Relationship Truth: Unfiltered

RESOURCES:

JOIN CONQUER!! September 24 - October 4th

In this episode, Betty shares her journey through CONQUER, a program that played a pivotal role in her life, first as a married woman and later after her divorce. She discusses how she rediscovered her core values, tackled people-pleasing habits, and found invaluable community support. Her story is a testament to personal growth and resilience, offering hope and a heartfelt prayer for those facing tough times.

Twice the Impact: Betty took CONQUER courses twice—first married, then divorced in December 2016. She reflects on how this dual experience shaped her perspective and growth.

Discovering Authenticity: Betty's journey to rediscover her core values. Insightful question: "Who did God make you to be?"

Moving Beyond People Pleasing: Role plays and self-awareness exercises in CONQUER helped her recognize and overcome patterns of people-pleasing.

Community and Support: Importance of community in Betty's healing journey. Deep connections and friendships formed through CONQUER.

Transformation and Growth: Betty's evolution spiritually and emotionally. Living authentically and secure in identity and faith.

Gratitude and Mentorship: Betty's shares her appreciation for Leslie Vernick's mentorship and teaching. Impactful moments of support and guidance.

Finding Meaning in Difficult Times: Drawing from Isaiah 45:3—finding treasures in darkness. Recognizing God's presence and provision in challenging times.

Encouragement for Listeners: Words of encouragement for those in similar journeys. Embrace inner work, community support, and spiritual growth.

Closing Thoughts and Prayer: Betty's closing reflections on her journey. Heartfelt prayer for listeners in difficult circumstances.

RESOURCES:

Register Here for Leslie's Free Workshop

Are You in a Destructive Marriage Test/Quick Start Guide

Pam's Journey:

• Reflects on her marriage of over two decades overshadowed by manipulation and deceit.

Navigating Healing and Transformation:

• Coping with legal and financial challenges amidst ongoing deceit and manipulation.

Reflections and Moving Forward:

• Challenges and victories in navigating divorce and rebuilding self-worth.

RESOURCES:

 Near-Death Experience

• Julie Bonn Blank shares her profound spiritual experience after a near-death allergic reaction

Understanding Coercive Control

• Definition and examples of coercive control in relationships

Highlighting ARMS Programs

• Overview of "Her Journey" program for survivors of domestic violence

Challenges in Church Responses

• Discussion on how churches address abuse within their congregations

Personal Reflections on Healing and Relationships

• Julie's insights on building healthy relationships after abuse

• Women may hesitate to show physical affection due to fear of it being seen as an invitation for sex.

• Faking orgasms can erode trust and intimacy in a relationship.

• Certain practices, such as extramarital sex and harmful activities, are considered off-limits.

• Covert marital rape can involve emotional or spiritual coercion, where consent is not freely given.

• There is disagreement in the church on this topic. 

• Feeling deceived when a partner’s sexual preferences or desires differ from expectations can be challenging.

• Long-term relationships, like homes, require regular maintenance and repair.

• Marriage and intimate relationships involve navigating various challenges and dynamics.

RESOURCES:

In this episode, Kobe explores the intersection of prayer, therapy, and setting boundaries in the journey of healing from relational wounds and trauma. Drawing from personal and professional experiences, Kobe shares insights and practical tools to empower listeners in their healing journey.

Prayer as a Healing Practice:

• Importance of Prayer: Prayer serves as a foundational practice in connecting with God and seeking emotional and spiritual healing.

Spiritual Insights and Healing:

• Learning from Elijah: Elijah's journey in 1 Kings 19, is where God provided resources for endurance rather than immediate escape from suffering.

Benefits of Therapy and Coaching:

• Perspective Beyond Pain: Therapy and coaching offer insights outside one's immediate suffering, essential for moving beyond trauma.

Setting Boundaries and Biblical Perspective:

• Importance of Boundaries: Setting boundaries is biblical and mirrors God's design for relationships, fostering mutual respect and safety.

Breath Prayer for Healing:

• Kobe shares a breath prayer exercise as a contemplative practice, combining deep breathing with a prayerful connection to God's presence.

RESOURCES:

• Leslie's Free Webinar: www.leslievernick.com/o

In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko and Leslie Vernick delve into the concept of "core strength" and its critical importance for women navigating destructive relationships. This episode is designed for any woman who feels she may be in a harmful relationship, offering practical insights on how to build and use core strength in everyday life, whether she chooses to stay or leave.

Understanding Core Strength:

• Leslie shares her personal journey of realizing the importance of core strength, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. She introduces the concept with a metaphor of physical fitness, explaining how just as a strong core prevents physical collapse, emotional core strength prevents women from collapsing under the weight of a destructive relationship.

Core Strength Components:

• Courageously Committed to Truth: Living in reality, not denial, and embracing the truth even when it's difficult.

