Welcome to the Relationship Secrets Made Simple Podcasts.
If you've been with me for a while, then you know we've been reaching for higher perspective in this season with our series, 10 perspectives to a better relationship and so far we covered five perspectives:
1- Bring new perspective into a tough season
2- Calming Chaos by Shifting Perspective
3- Becoming an ally with uncertainty
4- Pivoting relationship growth and
5- Resonating with radical self-awareness
If this is your first time joining, please go back and listen to all 5 episodes. Each episode is designed to give you a massive value in your relationship season. If you haven't signed up for the free training with me, go to corinneconway.com/10perspectives, there you'll find access to 10 mindset moving videos with me, a workbook and community to stand behind you. You don't want to miss it so go ahead and download it after you listen to this episode.
Good day to you all. I hope you're all safe, healthy and well.
I want to talk about what it takes to get a fresh, connected, energetic partnership. And how to break up with unhappiness fatigue, if you're someone that has been struggling with this for a while.
I received a DM with an intriguing and powerful question, why are relationships so hard?
Let's talk about why relationships feel hard.
Let's talk about what's going on inside of us when we feel stressed when conflict come up in relationships
We face challenges in relationships and neuroscience tells us that, the heart rate and testosterone increases, cortisol (the stress hormone) decreases and adrenaline is released by forms of stress.
Our lizard brain is activated by our primary function to survive, followed by our flight, fight or flight response.
When this is activated, we have to remind our lizard brain that our partner isn't a sabertooth tiger.
Couples that live out the relationship piece mindset stretch the possibility for being exceptional, the development of your psychology will shape the quality of your experience within your relationship.
In other words, you have to learn how to respond to your biology to have a better quality relationship.
So let me ask you a question, or are relationships hard or is it just our biology that we need to understand?
Learning how to respond to the messages that our lizard brain sends us is a skill set you can learn.
You can reprogram your conditioning to respond to these messages in a way that makes you feel better.
Your beliefs influence everything that you do.
It requires intentional action.
Here's an example of us in action.
US Navy Seals conquer their lizard brains responses in 4 steps
1- Goal setting - They bring structure to the stressful situation with intentional goal setting
2- Mental Rehearsal - They bring vision was intentional visualization
3- Self talk - They bring in guidance with intentional self talk. Positive self talk can override the signals from the amygdala - allowing the prefrontal cortex to take control, the place where rational thinking comes from.
4- Arousal control - This involves controlling your physiology. By breathing long breaths, you can relax your body.
They overcome extreme adversity by being intentional and deliberate.
Here's the best news of all. If you're someone that wants to maintain long lasting love, if you're someone that wants to create a long lasting relationship. If you're someone that wants to create more happiness in your relationship you can start today.
You can conquer your lizard brain to have a fulfilling relationship.
Here's the deal…
If you're like most couples, you want to feel happier…
Here is where the art of science + love intersect...
When you feel good, these chemicals fire...
When we feel love, when we feel the attraction, we literally feel euphoria, because of this chemical formula dopamine (the happy hormone) serotonin and oxytocin that can be nurtured by being intentional and deliberate about unhappiness fatigue.
And if you want to feel elated, feel happier, feel joyful, feel excited, more of this formula with your partner, I'm going to tell you how to be intentional and deliberate about creating more happiness, creating more joy, creating more connection and less of the negative emotions that pile up causing unhappiness fatigue.
But before I do, be sure to download the free before this episode, it lists the actionable steps on how to implement the strategy in your life. It also has a section on how to share this formula with your partner.
Let's dig into this formula
1- Step # 1 - Get present.
Self-awareness. Let's dial inward.
Start with what you're seeing visually. What pictures, what images, what's playing in your head that's showing you stories that you can be intentional about dialing in.
Next what are you hearing? With sounds, what voices are you hearing that you can intentionally dial in.
Lastly, what are you feeling? What are the sensations in your body telling you? If you feel tension, take long breaths, inhale deeply, hold it for nine seconds, then release it for 3 seconds.
Get present by noticing what's going on visually, the sounds that you're hearing, and the feelings that you're feeling.
#2 - Set goals for your intention with intentional goal setting.
Important things to consider here...
What outcome do you actually want? If it's a problem that you want to solve, then use this formula
I want to transition from defensive communication with my partner to clear, connected conversations.
When you find yourself in a stressful situation, after getting present. Have some self talk and remind yourself of the intentional goal that you want to stick with.
3- Self accountability
This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where you'll build agility and thanks to Neural Plasticity you can build new neurological patterns.
Sustained practice of new behavior can sufficiently challenge the brain to rewire itself to think in a new way.
Behavioral science tells us that it takes 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative reaction to rewire the brain.
Have you ever noticed that It takes less effort on our limbic systems to offer something positive.
It takes less effort to say "hey, I think we're crossing here please let me clarify.
It takes more effort to rebuild intimate connections after they're turned down.
It takes more effort to restart your goals again.
It takes very little effort to program your mind every day to master this mindset with the three steps I just talked about. Download the cheat sheet and implement these strategies.
All right, my goal is to always provide you with immense value that you can take with you to implement in your life.
Don't forget to download the cheat sheet for this episode at corinneconway.com/007.
If you liked this episode please share it with a friend. If you love this episode I would really appreciate it if you would give me a review on iTunes it helps me to get in front of other people like you.
Again just want to thank you for being here with me today.
I believe in you.
Ciao for now.
See you next week.
