Roll The Old Bones

Greetings adventurer! ⚔️🎲

Welcome to the sixth episode of Roll The Old Bones, a weekly audio podcast about learning to play Dungeons & Dragons, featuring silly sketches and comic interludes.

In this episode, Duncan leads Andy through the Lazurian Maze, playing the role of a Warlock in search of a mystical French Horn and accompanied by a Tressym familiar named “Swann” through a series of encounters that celebrate the songs of British comedy duo, Flanders and Swann. After taking damage from a falling piano as penance for failing to make Duncan laugh in last week’s Dad Joke of the Week, we pit ourselves against Los Olvidados in a corrida d'olivas, taking serious damage from the Olivador, dodging the Picador with his pick, and the Matador with his mat. We follow footprints of boot and sock to track the League of British Bedstead Men, get totally confused whilst dodging machinery in the Wompom refinery, console the lovelorn Armadillo singing to an armour-plated tank, and stand firm against vicious pedantry of a very an-Gry G-nu, the g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo driven to attack after being mistaken for an Elk.

Along the way, we catch up with Sidney the Wandering Monster hunting for some ointment, listen to an advert for Hello Flesh, a meal delivery service for zombies. We also peek in on The Dark Lord who’s All-Seeing Eye has developed conjunctivitis. Andy tries on some freezing cold Necromantic Mail sent in by a fan, and The Singing Sword fails to impress judge Simon Growel in "Beholder's Got Talons" with a song entitled "The Last Weep of the Woggler".

We finish things off with another carefully crafted, Dungeons and Dragons-themed Dad Joke. This week Andy is hoping to get a laugh instead of a groan.

If you want to support us, then visit our Ko-Fi page at https://ko-fi.com/rolltheoldbones where you can drop us the price of a cup of coffee and get your name added to our Oubliette of Oblivion.

It’s actual Dungeons & Dragons newbie gameplay mixed with absurd audio comedy, Dad jokes and family-friendly D&D.

⏳ CHAPTERS

0:00 Opening Theme

0:38 Welcome & Introduction

4:43 Sidney the Wandering Monster

5:11 Game Play 1

11:04 Realm of the Dark Lord

13:49 Game Play 2

25:30 Short Rest – Spooksavers

26:34 Gameplay 3

30:57 From the Mailbag

32:40 Game Play 3 continues

38:17 Beholders Got Talons

40:19 Game Play 4

50:49 Dad Joke of the Week

52:05 Oubliette of Oblivion

53:22 Closing Music

Welcome to the fifth episode of Roll The Old Bones, a weekly audio podcast about learning to play Dungeons & Dragons, featuring silly sketches and comic interludes.

In this episode, Duncan leads Andy through the Lazurian Maze. Playing as a heavily armed Paladin, Andy accompanies brother warriors on a quest for holy relics while assailed from all sides by insectoid Thri-kreen.

Along the way, we catch up with Sidney the Wandering Monster hunting for his dressing gown, and listen to an advert for Spooksavers—spectacles for Spectres. We also peek in on The Dark Lord and Dogsbody, who run into trouble when their pet mimic has babies. Plus, Andy tries on some Wizardly Magnified Mail sent in by a fan, and The Singing Sword fails to impress judge Simon Growel in "Beholder's Got Talons".

We finish things off with another carefully crafted, D&D-themed Dad Joke. Will Andy’s luck hold, or will Duncan groan this week?

If you want to support us then visit our Ko-Fi page at https://ko-fi.com/rolltheoldbones where you can drop us the price of a cup of coffee and get your name added to our Oubliette of Oblivion.

0:00 Opening Theme

0:39 Welcome & Introduction

5:20 Sidney the Wandering Monster

6:00 Game Play 1

27:47 Realm of The Dark Lord

30:20 Game Play 2

35:59 Short Rest - "SpellSpace"

37:46 Game Play 3

48:02 The Mailbag

48:52 Game Play 3 continues

55:40 Beholder's Got Talons

57:31 Game Play 4

1:42:39 Dad Joke Of The Week

1:43:54 Oubliette of Oblivion

1:44:59 Closing music

Well met, adventurer! ⚔️🎲

Welcome to the fourth episode of Roll The Old Bones, a weekly audio podcast about learning to play Dungeons & Dragons, featuring silly sketches and comic interludes.

In this episode, Duncan leads Andy, a level 2 wizard, through a mysterious dungeon in search of arcane treasures.

Along the way, we catch up with Sidney the Wandering Monster, listen to an advert for Cinder Mattress (the premier provider of orthopaedic bedding for dragons), and peek in on The Dark Lord taking Dogsbody to the vet. Andy also tries on some heavy-duty Dwarven Chainmail sent in by a fan, nearly injuring himself in the process. Meanwhile, The Singing Sword tries once more to impress judge Simon Growel in "Beholder's Got Talons".

We also dive into more D&D gameplay with a Frogger-themed river trap, encounter a pair of skeleton guards in an Undertale-inspired magic maze, and wrap things up with one more carefully crafted, D&D-themed Dad Joke.

Will weedy wizard Andy overcome the Slimes and the Chameleonic boss monster? Will his luck run out and this week’s dad joke fall flat? Grab your d20 and find out!

If you want to support us, then visit our Ko-Fi page at https://ko-fi.com/rolltheoldbones where you can drop us the price of a cup of coffee and get your name added to our Oubliette of Oblivion.

