Roleplay Retcon

Frankly, there hasn't been a good film adaptation Gaston Leroux's early 20th century novel Le Fantôme de l'Opéra, a.k.a. The Phantom of the Opera. Andrew Lloyd Weber's musical is good, but it's also a far walk from the original book, which is an absolute banger and hilarious to boot (and the 2004 Joel Schumacher movie was panned by both critics and Phantom fans alike). So, Jensie has decided we're not remaking just one movie, but all of them!

That's not the only wild choice we've made: We'll be telling our story using the TTRPG Kids on Bikes, except with no kids and no bikes, just to prove how flexible this game actually is. In this episode we'll go over Kids on Bikes and introduce our characters: Special Guest Remick from Tales From the Forgotten Troupe plays the up-and-coming Opera Diva Christine Daaé, Alex is the well-mannered and romantic Viscount Raoul de Chagny and Ben is... someone we don't know much about, yet. |

There's something wrong with Abraham Lincoln, and the toys must rally the rest of their army to liberate the charging station before they power down forever. They're hoping to do so without plastic-shed, but this is war, after all...

Jess from Wannabe Games made a one-page RPG for us to remake the 1998 film Small Soldiers with*! Deitysaurus Flex, My Little Kitty, and Serpentina (a.k.a. Battle Princess Gorgana) are a new kind of "smart toy" that can "play back." But when the kids got to bed and it's time for them to get to their recharging and repair station, they find one of the toys has seized control of the vital resource and is willing to start a war over it.

*Four years ago...

We made 100 episodes of Roleplay Retcon! Whoa! To celebrate, we performed a live Retcon in our Discord server of Disney's The Country Bears, a doomed attempt to repeat the success of Pirates of the Caribbean by making another movie based on a Disney park attraction. We play Honey Heist by Grant Howitt and attempt to form the greatest (non-human) country music band of all time. 

Take a seat next to the fire in our 12,000-square-foot drawing room. Gold-plated cigar? Kobe brandy? There, now that you're settled, let's talk honestly about Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets and how Roleplay Retcon's version stacks up against it. We'll while away the evening with some fan-casting, some audience submissions for how they would have turned a movie dud to movie stud, and announce what's coming up next!

The mystery of Planet Tennessee and the Astrazoans is solved. All that's left is to survive to tell the story.

Bob gets all "Transylvanian villager" on us and will only take the trio near the mysterious Sector L-630-E, where none dare tread. Valerian uses the boost to get through. Bubble introduces herself. Laureline is French, in case you didn't know.

The hunt is on for the cortex jellyfish, a mysterious creature that can pinpoint the location of Dolly with Bubble's memories. To find it, they'll need the help of Bob, the seasoned and spicy submarine captain. Valerian drives/pilots/swims...? a new vehicle. Laureline has a fan. Bubble takes a ride into her sub-conscious (get it?).

The trio dash after Mao's captors, hoping their messy business with Igon hasn't put them too far behind. Valerian makes a jaw-dropping discovery that changes the entire investigation. Laureline becomes an art broker instead of an art breaker. Bubble wastes away in Planet Margaritaville.

The perfect storm of bad luck that comes to every regularly-uploaded creative endeavor has come. Alex caught COVID and Jensie moved to Kobe, Japan (though their mic didn't get the memo), so our episode buffer ran out. To tide you over, we've collected three Bloops reels--collections of outtakes, deleted scenes, and other behind-the-magic content-- from our Twilight, Super Mario Bros., and Valerian series and recorded some brand new commentary to go along with it. Thanks for listening, sorry for the weirdsies, and we'll see you for Valerian again next episode! Unless we die! |