brian and the therapist, Claire Allen, that would endure for three decades. Brian, who lives with bipolar disorder and depression, knew he wasn't going to make it without help and support. Hospitalized multiple times throughout his life, he has known great stability throughout the last two decades, and he credits much of that stability to the dedicated therapist who saw him through so much of his life.

Brian Marshall, an award-winning journalist, has been twice-published by Recovery Diaries, first for his beautiful tribute to his therapeutic bond with Claire, and, in his second essay, for taking us into the experience of receiving (and benefitting from) ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). Brian's conversation with RDID host Gabriel Nathan is empathic, hopeful, helpful, and uplifting. Brian isn't "cured", and he is currently experiencing challenges navigating the healthcare system; challenges that many of our listeners will identify with, but he is navigating life with strength and resilience. Listen to this candid, inspiring interview, and share it with someone you love; someone who may be waiting, waiting for a sign, that the time to get help is now.

Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they're always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting www.wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988.

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People do all kinds of things to bring attention to mental health and suicide prevention. There are people who have ridden bicycles nude around the United Kingdom. Some take ice baths and do push-up challenges. A few years ago, the host of this very podcast filmed himself driving his 1963 Beetle, emblazoned with the Suicide/Crisis line on the rear window, up and down the East Coast.  

Tim Perreira is walking across the United States to bring awareness to men's mental health and suicide prevention. He is doing it to challenge himself, to help himself understand. To help himself help others. 

On day 70 of his cross-country journey from Newport Beach to Virginia Beach, Tim sat down on a rest-day in a motel room in Elkhart, Kansas to share the profound story, journey, and experience with a fellow mental health and suicide awareness advocate, RDID's host, Gabriel Nathan. These two men care so deeply about the activism in which they engage, and their sometimes diverging, sometimes aligning perspectives shine through, making this interview engaging and far-reaching.

For Tim, this path he is creating is as much a reaching out as it is a reaching in. Despite appearing successful on paper—good grades, promising tech career, living in major cities—Tim experienced what he describes as "a landslide going on internally" between 2016-2020. His motivation disappeared, his health declined, and eventually, he lost his job due to declining performance.

Tim was able to rally, making changes in his personal and professional life, but it wasn't enough. He sunk into an even deeper depression, far more recently, and he knew he had to do something. And sometimes inspiration is a slow burn, and sometimes it hits-- well-- like lightning. That's how this went for Tim.

Tim knew he'd found his path forward. Now raising $50,000 for men's mental health charities, Tim approaches each day with his mantra "this too"—embracing every experience, whether it's physical pain, gear problems, or moments of beauty, as part of life's curriculum. "Life isn't happening to you," he explains, "it's happening for you."

What makes Tim's journey so compelling isn't just the miles covered but how he's transformed conceptual understanding into embodied wisdom. By walking without distractions and processing his thoughts in real-time, he's creating a living demonstration of mental health work that resonates deeply with followers across social media platforms.

We know you will be inspired by this thought-provoking interview. Follow Tim's remarkable journey on LinkedIn and Instagram. Tim is now over 100 days into his footpath across America, but he is just getting started making a difference in the lives of others. 

Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they're always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting www.wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988.

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What happens when your own mind becomes your greatest fear? When intrusive thoughts flood in that feel completely alien to who you really are? In this intimate conversation, writer Pinar Tarhan takes us deep into her experience with Pure Harm OCD – a misunderstood subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder characterized not by handwashing or organization, but by terrifying unwanted thoughts.

Pinar describes the journey from her initial diagnosis at age 19, when disturbing thoughts about harming herself and others left her convinced she was "going mad." She walks us through the frightening early days when she worried she might be "the worst scum humanity had ever seen" simply because of the thoughts in her head. What makes her story particularly compelling is how it challenges popular misconceptions about OCD and mental illness broadly – including the harmful belief that you need severe trauma to legitimately suffer from mental health issues.

Through persistence and several false starts, Pinar eventually found the right psychiatrist who recognized her condition and provided effective treatment. Her recovery path combined medication, therapy, and developing strong personal boundaries. She also speaks candidly about navigating mental health challenges within Turkish culture, which she describes as "a weird melting pot" where finding people who share her individualistic values proved difficult but essential.

Most powerfully, Pinar reveals her transformation from someone terrified of her own mind to someone who now manages her symptoms so effectively that friends joke about whether she even has OCD anymore. While acknowledging that recovery isn't linear and that certain triggers can still cause temporary setbacks, she demonstrates that living well with mental illness is absolutely possible.

