“I’m like, 100% sure that’s the exact same excuse R. Kelly used. It didn’t work for him either.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Crossroads. This film has everything: Se7en-coded time capsules, menswear-coded lingerie, And aggressively notarized virgin consent. If you love Waffle House band diagnostics, Ghostbuster dad fanfic, and kissing in front of a giant Spy Kids poster, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Indecent Proposal

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“Hey, will you stop reading the stage directions and start reading your lines, please?”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Drive Me Crazy. This film has everything: collision-based sexual awakenings, a WB-grade Entourage origin story, And hot-air-balloon deadbeat dads. If you love whiteboard screenplay conspiracies, brass-tiger riding, and a confusing centennial dance, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Crossroads (2002)

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“Is this what it was like to be Matt Dillon in the 90s"

This week’s most romantic movie is... Wild Things. This film has everything: Versailles beach heels, an IQ score that makes Einstein look stupid, and bush-cam detective work. If you love rich-kid swamp noir, courtroom rug-pulls, and Kevin Bacon being weird in ways that feel legally actionable, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Drive Me Crazy (1999)

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“He just is at hardware store like Christian Gray buying all the zip ties.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Romeo Must Die. This film has everything: a heroine with factory-installed GPS, an hero stealing every car he can, And Bay Area Troubles cosplay. If you love deeds-nuts real estate logic, low-res X-ray bone breaks, and Vancouver pretending real hard to be Oakland, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Wild Things (1998)

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“I can't incorporate the word pop into this press release.”

This week's most romantic movie is... Love Jones. This film has everything: unexpected Philly Fanatic thirst, Chuck E. Cheese token-wealth flexes, And weaponized Toasted Oat drama. If you love record-store “just give me her info” behavior, taking poetry way too literally, and ruthless editing/pacing nitpicks, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Romeo Must Die (2000)

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“They can't have sex until they get married. God said so.”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Jumping the Broom. This film has everything: inappropriate touching, Saxophone mishaps, And a chef that is cookin up some magic. If you love Martha’s Vineyard class warfare, family secrets dropping right before the vows, and a cities in china that don't even exist, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Love Jones

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“It would be like standing right next to Gallagher as he smashes a watermelon”

This week’s most romantic movie is... Poetic Justice. This film has everything: a possible Italian sandwich, passing out in Waffle Houses, And a risky Yelp review reviews. If you love road trip poetry, Maya Angelou cameos, and Tupac delivering mail like it’s foreplay, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Jumping the Broom (2011)

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"Any way you slice that, that's the most interesting funeral you've ever been to."

This week’s most romantic movie is... Deliver Us From Eva. This film has everything: A Mayor involved in a pending sex scandal, a $5,000 house, And a plan that would straight up get you thrown in federal prison. If you love mayoral wingmen, salty sisters, and felonies as foreplay, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Poetic Justice (1993)

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"Paige made us look at duck titties"

This week’s most romantic movie is... Howard the Duck. This film has everything: Tiny used condoms, illegal jacuzzis you can rent by the hour, And a horrific truth about ducks that are "Tops". If you love Cajun sushi diners, Quack Fu mugging lessons, and a Stargate that’s somehow being used to test space gases, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Deliver Us from Eva

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"The Mask is sexy Animaniacs."

This week’s most romantic movie is... The Mask. This film has everything: a live action Pepe Le Pew, pants pockets filled with gags, And the dumbest version of the Hulk you'll ever see. If you love green zoot-suits, balloon-animal's crossing the rainbow bridge, and literal puppy heros, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Howard the Duck (1986)

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