Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal Podcast

In this powerful conversation, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, welcomes pastor, recovery leader, and longtime colleague Darrel Brazell PSAP, to explore one of the most validating frameworks for understanding betrayal trauma: Dr. Omar Minwalla’s “Secret Sexual Basement.”

Many betrayed partners sense that something is wrong long before the truth is revealed. They smell the “toxic fumes,” feel the disconnection, and question their own instincts—often because years of gaslighting have forced them to doubt what their body and intuition already know.

In this episode, MaryAnn and Darrel unpack why betrayal trauma creates such profound grief—and why that grief often extends far beyond the behaviors themselves.

Together they explore how deception erodes trust not only in a partner, but in one’s own gut, voice, health, identity, and even faith.

If you’ve ever wondered why betrayal feels so disorienting and devastating, this conversation will help put words to experiences many partners struggle to explain.

The Secret Sexual Basement metaphor

 Intentionally Manipulated Reality (IMR)

 The “Second Brain” Injury

 Betrayal Blindness and Self-Abandonment

 The physical toll of betrayal trauma

 Faith and spiritual wounding after betrayal

 Why grief work is essential for healing

Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale (Survey) 

Human Intimacy Conference

This episode discusses heavy topics including trauma, gaslighting, and spiritual wounds. If this conversation stirred something inside you, consider taking a moment to care for yourself:

Drink some water

Healing after betrayal is possible—and you don’t have to walk the path alone.

If this episode helped you, please:

Together, we can continue bringing hope, validation, and healing to those navigating life after sexual betrayal.

Host: MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT 

MaryAnn welcomes Dr. Strange back to conclude the grief and loss series, focusing on the deeply personal and complex decision many betrayed partners face: Should I stay or should I go?, offering validation, practical guidance, and reassurance that healing is nonlinear — and that hope grows when individuals reclaim choice, safety, and support.

The episode also includes a link to a recording of the Human Intimacy Pre-Conference Q&A with Dr. Kevin Skinner, Michelle Mays, Darrell Brazell, Dr. Strange and MaryAnn as they field questions from viewers, an invitation to participate in a grief-and-loss survey addressing the limited research in this area and a preview of the upcoming Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14, 2026).

Why this question feels urgent after betrayal

The importance of slowing down before making permanent decisions

Exceptions when immediate safety (e.g., domestic violence) requires swift action

Shock, rage, confusion, and disorientation as normal trauma responses

Regulating the nervous system to support rational, grounded decision-making

Reclaiming agency after betrayal

The right to choose — and the right to change your mind

Empowerment through informed, intentional decisions

The complexity of grieving someone who is still alive

Ongoing relational ambiguity

How unresolved betrayal grief can resurface after divorce or remarriage

Why grief needs compassionate support

The healing power of peer connection

The scarcity of structured resources for betrayal grief

Dr. Strange’s doctoral research interviewing 11 betrayed men

The lack of research and support specifically for men

The value of creating space for underrepresented voices

Barriers couples face when attempting to rebuild intimacy

Emotional, relational, and trauma-related obstacles

Hope for renewed connection when healing work is intentional

Identifying the gap between what was hoped for and what occurred

Naming losses clearly and concretely

Reframing hope as agency — having plans, options, and forward movement

Resources

2nd Annual Online Human Intimacy Conference

Men's Betrayal Group - send email to [email protected]

We often say “grief and loss.”

But what if it’s actually loss first — then grief?

In this episode, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT and Dr. Kevin Skinner, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT explore the profound and often unnamed experience of loss after betrayal — and how grief emerges only after we cognitively realize what has actually been taken from us.

Because betrayal is not just trauma.

It is the loss of:

The reality you thought you were living

The identity you believed you held

Your sense of stability

Your worth

Your attachment security

The future you imagined

At first, there is shock. Survival. Chaos.

It may take months — sometimes a year or more — before the mind can say:

“This is grief.”

That cognitive realization changes everything.

Betrayal involves the loss of:

The reality you believed you were living

The partner you thought you knew

Your internal stability

Your identity

Your sense of worth

Only when the loss is named can grief begin to organize.

Without language, pain remains chaotic.

When we can say, “I am grieving,” healing begins.

