Redeeming Disorder

Despite the past month's MIA-ness, rest assured that more Redeeming Disorder is to come.

Michael McRay came to know shame in early childhood, and it nearly killed him. In this episode of Redeeming Disorder, he bravely shares the story of his close encounter with death, and of the immense outpouring of love he found after attempting suicide. Michael's vulnerability gives me the courage to finally share that I was suicidal for a period of time in the summer of 2011, and if you find yourself in a dark place, I hope it gives you courage as well. May the story instill faith, in all those who need to hear it, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You are not alone.

The storytelling of this episode is beautiful, thanks to Michael's skills as an orator and writer. In his most recent book, I Am Not Your Enemy, he visits Israel, Palestine, Northern Ireland and South Africa interviewing activists, peacebuilders and former combatants about their personal stories of conflict, justice, and reconciliation. As Michael puts it, "we need stories that cultivate empathy and tell the truth. We need stories to save us from our fear."

You can find I Am Not Your Enemy and the rest of Michael's work on his website

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Devon VillaCampa returns to the podcast to update us on his artistic and mental health journeys. Not only does he reflect on what he's been through, but he reflects on how reflections themselves change with age — how his perspective evolved in the 1.5 years between appearances on the podcast. Devon finds newfound freedom as he gets older, and newfound peace as he grows into himself.

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Today we catch up with another previous Redeeming Disorder guest, AJ Mass, who unfortunately lost both his mother and his mother-in-law in the year before this interview. The discussion of that challenge quickly turns into an abstract and philosophical discussion of life, aging, belief and truth.

Redeeming Disorder listeners who want to get in touch can now do so without so much as a tweet! To share feedback and ask questions, just fill out this short form.

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Researcher and clinical psychology PhD Amanda Rabinowitz returns to Redeeming Disorder to talk psychiatry, dive deeper into therapeutic techniques (especially CBT and its behavioral activation offshoots) and contemplate a number of murky dichotomies within her field:

As a whole, Amanda's interview underscores dichotomies within the whole of psychology — dichotomies in which her approach contrasts with that of our last guest, Dr. Eric Maisel. Where Eric calls disorders made-up, psychiatry corrupt and its systems illegitimate, Amanda calls disorders sociologically valuable, psychiatry complicated and its systems worth working within. I don't pretend to know who is right, or if either of these psychologists is right. I don't particularly think that's important. In Eric Maisel and Amanda Rabinowitz I see two people carrying out a labor of love, with tremendous intelligence and compassion, impactfully helping others.

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Eric Maisel is a psychotherapist, a PhD in counseling psychology, a creativity coach, and the author of over fifty published books. While I first discovered him through his “Rethinking Mental Health” blog for Psychology Today, his education and work in the field span back far before that — far before I was diagnosed with depression at ten years old, and far before I was born. Eric questions what he terms the “mental disorder paradigm,” and broaches controversial questions most would rather avoid:

Does mental illness actually exist? Are SSRIs medicine, or rather just “chemicals with strong effects?” What is medicine?

We addressed the first of those questions in a conversation with Eric back in 2017, and in this interview, I join Eric in-person in San Francisco to dig into the second question. Finally, on the eve before I journey into the Amazon to work with Ayahuasca, I share some reflections of mine on the third question. In this episode of Redeeming Disorder, those questions all prove to be fascinating launching pads into a discussion of labels, language, institutional (and psychiatric) authority, meaning-making and life purpose.

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We're back to interviews on Redeeming Disorder!

Guided meditations 1-12 will remain up on the podcast for your use whenever you like, and in the meantime, it feels good to get back to real stories of mental disorder. Today's story is a special one whose subject matter hits home for me: Todd Herzog's struggle as an alcoholic.

Todd shares the unsung side of his story in this interview; while downward spirals get a lot of attention, upward spirals are stories worth telling. I'm grateful to Todd for doing the telling, and living as an example of crawling out of the hole that is alcoholism. I grew up seeing my dad in that same hole, where he remained until passing away one year ago. On the anniversary of getting that sad call from my sister, I'm joined (and interviewed) by my partner Kailey to talk about what has come up for me the past few days.

I hope you enjoy these conversations, I hope you have a fantastic New Year's Eve, and HAPPY 2021!

PS — I've mentioned a number of books in recent episodes, namely today's episode. While the cascade of recommendations won't continue, I will share links to the books mentioned, for those interested:

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You did it! Congrats on graduating from this 12-day meditation challenge. Review what you learned anytime through this final meditation tying it all together.

I’m wishing you love and well-being in both practice and life.

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This meditation’s opening quote is from the Pirkei Avot of the Rabbinic Jewish tradition. It is also the last opening quote of the meditation series, as tomorrow's final episode will be 'practice-only.' Turning the page to 2021, I'm wishing you the best in practice, and the best in life!

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Today we deepen our practice into one of open, "choiceless" awareness.

As you’ve learned in 10 days, attention is a wildly unstable force, and we don’t always get to choose where it goes. In life and in practice, the light of our attention will shine unpredictably on object after object. Can we "choicelessly" accept whatever emerges from the dark?

This meditation’s opening quote is from the Buddha.

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