Rock the Damn Boat

Ever watched another woman do the thing you’ve been too scared to try and thought, “How did she do that?” In this episode of Rock the Damn Boat (RTDB), Christy Hughes talks about how we grow by learning from women who’ve already taken brave steps, especially in the areas where we have the least experience. None of us has to figure it all out alone. When women share what worked, what didn’t, and what it cost them, we all get braver. And yes, it’s a cliché, but it’s true: life is too short not to make waves. If you’ve been playing it safe and wondering whether there’s more, this one’s for you.

KEY TOPICS

How can I learn from women who have done what I’m scared to do?
Why is it easier to be brave when someone else went first?
How do I find role models in areas where I have no experience?
What does it mean to rock the boat in your own life?
Is life really too short to play it safe?
How do I take a risk without having everything figured out?
How can women support each other in making bold life changes?

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Other women’s courage is something you can borrow until you build your own.
The areas where you have the least experience are exactly where someone else’s story can help most.
Learning from each other works both ways. Your brave steps are someone else’s roadmap.
Making waves doesn’t require a dramatic leap. Small chances add up to a more fulfilling life.
Waiting until you feel ready often means waiting forever.

BOAT-ROCKING QUESTION

Who is a woman you admire for taking a brave step, and what is one thing she did that you could try this week?

What if something as simple as a doormat could say something about who you are?

In this episode of Rock the Damn Boat, I’m talking about individuality, self-expression, and what it really means to respect people whose choices, beliefs, and personalities look different from our own.

Our clothes say something about us. Our homes say something about us. Our political views, spiritual beliefs, sense of humor, and yes—even the doormat outside our front door—can be little expressions of identity.

Mine says “Witches Welcome, Morals Tolerated.” For me, it’s a playful way to express my woo-woo side and let a little bit of my personality show before someone even walks through the door.

But the bigger question is: Can we allow other people to express who they are without needing their expression to match ours?

I also talk about returning to recovery rooms and being reminded of one of the most valuable lessons I learned there: look for the similarities, not the differences.

Because when we lead with our differences, it becomes easy to sort people into categories of us and them. When we become curious about what we share—the fears, hopes, mistakes, struggles, and desires underneath all those labels—we often discover there’s much more connecting us than separating us.

• Why is respecting someone’s differences different from agreeing with them?
• How can I be true to myself without judging people who express themselves differently?
• Why do other people’s beliefs or choices sometimes feel threatening to my own?
• How can I stop focusing so much on what makes people different from me?
• What does “look for the similarities, not the differences” actually mean?
• How can lessons from recovery help us become more accepting of other people?
• Why is individuality important in relationships and communities?
• What do my clothes, home décor, beliefs, humor, and personal style communicate about who I am?
• How can I respect someone whose political, spiritual, or personal views are very different from mine?
• And the most important question: What would your doormat say about you?

This episode is an invitation to think about what you choose to put out into the world, what those choices say about you, and whether we can make more room for each other to be fully ourselves—without requiring sameness first.

Topics: individuality, self-expression, respecting differences, acceptance, recovery, sobriety, personal identity, belonging, spirituality, authenticity, finding common ground, relationships, boundaries, personal growth

How often do you say yes when you really want to say no? Whether it's accepting an invitation you don't have the energy for or putting someone else's needs ahead of your own, setting healthy boundaries can feel uncomfortable—especially if you've spent your life people-pleasing.

In this episode of Rock the Damn Boat, we're talking about how to set boundaries, stop people-pleasing, and protect your peace without feeling guilty. We'll explore how childhood experiences shape our ability to say no, why we feel responsible for other people's feelings, and how to recognize when we're sacrificing our own well-being to keep others happy.

You'll learn practical strategies for establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries, including identifying your non-negotiables, exploring childhood patterns, and finding accountability partners who will support you when holding firm feels difficult.

Because the real question is: Are you going to preserve your peace, or keep putting everyone else first?

It's time to let go of guilt, honor your needs, and remember that saying no to someone else can mean saying yes to yourself.

• Why do I feel guilty saying no, even when I don't want to do something?
• How do my childhood experiences influence my ability to set boundaries as an adult?
• How can I stop people-pleasing and start prioritizing my own peace?
• What are my non-negotiable boundaries, and how do I identify them?
• How do I hold firm to my boundaries when other people are disappointed or push back?
• Can an accountability partner help me maintain healthy boundaries?
• How do I recognize when I'm putting someone else's needs ahead of my own?
• How can I say no without feeling like I owe someone an explanation?

