Grief does not only happen after death. Grief can start the moment your loved one receives a bad prognosis, long before death, even though it isn’t understood or acknowledged. 

 Losing people dear to us is part of the human experience. Life doesn't follow our structure, rules or wishes, there is no should or shouldn’t be happening in life. 

What we don’t realize is that even though our loved ones are here now, and we still have the opportunity to spend time with them, we are grieving for what we are about to lose. 

Grief & love are interwoven. Grief is the price we pay when we lose someone that we care about. Take a look at a straight line; on one side is love and caring, while on the other side is loss and grief.

Resources mentioned in the episode:

 Books:

• It’s Okay That You are Not Okay - Megan Devine.
• Reclaiming Banished Voices: Stories on the Road to Compassion, by Lawrence Lincoln
• Please Be Patient, I'm Grieving: - Gary Roe

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Your life changed overnight, you became your spouse's primary caregiver. A role that changed your life and your family's life.  

In this episode, we go through the challenges other caregivers made in the start. I hope you will get some tips to help you on your journey. 

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 Sad, painful and outright excruciating events may befall us, but it is our thoughts about those events, that cause us emotional pain and anger. 

I have grown to think that acceptance isn’t just about accepting whatever circumstance we may be facing, & not trying to change it, but accepting that we may have to go through some degree of discomfort, pain, anxiety when accepting what is…

However, this doesn't mean that believing that certain circumstances will continue to exist. 

Accepting what is,  help us feel the pain, we don’t rush to get away from being uncomfortable, since it comes from the thoughts we have. The circumstance doesn’t cause the pain, the pain comes from our thoughts that we attach to the circumstance. 

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 As a caregiver, dealing with the health sector after their loved is diagnosed can be an uphill task. Sometimes things go slower than the speed than you would have wanted because you are dealing with different people in a new setting for you.

 One way to  combat perfectionism, is practicing self compassion. Think about this, if your friend was in the similar position? What would you do for them? Would you tear them down, or would you be understanding and kind to them? You can practice doing the same to yourself. 

 All we need is to be good enough, NOT perfect. It is empowering to realize that you don’t need to be perfect.
 

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 In the perfect world, a spouse is “supposed” to take care of the another, when a debilitating illness like colon cancer strikes.  Some spouses choose to take care of their significant others, while other spouse choose not to be hands-on caregivers. Either side is ok. 

 When your spouse needs a caregiver, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it should be you. Studies show that caregivers die earlier, suffer multiple health issues,  are more suicidal than non caregivers.  

Professional caregivers can do a better job many times because they are trained, it’s a job. Fluctuations in temperament during illness are not processed the same way by professionals. I want my loved ones to remain loved ones.

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 You have probably been told that, newly diagnosed cancer patients and their caregivers being advised to stay positive in order to beat the disease….

 Being positive helps you take care of your self, choosing healthier habits, like eating healthier meals, getting adequate sleep.  Patients who are positive comply with what the protocols the healthcare team puts in place, because non-compliant patients can lead to worsening of the disease, death and not to mention increased healthcare costs.   

Many caregivers and patients put lots of pressure on themselves trying to be upbeat and positive all the time. Some people are so terrified of being construed as negative, they fight the “non-positive” emotions when they come up. 

Instead, they try to distract themselves, and shove down what even emotion that comes up ending with tremendous guilt and anxiety, which may affect their daily lives outside of caregiving. 

Resources:

Download our FREE guide on how to get started on your caregiving duties. 
 

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Facing one life-threatening circumstance after another can make this outcome more likely. But this is all part of being human.

When one tragedy after another hits you or your family, you may start believing that  life is against you, feel powerless,  become fearful and angry, other people, God, the universe, the situation you are in and not to mention those around you.

 The problem with this approach is that you may start to think that you are just happening, and have no control over anything.

Why not me understands that on the other side of loving our spouses, children, parents, siblings & friends etc. is  the potential of losing them and grieving for them. 

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Caring for a spouse going through colon cancer treatments can be incredibly overwhelming and difficult at times. 

Because of the exhaustion, you may feel shame and guilt for not being able to care for your spouse the way society “dictates” you should. Many caregivers carry with them emotions of guilt & shame because they are not able to everything themselves, caring for their spouses and meeting their children’s needs -  the way that would make other people approve. 

 Expectations that are rooted in perfectionism, culture, image & appearance, aging etc.  

Getting used to the idea that you are enough, and that progress is better than perfection. Think about it, what is better for you? Taking a much-needed break to recharge your body, to prevent burn out or having a well manicured lawn. 

Resources:

• Book yourself a FREE guidance call, to help you if you feel stuck to help you on your caregiving path. 
• Follow us on Instagram & Facebook
• Download our FREE guide to help you getting started as a caregiver. 

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 “Many” parents struggle with the decisions to either tell or not to tell their children when the other parent is diagnosed with cancer.  This is normal because as parents, if it were entirely up to us, I think that we would prefer to shield our children from experiencing pain. 

 In a study of children with parents with advanced cancer,  children who were informed of their parent's cancer from the beginning had lower anxiety than the children who were not told. 

 The anxiety was related to the children’s knowledge, or lack of it, and the inability to discuss the illness with the parents. 

 They will observe your demeanor and that of the other people in the home, e.g excusing yourself to go to another room to answer the phone… in whispers.

 They may be overwhelmed by the intense emotions. Because children don’t know how to process their emotions, this may lead to increased arguing and sometimes fighting with siblings, parents, & their teachers or other adults.

 Children react, in part, to what they see from the adults around them. When parents and caregivers deal with a family crisis calmly and confidently, they can provide the best support for their children.

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A small insight for your loved one preparing to start, or are currently undergoing chemotherapy treatments. 

It is also helpful for you the caregiver or friend  who wants to learn more about what your loved one maybe going through

 Resources:

Book a FREE guidance call

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A FREE guide to help you get started on your caregiving duties.

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