Betrayal often destabilizes self-trust and worth. Healing requires:

Re-identifying personal value

Validating your emotional experience

Rebuilding trust with yourself

Securely attaching to yourself

Attachment research (Bowlby; Mikulincer & Shaver) supports this internal reorganization as part of recovery.

Telling your story helps the brain reorganize trauma. Research by James Pennebaker shows that expressive writing reduces depressive symptoms and improves emotional integration.

Each time the story is told:

Meaning deepens

Emotional intensity shifts

Integration strengthens

The story changes because healing is occurring.

Grief is not a stage to bypass — it is a process to move through.

As described in grief research (Worden), healing involves:

Acknowledging the loss

Feeling the pain

Adjusting to a new reality

Reinvesting in life with meaning

Resilience grows when grief is honored — not rushed.

Grief After Betrayal Scale

Rise: Online Course 

Human Intimacy Conference (Online March 13–14) Feb Promo 30OFF, March 20OFF

https://www.humanintimacy.com

Selected References

Bowlby, Loss: Sadness and Depression

Mikulincer & Shaver, Attachment in Adulthood

Worden, Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy

Pennebaker, Opening Up

If you are navigating betrayal:

You are not weak.

And grief honored becomes strength reclaimed.

Grieving through Burbles, Triggers, and Trauma-Anniversaries,

with Dr. Karen Strange 

Episode Summary

Grief is something every human experiences—but grief after betrayal trauma carries a unique kind of pain. In this episode, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT and Dr. Karen Strange PhD, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT continue their powerful series on grief and betrayal, exploring why healing feels messy, unpredictable, and often overwhelming.

If you’ve ever wondered why emotions hit you out of nowhere, sometimes even decades later… why you feel numb one day and furious the next… or why your body seems to remember things your mind tries to forget—this conversation will help you feel seen, validated, and less alone.

Together, they discuss the truth many betrayed partners discover: betrayal can feel like a death—not only of a relationship, but of identity, safety, and the future you thought you were building.

This episode is compassionate, raw, and deeply grounding for anyone navigating the emotional aftermath of sexual betrayal.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

Why grief is not linear—and why it often feels like a “squiggly mess”

How betrayal trauma mirrors the death of a relationship and the loss of reality

Why people often experience grief as confusion, powerlessness, and loss of self

What “delayed grief” is and why emotions can resurface years later

Why numbness is a normal survival response (and not a sign you’re broken)

How “trauma-versaries” can affect the body even when you don’t realize it

The importance of having your story witnessed—without someone trying to “silver line” your pain

How anger and rage can show up in grief, and how to safely discharge that energy through the body

Why acceptance is often the moment emotions begin to intensify—not disappear

A Powerful Reminder:

Grief doesn’t end. It evolves.

And healing doesn’t mean you never feel pain again—it means learning how to honor what you’ve lost, hold compassion for yourself, and create space for your story to land.

If This Episode Resonated With You…

Please like and share it with someone who may be silently carrying grief after betrayal. You are not alone, and you were never meant to heal alone.

🔗 Companion Course:

Find support and resources at humanintimacy.com

If this podcast helps you, please consider leaving a review—it helps other hurting hearts find support.

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Resources and References

Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying.

Kessler, D. (2019). Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief.

Perel, E. (2017). The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity.

Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly.

Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger.

Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice.

Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion.

Doka, K. J. (1989). Disenfranchised Grief.

Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal Trauma.

van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score.

Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the Body.

Episode Title: The Grief of Betrayal: Loss that No One Talks About 

Healing from sexual betrayal is not something you were meant to do alone. In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, host MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined again by Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT, for an honest and grounding conversation about one of the most misunderstood aspects of betrayal trauma recovery: grief.

Together, MaryAnn and Kris explore how grief is not only connected to death, but to the loss of an entire reality—safety, trust, identity, expectations, and the future a betrayed partner believed they were living toward. They discuss why betrayal trauma creates a uniquely destabilizing grief experience, particularly because the loss is non-consensual and often leaves partners feeling disoriented, unsafe, and unable to trust their own perceptions.

