Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal Podcast

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT and Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT, explore one of the deepest and most painful questions betrayal trauma survivors face:

“Who am I now?”

When betrayal shatters trust, it often disrupts identity, self-concept, confidence, joy, and connection to self. Together, MaryAnn and Kris unpack the healing process of rediscovering your core self while also making space for the ways trauma and life experiences fundamentally change us.

Through personal stories, clinical insight, humor, and practical tools, this conversation explores individuation, differentiation, dissociation, nervous system healing, and reconnecting with authenticity after trauma.

MaryAnn and Kris discuss how betrayal can cause people to abandon parts of themselves in order to survive, maintain relationships, or keep systems functioning. Healing often involves intentionally reclaiming lost parts of identity — even through small things like favorite foods, hobbies, humor, music, creativity, or values.

Trauma changes the brain, nervous system, emotional responses, and worldview. Survivors may struggle with concentration, joy, emotional regulation, or activities they once loved. The episode emphasizes patience, self-compassion, and understanding that healing takes time.

The conversation explores practices that help regulate the nervous system, including:

MaryAnn shares how betrayal trauma can create a dream-like sense of disconnection from reality and self. The discussion includes practical ways to stay grounded and present while also honoring overwhelming emotions and triggers.

Kris explains how sharing our stories in safe spaces helps the brain integrate trauma, close emotional loops, and rebuild identity over time.

Drawing from Internal Family Systems (IFS), the episode references the “8 C’s” — qualities associated with the core Self when we are grounded, centered, and not led by fear or trauma parts:

The conversation explores how healing often involves reconnecting with these qualities rather than abandoning who we truly are.

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT,  is joined by Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, for a deeply compassionate conversation about what happens when betrayal trauma shakes not only our relationships—but also our faith, identity, and sense of meaning.

Together, they explore the often unspoken spiritual impact of betrayal and the painful questions that arise in the “messy middle” of healing, including: Why did this happen? Can I still trust my higher power? What do I believe now?

For many betrayed partners, recovery is not just about rebuilding trust with a spouse—it can also involve deconstructing and reconstructing long-held beliefs about God, safety, purpose, and self-worth. This episode holds space for that complexity with gentleness, honesty, and hope.

MaryAnn and Dr. Strange emphasize that questioning, wrestling, and even feeling anger toward a higher power are not signs of failure—they are often part of a deeply human healing process. Over time, many individuals find that their faith is not necessarily destroyed, but transformed.

Healing is not linear, and you are not alone in the questions you are carrying.

You Are Not Your Partner's Mother, Sponsor, or Dumping Ground: Boundaries and Trusting Your Gut with Rhyll Croshaw (Rise Season 2, Episode 17)

In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined by Rhyll Croshaw, a pioneer in betrayal trauma recovery, author of "What Can I Do About Me?",and co-founder of the SA Lifeline Foundation and SAL12step.org. 

Rhyll brings decades of lived experience, professional insight, and grounded wisdom to a conversation that speaks directly to one of the most confusing and painful parts of recovery after betrayal:

In this episode, Rhyll shares her story of 53 years of marriage and insights learned from 32 years of betrayal trauma recovery work, including: what happens when betrayed partners find themselves over-functioning in relationships—becoming the emotional regulator, caretaker, or unintended “dumping ground” for their partner’s emotions, recovery work, or instability.

At the heart of this conversation is a powerful truth:

You are not your partner’s mother.

And learning this boundary distinction is a critical part of healing.

Trusting Your Gut

Boundaries as Role Clarity

Compassionate Detaching

Emotional Over-Responsibility

Recovery is not just about understanding betrayal—it is about reclaiming yourself.

Learning to trust your gut, hold boundaries, and step out of over-responsibility is not selfish. It is foundational to healing, clarity, and emotional safety.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who may be:

In this episode of Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined again by Dr. Kevin Skinner LMFT, CSAT, CPTT to continue the powerful conversation on boundaries—this time focusing on what happens after you set one.

Because the truth is… setting a boundary is only the beginning.

What happens when your partner pushes back?

This episode steps into the emotional reality of holding boundaries—the discomfort, the fear, and the growth required to stay grounded in your values.

Holding boundaries may bring up:

This is normal.

You are learning a new way of being—like writing with your non-dominant hand.

Boundaries are only as strong as the work you’ve done within yourself.

And even when it feels uncomfortable, uncertain, or scary—

If this episode resonated with you, please help us reach others who may need support by liking and sharing it. 

Slow Down, Don’t Torch It Down: Why Attachment Makes Boundaries Feel So Threatening

If boundaries feel overwhelming, confusing, or even dangerous to your relationships—this episode is for you.

