The Soberful Life with Veronica Valli

This week on the Resilience Unravelled podcast, Dr Russell Thackeray talks to Veronica Valli who struggled with alcoholism through most of her twenties.

A binge drinker, she was aware for some time that something was wrong but was unable to define what it was however a chance meeting led to her finally getting help and turning her life around. At the height of her addiction, Veronica was unable to go to work without the aid of a drink and her life and confidence were in tatters. She got sober in 2000 at the age of twenty-seven and now uses this experience to help and inspire others. In this podcast:

• Veronica talks about the signs that someone might be struggling with alcohol
• How alcohol affects the genders differently
• The importance of connection and community.

Jonathan Joseph saw a lot of toxicity and negativity when he was working in the luxury womans fashion and sportswear industry. This not only affected people working in the industry but also consumers through marketing and advertising. He thought that it would be possible to shortcut some of the issues such as the body dysmorphia created by unrealistic standards by empowering children rather than fixing broken adults. He feels that by using fashion as a lens to talk about and deconstruct complex issues, conversations can be brokered between children and adults because fashion is infinitely relateable. It can then help play a role in how children navigate the world

The type of conversation that many couples have often doesn't help their relationship. Often it boils down to a debate, a checking in about who knows what and whose ideas are better. What’s needed is an enlivened conversation that builds resilience and allows both people to explore and learn together. They can then move out of an adversarial mindset to a place where they can learn and be resilient together.

Learning is the most important thing that a couple needs to do. A relationship can be demanding and needs energy and an inspiring vision, something to aim for that learning can be added to. The vision is what you’re going to learn to do together not who you already are when you start the relationship.

Welcome to 2022!

This week Dr Russell Thackeray muses on the recent arrival of 2022 and suggests some ideas to make the most of the year.

He focuses some thoughts on the nature of resolutions as opposed to goals and challenges us to think more creatively about where and why we are aiming as people often understate their long term ambitions. There will also some thoughts around choices and the nature of willpower, whether it depletes along the lines of decision fatigue, or whether it’s more of a belief system.

Hopefully there will be a few ideas or nuggets that you may find useful.

As we enter our next phase of podcasts, we would like to wish you all a tremendous and fulfilling New Year!!

Critical thinking is essential in helping teens work through a problem and realise what is going to move them forward so they get the result they want. Schools can’t be responsible for everything so parents need to be responsible for the provision of a parent model. A parent helping guide their child through making a decision is extremely powerful but Valerie often finds that although great strides have been made on parenting there is still some thinking in society that adults know best. It’s up to the parent to create a connection and allow their child to make mistakes and decisions and to figure out their own path

Another chance to listen to last year's Christmas podcast from Dr. Russell Thackeray. In it he talks about why resilience is so important at this time of year and also explains the need to stop and rejuvanate ourselves and/or invest in ourselves to plan forward. Finally, he discusses how the narrative we use can help our mental state and how confirmation bias can help give us the things we believe in.

The only other thing to say is that we hope you have a happy and safe Christmas and we look forward to catching up with you again in 2022!

Whatever the size of a dispute, the issue at hand is usually not the problem. People generally prefer peace so only involve conflict if they feel there is no other way to get resolution. As we are not generally trained in ways to resolve conflict it is difficult to know how to deal with anger or upset without being triggered yourself. One of the key foundational skills of life therefore is learning how to listen to other peoples emotions. This can help in developing an emotional database and provides a way of avoid the trigger that causes getting upset or anger when someone starts yelling at us.

MS is a life limiting illness but people can choose how to look at it, deal with it and live with it. It can be very easy to feel out of control and slip into a depressive zone but manipulating the way you use your brain can help deal not only with MS, but also other illnesses or situations. 

As well as mindset, there are many other things that can interfere with how your body functions. What you eat, drink and put into your body is important as is having a support circle and someone to talk about your MS to. Other things such as home cleaning products can also have an effect on your body and how it functions.

There are many types of yoga. Hatha, Vinyasa, Kundalini, Restorative and Laughter for example, and Paul Denniston uses elements from each in his Grief Yoga practice. Paul designed Grief Yoga to help with his challenging emotions of anxiety and grief by releasing pain to fund more empowerment and love.

Paul feels that we can have physical pain in the body that is a manifestation of suppressed grief and thatbBecause everyone grieves differently, it appears in different areas of the body such as the back, neck, stomach, pelvis or chest.

Derek Newborn had always had a vision of how his life would be. He achieved everything he thought he wanted but, on the inside, abandonment issues from his past meant he felt extremely empty. The only thing he was concerned about was filling the emptiness he felt. and he used self-sabotaging behaviours to try to find the peaceful feeling he felt he was missing. Derek's fear outweighed any love he had for his family and partner and he was just focused on not being abandoned. The abandonment process though actually pushes people away so through his self sabotaging behaviours, Derek created everything to was trying to avoid.