Relationships – James Tippins

The Weight of Need & The Freedom of Resonance

There is something in us that pulls toward others—not just toward connection, but toward attachment, toward something we can hold, something that feels like proof that we belong. We search for people who will affirm us, complete us, quiet the restless questions in our minds. And yet, the deeper we lean into this pursuit, the more it eludes us.

Need disguises itself as love, as friendship, as deep connection. It whispers that closeness is measured by dependency, that the truest bonds are the ones we cannot live without. It tells us that if we do not need someone—or if they do not need us—we must not be truly connected at all.

But this is a lie.

Need is not connection. It is captivity.

When we enter into relationships—any relationship—from a place of need, we are not standing in presence. We are reaching, grasping, leaning toward someone else in the hope that they will supply something missing in us. We are not engaging; we are consuming. We are not relating; we are securing.

And in doing so, we do not reveal ourselves. We reveal only the version of ourselves that ensures we will not be left behind.

The Weight of Need

Need is weighty. It clings. It anchors. It demands.

It makes us shape our words carefully, measuring our thoughts before they cross our lips, wondering if we will still be chosen if we are fully known. It makes us second-guess silence, fill spaces with pleasantries, perform instead of simply existing.

It does not ask, Who am I in this connection? It asks, Who do I need to be in order to keep this connection?

And so we shrink. We shift. We play roles we do not even realize we have stepped into. Not because we intend to, not because we mean to be dishonest, but because need makes us afraid. Afraid to lose. Afraid to be alone. Afraid that without this person, this approval, this presence—we might not be enough on our own.

But the truth? We were never meant to enter relationships as fractions of ourselves. We were never meant to mold, to contort, to filter out parts of who we are just to hold onto someone who will not hold us as we stand.

And yet, when we need, we do just that.

The Freedom of Resonance

Resonance is different.

It is not a demand, not a transaction, not an unconscious effort to be held in place. It is the meeting of two who are whole within themselves. It is presence without possession, closeness without confinement.

Resonance does not say, Stay so I won’t be alone.Resonance says, Stand with me so we may amplify one another.

Resonance does not say, Complete me.Resonance says, Meet me.

To resonate with another is not to need them for our survival. It is to step fully into our own presence, into our own essence, and meet them there. It is to be free in the connection, because what keeps us there is not fear, but alignment.

And yet, so many of us are missing this. So many of us are choosing need over resonance, mistaking obligation for love, mistaking attachment for depth. And in doing so, we lose something far greater than a single relationship—we lose the chance to stand in our own presence, to create with clarity, to engage with deeper meaning.

The Shift from Need to Resonance

So what happens when we stop needing and start resonating?

We no longer reach for connection like a starving man reaching for bread. We no longer rely on others to fill our silence—we step into it ourselves. We no longer fear solitude—we see it as the foundation for true connection. We no longer cling to people who do not align with us—we let them go, trusting that those who truly see us, who vibrate at the same frequency, will remain.

And in doing so, we find the relationships that were always meant for us.Not because they complete us, but because they expand us.

Resonance does not bind—it amplifies. It does not ask for proof—it recognizes. It does not shrink to fit—it stretches into fullness.

Imagine a conversation where there is no pull, no hesitation, no wondering if you’ve said the right thing. Where the space between words is not filled with anxiety but with understanding. Where laughter rings without restraint, and silence does not need to be patched up—it is honored, held, felt.

Imagine standing beside someone—not leaning on them, not propping them up, not adjusting yourself to fit their needs—just standing, together, both grounded, both whole. Not demanding anything, not withholding anything, not shaping yourself into something safer, softer, smaller—just existing, exactly as you are, and knowing that is enough.

Because when you resonate, nothing is taken away. There is no depletion, no exhaustion from holding something together that was never meant to be forced. You do not leave an interaction feeling as if some part of you was chipped away to make room for someone else. Instead, you leave expanded, amplified, fuller than when you arrived.

This is the difference.

Need asks for certainty. Resonance offers trust.Need clings to the familiar. Resonance calls us into the unknown.Need binds us to a version of ourselves that is digestible, safe, small.Resonance dares us to be.

And when we choose to be?

We do not just find connection.We find freedom.