Practical Applications:

• Leslie and Julie explore practical scenarios where core strength is applied, including handling disagreements about finances, asserting one's needs, and setting boundaries with a controlling or abusive partner.

Facing Reality and Fear:

• The episode addresses the fear of confronting harsh realities, like leaving an abusive situation or facing the consequences of setting boundaries. Leslie emphasizes the need to acknowledge fear but not let it dictate actions.

Building a Safety Plan:

• The importance of having a safety plan is discussed for women who find themselves in physically dangerous situations. Resources and steps to create a safety plan are provided.

Wise Counsel and Discernment:

• How to discern between wise advice and manipulative counsel, especially in a church setting. The importance of aligning advice with the true character of God, as revealed through Jesus, is highlighted.

Reflecting on the Past

Laura talks about her hard memories of the marriage bed and how she took time after leaving her marriage to observe how others interacted in their marriages. She realized that healthy relationships exist and had to rewrite the script in her mind about what is normal and healthy.

Challenging the Spouse

Laura describes how challenging her husband or saying no would lead to either being ignored, receiving a different storyline, or being told she was wrong. She mentions how this would escalate to character assassination, erasing what she thought and wanted, making her feel she had to go along with what he did.

Hitting the Wall

As her kids got older, financial troubles and unstable work for her husband added to the stress. Three occasions in four months where her husband physically hit her were pivotal. After the first incident, she contacted the church, seeking accountability, but it led to no meaningful support. Her husband never acknowledged his actions.

Lack of Support and Apologies

Laura shares how her husband never apologized or acknowledged the abuse, often claiming that incidents never happened or were accidental.

Physical and Emotional Abuse

Laura explains why she did not call the police, mentioning her fear of creating a bigger mess and the belief that any report would lead to someone going to jail. She learned the importance of documentation and how having a case number could have helped her later.

Fear and Control

Laura recounts another incident where her husband shoved her out of bed, leading her to scream for help. She didn't call the police, fearing the consequences. Her husband continued to downplay and dismiss her concerns.

Finding Leslie Vernick

After these incidents, Laura tried one more round of counseling. Seeing her husband act cruelly towards his mother was a turning point. A friend recommended Leslie Vernick's book, which gave her the words to explain her experiences and recognize the patterns of abuse.

Joining Conquer

Laura joined Conquer in 2017. Leslie's teachings and the supportive community were a godsend. She learned about her identity in Christ and how to have healthy relationships, which helped her grow and heal.

Grieving and Healing

Leaving a 32-year marriage involved a grief process for Laura. Time and counseling have been healing. She had to intentionally remember the good times and not vilify her ex. Now, she can pray for him and look forward to advancing God's kingdom in her life.

Moving Forward and Dating Again

After seven years of being divorced, Laura is cautiously open to a new relationship. She approaches it differently, being mindful and keeping other people engaged. She remains true to herself and looks for mutual engagement and respect.

Conclusion

Laura encourages women in similar situations to see their own beauty and courage. She advises focusing on personal health and taking steps towards independence. Empowering oneself and one's children towards Christ and their own identity is crucial.

Encouragement and Next Steps

Laura emphasizes the importance of focusing on individual wellness and taking the next right step. She suggests creating a safety plan and being around supportive people who will speak life into you.

Resources:

• Dr. Henry Cloud’s new book: "Why I Believe"  

In today's episode, Leslie Vernick sits down with Dr. Henry Cloud, the acclaimed leadership expert, clinical psychologist, and best-selling author known for his influential books "Boundaries" and "Necessary Endings." With over 45 years of experience, Dr. Cloud has helped millions integrate faith and psychology into their lives.

In this enlightening conversation, Leslie and Dr. Cloud discuss his newest book, "Why I Believe," a deeply personal narrative that diverges from his usual clinical and business-focused writings. This book delves into Dr. Cloud’s journey of faith, his childhood experiences, and the profound moments that shaped his spiritual beliefs.

Key Points:

Introduction to Dr. Henry Cloud: Leslie introduces Dr. Cloud, highlighting his significant contributions through his books and his integration of faith and psychology. Dr. Cloud's credentials: best-selling author, leadership expert, and clinical psychologist with over 45 years of experience.

The Motivation Behind "Why I Believe": Dr. Cloud shares the impetus for writing a book about his faith journey at this point in his life. Initial intention to create a small pamphlet for his friends, which evolved into a full-fledged book due to the widespread need among Christians to share their faith.

Dr. Cloud’s Personal Faith Journey: Growing up in a Southern Methodist home with a faith that was real but not front and center. His struggles with depression and a turning point during his college years when he earnestly sought God.

