"Diane Lane gave it all up for a dude who would go down on her."

This week’s thirstiest trainwreck is… Unfaithful.

This film has everything: a murder snow globe, Diane Lane furiously scrubbing her nethers with literal train water, and a full Beauty and the Beast crossover you’ll never see coming. If you love messy affairs, murder husbands, and sex scenes that somehow involve a public restroom soap dispenser, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Fatal Attraction (1987)

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"How dare she do that to Puss in Boots?"

This week’s most confused kink movie is... Babygirl. This film has everything: a possibly unhinged needle drop, a disappearing cult subplot, and a main character trying to explore vulnerability while also spearheading the automation apocalypse. If you love messy power dynamics, baffling sex scenes, and standing in the corner like a good girl, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Unfaithful (2002)

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"Could you do a dick lineup?"

This week’s thirstiest movie is... Spy. This film has everything. An Olympian level hip dick. A CIA agent demanding access to Schrödinger’s Face/Off machine. And the answer to "What’s the only acceptable catcall in Italy?" If you love unhinged spycraft, extremely subtle romance, and Jason Statham literally falling upward, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Babygirl (2024)

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"You gotta go get it with your tongue, please.”

This week’s hottest movie is... The Spy Who Dumped Me. This film has everything: A rogue microchip hidden in a very personal location, Spy skills honed through Duck Hunt, and a missed opportunity Todd just couldn't not mention. If you love chaotic horniness, spy movies written by people who’ve never met a spy, and Mila Kunis falling for the first tall man with an accent, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Spy (2015)

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“This is Mr. & Mrs. Smith if they had a baby right after college.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Date Night. This film has everything: A chicken nugget mysteriously covered in black ink. A Tripplehorn reference that amazingly isn't about a Ska Band. That moment when someone turns the gun sideways and you know—that’s the kill shot. If you love mid-marriage chaos, Tina Fey’s feral judgment skills, and Steve Carell just trying his damn best, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: The Spy Who Dumped Me (2018)

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“They become shooting star-crossed lovers. It’s Shakespearean, Paige.”

This week’s hottest movie is... Lockout. This film has everything, A briefcase full of absolutely nothing, A plot so chaotic they didn’t even credit cocaine with a story credit, And The Rock… but like, in space, with none of the emotional depth and all of the Guy Pearce. If you love milky-eyed villains, fake Shakespeare, and romance that’s more punches than passion, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Date Night (2010)

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"This movie is the Emperor's New Clothes… but from the Emperor’s perspective."

This week’s hottest movie is... S1m0ne. This film has everything: A man with an eye tumor from sitting too close to a computer, a studio exec who hears "never pay actors again" and says "perfect," and a pair of parasocial paparazzi Rosencrantz and Guildensterns who are horny for a woman who doesn’t exist. If you love digital delusions, movie-making nonsense, and guys who think collaboration is oppression, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: Lockout (2012)

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"Holly Hunter convincingly portrays someone who wants to fuck a man six feet shorter than her"

This week’s weirdest romance movie is... Always (With Special Guest Eli Bosnick). This film has everything... A ghost who spends his afterlife trying to cockblock his ex, John Goodman single-handedly carrying the emotional weight of the movie, Richard Dreyfuss refusing to let death stop him from being the worst boyfriend ever. If you love toxic romances, baffling career choices, and ghostly incel behavior, this episode’s for you!

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Up Next: S1m0ne (2002)

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"Angela does a drive-by on her own bedroom."

This week’s wildest movie is Why Did I Get Married Too? This film has everything: K-9-level detective work from a man who can smell infidelity, a trauma wheel that only Tyler Perry would dare spin, and a woman who looked at divorce court and said, “Nah, I’ll just commit vehicular manslaughter.”

If you love chaos, questionable legal decisions, and a completely unhinged look at marriage, you’re gonna love this episode.

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Up Next: Why Did I Get Married Too? (2010)

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"They know how to use a Blige."

This weeks Hottest movie is.... I Can Do Bad All By Myself. This movie has everything. A man with an unsettling attachment to a VCR, A Madea and Dadea that may or may not be married, and Plot logic that only exists because it needs to. If you enjoy Tyler Perry morality plays that make you wonder about the meaning of the word pew, you'll love this movie.

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Up Next: Why Did I Get Married Too? (2010)

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