The question at the heart of this episode: Are you willing to disappoint someone else rather than continue disappointing yourself?

Music licensed through Soundstripe.

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In this episode of RTDB (Rock the Damn Boat), I'm unpacking the Good Good controversy and what it means when a brand glorifies violence against women in an ad. I share my own experience being assaulted by a college football player and why this hits close to home. We talk about the female golfers speaking out, what books like Yesteryear and the Calamity Club teach us about how recent women's rights actually are, and why consumers have more power than we think when we vote with our wallets.

KEY TOPICS

• What happened with Good Good's controversial ad?
• Why are female golfers speaking out against Good Good?
• How does glorifying violence against women show up in advertising?
• What can survivors of assault teach us about spotting these patterns?
• How do books like Yesteryear and the Calamity Club connect to today's women's rights conversations?
• How recent are women's rights, really?
• What does it mean to vote with your wallet as a consumer?
• How can brands lose trust by ignoring accountability?

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Good Good's ad wasn't a one-off misstep — it reflects a pattern worth naming out loud
• Personal experience with assault shapes how quickly you spot violence disguised as humor or edge
• Female golfers pushing back shows collective voice still moves brands
• Historical fiction like Yesteryear and the Calamity Club reminds us how young women's rights actually are
• Every dollar spent is a vote for the values a brand represents
• Silence protects brands; speaking out is what actually rocks the boat

BOAT-ROCKING QUESTION

If a brand you've supported crossed this line, would you actually stop buying — or just feel bad about it?

In this episode of RTDB, I'm taking you along on my solo trip to Nevada City, California, and the unexpected gut-punch I got at the Rosie the Riveter museum. I talk about why I travel alone to actually experience a place instead of just visiting it, and how standing in that museum reignited my drive to finish my WWII novel — because the themes I've been writing about, women empowerment, female and LGBTQ+ cultural shifts, are exactly what I saw reflected back at me in that history.

Key Topics

• Why is solo travel good for personal growth?
• How does solo travel help you experience regional and cultural differences in the US?
• What is the Rosie the Riveter museum and why does it matter today?
• How did WWII-era childcare policy shape working women's lives?
• What can historical fiction teach us about LGBTQ+ cultural shifts?
• How do you stay motivated to finish writing a book?

Key Takeaways

• Solo travel strips away the buffer of familiar company, so you actually absorb a place's culture instead of filtering it through someone else's reactions
• Nevada City's regional identity was a reminder that the US isn't one culture — it's dozens, and you only see that up close
• The Rosie the Riveter museum reframed WWII-era childcare as a policy choice, not an inevitability — and that's a direct thread in my novel
• Seeing LGBTQ+ history surface inside a "traditional" WWII narrative validated a theme I'd intuitively written into my own manuscript
• Sometimes it takes stepping into someone else's history to remember why you started telling your own

Boat-Rocking Question

When was the last time you did something completely alone — and what did it show you that you couldn't have seen with company?

On this episode of Rock the Damn Boat, Christy gets real about a season she didn't see coming — menopause hitting hard enough to trigger old, familiar feelings from early recovery. She unpacks what it means to feel like a "dry drunk" without a drink in hand, why pattern-recognition is the skill that prepares us for life's next season, and why she's walking back into recovery meetings — not because she relapsed, but because she needs the support structure again.

KEY TOPICS:
What does it mean to feel like a "dry drunk" without drinking?
Can menopause trigger old addiction or recovery patterns?
Why do life transitions bring back feelings from early sobriety?
How do you notice patterns before a hard season hits?
Is it normal to go back to recovery meetings without a relapse?

KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Menopause can mimic the emotional instability of early sobriety — irritability, restlessness, discontent
"Dry drunk" isn't about drinking — it's the unmanaged feelings underneath
Noticing patterns early is a form of preparation, not overreaction
Returning to meetings is maintenance, not failure
Life seasons ask you to rebuild support systems, not white-knuckle alone

BOAT-ROCKING QUESTION:
What pattern have you noticed in yourself lately that's asking for more support, not less?

In this episode, Christy Hughes shares her insights on common cognitive biases like negativity bias and confirmation bias, illustrated through stories from her recent book club experience, her personal journey in podcasting, and reflections on Greek mythology. She explores how these biases influence our perceptions, decision-making, and communication, and offers practical tips on cultivating gratitude, reframing situations, and expanding our perspectives to live more intentionally and confidently.