Few phrases hit harder than when the person we love says, “I’m not attracted to you anymore.” It feels like a direct assault on our identity, our value, and the very core of who we are. But in reality, while this statement is deeply painful, it holds within it layers of meaning, about them, about us, and the relationship. Understanding these layers and knowing how to respond with grace, authenticity, and strength is crucial.

What This Statement Really Means

When someone says they’re no longer attracted to you, it’s rarely about the superficial surface of physical appearance alone. Attraction, in its most profound sense, is deeply tied to connection, emotional, intellectual, relational, and physical. When that connection falters, so does attraction. This doesn’t mean you are less worthy or less valuable. It often means that the intimacy, vulnerability, and shared meaning that once bound you together has eroded.

This statement is often an emotional signal rather than a verdict. It may reflect their unmet needs, their struggles with vulnerability, or their projections about their own identity and fulfillment. It might even stem from cultural conditioning, where attraction is reduced to a transactional or purely physical idea rather than a response to genuine connection and intimacy.

It Does Not Define You

The first thing to understand is that this statement does not define you. It doesn’t measure your worth or determine your future. Attraction, like any human emotion, ebbs and flows. What your spouse feels in this moment is not a fixed reality; it’s a snapshot of where you both are emotionally and relationally.

You are not the sum of someone else’s attraction to you. You are a complex, layered individual, capable of immense growth, love, and transformation. To tether your sense of self-worth to the shifting tides of someone else’s feelings is to lose sight of the bigger picture: your identity is rooted in something far deeper than external validation.

These Experiences Are Signals to Grow

As painful as this moment may be, it’s important to recognize it for what it truly is: a signal. This isn’t the end of your worth, your identity, or even your capacity for connection. It’s a spark. It’s a wake-up call that invites you into the freedom of self-discovery and authenticity.

When someone tells you they’re no longer attracted to you, the natural response is to panic, to prove yourself, or to fight against it. But what if this experience isn’t about them at all? What if it’s about you? This moment is not about fixing yourself to fit their desires; it’s about uncovering who you are and stepping into the fullness of your true self.

Think of this as a spark, an ignition point for growth. The pain of their words can be transformed into power if you let it. It’s not about becoming more desirable for them; it’s about becoming more authentic for you. This is the beginning of a journey toward freedom, a journey where you shed the layers of pretense, fear, and external validation and reclaim the essence of who you are.

Becoming Authentic: The Key to True Attraction

This moment—however painful—can serve as a wake-up call. It is an invitation to examine yourself, not through the lens of shame or inadequacy, but through the lens of authenticity. Ask yourself: Are you truly living in alignment with who you are? Have you allowed fear, performance, or cultural expectations to mask your true self? Have you become so consumed with meeting external expectations that you’ve lost sight of your own identity?

True attraction arises when we live authentically. When we shed the layers of performance, fear, and insecurity, we become magnetic—not in a superficial sense, but in a way that reflects genuine connection, vulnerability, and confidence. When we reclaim our authenticity, we offer the world—and our spouse—a version of ourselves that is pure and whole.

If They Don’t Like the Real You, Let Them Go

As you journey toward becoming your true self, it’s possible that your spouse might resist or reject this new, authentic version of you. That’s hard to hear, but it’s also liberating. You cannot and should not hold yourself hostage to someone else’s refusal to embrace your wholeness.

If you become the purest, most authentic version of yourself, aligned with your values, your emotions, and your purpose, and your spouse still says, “I don’t like who you are,” then it’s time to let them go. Not out of anger or retaliation, but out of love, for yourself and them. Their departure doesn’t diminish your worth. It simply means they are not aligned with the person you are becoming.

When they leave, let them go with grace. Help them pack, if necessary, with a tear in your eye, not because you are weak, but because you are strong enough to grieve the end of a chapter while stepping boldly into a new one. Your tears are not a sign of loss; they are a sign of the love you carried, even in the face of rejection.

Freedom is the Reward

In one of my recent essays, I wrote, “I need nothing.” This statement captures the profound realization that true fulfillment is not found in others but within ourselves. These experiences, though painful, are liberating because they force us to confront the truth of who we are. Freedom begins when we release the need to be loved in a certain way and embrace the journey of becoming who we are meant to be.

These moments are not the end of your story; they are the beginning of a new one. Freedom is found in shedding what no longer serves you, in breaking free from external validation, and in stepping fully into your authentic self.

