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Whether they realize it or not, at the core of nearly every sex addict are 4 fundamental beliefs:

1. I am a bad person, unworthy of love
2. No one will accept me if they really knew me
3. I cannot count on others to meet my needs
4. My most important need is sex

Keaton Kleiner and I discuss these 4 beliefs and how these beliefs shape the course of a sex addict's life. 

http://www.citycarecounseling.org/our-counselors

https://www.newlegacycounseling.com

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Do you know the difference between a sex addict and a sex offender? Sometimes they are one and the same. Other times they are not. My guest on this episode is Charla Thorstad, a sex offender specialist, and she will help shed light on the very important topic of sex offense.

*Note: The website www.saspeakeasy.com will phase out and its contents will be subsumed under www.newlegacycounseling.com.

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Some people have full blown porn and sex addictions. Without proper treatment, they will likely live a life laden with shame and destruction. But what about the other people who don't quite qualify for an addiction? What if their behaviors are "merely problematic?"

I discuss this issue with Heather Seguin of Clear Choice Counseling, who specializes in sex addiction treatment, as well as helping the partners of sex addicts. 

Key talking points:

• Do people need treatment if they "only" have problematic behavior?
• If so, what does that treatment look like?
• The difficulty of getting out of isolation if we never learned social skills
• The importance of finding a specialist in therapy is similar to finding a specialist in the medical field.

www.newlegacycounseling.com

www.clearchoicecounseling.com 

[Editor's note: Heather's practice is now fully online, serving residents of CA]

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What happens when we combine sex with substance use? Many report that the sexual experience is exponentially better than "normal" sex. It makes sense that once experiencing this combination, one would keep wanting to go back to it.

Andy Park (LMFT and Certified Multiple Addiction Therapist) and I discuss the appeal and tragedy of combining sex and drugs. Some of the topics and questions we cover:

• Why do substance addicts tend to also have a sex addiction?
• How do drugs spoil sexual experiences in the future?
• How much do substance addicts connect with their partners while high?
• Mistaking intensity for intimacy
• The haunting question for addicts: Why do I do what I do?
• How to provide treatment for someone who is addicted to both
• What sobriety feels like for someone committed to treatment

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Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Tony Ramynke rejoins me to discuss the cost of sex addiction treatment. More importantly, we discuss the potential cost of NOT getting treatment. We also talk about the common occurrence of multiple factors underlying a sex addiction that need to be assessed and treated.

Some of the questions we address in this episode:

• Why isn't sobriety the ultimate goal of sex addiction therapy?
• Can we be depressed and/or anxious and not know it?
• What's the connection between sexually acting out and depression/anxiety?
• What is the monetary value of living shame-free and lie-free? Of being able to see your kids everyday?

Find Roy at www.newlegacycounseling.com 

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Chris Williams (Licensed Marriage/Family Therapist & Co-Host of New Life Live) rejoins me to discuss how sex addiction is emotional deafness. 

Some of the topics we cover:

• Why ignoring our feelings is a mistake.
• How to experience love at a deeper level.
• Why many men struggle with anger management and empathy.
• What happens when we squash our children's emotions.
• Porn during bad times, porn during good times.
• Why it's hard to delight in simple pleasures and blessings.

Contact Chris at www.renovaricounseling.com

Contact Roy at www.newlegacycounseling.com

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Keaton Kleiner (an LMHP in Omaha, Nebraska) and I discuss the difference between coping with life's struggles in what he coins a "lazy versus intentional" way. We find that it's important to know the difference because sex addicts can help themselves recover by learning intentional ways to cope with hardship. 

Some of the topics we discuss:

• Why alcohol and pornography are some of the lazy skills
• Why even certain ways of "using God" can be lazy!
• Why masturbating leads to feelings of despair
• Why we end up substituting one addiction for another addiction
• How do we intentionally cope with life?
• One interesting intervention: Go ahead and view porn, but on one condition...
• How do people even get started being intentional when they have never learned how?
• The importance, and even the necessity, of group therapy.

You can find Keaton at www.citycarecounseling.org

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Grace Erickson and I discuss the significance of spirituality when treating sex addiction. Grace is currently one of the few, if not only, Catholic sex addiction therapists in the Seattle area. Some of the issues we talk about in this episode:

Can God love me even if I repeat sexual sins?

The high number of men who lack meaningful friendships.

The deep guilt and shame of sex addicts.

The amazing strengths of our clients.

The real hope that sex addicts have to become sexually healthy.

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Bill Schuilenberg and I discuss the blueprint of sex addiction recovery. We make no bones about the length of the process and what it requires. We also revel in the true hope it offers for men and women who desperately want to overcome their sex addiction.

Some of the questions we discuss are:

Is sex addiction common? What happens during the assessment portion of sex addiction therapy? Why is the relationship between the therapist and the client so important? What is one of the most difficult parts of sex addiction treatment? How effective is group therapy? How long does it take to overcome sex addiction?

Bill practices in Kelowna, British Columbia and his website is: https://www.wacs.ca

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This is such an important question, with many significant implications. Sometimes we want to tell our loved one to relieve our conscience. Sometimes we feel forced to tell. Other times we panic and we will say whatever to protect ourselves, or even our partner. Whatever the reason, there are effective ways to tell our partner, and absolutely ineffective ways to tell our partner. It's crucial to know the difference!

In this episode, I interview Matt Kreiner from Bull City Psychotherapy in Durham, North Carolina. We discuss the ever important concept of the Formal Disclosure. We cover topics and questions such as:

• Dangers of staggered disclosure (telling information in separate chunks over time)
• If I disclose everything, won't my partner leave me? What if I lose custody of the kids?
• What are the benefits in telling the truth?
• When should I tell my significant other?
• What does a formal disclosure meeting look like?

It's our hope that this episode will give you valuable things to consider, that will eventually lead to you making the wisest choice possible.

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