“Are we just going to ignore the fact that Antonio Banderas drinks his brother’s head juice?”

This week’s hottest movie is The Mask of Zorro. This film has everything: a horny duel, a lusty confessional booth admission, and a vigilante live-action Puss in Boots. If you love pickled domes, teacup waltzing, and historical accuracy that’s legally inadmissible, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Armageddon (1998)

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“General Racism was Omar’s right-hand guy.”

This week’s hottest movie is… Jewel of the Nile. This film has everything: juggling Sufis, a slow-speed plane chase, and a boat with no driver, towing nothing but red flags. If you wish David Lean had cast Michael Douglas in Lawrence of Arabia, this episode’s for you.

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Up Next: The Mask of Zorro (1998)

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“There’s no dick that good in the world.”

This week’s thirstiest mess of a movie is... Fool’s Gold. This film has everything: a maybe-teen yacht goblin, a grown man earnestly saying “boat swain,” and Kevin Hart playing a rum-soaked rapper-slash-loan-shark-slash-island oligarch. If you love sketchy ages, mispronounced nautical ranks, and shootouts that defy physics and employment law, this episode’s for you.

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Up Next: The Jewel of the Nile (1985)

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Two villains, both alike in evil.

This week’s thirstiest movie is Runaway Bride. This film has everything: performative egg eating, a third-act Homer Eisenhower reveal, and a print news column that’s basically if Andrew Tate knew how to read and immediately started doxxing hot women for USA Today. If you love petty shade, chaotic horse escapes, and two villains finding love, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Fool's Gold (2008)

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Where are the guns coming from?

This week’s campiest queer romcom spy fantasy is... DEBS.

This film has everything: secret agents in ceiling swings, a sapphic supervillain, and tech so confusing Todd thought it was legit teleportation. If you love standardized-test-based spy recruitment and falling in love with the woman who just tried to murder all your friends... this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Runaway Bride (1999)

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“Did I fall asleep for a second?”

This week’s hottest movie is... The Wedding Banquet. This film has everything: Avant-garde quilt energy. Sexy paperwork. And a surprise pregnancy caused by Bowen's THAAAAAAAAANG.If you love drag dragons, Civil War diary entries, and marriage proposals that would make ICE furious, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: D.E.B.S. (2004)

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“He’s on a 1% Rumspringa.”

This week’s hottest movie is... My Own Private Idaho. This film has everything: Narcoleptic street naps. A Shakespearean crime daddy and his Red Hot Chili hype goblin. And the most emotionally devastating campfire scene since The Parent Trap. If you love cult leader Paige, Dutch Boy roleplay, and bisexual tragedy on a wheatfield highway, this episode’s for you.

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Up Next: The Wedding Reception (2025)

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“Jennifer Tilly is playing F Chess.”

This week’s slickest lesbian noir is... Bound. This film has everything: a mob nepo baby who looks like he got kicked out of Boyz II Men, a literal money-laundering montage complete with ironing, and a full-on power move where Gina Gershon goes knuckles deep... then shakes the husband’s hand. If you love vibey noir lighting, criminal scissoring, and domination so subtle it gets hand-delivered through a handshake, this episode’s for you.

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Up Next: My Own Private Idaho (1991)

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"She looks like one of the people from Planet of the Apes. And by people, I mean apes."

This week’s most unhinged movie is… Color of Night. This film has everything: a possessed Casio keyboard soundtrack, a man narrating his own life out loud like a noir detective who’s never heard of internal monologue, and a surprise Bruce Willis full-frontal that gives the only believable performance in the entire film. If you love chaotic sax solos, unsolicited monologues, and aquatic dong reveals, this episode’s for you!

What did you think of our episode on Love Lies Bleeding? Tell us on social media @RomancingThePodShow on Facebook and Instagram, or @RomancingPodSho on Twitter.

Up Next: Bound (1996)

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“She just threw up a Kristen Stewart.”

This week’s thirstiest movie is Love Lies Bleeding. This film has everything: A gym manager elbow-deep in body horror plumbing. Ed Harris’s forehead winning the Picard for best hairline. An underground love story so jacked on roids and vibes it’s basically She-Hulk by way of A24. If you love magical realism, anabolic steroids, and bodybuilder thirst with a side of murder, this episode’s for you!

What did you think of our episode on Love Lies Bleeding? Tell us on social media @RomancingThePodShow on Facebook and Instagram, or @RomancingPodSho on Twitter.

Up Next: Color of Night (1994)

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