Four Steps to Begin the Journey

Confront the Narrative You’ve Been LivingTake an honest look at the identity you’ve been presenting in your relationship. Ask yourself: Have you been performing or trying to meet expectations that aren’t aligned with your true self? Write down the ways you’ve conformed, sacrificed, or hidden parts of yourself. Awareness is the first step toward reclaiming authenticity.

Peel Back the LayersBegin removing the layers of fear, shame, and pretense that have kept you from being fully yourself. This requires vulnerability—first with yourself, and then with others. Start by reflecting on the things you’ve avoided addressing, both emotionally and relationally. What are you afraid to reveal? Peel back those layers one by one.

Rebuild Your Core IdentityIdentify the values, principles, and passions that truly define you. Who are you when you’re not trying to earn approval or avoid rejection? Write these down and begin aligning your actions and decisions with this authentic self. The more you live in alignment with your core, the more magnetic and confident you will become.

Communicate Your TransformationAs you rediscover your authentic self, share your journey openly. Communicate with your spouse about what you’re learning and how you’re changing. This isn’t about seeking their approval—it’s about inviting them into your story. If they choose to walk with you, amazing. If not, you’re still walking toward freedom.

The Invitation to Transformation

This process is not easy, but it’s worth it. These experiences—though painful—are signals to grow. They are sparks that ignite freedom, not chains that bind you. When you step into authenticity, you reclaim the power to define your own worth, not based on someone else’s attraction or validation, but on the truth of who you are. Whether your spouse chooses to stay or go, you will be standing firmly on the foundation of a life lived authentically—and that is a freedom no one can take from you.

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[Video Commentary] [part 2 - the garden]

Eve, the first woman of the Bible, has been the subject of countless interpretations, debates, and discussions throughout the history of Christian thought. Her story is of profound significance, shaping our understanding of the human condition and our views on gender, sin, and redemption. From the earliest patristic writings to contemporary feminist theology, Eve’s narrative has been woven into the fabric of theological discourse, often reflecting each era's cultural and doctrinal concerns.

As I embark on this exploration of Eve’s story, I find myself deeply connected to the layers of meaning that have been attributed to her over the centuries. My journey with Eve is not an academic exercise but a personal reflection on how her story intersects with the broader narrative of redemption and restoration. Through this series of essays, I aim to reclaim Eve—not as the archetype of sin and downfall but as a complex, multifaceted figure who plays a crucial role in unfolding God’s redemptive plan.

In this introductory essay, I will lightly touch on the key themes that will be explored in greater depth throughout this series. Each section will reflect on the various interpretations of Eve, from the harsh critiques of the early church fathers to the empowering readings offered by feminist theologians. My hope is that through this journey, we will arrive at a more nuanced and holistic understanding of Eve—one that honors her significance in the biblical narrative and challenges the traditional interpretations that have often marginalized women.

The Patristic Legacy: Eve as a Theological Touchstone

The early church fathers were instrumental in shaping Christian theology, and their interpretations of Eve have left an indelible mark on the church’s understanding of gender and sin. Figures like Tertullian, Augustine, John Chrysostom, Ambrose of Milan, and Irenaeus of Lyons each offered their readings of Eve, often reflecting their time's cultural and doctrinal concerns.

Tertullian’s harsh critique of women, rooted in his interpretation of Eve’s role in the fall, set the stage for centuries of misogynistic thought within the church. His infamous statement, “You are the devil’s gateway,” has been echoed throughout history, reinforcing a view of women as morally weaker and more susceptible to sin. Yet, as I reflect on Tertullian’s words, I cannot help but question the fairness of this interpretation. Eve’s story is far more complex than a simple tale of disobedience, and to reduce her role to that of a temptress is to overlook the broader theological implications of her narrative.

Augustine’s doctrine of original sin, which implicates humanity in the fall, offers a more balanced view, yet it also carries the weight of a patriarchal worldview. While Augustine acknowledges that both Adam and Eve share responsibility for the fall, his writings have often been used to justify the subordination of women. However, Augustine’s broader theological framework also allows for the possibility of redemption and restoration, which is crucial in understanding Eve’s place in the story of salvation. In contrast, John Chrysostom’s pastoral approach to Eve reflects a more compassionate and empathetic view. His homilies emphasize the shared human experience of sin and the need for divine grace, offering a more inclusive interpretation of Eve’s role. Ambrose of Milan’s typological reading of Eve as a figure of the Church further enriches our understanding. At the same time, Irenaeus of Lyons’ concept of recapitulation introduces the idea of Eve as a precursor to Mary, the “new Eve,” who plays a pivotal role in the redemption of humanity.