If you want to support us then visit our Ko-Fi page at https://ko-fi.com/rolltheoldbones where you can drop us the price of a cup of coffee and get your name added to our Oubliette of Oblivion.

0:00 Opening Theme

0:38 Welcome & Introduction

6:39Sidney the Wandering Monster 1 7:16 Game Play

11:01 Realm of the Dark Lord

15:16 Game Play 2

28:47 Short Rest – Cinder Mattress

30:23 Gameplay 3

39:07 From the Mailbag

40:18 Game Play 3 continues

45:52 Beholders Got Talons

47:40 Game Play 4

1:06:51 Dad Joke of the Week

1:08:04 Oubliette of Oblivion

1:09:21 Closing Music

In this episode, Duncan leads Andy playing a Ranger through a mysterious dungeon in search of riches. He's pursued by zombies and discovers the benefits of Hunter's Mark in a boss battle reminiscent of Plants Vs Zombies.

We peek in on The Dark Lord as he prepares for his own roleplaying game, Bureaucrats & Bosses. Beware the wrath of Karen-Eth the Unappeasible, a level 12 Paladin of Compliance with her signature move, Passive-Aggressive Sigh.

There's a meeting with Sidney, the Wandering Monster, an advert for The Barbarian Emotional Support Line, some Chainmail sent in by an goblin fan and The Singing Sword once again fails to impress the judge, Simon Growel, in Beholder's Got Talons. More D&D learning gameplay and silly sketches to enjoy, including a carefully crafted D&D themed Dad Joke.

If you want to support us then visit our Ko-Fi page at https://ko-fi.com/rolltheoldbones where you can drop us the price of a cup of coffee and get your name added to our Oubliette of Oblivion.

0:00 Opening Theme

0:38 Welcome & Introduction

3:22 Sidney the Wandering Monster

1 3:57 Game Play

12:00 Realm of the Dark Lord

17:33 Game Play 2

42:07 Short Rest – “The Barbarian Emotional Support Line”

44:26 Gameplay 3

51:23 The Mailbag

52:22 Game Play 3 continues

59:18 Beholders Got Talons

1:00:54 Game Play 4

1:22:26 Dad Joke of the Week

1:23:38 Oubliette of Oblivion

1:24:54 Closing Music

In this episode, Duncan leads Andy playing a Bard through a quest to find the sender of a mysterious letter. We peek in on The Dark Lord as he tries to give Dogsbody, his Terrier of the Underworld a voice, but mislays his copy of the Malefactum Perpetuum Digest.

There's a meeting with Sidney, the Wandering Monster, an advert for White Wizard Wash Pods, Mail sent in by an elvish fan and The Singing Sword fails to impress the judge, Simon Growel, in Beholder's Got Talons. More D&D learning gameplay and silly sketches to enjoy, including a carefully crafted D&D themed Dad Joke.

If you want to support us then visit our Ko-Fi page at https://ko-fi.com/rolltheoldbones where you can drop us the price of a cup of coffee and get your name added to our Oubliette of Oblivion.

00:00 Opening Theme

00:39 Welcome and Introduction

05:23 Sidney the Wandering Monster

05:55 Game Play 1

14:14 Realm Of The Dark Lord

17:59 Game Play 2

38:37 White Wizard Wash Pods

39:34 Game Play 3

44:33 Mailbag

45:27 Game Play 4

52:54 Beholder's Got Talons

54:37 Game Play 5

1:09:31 Dad Joke Of The Week

1:11:00 Oubliette of Oblivion

1:12:13 End music

Welcome Traveller

Welcome to the very first episode of Roll The Old Bones!

This week, clueless D&D newbie dad, Andy, steps into the world of Dungeons & Dragons for the absolute first time, guided by his long-suffering son and Dungeon Master, Duncan.

The quest is simple: locate the legendary Windmill Sword. The execution? Absolute chaos.

After entirely failing a basic stealth check, Andy decides to treat a highly volatile, ancient magical artifact like a modern-day fidget toy. Naturally, this rips open a literal rift in reality, letting us scry on the Dark Lord himself as he desperately tries to summon an ancient Terror of the Underworld.

As an armed goblin horde ambushes our fragile adventurer, we take some breathers to dive into our fictional commercial breaks and mailbags. This week, we drop in on the absolute peak of fantasy entertainment as The Singing Sword auditions in front of the realm's harshest reality TV judge, The Beholder - Simon Growel.

Will Andy survive his first initiative roll? Will a fantasy dad joke cost him his precious hit points? And what exactly is lurking in the Oubliette of Oblivion? Grab your d20 and find out!

If you want to support us then visit our Ko-Fi page at https://ko-fi.com/rolltheoldbones where you can drop us the price of a cup of coffee and get your name added to our Oubliette of Oblivion.

0:00 Opening Theme

0:39 Welcome & Introduction

5:20 Sidney the Wandering Monster

6:00 Game Play 1

27:47 Realm of The Dark Lord

30:20 Game Play 2

35:59 Short Rest - "SpellSpace"

37:46 Game Play 3

48:02 The Mailbag

48:52 Game Play 3 continues

55:40 Beholder's Got Talons

57:31 Game Play 4

1:42:39 Dad Joke Of The Week

1:43:54 Oubliette of Oblivion1

:44:59 Closing music