Most of us were taught, somewhere along the way, that the answer to pain is to push through it. Try harder. White-knuckle it. And for a long time, that worked — until it didn't.

Aundi Kolber wrote Try Softer as a love letter to her younger self, and in this conversation with Michael and Julianne Cusick, she unpacks what it actually means to pay compassionate attention to your own experience — not as self-indulgence, but as the very thing Jesus modeled in taking on a body. They explore why our survival strategies stop serving us long after the danger has passed, how embodiment is the missing piece in most approaches to emotional and spiritual growth, and why the command to love your neighbor as yourself may be more demanding than it first appears.

This is a rebroadcast of one of the most-listened-to conversations in the show's ten-year history.

Aundi Kolber is a licensed therapist and author of Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us Out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival and Into a Life of Connection and Joy.

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Most people who know the five love languages have tried speaking their partner's language — and wondered why it still isn't working. The problem usually isn't the language. It's something underneath it.

Dr. Gary Chapman returns with new research showing how personality, empathy, and the subtle dialects within each love language determine whether love actually lands. In this conversation, he and Michael explore why speaking someone's love language can backfire if it runs against their personality, what it looks like to confuse encouragement with pressure, and why the most important question in a marriage might be as simple as "How can I make your life easier?"

At 88 years old, Chapman also shares the turning point in his own marriage — a vision of Jesus washing his disciples' feet that changed not his technique, but his posture.

Dr. Gary Chapman is a marriage counselor, pastor, and author of The Five Love Languages, which has sold over 20 million copies worldwide, and his newest book, The Love Language That Matters Most.

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Shame doesn't only live in the dark corners of a broken life. It lives just as quietly in the person everyone else envies — the one who has achieved everything and still wakes up feeling like it isn't enough.

Ken Shigematsu grew up moving between Japan, England, and Canada, carrying the weight of a shame-and-honor culture that most Western theology never addresses. In this conversation, he and Michael explore why deep grace is different from knowing grace is true, what it means to grow our capacity to actually receive love rather than deflect it, and why beauty and joy aren't spiritual extras — they are among the most direct routes out of shame and into the self God made.

Ken also shares the simple daily practice that, over 30 days, can literally rewire the neural networks that make it hard to feel loved by God — even when you believe it.

Ken Shigematsu is a pastor in Vancouver, Canada, and author of Now I Become Myself: How Deep Grace Heals Our Shame and Restores Our True Self.

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Most people assume temptation is about weakness or willpower. But the wilderness story in Matthew 4 reveals something far older — evil moves first against the places where we have not been seen, soothed, safe, and secure.

In this conversation, Michael and AJ Denson walk slowly through the baptism and temptation of Jesus, presenting them as a portrait of attachment under siege. They explore how the devil's opening accusation — if you are the Son of God — lands precisely where God's voice had just spoken identity and belonging, why hunger, loneliness, and exposure aren't just physical states but the exact conditions evil exploits, and what it means that after the ordeal, angels came and attended to him — a scene almost never preached, yet the one that puts the bow on the whole story.

This is a co-host episode from Michael's ongoing series unpacking Sacred Attachment, chapter by chapter.

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Most people assume their distance from God is a faith problem. It may be something older — a pattern in the nervous system, learned long before you had words for it, that quietly shapes how close you let God come.

Dr. Geoff Holsclaw and his wife Cyd spent years watching people plateau spiritually and realized the stall wasn't theological — it was relational. This particular conversation with Michael John Cusick traces how our earliest attachment wounds create an image of God in our own likeness, why trying harder to believe rarely moves us from the head to the heart, and what it looks like to run new experiments in faith that slowly rewrite those patterns from the inside out.

Geoff also unpacks three concrete practices — cultivating joy, naming river and wilderness moments, and silence and solitude — and why the same practice works entirely differently depending on your attachment landscape.

Dr. Geoff Holsclaw is a pastor, theologian, and professor in the Doctor of Ministry program at Western Theological Seminary, and co-author with Cyd Holsclaw of Landscapes of the Soul.

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Dr. Liz Hall is a psychologist and professor at Biola who, at 45, was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer — and discovered that her training had barely prepared her for it. She joins Michael to talk about her book When the Journey Hurts, co-written with theologians Kelly Kapic and Jason McMartin, and what a decade of research and lived suffering taught her about meaning, faith, and staying human in the hard middle.