As I consider these patristic interpretations, I am struck by the diversity of thought that has shaped the church’s understanding of Eve. While some of these readings have contributed to the marginalization of women, others offer a more redemptive and balanced perspective. Reflecting on these interpretations leads me to a deeper appreciation for the complexity of Eve’s story and the need for a more nuanced approach to her role in the biblical narrative.

Feminist Theology: Reclaiming Eve’s Agency and Wisdom

The emergence of feminist theology in the 20th century marked a significant turning point in the interpretation of Eve. Feminist theologians have sought to challenge the traditional readings that portray Eve as the primary cause of humanity’s downfall and instead highlight her agency, wisdom, and significance. One of feminist theology's key contributions is the critique of traditional interpretations shaped by patriarchal biases. Feminist theologians argue that these readings have unfairly blamed women for the fall, leading to their marginalization in both religious and social contexts. By reexamining the Genesis narrative, feminist scholars offer a more empowering view of Eve, emphasizing her pursuit of knowledge and her role as a symbol of human experience.

In reclaiming Eve, feminist theologians reframe her role in the redemptive narrative. Rather than seeing Eve as merely a transgressor, they highlight her importance as the “mother of all living” and her connection to the promise of redemption found in Genesis 3:15. This reinterpretation not only empowers women within the church but also enriches our broader theological understanding of Eve as a complex and integral figure in the story of salvation.

Engaging these perspectives reminds me of the importance of challenging the traditional interpretations often used to justify women's subordination. Eve’s story is one of agency, wisdom, and significance, and by reclaiming her role in the biblical narrative, we can move toward a more inclusive and theologically sound understanding of gender within the church.

Comparative Analysis: Eve and Her Analogues in Other Traditions

Eve’s story is not unique to the Judeo-Christian tradition; she shares thematic similarities with figures from other religious traditions and mythologies, such as Pandora in Greek mythology, Lilith in Jewish folklore, Inanna in Mesopotamian mythology, Ninti in Sumerian mythology, and Parvati in Hinduism.

These analogs offer valuable insights into the universal themes of creation, fall, and redemption while also highlighting the unique aspects of Eve’s story that set her apart. For example, while Pandora’s curiosity leads to the release of evils into the world, the biblical narrative frames Eve’s actions within the broader context of a redemptive plan that ultimately points to Christ. Similarly, the comparison between Eve and Lilith brings to light the tensions between equality and rebellion, while the parallels between Eve and Inanna emphasize the life-giving and nurturing aspects of femininity. By exploring these analogs, we gain a deeper understanding of the cultural and theological dimensions of Eve’s story and its significance within the broader human experience.

Liturgical Implications: Reexamining Eve in Worship

Eve’s portrayal in church liturgy and practice has often reflected traditional theological interpretations that emphasize her role in the fall. However, a more nuanced understanding of Eve offers an opportunity to reshape her representation in liturgical contexts.

Historically, Eve’s role in liturgy has been associated with themes of sin, penitence, and the consequences of the fall. This portrayal has reinforced negative views of women and their place within the church. However, we can move toward a more balanced and redemptive view of Eve’s role in worship by incorporating a Christological perspective and revising the language used in prayers and hymns.

In reexamining Eve’s place in the liturgy, I am struck by the potential for liturgical reform to foster a more inclusive and theologically sound worship experience. By celebrating Eve’s life-giving role and her connection to the promise of redemption, we can move beyond traditional portrayals that have marginalized women and instead embrace a fuller understanding of the gospel.

Practical Theology: The Impact of Reformed Understanding of Eve

The theological reexamination of Eve has profound implications for how gender, leadership, and relationships are understood and practiced within the contemporary church. By moving beyond traditional interpretations that have often marginalized women, a reformed view of Eve can foster a more inclusive and equitable Christian community.