This episode also highlights why healing requires connection, not isolation. Betrayed partners often carry their pain silently due to shame, fear, or a desire to protect their spouse’s reputation. MaryAnn and Kris emphasize that grief must be witnessed and validated in order for the nervous system to stabilize and for healing to begin.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, numb, angry, or stuck, this episode offers language, clarity, and hope—reminding listeners that grief can become part of your story, but it does not have to become your identity.

Why grief is a core component of betrayal trauma recovery

How grief is not just about death, but about the loss of a familiar life

The difference between traditional grief and betrayal-related grief

How betrayal disrupts the nervous system and creates disorientation

Why grief is not linear (and why that matters for healing)

The impact of shame, secrecy, and “walking wounded” isolation

How community and safe connection help regulate emotional overwhelm

Why grief must be witnessed and validated to heal

How to begin identifying personal losses after betrayal

Hope for moving forward without being defined by betrayal

Betrayal grief often includes the loss of identity, future dreams, and safety.

Many trauma symptoms (anger, anxiety, hypervigilance, numbness) are grief responses.

Healing happens through support and connection—grief is not meant to be carried alone.

The goal is not to erase the story, but to integrate it without being consumed by it.

Disenfranchised grief (grief that isn’t socially recognized or supported)

The importance of validation and witnessing in the healing process

Neurobiology of grief and how the brain struggles to reorient after betrayal

The Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14)

Rise Companion Course: humanintimacy.com, Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal

MaryAnn and guests will the grief series in upcoming weeks, including:

Delayed grief

Attachment patterns and grief

How to live with grief without losing yourself

Please consider sharing this podcast with someone who may be suffering in silence. Healing is hard—but you don’t have to do it alone.

In this episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, welcomes back Dr. Kevin Skinner to continue Season Two’s series on rebuilding trust. Together they explore why rebuilding trust after betrayal is so complex, especially through the lens of attachment and trauma, based on Sue Johnson's core attachment question:

They explain how trust begins early in life, how it’s shaped by our experiences, and how betrayal trauma can mirror early attachment ruptures—often leading to protest, emotional overwhelm, shutdown, or feeling frozen while waiting for clarity or disclosure. MaryAnn and Dr. Skinner normalize grief, numbness, and uncertainty as natural trauma responses, not signs of failure or weakness.

This episode gently reframes healing: trust doesn’t begin with forcing yourself to trust a partner again. It begins with self-trust, learning to listen to your body and emotions, finding safe support, and allowing honesty about where you truly are. Trust, when it returns, is earned through presence, consistency, and repair—not pressure.

If you’re unsure whether you can trust again—or even trust yourself—this conversation offers compassion, clarity, and hope.

Trust after betrayal is a process, not a decision

Betrayal trauma activates deep attachment wounds

Feeling frozen, numb, or unsure is a normal trauma response

Self-trust is foundational to healing and boundaries

Earned trust grows through consistent repair and safety

The Still Face Experiment – Dr. Edward Tronick

The Body Keeps the Score – Bessel van der Kolk, MD

Human Intimacy Conference | March 13–14

Host: MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT

Rebuilding trust after sexual betrayal begins not with your partner—but with yourself.

In this deeply meaningful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, host MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, sits down with her longtime mentor, colleague, and friend Jennifer Johnson, CMHC, CSAT, CPTT, for a powerful conversation on self-trust, group healing, and empowerment after betrayal trauma.

Jennifer—who has worked with betrayed partners for over 15 years—shares clinical wisdom, lived experience, and practical metaphors that have shaped an entire generation of betrayal trauma therapists, including MaryAnn herself. Together, they explore how betrayal erodes a person’s sense of reality, safety, and self-confidence—and how trust can be rebuilt through validation, embodiment, boundaries, and resourcing.

This episode is especially for listeners who feel confused, disconnected from their bodies, unsure of their reality, or afraid of their own reactions. Through stories, metaphors, and trauma-informed insight, MaryAnn and Jennifer offer a grounded path forward—one rooted in compassion, strength, and self-reliance.