They talk about why the degree to which something threatens our worldview is exactly the degree to which it causes distress. They discuss the "problematic roadmaps" Christians often get handed — vague theology that begins and ends with Romans 8:28, triumphalism that rushes past suffering toward victory, and theodicy that answers a question no one in crisis is actually asking. Liz also describes a study on Ignatian prayer, walking people through twenty moments of Christ's suffering on their phones — and finding that identifying with Christ in suffering drew people closer to God in measurable ways. And they end where you might not expect: with lament, and with Psalm 88, which doesn't resolve.

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Welcome back to the Restoring the Soul podcast with Michael John Cusick. In this episode, Michael sits down with licensed therapist, author, and researcher Jay Stringer for a deep and vulnerable conversation exploring the core desires that shape our lives. Together, they unpack themes from Jay Stringer’s latest book, Desire: The Longings Inside of Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow.

Over the course of their dialogue, Michael and Jay examine the five core desires: wholeness, personal growth, pleasure, intimacy, and meaning. They candidly discuss the traps of mastery and control, the importance of radical self-hospitality, and the crucial role of self-acceptance in loving others well. You will hear stories from Jay’s clinical experience, thoughtful reflections on the nature of shame and transformation, and an honest look at how pleasure and intimacy can be both revealing and redemptive.

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Welcome to another episode of "Restoring the Soul with Michael John Cusick." Today, Michael is joined by Brian Lee, founder and director of Broken to Beloved, a ministry dedicated to providing practical resources for recovery from and safeguarding against spiritual abuse. 

In this heartfelt conversation, Brian shares his personal journey through repeated experiences of spiritual abuse and how these challenges birthed a passion for helping others reclaim their belovedness. Michael and Brian delve into the intricacies of spiritual abuse, the importance of cultivating humility and self-awareness in spiritual leadership, and the transformative power of naming and owning one’s story. They also discuss the innovative programs offered by Broken to Beloved, which include a book club, podcast, and an impactful eight-week cohort called "Through," designed to guide individuals in their healing journey. Join us for a thought-provoking discussion on finding hope, healing, and wholeness in the aftermath of spiritual trauma. 

About Brian Lee

Brian Lee is a pastor, coach, and speaker. In his 20+ years of experience in vocational ministry, he experienced three instances of spiritual abuse and toxic leadership. After living with an identity of brokenness for too many years, he learned to recognize and embrace his belovedness.

In 2023, he founded Broken to Beloved, a nonprofit organization that exists to provide practical resources for recovery from and safeguarding against spiritual abuse and religious trauma.

He is a certified Trauma-Informed Coach (Centre for Healing) and holds a certification in Religious Trauma Studies from the Global Center for Religious Research.

Based in Richmond, VA, Brian loves to go on mini-adventures with his family, exploring their neighborhood, community, and city with his family. As a coffee snob and addict, he could always use another cup.

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Welcome back to Restoring the Soul with Michael John Cusick. In this episode, Michael John Cusick and AJ Denson continue their exploration of the “four S’s” of attachment—seen, soothed, safe, and secure—focusing today on the final S: secure. Together, they dive into the meaning of secure attachment, both psychologically and spiritually, and how it’s reflected in our relationships with God and others.

Drawing on personal experiences, biblical narratives, and insights from attachment theory, Michael explains how secure attachment is foundational to human flourishing and to our sense of inner peace—even in life’s most challenging moments. They discuss the difference between secure and insecure attachment, the impact of technology on connection, and what it means to be loved by God in both our strength and vulnerability.

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Welcome to the Restoring the Soul podcast with Michael John Cusick. In today's episode, Michael and A.J. Denson continue their deep dive into the four S's of attachment: Seen, Soothed, Safe, and Secure. Drawing from the work of Dr. Dan Siegel and integrating insights from neuroscience, psychology, and spiritual formation, they explore how our early relationships shape not only our emotional lives but also our connection with God. 

This conversation unpacks the vital importance of safety in relationships—both physical and emotional—and how boundaries, repair after conflict, and humility all contribute to healing and connection. Whether you're a parent, spouse, or someone seeking deeper intimacy with God, this episode offers practical wisdom and hope for cultivating secure attachments in every area of life.

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