I think a lot of us are searching for answers - always looking down different roads for a sign that we are on the right path. The thing about 2020 is that a lot of us are in our heads - confused about who we are and what we're supposed to be doing - or who we're meant to become. These are my thoughts about losing myself and finding myself during this weird time.

Music: Voyager of Dreams by Nick Petrov

In today's episode, we're talking about seasonal changes during a pandemic and addressing the suppressed emotions that we may be feeling. Without talking about these bottled up emotions these days, it can become harder to recognize when certain aspects of your life aren’t serving your needs. It can also become harder to recognize the physical impacts that these suppressed emotions may be causing. Our negative thought patterns may not make logical sense, yet they have a powerful grip over us - even if we don’t truly see all it’s impacts. I provide 4 tips that have helped me navigate my emotions, on my own, and to help the healing process. 

In today's episode we're talking about my recent diagnosis with #endometriosis. It's a personal journey that took 11 years in the making to gain answers and support. In this episode we dive deep into what endometriosis is, my origin story, and tips on how to advocate for yourself.

George Flloyd Memorial Fund: https://ca.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd.

List of Bail Funds: https://bailfunds.github.io/

Toronto Black Youth Helpline: https://blackyouth.ca/

Register to VOTE.

Content provided by - and discussion driven forward by - Jiselle Gilliard Jegousse.

Today’s podcast episode is an important one. There is a lot going on in the world today. If you’re not already aware, last week George Flloyd, an unarmed 46 year old black man was murdered after a white police officer used his knee to pin Mr. Flloyd’s neck down to the ground for several minutes. This is overt racism that happened in broad daylight - by a white man in a position of power.

This incident was videotaped, but it doesn’t mean that this type of oppressive, racist, outright murderous behaviour doesn’t occur against the black community on a daily basis across North America- because it does - this incident just happened to be videotaped.

I’m joined today by a dear friend of mine, Jiselle, to talk about the current oppressive and racist acts that are happening against the black community in Canada and the United States. I’ve known Jiselle for ten years and I’m happy that we’re both here, as both a black female and a white female, to have a conversation about how white people and black, indigenous, and people of colour can talk to each other, and need to talk to each other, about what’s going on.

Instagram Advocates to follow: 

@nooneusesthis_

@Janayathefuture

@chrissyford

@tembae

@nooneusesthis_

Television (recommended by @meaganforde):

Chewing Gum (Netflix)

Living Single (Prime)

2 Dope Queens (HBO)

Film (recommended by @meaganforde):

Do the right thing (Prime)

Get Out (Netflix)

Sorry to Bother You (Prime)

Episode 21: If I’m honest, I think it took a global crisis for us to have the opportunity, and the physical time, to truly have the opportunity to think about what we have to be grateful for - even during a time of crisis. Covid-19 is a scary time - Covid-19 is a time where gratitude is needed more than ever.

It starts small, with realizing that we are all in the same position of not knowing what is coming next. It’s a scary time for sure, and it makes it difficult to feel appreciative. When she passed this topic on to me, and I found that I was struggling with it - I started to write down some of the things that I’m grateful for that were outside of my physical well-being and health. It started with a simple piece of paper and pen, and you know what, it changed my perspective - gratitude during a crisis isn’t only helpful to yourself and those around you, but it is essential.

It is exactly under crisis situations or conditions that gratitude shines the brightest. In the face of despair, gratitude has the power to bring hope - something we’re all craving right now.

I realized while making this list that there is an important distinction with feeling grateful and being grateful. For instance, my emotions are crazy sometimes. Like I mentioned before, my anxiety takes over my body - I have no control over my feelings or emotions because they appear naturally. It’s like forcing a friend to be happy when they’re feeling sad - it’s a difficult task to do. We cannot easily will ourselves to feeeelllll grateful, less sad, or more happy. Feelings travel from point A to point B through internal transit systems.

But being grateful is a choice we can make. An intentional practice that ultimately doesn’t change with the ups and downs, or gains or losses that flow in or out of our lives. When disaster or a crisis strikes, gratitude provides a perspective from which we can begin to view life in its entirety and not be overwhelmed by temporary circumstances.

Episode 20: When I was in high school, I was always fascinated with the fine art department

I was a music geek, so I had enough art credits to get me through the year, but I was always in awe of the artwork that came out of that second floor art room.

I would walk down the hallways and look at all of the drawings and paintings that were enclosed in the large glass case on the second floor

A middle school museum that was filled with fantastic work by students I would never meet

The glass case took up the entire corner of the second floor hallway, just one staircase above my second home, the music hall - a story for another day.

On good days, the work of art created by amazingly talented middle-schoolers would be illuminated by the sun through the only skylight in the high school, and on my favourite days, the days where it poured rain, the artwork would be somewhat distorted by the reflecting raindrops into something new - away from there original form.

Every month, this corner glass museum would change - artwork swapped out for the new

Categories of design would be changed from pencil crayon designs to frozen statues in time

I never got tired of this little spot of heaven during a time that wasn’t so great.

I remember one day I came around the corner to see that this glass case had been swapped for the most beautiful watercolour paintings that I had ever seen

Soft lavender bled into deep navy blue - the cream paper becoming the perfect canvas for the inner thoughts and feelings of high schoolers through one swift swipe of liquid gold

The colours merged into one another in the vainest way

Pastels swirled and danced

Walking slowly along the glass case, imagining the fine hair of a damp paintbrush creating a solid direction with one stroke,  while the coloured paint created a larger story

Lines redrawn on a whim, and ripples and roots created through rich plums and mauve

Starry nights made soft with baby blue and emerald green

Flower gardens made wild through the stroke of a fuschia stream

These coloured masterpieces eager to skip into another palette

Avoiding restraining lines to create their own memories

Drying fast, layered casts of yellow and orange

Episode 19: In today's episode we're talking about how we can manifest motivation from fear. Just like Covid-19, we can chose to be scared or fearful of it. We can analyze why this is a thing that we should fear, in a healthy way. Yes, it is something that is happening to all of us. It is something that we’re all unfamiliar with. Yes, it is causing heartache and fear around the world. But one thing I can do is to educate myself about it. To learn more about previous pandemics in history to learn the peaks and valleys to each virus. Yes, each one are different, but through this time of fear in history came creative minds, poetry, art that we admire today. By turning on the news and watching it, I become competent in understanding what other people are going through to address my work or outlook. By equipping myself with the necessary skills to work at home, to make a new routine head on, I can develop the necessary skills to create a new normal - to become a functioning human being during this external circumstance. I can change my perspective of fear into motivation. 

Episode 18: This episode is a compilation of my own voice memos during COVID-19. I was traveling abroad in Europe, specifically Amsterdam and Germany, when news was released that countries were shutting down and that all travelers should return to their home country. During this episode, you'll see the progression of how information became more serious and the rise of uncertainty of how or when we would be able to get back to Canada.

During my time abroad, COVID-19 became a more serious pandemic. These are my internal thoughts during a time of fear and uncertainty. A time capsule of how I was feeling as a traveler abroad during a global pandemic.

Episode 17: Covid19 has our entire world flipped upside down. But what I know to be true is that we'll get through this uncertain time together, with love, hope, prayer. and creativity. We'll have our own normal again and we'll be able to feel gravity place us back on our feet. 

Episode 16: My mantra for 2020 has been to say "yes" more - yes to meeting new people, yes to new experiences, and yes to getting out of the house. This episode covers my roaming internal thoughts about saying yes when it comes to dating and how it can sometimes be tiring. Saying yes allows us to meet exciting and potentially compatible people for us, but saying yes can also make us want to say no.