This reformation requires theological education and practical changes in how the church teaches, organizes, and practices its faith. By promoting gender equality, expanding leadership opportunities, and fostering healthy relationships, the church can better reflect the biblical ideals of partnership, mutual respect, and shared responsibility. I am encouraged by the potential for positive change within the church. By embracing a more inclusive and balanced view of Eve, we can create a community that honors the contributions of all its members and more faithfully reflects the gospel’s message of equality and mutual love.

Further Biblical Typology: Expanding the Narrative of Eve

Typology is a powerful tool for understanding the connections between the Old and New Testaments. While Eve has traditionally been viewed as a type of Mary, the “new Eve,” other biblical figures parallel Eve and Christ, contributing to a deeper understanding of the redemptive narrative. For example, Sarah’s role as the mother of the covenantal line parallels Eve’s role as the mother of all living, while Ruth’s loyalty and inclusion in Christ's lineage reflect the redemptive possibilities that began with Eve. Esther’s courage in the face of crisis and Deborah’s leadership further expand the typological connections, highlighting the active role of women in God’s redemptive plan.

Diving into these connections expands my awe of the richness and complexity of the biblical narrative

Self-improvement.

A testament often heralded but fraught with peril. Indeed, we should strive to work on ourselves, but the reflection of my soul once revealed a man I neither desired to be nor to present to the world.

Improving the frail, fearful, and broken shell I once was, projecting a façade of confidence unconsciously, was not the answer. No, that man needed to die. And die, he did.

In some cases, the situation is so dire that replacement, not repair, is the only viable option. Yet, this does not negate the principle that everything is redeemable; everyone is capable of change.

It doesn't require mastery to effect this transformation. It requires discovery.

The more VALUE you bring into the world, the less freedom you have to sabotage your life because your purpose becomes a lifeline for others. Picture this: a single drop of water falling into a still pond, creating ripples that extend far beyond its point of impact. Similarly, our actions and purpose send waves that touch lives we might never meet. This truth underscores a profound reality: as our influence grows, so does our responsibility. Our actions no longer affect just ourselves; they ripple out, impacting the lives of those who depend on our purpose, our vision, and our very being.

Meeting people is where life happens, I believe, in its purest form. At this point, I realize that just as I have been inspired and in awe of others, they, too, have been inspired and in awe of me. This mutual inspiration is the essence of human connection. We are only special in our unique ability and interest in the lives of those around us… which makes us part of something greater: purpose, legacy, movement. I am often inspired.

Yet, this dependency from others can morph into unhealthy codependency if not navigated with wisdom and discernment. Consider the overbearing parent who, in their desire to protect, stifles the growth and independence of their child. It is here that we must lead from the ROOT of autonomy. Autonomy does not imply isolation but rather a well-defined sense of self that establishes clear boundaries with everyone around us. Imagine a garden: each plant thrives best when given its own space to grow, with clear boundaries to prevent entanglement and allow each one to flourish. These boundaries are not barriers but bridges to healthier, more authentic relationships. They delineate where we end and others begin, fostering an environment where mutual respect and individual growth coexist.

This is where strong interdependence and accountability are forged. It is within this space of healthy boundaries and self-awareness that intimate life thrives. Think of a dance: two partners moving in harmony, each aware of their own steps yet perfectly in sync with the other. This thriving intimacy is not confined to romantic relationships but extends to all forms of human connection. It is the bedrock upon which trust is built and upon which transformation occurs.

For the believer, this autonomy is the ROOT of our purpose, the POWER of our being, the CONTROL of our intention, and the PLAYFULNESS found in the joy of being who we are without fear, shame, or regret. Our faith informs and enriches this autonomy, grounding it in a higher purpose and a deeper sense of belonging. Imagine a tree rooted deeply in rich soil: its stability and growth come from its roots, but it reaches out, providing shade, fruit, and shelter to the world around it.

This is the abundant life shared with others. It is a life marked by the freedom to be authentically ourselves while embracing the responsibility that comes with our influence. It is a life where joy is not a fleeting emotion but a deep-seated state of being, born out of the assurance of our place in the world and our impact on it. Picture a lighthouse standing firm on the shore: it is grounded and unwavering, providing guidance and safety to all who navigate the turbulent waters.

