“So you dealt with dependence on pills, alcohol, and porn, but that wasn’t the real issue?” “No, the real problems were my people pleasing and pride.”

Ben Sledge’s story involves going to war in Afghanistan as a 20 year old, getting blown up and a friend bleeding out on him, divorce, and all the fall out that came after.

Don’t miss this story of a war-torn veteran whose issues began long before the USA put a gun in his hands.

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

The last of the 12 Steps is to carry the message to others and to put the principles of the program into practice in every area of your life. For those in recovery programs, practicing Step 12 is simply: "to keep it you have to give it away."

“I needed something more…because, you know, the drugs and alcohol wear off. I needed something that’s more consistent and readily available, and so I developed an eating disorder.”

After enduring nearly every form of abuse, Morgan was desperate to find a way to cope with the pain that consumed her. She tried cocaine, alcohol, and sex, but settled instead into stepping between bulimia and anorexia.

A few years into this, she felt abandoned by everyone she’d ever loved, and she was contemplating jumping off a bridge, when a commanding voice broke into the storm of her thoughts and asked a question that changed her trajectory.

“The process of enlightenment is usually slow. But in the end, our seeking always brings a finding. These great mysteries are, after all, enshrined in complete simplicity.”
– Bill W

In recovery we find that spirituality really is constantly developing and changing just like us. New situations and new people all have an effect on us and our spirituality needs to grow along those lines. The Step 11 task at hand is therefore finding ways to improve conscious contact and connection with the “God” of our own understanding. We already have a conscious awareness of a “higher power” working in our lives, which we began to develop in Step Two. Working on Step Three we learned to trust that higher power for guidance. In the process of working through all of the steps so far, we were improving our relationship with the higher power.

“That started to shift my mindset from, ‘What are all the things that I can get from other people to get my worth,’ to ‘How can I attune myself to what God is saying is true about me, and keep doing that, so that I don’t fall back into this codependency pattern?’”

Andre Bradford, national slam poet speaker on empathy, shares his story about how he sought his sense of worth in relationships, and yet found himself self-sabotaging in those relationships because he felt he didn’t deserve them. In friendships, he would constantly second guess himself, wondering whether he’d said or done something to offend someone, and cause them to not want to see him anymore. Until Recovery.

In the steps, he learned to let go of control, take responsibility for the things he has ownership of, and show up in a confident humility that allowed him to finally experience a happy and successful relationship.

“So much of that perfectionism is a big, huge piece of it. The people pleasing, because that goes along with it, if I could just be the perfect wife, my husband will stop doing whatever he’s doing, my parents will be proud of me…this is what I’m supposed to be doing.”

Abandonment by a parent and cancer in her new parent pushed Sunny to fall heavily onto her coping mechanisms - namely, “presenting well.” Though she was enduring so much, she felt that if her life at least looked good, she’d feel better. Wrapping her pride around her like armor, she felt she was better than the mother who left her, and she tried to ensure everyone knew it.

So when her boyfriend tried to kill her, she swept it under the rug, along with all the rest of her pain. But in the process of Recovery, what she saw as her superpower (achieving, excelling, shining at everything) she realized was actually her coping mechanisms. In order to find peace, she had to let go of that shiny armor, lay down her pride, and allow herself to be fully seen and known, in all the messiness.

Making amends may seem like a bitter pill to swallow, but for those serious about recovery, it can be good medicine for the spirit and the soul.

Step 9 is another one of the 12 steps, that initially appears most difficult, but the rewards of putting this principle into practice can be immense. The spiritual principle involved is that of forgiveness, not only from others but forgiveness of self, which can bring healing to both parties.

"I thought, what's the big deal? Porn is totally normal."

Is pornography normal and healthy, or does it harm people and their relationships? Nate and Taylor Hilpert share together how it impacted them individually, and in their marriage. They also explain how Recovery helped to heal how they experience their emotions, giving them the tools they needed to deal with anxiety, self esteem, parenting, and more.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory. Step 8 is about refining and compiling the list of people that we have hurt with our negative coping mechanisms: family members, friends, etc so that we can prepare to have a conversation wherein we acknowledge the hurt we caused them, and apologize.

This step is just about our side of the sidewalk, not theirs. We prepare to take responsibility for the choices that we had control over and that we made, with no excuses.