In this conversation, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, slow things down to explore why boundaries are so hard, especially in the context of attachment. This isn’t about “just set a boundary.” It’s about understanding the deep, often invisible forces—attachment styles and wounds, fears of loss, early modeling, and unmet needs—that can cause boundaries feel like a threat instead of a healthy tool.

Drawing from Robert Frost's Mending Wall, insights from The Betrayal Bind, and foundational principles in Boundaries, this episode reframes boundaries as something deeply relational—not rejecting.

Because when boundaries feel like they might cost you connection… of course you hesitate. 

If you feel the urge to “torch it down”—to react, shut down, or avoid—pause.

Slow down.

There’s likely a deeper fear underneath… one tied to connection, safety, and being seen.

As both The Betrayal Bind and Boundaries reinforce, boundaries are not about pushing people away—they are about defining what allows relationship to be safe and sustainable.

Boundaries aren’t here to take connection away.

What are boundaries—really? And why do they feel so hard to get right after betrayal?

In this episode, Rise hostess MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT sits  down with Kristin Kristiano, LCSW, CSAT to unpack the confusion around boundaries—what they are, what they’re not, and why so many attempts at “setting boundaries” actually create more disconnection.

We explore the critical shift from trying to control someone else to creating safety within yourself, how to identify your bottom lines, and what it looks like to hold boundaries when you’re triggered.

This conversation brings clarity, validation, and a grounded path forward for anyone navigating betrayal trauma.

Boundaries are not about changing someone else—they are about creating safety for yourself and learning to trust your own voice again.

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who may need support in their healing journey.

Check us out @youtube.com/human-intimacy

Follow Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal for more conversations that help you rebuild trust, reclaim your voice, and find healing after betrayal.

Remember: Self-trust is rebuilt by listening inward, not controlling outward

Stepping into one of the most requested—and misunderstood—topics: Boundaries, in this episode, Jennifer Johnson CMHC, CSAT, CPTT and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT break down what boundaries actually are, what they aren’t, and why they can feel so difficult—especially after betrayal.

What Boundaries Are (And Aren’t)

What Boundaries Are Not

Punishment

Control

Ultimatums

What Boundaries Actually Are

Boundaries are about creating emotional safety for you.

It’s not about controlling them—it’s about taking care of you.

Boundaries vs. Rules

Rules Focus on Them

“You need to stop…”

Boundaries Focus on You

“If this happens, this is what I will do.”

This shift moves you from:

Powerless → Empowered

Reactive → Grounded

Why Boundaries Feel So Hard

Common Trauma Responses

After betrayal, it’s normal to:

Feel frozen or powerless

Swing from no boundaries → extreme boundaries

Confuse control with safety

These are trauma responses—not failures.

The “All or Nothing” Trap

What Many People Assume

Boundaries only look like:

Separation

Sleeping apart

Divorce

What Boundaries Can Actually Look Like

Taking space

Going for a walk

Pausing before responding

Reaching out for support

Boundaries create safety—not punishment or forced distance.

The Key to Boundaries That Hold: Your “Why”

Without a Why

Boundaries feel inconsistent

You second-guess yourself

They often collapse

With a Clear Why

You feel grounded

You stay consistent

Communication becomes more effective

Understanding:

What triggered you

Why it matters

What you need

…creates sustainable boundaries.

Boundaries Are Internal Work

What Boundaries Really Do

Reclaim your voice

Clarify your needs

Restore a sense of control

After betrayal, boundaries become a way to say:

“I choose how I take care of me.”

If Boundaries Feel Hard

A Gentle Reminder

This is normal

This is a process

You don’t have to do it perfectly

Boundaries can feel especially difficult when you still want:

Connection

Safety

Repair

You’re not doing it wrong—you’re learning something new.

What’s Coming Next

This episode begins a deeper series on:

Bottom Lines and Safety vs. Punitive Control

Boundaries Abandonment and Attachment 

Holding Boundaries when the Other Person Pushes Back

Share & Connect

If this episode helped you:

Share it with someone who needs support

Leave a review

Watch on our Human Intimacy YouTube channel

Our goal is to help as many people as possible find hope, clarity, and healing.

In this solo episode, betrayal trauma expert and host MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT,

 shares early findings from the Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale (GABIS)—drawing directly from the voices and lived experiences of listeners in this community.

This is the data of devastation.

Not just numbers—but real accounts of grief, identity loss, and the unraveling of reality after sexual betrayal.

