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Rosemary Goes to the Mall
Rosemary Goes to the Mall episodes
- Episode 1754:44 minutes (13.7 MB)
Depressed about the state of her finances, Rosemary begins her shopping today in a foul mood. Things start to look up at Vääse, where she buys a Chinese three-legged frog which the saleslady promises will bring her good luck and, more importantly, money. Her state of mind improves as she fulfills her dream of finally owning real beach towels at Marshall’s, experiences seven blissful minutes in an Aquamassage machine, and then finds a package of candy cigarettes at Sweet B. Total spent: $269.45. Total returned: $111.81.
55 min - Episode 1650:26 minutes (12.66 MB)
Rosemary discovers the unadulterated joys of pure oxygen at Oxynate, an oxygen bar on the 3rd floor of the Mall. Buoyed by waves of freshness, all she really wants to do is call everyone she knows and tell them about how awesome she feels. She forces herself to keep shopping, winding her way to Radio Shack, where, having lost all sense of propriety, she drops $580 on a Magellan Portable Auto Navigation System. Total spent: $705.67. Total returned: $640.49.
51 min - Episode 1551:39 minutes (12.96 MB)
Rejuvenated after hitting rock bottom her last few visits, Rosemary finds meaning today by shopping for the best value in each store. Successes for the day include five dollar sports bras at the Finish Line, socks for Evan with a one year guarantee against holes at Kids’ Foot Locker, and a ten dollar canvas bag at Bijou Bijou. Rosemary proves herself to be made of slightly weaker stuff at the Watch Station, where she purchases a $380 watch for Keith. She has her first flirtation with Gravis sneakers at Shi. Total spent: $772.89. Total returned: $738.24.
52 min - Episode 1458:14 minutes (14.61 MB)
Rosemary is completely, utterly sick of shopping. While an excellent parking space and a Hello Kitty waffle maker make for a promising start, she quickly gets beaten down by the bottomless kitsch of an endless supply of Minnesota themed stores. A discount Rolling Stones CD, an uninspired Swatch, and toy ray guns for the boys top the list of non-kitsch merchandise for the day. Rosemary is charmed by a velvet bag full of stones she buys at Outfitters. Total spent: $270.29. Total returned: $230.43.
59 min - Episode 1357:33 minutes (14.46 MB)
Rosemary can’t seem to get any momentum going on her first day in the second half of the Mall. Genuine fake diamonds at Diamonique, fashion tape at Glitz, and bath bombs at Basin all seem hum-drum, until she stumbles upon her find of the day: a shot shell toilet seat at Minnesot-ah! She sees her first good-looking man at the Mall at Johnston & Murphy. Total spent: $325.59. Total returned: $276.79.
58 min
About Rosemary Goes to the Mall
From the publisher's feed
Welcome To Rosemary Goes To The Mall Dot Com!
In the Spring of 2006, Rosemary had the brilliant idea of creating a giant sculpture made out of shopping bags from the Mall of America. Congratulating herself on her genius, she went to the Mall and started asking stores for bags, but they wouldn’t give them to her without buying something. Thus began one of the most misguided adventures of her young life, as she slowly worked her way around the Mall, making purchases at every retail store but two (she lied to get the Eddie Bauer bag, and got weirded out at Daniel’s Leather). In the end, she made purchases at over 300 stores, returning (most of) those purchases bag-less on the following visit.
Among her favorite items were the $100 Stella McCartney yoga mat, the gold lamé Puma gym bag, a super cute pair of Mia sandals from Macy’s, and a $300 pair of Prada sunglasses – inspiring her alter ego, “the lady with the Prada sunglasses” to take over for a couple subsequent shopping trips. Other adventures included getting high at the oxygen bar and buying a $500 GPS system for her car at Radio Shack. She kept only the things she really needed, or were too cute to pass up, and she got stuck with a lot of dumb stuff from stores that didn’t accept returns.
In all, Rosemary spent $15,339.46 at the Mall, and she can’t quite bring herself to publicly state the dollar amount of the purchases she kept. Her husband stopped looking at the credit card bill about 5 shopping trips in, citing “increased anxiety and a tightness in his chest.” Rosemary, having grappled with the shopping-related demons of boredom, guilt, anger, and exhilaration, is just really glad it’s over.