Roses and Thorns

Move over, Hannah G! Caelynn and Nicole have taken over as the Bachelorettes of the island (maybe it's not an island, idk), and apparently the Mayor of Paradise has arrived. Also, Ryan and I discuss who we would want to date if we were on the beach with the current cast.

It's paradise time, ya'll! And things are already getting coconuts. We got the scoop on the Caelynn and Blake drama, and we're ready to dish!

It's the finale, and what a ride it's been! We combined the 2 part finale episode into one mega episode so you get the uninterrupted enjoyment of listening to us talk incessantly.

This week we talk about that ICONIC rose ceremony where Hannah showed what a boss b!tch she is, the Luke P show, and a sprinkle of other stuff. Tune in!

This episode should be shown in sex ed classes and feminist rallies. I'm so stoked about the way Hannah handled herself, how Tyler respected her, and that we were able to see an example of two consenting adults banging in a windmill. This was everything.

HOMETOWNS! Lisa's here this week to discuss hometowns with us. We also take some time to teach you a little Mandarin Chinese, WWII, Puerto Rico, the housing market in Jupiter, and more!

Half the people get a one-on-one date (apparently there are 3 one-on-one dates the week before hometowns?), meanwhile Connor gets passed up and accused of not trying hard enough. There's a three-on-one with zero planned activities (is that normal?), and Garrett surprises us by razzing Luke instead of getting angry.

More info about secret girlfriends of our Bach guys, conspiracy theory that Hannah chooses no one, Luke proves he's not only the definition of "psychopath" but is also textbook "gaslighting." And can we stop it with the lane puns? It's getting out of control. 

BREAKING NEWS: Hannah wasn't actually naked when she bungee jumped. She kept her undies on. 

Also, BREAKING NEWS: Peter's a pilot. He hadn't mentioned it in a couple of episodes, so I totally forgot. Thank god he reminded us.

Our "special" guest Louise is back for her final episode! She's been upgraded to co-host this week and is giving Ryan a run for his money. Tune in as we give a rundown on the upcoming Paradise cast, share breaking news about honeybuns Jed, and then begrudgingly discuss this sorry excuse for an episode. And once again, sorry about Kelly's microphone. She's somehow still not sure how to use it properly.

The boys go to Scotland! We get a solid 20 minutes of Mike time *swoon*, an inappropriate group date, and Luke's 1-on-1 with SO MANY RED FLAGS WHY IS HANNAH IGNORING ALL OF THE RED FLAGS??