Become An Ally With Uncertainty In This Season
Welcome to the Relationships Secrets Made Simple for Queer Women show.
A podcast about teaching queer women how to improve and strengthen their relationships with actionable steps, with me as your coach.
10 Perspectives to a Better Relationship Series and Challenge
If you didn't know, I started a community wide challenge.
10 Perspectives to a Better Relationship.
It's week 3 and we are seeing terrific momentum from our queer community.
Vee, from New York City says... "I'm having real time mindset shifts in real time!".
Thank you Vee. We are so happy to have you be a part of this community.
Seek out a mentor
If you're struggling with tough emotions in your relationship this season, seek out a mentor, someone that will help you identify what you're feeling and what you're struggling with and how to turn it around. In this series, 10 Perspectives to a Better Relationship, I will walk you through 10 Perspectives that will do just that and you will learn how to identify and shift perspectives together, for the better.
And as a bonus, you can get my free training and accompanying workbook, so that you work through and process in real time, and join my free community of queer women who are on the journey with you.
If you want some help improving your relationship, with insight that is meant to help keep you strong, help you when it's most difficult... with tools to help you make change in your life, Take this journey with me by joining, go to corinneconway.com/10perspectives.
How to become an ally with uncertainty (a story).
In this episode, we're going to talk about something that we all can relate to in this season.. a feeling that is very familiar..
Get your hearts ready, because you're going to learn the best practices to control that one thing... and that one thing my friends is uncertainty.
Let me tell you a story, when I was young, about eight or nine years old, my Dad worshiped Bruce Lee. He had a corner in our living room with a shelf, with all sorts of small statues that represented this culture.
A bunch of Chinese metal stars, a bright red colorful fan with Asian patterns and a porcelain samurai statue, that all of us knew was off-limits.
As a kid, these things fascinated me. And that's because my Dad shared his passion with us by allowing us to watch karate flicks. Naturally, as kids we wanted to practice some moves.
So on one faithful day, my brothers and I we're mimicking some martial arts moves in the living room. And the unthinkable happened and I want you to imagine this in slow motion, my fathers precious samurai, the centerpiece that lit up our living room, my dads precious gem... somehow was shaken off the shelf.. and up in the air It tumbled, round and round in the air, until it finally hit the ground.
The sound that it made when it shattered into a million pieces, as it hit the ground sent a chill up my spine that caused a fright, that I can only describe as complete and utter panic.
My mother entered the room, with what felt like the speed of light, and said this iconic phrase "what happened"?
My older brother, who wasn't worthy of taking one for the team, immediately belted out "she broke it".
Meeeeeeeeee? I thought. Surprised and astonished, suddenly, my heart sank. I became deathly afraid, not because I would be punished but because I knew that statue had held a lot of meaning for my father.
I was uncertain of my fate. Would my dad be hurt, angry and would I be bound to my room for life? What about the precious samurai that lit up the room, that was wounded and shattered on the ground like a pile of dust particles, instead of a strong statement that embodied my Dad's strength in our home.
Ooooh, My mother the saint, painstakingly, picked up each piece, one by one and glued the pieces back together with Kraft glue. After she glued it back together, the poor samurai had cracks all over it. And she put the wounded figure back on the shelf after hours of labor. Just looking at it made me weak...
A bit of time passed by, yet, my dad still hadn't arrived home from work. And so, I did what any eight-year-old would do, I ran. I used to go to this place, when I felt uncertain as a kid, it was my bunk bed. And as a small kid, I could hide in the covers and no one could find me there. There, I would think, or calm down. There I would hide away from anything scary.
Now let me ask you, has this ever happened to you, have you ever gone to a place to retreat, to hide when you felt uncertain?
Whether physically or emotionally?
Uncertainty is temporary.
There was a lesson I learned from this experience, and it was, uncertainty is temporary.
Like the samurai, when wounded, you have to choose and shift perspective to move you forward. You can't shut down, you can't hide. Eventually, I had to face my dad, and he forgave me and as a reminder to not give up, the samurai stayed on the shelf.
Don't give up because it's easy or familiar
When you're ready to give up, freeze, shut down, numb your hurt, when you hit the wall, when your courage is weak, when you cling to coping mechanisms that are comfortable and safe, when you go to that place when you're feeling uncertain shift perspective to become an ally with uncertainty.
As you continue to head into this chapter…
I want you to think about..
How are you going to become an ally with uncertainty? Answer these questions wholeheartedly.
- Who will you show up as when your relationship requires you to choose perspective to walk toward an exceptional relationship?
- When you prepare for the next steps in this season what energy will you fill in your environment to create an exceptional relationship?
- The insignia of marriage, the strength of marriage is tied directly to your coping mechanisms. And so perspective is so important when coping in difficult times.
- How will you be deliberate and intentional about showing up even when you don't feel like it, even when you're scared, even when it's easier to cut and run?
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