• What is negativity bias and how does it affect daily life?
• What is confirmation bias and how does it shape our beliefs?
• What is the difference between negativity bias and confirmation bias?
• What can we learn from a book club discussion about bias and perspective?
• How does the “1 in 100” mindset show up in everyday thinking?
• How can gratitude help reduce negativity bias?
• How do we reframe stressful situations in a more positive way?
• Why do we seek information that confirms what we already believe?
• How can curiosity help us challenge our own beliefs?
• What can synchronicity teach us about trusting our path?
• How do ancient beliefs about signs and omens connect to modern thinking?
• Why does your voice matter when sharing your perspective?

• Strong Roots, Wayward Soul - Christy Hughes
• Ann Patchett - Author
• The Shipyard Sisters - Coming Soon

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Feel free to leave reviews on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube to help grow the community dedicated to rocking the boat and living authentically.

Colette Jane Fehr, a licensed psychotherapist and author, shares her journey of becoming a traditionally published author and the insights from her book 'The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations That Create Secure Lasting Love'. We discuss how it feels to fufill a childhood dream at age 52, proving it's never too late to play it big!

Colette's book addresses conflict avoidance as the silent killer of relationships and the impact of emotional avoidance on communication and connection. Our conversation delves into the concept of avoidant attachment and the importance of emotional attunement in relationships. We also explore the idea of the 'sage self' and the significance of clear and compassionate communication in fostering healthy relationships. I share pitfalls in my own communication and how Colette's Blueprint worked for a recent conflict.

Big Nuggets from our talk:

• Conflict avoidance is the silent killer of relationships
• Emotional avoidance impacts communication and connection Avoidant attachment is a pattern of psychological relating characterized by fear of closeness and emotional intimacy.
• Clear and compassionate communication, grounded in the 'sage self,' is essential for fostering healthy relationships.

Website: colettejanefehr.com

Purchase The Cost of Quiet: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book

Substack: www.colettejanefehr.substack.com

Instagram & TikTok: @colettejanefehr

TEDx talk “Secrets from a Couples Therapist” : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tSUOB2yEd0

Chapters

• 00:00 The Journey to Becoming an Author
• 02:33 The Dream of Writing and the Magazine Business
• 04:33 Overcoming Challenges to Write the Book
• 06:34 Building a Platform and Traditional Publishing
• 16:51 The Impact of Emotional Avoidance on Relationships
• 25:11 Understanding Avoidant Attachment
• 30:09 The Sage Self and Mindful Communication
• 41:06 Challenging Relationship Myths and Practicing Vulnerability

The conversation explores the importance of setting boundaries, the power of using 'I don't' instead of 'I can't', and the management of emotions and relationships. It emphasizes the significance of speaking up and setting boundaries to lead a fulfilling life.

What I Discuss in this episode:

• How do you get clear on areas where you need to set boundaries?
• How can you start your boundaries with "I don't" to make them more clear and firm?
• How can a conflict avoider and enneagram 9 learn to speak up and not put themselves last?
• Why is it so hard to manage other people's feelings when we set boundaries?
• Learn more in this article:
  • https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-set-boundaries/

Need more help setting boundaries? Share this episode with a friend who can be your accountability partner!

In this episode of RTDB, Sondra Primeaux shares how her early thrifting days forged her love of fashion and specifically, sustainable fashion. As my most learned enneagram friend, we also explore historical enneagram types 2 and 9, who like to play it safe.

Questions this episode answers:

• How can fashion become more sustainable, and who's actually pushing for change?
• What is an Enneagram Type 2, and why do 2s struggle to speak up?
• What is an Enneagram Type 9, and why do 9s avoid conflict?
• Why do people-pleasers stay quiet even when something feels wrong?
• Is the need for love and acceptance the real reason we avoid rocking the boat?
• Who was Ann Richards, and why is she a role model for outspoken women?
• How do you find your voice in an industry (or life) built to keep you quiet?

Boat-Rocking Question: If you're a 2 or a 9, where in your life are you staying quiet to keep the peace — and what would it look like to speak up anyway?

Check out Sondra's latest offerings at theunruffled.com

Learn more about Thrive or apply to be on the podcast at thrivewithchristy.com