This is what Jesus reveals as the heart of the good report of His rescue. His message is not just one of personal salvation but of communal transformation. Through His teachings and example, we learn that our lives are not meant to be lived in isolation but in vibrant, life-giving relationships with others. Imagine a mosaic: each piece, unique and individual, coming together to create a beautiful and unified work of art.

WE GET TO LIVE TOGETHER in this mighty way until we all see Christ face-to-face. This togetherness is not just a future hope but a present reality. It is the essence of the Kingdom of God, here and now. It is in our shared lives, our mutual support, and our collective growth that we experience the fullness of life that Jesus promised. Picture a community garden: each person contributes, each person benefits, and the collective effort results in a bountiful harvest that nourishes all.

In this understanding, self-improvement transcends the individual and becomes a communal endeavor. Our growth, our discoveries, and our transformations are not just for our benefit but for the betterment of all those we touch. We live not just for ourselves but for each other, finding our highest purpose in the service and upliftment of those around us. Imagine a tapestry: each thread, no matter how small or large, is essential to the beauty and strength of the whole.

Thus, the journey of self-improvement, seen through this lens, is not a solitary path but a shared pilgrimage. It is a journey marked by mutual discovery, shared joys, and collective victories. It is a testament to the interconnectedness of our existence and the profound truth that we are better together.

Discovery, not Mastery. The Faith that Lives is one that Grows, Learns, and, most of all, Loves!

Galatians 2:20: "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Romans 12:2: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

2 Corinthians 5:17: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."

Ephesians 4:22-24: "To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."

Matthew 5:16: "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

Philippians 2:3-4: "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Proverbs 27:17: "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."

1 Corinthians 12:12-14: "For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many."

John 15:12-13: "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."

1 Peter 4:10-11: "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."

Romans 12:10: "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"

Hebrews 10:24-25: "And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."

1 Thessalonians 5:11: "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."

Matthew 18:20: "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them."

1 John 4:12: "No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us."

Acts 2:44-47: "And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."

Colossians 3:14: "And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

“When we perceive a man, we perceive him as a whole. His physical body, his intellect, his personality – it’s all tied into who he is as a person. So, while his body may be aging, he’s growing more independent, successful, and mature. Therefore, he's still attractive – perhaps even more so. It doesn’t matter that he’s got some wrinkles, because his body is healthily aligned with his being.”

Grace, the woman who wrote this about men observes the antithesis in the world concerning women. I'm not here to debate it, it is true. Period. I'll talk in future publishing about this.

While some people would argue that women are not seen differently, it doesn't negate that it is true for many and a lack of privilege presented a different worldview. To argue against another person's experience is foolish. We don't get to speak for all who share commonality with us.

I look to start a conversation that would begin "When we perceive a [wo]man, we perceive him her as a whole."

While there are many men who would readily vow to perceive women as her whole, we must not be naive and pretend that our culture does not, as a collective, see women in this way. The loud, bold, open, and exposed reality of how some men view women is violent and subtle. The violent side of things, the hate, the ridicule, the objectification, the lack of empathy, the blind-sided workload, and the emotional and physical abuse are easy to spot. The subtle side is often more demeaning and unconsciously active. This is true, even for our sisters in this world. Subtle defines what is often unnoticeable. And what is unnoticeable can often be deadly. The death of agency, death of liberty, death of identity, and death of self-worth are just a few outcomes of unseen misogyny and sexism. I hope to explain the identity-crippling, painful, and isolating abuses and the emotional terror they cause in future writings. 

Seeing something and how it affects others can't be unseen. Once you see certain things, especially systemic and cultural hatred of half the population, you can't put that back in the bottle and be considered human. We don't know who can and cannot see women in a true sense as human beings, persons, and equals. For the men who do, it is obvious that we do not control the dominant voice and it appears to me, that we aren't even on the airwaves.

For over twenty years I have been preparing to speak to this issue. I'm not speaking for women or even to women. No, mainly I am speaking about how many view women and how men who see and know the truth should be partners in this journey to right centuries of wrongs.

It is wrong.

That is not up for discussion.

Grace asks her readers to "Think of the most beautiful woman you know."

"I doubt you’re thinking about her boobs or butt. You’re probably thinking about her vibe, her energy, how she makes you feel when you’re around her, how she is healthily aligned with her being. She doesn’t try hard because she doesn’t have to. She is firm, grounded, strong. She is emotional, sensitive, compassionate. She is everything that makes a woman and more. She is not the sum of her parts. She is not a trend. She is a gestalt."