Because research in this area is limited, these listener-informed insights offer a rare and powerful look at what betrayal trauma actually takes—from a person’s sense of self, safety, and connection.

Be sure to check out this episode @youtube.com/Human-Intimacy to view the data charts and slides.

MaryAnn walks through key early insights from survey responses, including:

Across responses, one theme rose above the rest:

Loss.

Not just loss of a relationship—but loss of:

As one listener shared:

“It’s the decades of never being truly known… the invisibility.”

Grief after betrayal is often misunderstood—or missed entirely.

This episode brings language to that experience, helping listeners recognize:

This episode highlights key findings—but there is more to the story.

If this episode resonates with you:

You are not overreacting.

What you’re experiencing is real—and it deserves care, support, and understanding.

If this episode helped you, consider sharing it.

And as always—take care of yourself.

What actually happens after betrayal is discovered?

In this episode of Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and expert Pastor Darrell Brazell, PSAP, unpack the exposure phase (D-Day) using Dr. Omar Minwalla’s 22 Rooms of Betrayal framework.

They discuss why many partners experience increased confusion, trauma, and emotional harm after discovery, not less—and how integrity abuse behaviors play a central role and can intensify during this time. 

This episode includes discussion of sexual betrayal, deception, intentional abuse behaiors and betrayal trauma, which may be activating for some listeners—especially those early in their healing journey. Please listen gently and take care of yourself as you go. You’re encouraged to pause, take breaks, or return at another time if needed. You are always in control of how and when you engage with this content.

This conversation walks through common dynamics that emerge after discovery, including patterns like gaslighting, minimization, blame-shifting, and ongoing deception. It also highlights the painful mismatch many couples experience—where one partner is just beginning to process the truth while the other may already be in a very different place emotionally.

The episode also touches on staggered disclosure (or “trickle truth”) and why it can be especially damaging, as well as the continued patterns that often show up even after recovery has begun.

MaryAnn and Darrell discuss why healing doesn’t end with discovery or even disclosure. Trust remains fragile, trauma responses can persist, and harmful patterns may continue without intentional change. The conversation emphasizes that healing takes time, and there is no quick or linear path forward.

For many betrayed partners, discovery can bring both pain and clarity—helping make sense of things that never quite added up before. This episode offers language and insight into these experiences, reminding listeners that what they’re feeling is valid and that they are not alone.

The Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale (GABIS) survey

If this episode resonates with you:

Primary Keywords:

In this powerful continuation of last week’s conversation, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined again by Pastor Daryl Brazell, PSAP  where they unpack the deeper dynamics of deception in sexual betrayal, based on Darrell's work with Dr. Omar Minwalla. 

Together they expand on Minwalla's secret sexual basement metaphor, explore how secrecy, shame, and manipulation create an “intentionally manipulated reality”—a gaslighting dynamic that can leave partners questioning their instincts, their memories, and even their connection to their own intuition.

Daryl shares a visual model originally developed by Dr. Omar Minwalla, which illustrates the painful forced choice many betrayed partners experience: believing their partner’s words or trusting what their body and gut already know.

The conversation also introduces the concept of Integrity Abuse Behaviors—patterns of deception and manipulation that maintain the secret sexual life at the expense of the partner’s emotional and psychological safety.

Listeners will hear:

How gaslighting and manipulated reality erode a partner’s trust in their own instincts

The “Zero Factor”: how toxic shame and hidden secrets undermine intimacy and connection

Why betrayed partners often feel trapped between their gut intuition and attachment bond

The three phases of deceptive sexuality as identified by Dr. Omar Minwalla

Covert Phase – when the secret life is hidden

Exposure Phase – discovery and disclosure

Symptom Progression Phase – the long aftermath after discovery

Common Integrity Abuse behaviors such as lying by omission, blame shifting, manipulation, and withholding critical information

Why many betrayed partners feel isolated, confused, and unsure who or what to trust

How naming and understanding these patterns helps begin the grief and healing process

MayAnn also discusses why grief is an essential part of recovery. When we finally have language for what happened, the brain can begin integrating the emotional experience with a coherent story—allowing healing to begin.

If this conversation brings up strong emotions, we encourage you to pause, journal, or reach out to a trusted support person. Naming these experiences can be painful—but it is also an important step toward reclaiming clarity and healing.

The Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale (GABIS) survey

Human Intimacy Conference recordings available at HumanIntimacy.com

Integrity Abuse Behavior lists and recovery resources referenced by Pastor Brazell

If this episode resonates with you, please consider sharing it with someone who may need support on their healing journey. No one should have to navigate betrayal trauma alone.