Why sexual betrayal shatters self-trust and internal safety

The power of group work and the healing impact of “me too”

Why comparing betrayal stories minimizes pain—and why pain is pain

The “drowning in 5 feet vs. 20 feet of water” metaphor

How gaslighting and shame erode self-trust

Learning to trust your body after trauma responses and triggers

Why self-trust is independent of a partner’s recovery

The “Water Your Own Tree” analogy: differentiation and empowerment

Resourcing yourself for safety and stability

Trauma as powerlessness—and why action restores agency

The stages of healing: victim → survival → thriving

The “getting hit by a bus” metaphor for trauma, recovery, and relearning trust

Why healing does not mean abandoning the relationship

The role of therapy, groups, books, and community in rebuilding trust

Betrayal trauma disrupts your sense of reality—but you are not crazy

Self-trust is rebuilt through validation, embodiment, and action

Group healing reduces isolation and restores internal safety

You can strengthen yourself without moving away from your partner

Empowerment comes from recognizing your resources and choices

Healing is a process—and different stages require different care

Trusting yourself means learning what your body, emotions, and intuition need now

Water Your Own Tree: Strengthening yourself without abandoning the relationship

Drowning Is Drowning: Pain does not need to be compared to be valid

 Preparing resources for safety and self-reliance

Getting Hit by a Bus: Trauma recovery as stabilization, rehabilitation, and relearning trust

Victim → Survival → Thriving: Normal stages of betrayal trauma healing

Intimate Deception – Sheri Keffer, PhD

The Betrayal Bind – Michelle Mays, LPC

Ambushed by Betrayal Workbook

Jennifer Johnson, CMHC, CSAT and CPTT, is a Clinical Mental Health Counselor based in Farmington, Utah, specializing in betrayal trauma recovery for over 15 years. She is a mentor to clinicians, a trusted guide to betrayed partners, and a passionate advocate for trauma-informed, empowerment-based healing. Jennifer also brings lived experience as a betrayed partner, offering deep empathy and credibility to her work.

MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist. She is the founder of HART Recovery Institute (Healing Addiction, Relationships, Trauma) and the host of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal. MaryAnn is also a recovering betrayed partner and a dedicated voice for compassionate, trauma-informed care.

If you are in the early days of betrayal or seeking structured guidance, explore:

Season 1 of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal (Stabilization)

Therapist-led groups and the online course Rise: Hope and Healing After Betrayal

Resources available at humanintimacy.com

Your pain is valid.

Host: MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT

Healing from sexual betrayal is not something anyone is meant to navigate alone. In this Season 2 episode of Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal, host MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, is joined by colleague and friend Dr. Karen Strange, PhD, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, for a deeply compassionate conversation about stabilizing after betrayal and rebuilding trust—first with yourself, and then, if appropriate, with a partner.

Together, MaryAnn and Karen explore betrayal through both clinical insight and lived experience, addressing the profound shock, grief, and disorientation betrayed partners often face. Using Brené Brown’s BRAVING framework, they break down trust into understandable, actionable components while emphasizing that trust is rebuilt through behavior over time, not promises or pressure.

This episode also introduces the powerful Kintsugi bowl metaphor—the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold—as a symbol of post-betrayal healing, growth, and meaning-making after profound rupture.

If you are early in betrayal trauma recovery, struggling with self-doubt, or feeling pressured to “move on” before you feel safe, this conversation offers grounding, validation, and hope.

Why betrayal trauma often mirrors PTSD

Stabilization as the first priority after sexual betrayal

The Kintsugi bowl as a metaphor for healing after being “shattered”

Why trust is cognitive, not emotional

Brené Brown’s BRAVING framework applied to betrayal recovery:

Boundaries

Reliability

Accountability

Vault (confidentiality and discernment)

Integrity

Non-judgment

Generosity

Trusting behavior over words

Gaslighting, self-doubt, and learning to trust your body again

The role of accountability, support groups, therapy, and sponsors

Why over-disclosure can retraumatize betrayed partners

Rebuilding trust with yourself through self-compassion

Healing takes time—and time is your ally, not your enemy

Trust is rebuilt through consistent, observable behavior, not urgency

You are allowed to share your story; your partner owns theirs

Self-compassion is foundational to stabilization and recovery

Listening to your body is a powerful form of wisdom

You can actively engage in healing while you wait for clarity

1. The BRAVING Self-Trust Exercise

2. Daily Self-Compassion Practice

Brené Brown – BRAVING: Trust Framework

Kristin Neff, PhD – Self-Compassion Practices

Therapist-led courses and groups for betrayed partners:

Dr. Karen Strange, PhD, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in South Carolina. She brings both professional expertise and lived experience as a betrayed partner, offering deep empathy, wisdom, and hope to individuals and couples healing after betrayal.

MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and Certified Partner Trauma Therapist. She is the founder of HART Recovery Institute (Healing Addiction, Relationships, Trauma) and the host of Rise: Hope and Healing from Sexual Betrayal. MaryAnn is also a recovering betrayed partner and a passionate advocate for trauma-informed, compassionate healing.

Please consider sharing, liking, or subscribing. You may help someone else feel less alone and more understood.

You deserve healing.

Welcome to Season Two of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal. In this opening episode, host MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined by Kris Cristiano, LCSW, CSAT, to explore one of the most painful and misunderstood aspects of betrayal trauma: trust.

After Season One’s focus on immediate survival following discovery, Season Two shifts toward rebuilding—emotionally, relationally, and internally. MaryAnn and Kris unpack why trust cannot be rushed, demanded, or restored through checklists alone, and why safety and honesty must come first.

Together, they deconstruct common misconceptions about trust, love, and forgiveness, explore the impact of complex and cumulative trauma, and introduce tangible markers of real recovery—what betrayed partners can actually look for over time without abandoning themselves. The conversation also highlights the critical importance of self-trust, nervous system awareness, and relational healing within safe communities.

This episode offers grounding, clarity, and hope for anyone navigating betrayal trauma and wondering: How do I know what’s real now—and can I ever trust again?

Why trust, love, and forgiveness are not the same thing—and why confusing them causes harm

How betrayal trauma and complex trauma amplify the loss of trust

The Marble Jar metaphor and why trust must be rebuilt one action at a time

Why sobriety, compliance, and “checking boxes” are not the same as true recovery

The role of honesty and safety as the foundation for rebuilding trust

How betrayed partners can begin rebuilding self-trust, even after betrayal blindness

Why healing from betrayal trauma is relational and cannot be done alone

How shame and self-blame interfere with recovery—and why they don’t belong there

Key Takeaways:

After listening, take a moment to write down one small thing you will do for yourself today or tomorrow—something realistic and achievable. Rebuilding trust begins by doing what you say you’ll do, even with yourself.

Blind to Betrayal by Jennifer Freyd

The Intimacy Pyramid by Dan Drake and the Rapson-Smith model

25 Signs of REAL Recovery by Kris Cristiano

Rise: Hope and Healing From Sexual Betrayal courses and resources:

Human Intimacy Conference – March 13–14

Connect With Us:

Don't forget to like, share, and subscribe for more insights on healing and recovery. Your support helps others find the path to healing and understanding.

Rise, Hope, and Healing After Sexual Betrayal: Closing Season One & Looking Toward Growth

Summary

In the final episode of Season One of Rise, Hope, and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Kevin Skinner and licensed clinical social worker MaryAnn Michaelis reflect on the emotional journey of betrayal trauma and the foundational work required for healing. They validate the profound shock, grief, and disorientation that follow sexual betrayal, emphasizing that these reactions are normal responses to trauma—not personal failures.

Throughout the conversation, they review core concepts introduced in the season, including emotional regulation, triggers, PTSD symptoms, somatic responses, polyvagal theory, boundaries, self-care, and identity repair. Healing is framed not as a linear or finished state, but as a “both/and” process—one where growth and difficult days can coexist.

Using metaphors such as home remodeling, forest fires, peeling an onion, and run-walk marathons, they illustrate how healing unfolds slowly, layer by layer. They highlight post-traumatic growth, noting that while no one chooses betrayal, many survivors develop deeper self-awareness, stronger boundaries, renewed creativity, and a reclaimed sense of self-worth.

The episode also looks ahead to Season Two, which will focus on the second stage of healing—internal work, rebuilding trust (especially trust in self), and deeper application of tools learned in Season One. The hosts emphasize the importance of community, trauma-informed practices, and self-compassion, ending with a message of hope: healing is possible, identity can be restored, and no one has to walk this journey alone.

Resources Mentioned or Referenced

Programs & Educational Resources

Therapeutic Approaches & Concepts

Professional Credentials Referenced

Clinicians Featured or Upcoming (Season Two)

Books & Metaphors Referenced