Parenting is already difficult, but when you add a divorce into the mix, everything becomes more difficult. Divorce is ugly for many reasons, one of which is how it impacts the parenting process.  Kids get caught up in the hurt of the breakup, but also the lingering hurt between the  ex-spouses.  When people are hurt, they tend to allow the emotional pain to dictate their behavior, this often looks like revenge.  

What better way to seek revenge on your ex than by using the children to get back at each other.  Simple things like not establishing a common set of rules and expectations for the children no matter who's house they are in leads to manipulation, which leads to more hurt.  The problem is that the people that will suffer the longterm consequences for this are the children.  

Parents that begin to operate out of hurt, guilt, jealousy, or arrogance, will knowingly or not, teach their kids to become master-manipulators.  They will begin to recognize the craziness between the two vastly different systems they are being raised in and they will begin to manipulate the parents in order to work it to their immediate advantage.  Make no mistake about it, the children are not to blame.  The parents have created an environment rich in opportunities to manipulate.  The kids are just looking out for their immediate gratification.

If you are in a situation of divorce and raising children, this show is packed full of great advice to grow your children to be the adults you desire them to be.  Please do not shortcut this process.  The work is hard and confusing when we allow it to be colored with emotions of hurt.  But, when we see the important values and foundation that we want our children to develop with, the work becomes much more defined and clear.  Do not let your hurt lead to you hurting your children. They did not ask for your divorce.  

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