Society, culture, and everything that makes these things tick is responsible. So, because we comprise society, we are responsible for changing it.

My next book publishing will be the title of this essay, and if permitted, will reveal my life-long passion for this issue, my journey to seeing things as they are, and that the spiritual side of life and love demands such attention, reform, and relegation of both the bold and silent bias against our sisters.

In this speaking, our sisters do not need men to defend them, fight for them, or stand in their place. This is part of the problem. They have the agency and ability to do so. They need partnership as human beings to overcome a long-standing hatred that is so common it's nearly invisible. 

But they can see. Their eyes and intelligent minds are wide open. 

And the piper is tuning his flute.

Stains keep me up at night.

It's true. I have a tendency to obsess over stains on rugs, clothes, bedding, or anywhere else. There's a wine stain on our butcherblock countertop that only I can see. I've spent the last nine years trying to discover new ways of eradicating it. One day, I'll strip, sand, and refinish the whole lot; that will do it.

Most of the time, a stain is something to remove or clean. But in a positive sense, we can call a stain a mark.

Everyone thinks about making a "mark" on the world. And some of us leave negative marks or stains. So, let's just say that a mark is positive and a stain is negative depending on the outcome and most of all, the perspective.

The mind inside of me is always thinking. And today, I realized I'm not much for personal legacy but I am always, even from childhood, considering my impact on the world around me.

I reevaluated some goals recently that some of you may have seen on YouTube. Check it out if want a peek inside my insanity.

Today I have put some action to these goals with other thoughts.

THREE M's of leaving a MARK

MOVE

MEET

MOTIVATE

These three things are not an all-inclusive set of actions that will give me what I want, but they are MY WAY of organizing my life. And for those who know me, you understand this came to me in a nanosecond. I am a living, breathing alliteration factory.

MOVE

This means that I want to enter this phase of my life actively. So, I am going to rekindle my passions for martial arts, biking, strength training, shooting sports, calisthenics, and swimming. I find that when I engage my body my mind seems to be alive and focused. That is why I nearly always take calls and walk. I've recently added a "pedal" under my desk.

Not only is moving good for the body and mind, but it is also good for establishing good connections for creativity, spiritual growth, and prayer. There is something to be said about doing that keeps our mind free to truly be in the moment. A short read of the New Testament letters reveals this practice often.

MEET

I've never been a stranger to strangers. I love meeting new people and lately have been more isolated than not. So, part of the life I desire to live requires being actively involved, to a degree, with others.

This part requires me to prioritize and put FIRST things FIRST.

So, in the relationship portion of "meet" I put my marriage as the top priority over every other relationship. This is key. If my marriage falls cold, everything follows.

Second, my children. All five of them and soon-to-be two grandkids, and the two sons-in-law are a major priority. And while they are not the top, they are as important and often require more time than my wife and I have for each other. But that's OK. We enjoy the adult side of parenting together.

Then comes my relatives, spiritual family, my community, those who depend on me in advocacy, and anyone else that comes along as my neighbor. I have an obligation to them, but never at the cost of the first two. I will write more about these relationships in time.

MOTIVATE

I have little time for leisure. I've tried it. It doesn't suit me at all. I honestly do not care for doing "nothing" and find it causes me stress. Yes, I take time out and I love being alone to write, think, and enjoy some of my more creative interests. But I need to be actively working toward a goal most of the time.

So, motivation includes me, and those around me, toward a goal or desire. I find that most people are stagnant because they are not encouraged, guided, shepherded, and loved. It's amazing to me that so many religious people are bitter, lonely, and hard to be around when they claim to have ultimate 'joy'.

I think it's more important to encourage and motivate other people in life beyond all other interactions or investments available. Time together is always time for encouragement.

Don't hear what I am not saying.

Let's say that Robyn and I are enjoying a nice walk on the beach. We're talking and laughing, enjoying the breeze and each other's company. This is a motivation. This is pressing our intimacy to a deeper level. This causes us to engage with life together. This pursues a goal: the walk is the goal.

There is much to be learned in this journey and much more to be shared.

Take a minute and ask yourself what would leave a MARK on the world that would make you glad.

Rest well. Listen well. Live.