Listen to discover how Pinar turned her painful experience into purpose by sharing her story, potentially helping countless others who might recognize themselves in her words. Her journey reminds us that healing comes in many forms – sometimes through medication, sometimes through connection, and sometimes through the simple power of knowing you aren't alone.

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Florence Mukangenzi is a doctor in Rwanda who lives with mental health challenges, including anxiety. In 2017, back when she was a medical student, she wrote a beautiful essay for our site called "Playing Hide and Seek with a Demon: My Struggle with Anxiety." In 2019, she flew across oceans to join other women from around the world for a unique women's writers retreat in Cape May, New Jersey, where her bond with the staff and contributors at Recovery Diaries flourished. She returned to Rwanda empowered and inspired.

However, COVID soon hit and Florence's life and studies were upended; her mental health struggles continued and she remained committed to finishing her medical education so that she could become the general practitioner she is today, helping others in need in her own community; people living with immense struggles, with the perpetual scars from war-torn genocide, people who sometimes struggle with unhelpful and unhealthy views of mental illness.

In her interview with Recovery Diaries in Depth host Gabe Nathan, Flo talks about what is different about living with anxiety, particularly as a doctor, in Rwanda, but what is also similar to anybody else's experience living with mental health challenges anywhere else in the world. She also shares about ketamine treatment she has tried, which is so hard to access in her country. Flo is honest, charming, witty, and passionate about her career, her recovery, and her advocacy, and it shows in the thoughtful responses she gives to Gabe's questions. 

We are delighted to share Flo with you, to introduce you to this inspiring human being, and to share her message of hope and strength. 

Are you ready to discover more stories of mental health, empowerment and change? Check us out for more essays, films, and more podcast episodes featuring diverse voices from around the world.

Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they're always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting www.wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988.

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Jason Schreurs calls himself a “punk rock weirdo”, but he’s also a mental health group facilitator, writer, creator, advocate, podcast host and someone who lives with bipolar disorder. You could say that bipolar and punk come together in a unique and exciting way in Jason’s life and that “scream therapy” (the name of his podcast) is just one of the ways that Jason keeps and stays healthy, stable, and in recovery. 

Jason has written two creative and unique personal essays for Recovery Diaries, one about his relationship with social media, “Social Media – Recovering from the Drug Addiction of the Nation” and his eloquent, artistic reflection on getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder, “A Fractured Journey: Feeling the Throes of Bipolar Disorder Before Diagnosis”, which Jason reads aloud on our podcast. For Jason, writing has always been a lifeline, something that he has used to help express himself for himself as well as communicate with and connect to others. 

While Jason is an engaging podcast host on his own show, he’s just as good a guest on ours! In our conversation with Jason, he talks about what life was like before his diagnosis and how he is doing now; and Jason is thriving. His creativity has not diminished at all (even though some folks fear taking medication will take away their “juice”), he is helping others through his work as a bipolar support groups facilitator, and he continues to write and speak openly about his mental health, while still enjoying and making music. 

You can find everything Jason (including his fabulous book, "Scream Therapy: A Punk Journey Through Mental Health" at screamtherapyhq.com!  

This “punk rock weirdo” is the real deal, and we know you’ll enjoy his openness, his humor, and his heart. Don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe!

Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they're always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting www.wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988.

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Hannah R. Goodman is busy: she has a Substack, she’s a writer and novelist, she is a therapist, she’s a spouse and a mother. She has a lot going on in her life; and a lot going on in her head, too—as she’s very open about—particularly “pure O” and generalized anxiety disorder. There’s so much going on that it was surprising that she found time to spend an hour with us to sit down and talk, but she did! And we’re grateful for it.

Hannah has long been a friend of Recovery Diaries; she’s published two essays with us, The Big Scare: My Anxiety Disorder Story and When Thoughts are Sticky; Pure OCD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (she reads this one aloud on our podcast, and knocks it out of the park). Hannah has a remarkable facility not only with words, but with human emotion, and she opens herself up in a vulnerable and moving way with our host, Gabe Nathan, as they share their experiences with anxiety and obsessive thoughts, and about expressing themselves creatively through writing.

Hannah reveals that she is in an “interesting place” regarding her writing and, during the interview, she breaks down what she means. She also speaks about losing her father, one of her strongest supporters and someone who helped her understand and navigate her anxiety, even though he had little formal knowledge about or training in mental health.

Come be warmed and helped through this compassionate conversation between two people who admire and respect each other, exploring issues and facets of mental health that aren’t commonly discussed on platforms like this. Like, share, and, of course, subscribe!

Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they’re always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988.

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Sheila O'Shea is a writer with bipolar disorder; two of her intriguing and vulnerable personal essays reside on our website, www.oc87recoverydiaries.org. In one of her essays, she writes about the importance of drawing boundaries at work and the other piece is devoted to how she learned she had bipolar disorder. Our podcast interview with Sheila delves into material and themes from both essays. Sheila talks openly about working with bipolar disorder, the frustrating necessity of educating employers who know next-to-nothing about mental illness, and the benefits of working from home. Sheila describes bipolar disorder as leaving her work life in tatters, but she is continuing to work, this time on her own terms, and living a healthier life.

Sheila also talks about "the unpleasantness", which is how she refers to how her bipolar disorder was finally diagnosed, and speaks candidly about her time spent in a locked, inpatient psychiatric hospital; one of the most highly stigmatized and feared places on Earth. "It was really fucking boring," Sheila says with a laugh. Most stories about psychiatric hospitals are replete with horror stories, but Sheila's description reveals the often ceaseless banality patients encounter in these facilities where there is often not much to do and the most exciting thing that happens is your discharge. 

Exploring hypomania with thoughtfulness, Sheila openly admits that there are "advantages" to hypomania-- creativity and productivity being chief among them-- but that high always wears off and the crushing low comes hard; it is this knowledge and understanding that has prevented Sheila from going off her medication, and it's what keeps her stable. Sheila's insight, awareness, and openness made her a great guest, and you'll enjoy her conversation with our host, Gabriel Nathan. Check it out; like, share, and subscribe to Recovery Diaries in Depth. 

Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they're always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting www.wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988.

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Erica Harris is an emergency physician at Einstein Hospital, and she also serves on the Board of Directors of Recovery Diaries. Our "Recovery Diaries in Depth" interview with Dr. Harris is a wide-ranging, empathic conversation that you will be sure to want to hear.

Dr. Harris's experiences working in emergency medicine, surviving the trauma of COVID, are discussed in her interview and are also the subject of a beautiful documentary film we made several years ago, during the height of the pandemic where she thought about ideas of vulnerability and heroism, juxtaposing her career as a physician against that of her grandfather, a coal miner who fought for miner's rights and safety. 

In today's profit-driven medical industry, many healthcare providers feel immense pressure to see as many patients in a shift as possible to maximize profits, but Dr. Harris emphatically believes that kindness and empathy don't cost anything and they don't make interactions take any longer. She is a true believer in vulnerable, intimate moments with her patients. She also is a strong advocate for de-stigmatizing and normalizing mental health, openly sharing that she is in therapy.

Dr. Harris knows for sure that helping others, whether during a pandemic or not, has its toll that it takes on the mental health of providers, but she is here to remind us that vulnerability is a strength and that we can get through anything.

Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they're always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting www.wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988.

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Child sexual abuse and trauma, particularly at the hands of family members, is often called "unspeakable" and yet Morrene Hauser is breaking silence and shattering taboo by doing just that. She is determined to not allow shame and stigma to force her into being quiet. What Morrene endured growing up is unfathomable to most people and yet, at nearly sixty years old and living a full, rich life, she is living proof that there is life after childhood sexual abuse.

Morrene wrote an essay for Recovery Diaries last year called "My Very Own Sunshine: Healing from Trauma with Horses" and she returns to Recovery Diaries as a guest on this episode of Recovery Diaries in Depth to talk not just about her beautiful, moving essay, but to engage in a frank discussion of recovery from abuse and trauma. Morrene's recovery involved therapy, a drastic reduction in alcohol consumption, which Morrene acknowledges she was using as a maladaptive coping tool, and two other elements: writing and horses.

The first, writing, Morrene didn't discover until later in her life, but it has become a therapeutic, healthy, cathartic outlet for her to express herself, come to grips with what happened to her in her youth, and to help her connect with others. 

Horses, however, have almost always been a part of Morrene's life, even when she was a child in the midst of constant horrors, horses were there to bring her peace, comfort, respite, and the kind of love she never received from the human beings in her life. Horses are still a part of her life today: she wouldn't have it any other way.

Morrene's interview is a wonderful reminder of the strength of the human spirit; listen, share, like, subscribe, and hope.

CW: This episode features discussions of child sexual abuse and trauma. Please visit https://rainn.org for extensive resources and help related to these issues.

Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they're always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting www.wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988.

https://recoverydiaries.org/