Miraculous Experiences: Dr. Cloud recounts miraculous experiences, including finding a pastor’s house through divine guidance and the profound moment of feeling God’s presence in his car. How these experiences affirmed his belief in God despite not immediately curing his depression.

Intellectual Obstacles and Resolution: Addressing intellectual challenges such as the existence of suffering and the relationship between science and scripture. Dr. Cloud’s deep dive into various scientific fields and his conclusion that there is no conflict between science and the Bible when approached without atheistic presuppositions.

Integration of Psychology and Scripture: Dr. Cloud’s perspective on how psychological science validates biblical teachings. The inclusion of personal miracle stories in his book to illustrate the tangible impact of faith.

The Problem of Evil and Suffering: Leslie and Dr. Cloud address the age-old question: If God is good and real, why does He allow suffering, especially the suffering of innocent people? Dr. Cloud explains that the root cause lies in the concept of free will. God created humans with the freedom to love Him or reject Him, and this freedom extends to all human actions, including harmful ones.

The Nature of Love and Freedom: Love cannot exist without freedom. Just as in human relationships, love must be freely given and received; otherwise, it is not true love. God set boundaries to guide humans, but the freedom to choose remains, leading to both good and evil actions.

God’s Foreknowledge and Plan: While God knew the potential for evil, He also prepared a plan for redemption through Jesus Christ, even before the foundation of the world. The presence of evil and suffering is part of the larger narrative of freedom and redemption.

God’s Presence in Suffering: Dr. Cloud shares a powerful testimony of a man who envisioned Jesus taking his place during a beating from his father, illustrating that Jesus deeply empathizes with our suffering. Jesus’ identification with our pain and His presence in our suffering provides a profound sense of comfort and solidarity.

Addressing Intellectual and Emotional Challenges: Dr. Cloud acknowledges that intellectual answers often fall short of providing emotional satisfaction when it comes to understanding suffering. He emphasizes the importance of trusting in God’s infinite love and wisdom, even when we cannot comprehend His ways fully.

Role of the Church and Community: The importance of the church’s role in standing against abuse and supporting victims. Dr. Cloud critiques the misuse of scripture to justify abusive relationships and encourages victims to seek help from compassionate and understanding leaders.

Empowerment and Responsibility: God has delegated the responsibility to humans to act against evil and support those in need. Encouragement for individuals and communities to step up and make a difference in the lives of those who are suffering.

Encouragement for Victims: Dr. Cloud offers heartfelt advice to victims of abuse, emphasizing the importance of seeking safety and help. He highlights the significance of finding supportive communities and leaders who will stand against abuse and provide the necessary support.

RESOURCES:

Today, we’re tackling a big question: Is your marriage dead or alive? We’ll break down how to tell if your relationship is thriving, in trouble, or maybe somewhere in between. We’ll talk about what regular upkeep looks like for a healthy marriage and how to handle the heavy-duty repairs when things go south. Whether you’re dealing with minor bumps or major cracks, we’ve got tips and insights to help you figure out the next steps. So, grab a coffee, settle in, and let’s get real about your relationship!

Understanding Marriage Maintenance:

• The Importance of Regular Upkeep: 

The Necessity of Repair Work:

• Identifying Major Issues

Real-Life Stories and Lessons:

• Repair Strategies

The Role of Accountability and Self-Reflection:

• Taking Responsibility

When Effort is Lopsided:

• Balancing Effort

Accepting Reality:

• Facing Hard Truths:

Maintaining a marriage requires ongoing effort and understanding the difference between routine maintenance and addressing significant issues. Recognizing when to repair versus maintain and accepting the reality of the situation can lead to healthier outcomes, whether it means rejuvenating the relationship or making a tough decision to move forward separately.

Resources:

In this episode, we delve into the often overlooked dynamics of covert abuse within marriages, shedding light on its subtle yet profound impacts. Our guest, Jessica, shares her insights into these hidden behaviors based on her personal journey and observations.

Defining Covert Abuse:

• Covert abuse refers to subtle, deceptive behaviors aimed at controlling or manipulating a partner without overt aggression.

Impact on Emotional Well-being:

• The discussion explores the emotional toll of covert abuse, highlighting feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and isolation.

Financial and Decision-Making Control:

• Financial abuse, where one partner controls finances to limit independence or enforce compliance, is explored.

Parenting Challenges:

• Covertly abusive behaviors can extend into parenting dynamics, affecting roles, responsibilities, and the emotional environment for children.

Seeking Support and Healing:

Importance of Community and Therapy:

• Jessica emphasizes the role of supportive communities and therapy in recognizing and healing from covert abuse.

Personal Growth and Empowerment:

• The journey towards healing involves reclaiming personal agency and establishing boundaries.

Raising Awareness and Taking Action:

• The episode concludes with a call to raise awareness about covert abuse, encouraging listeners to recognize the signs and seek help.