Who gets the full version of you—and who only gets the edited version?

In this episode of Same Room, Different Stories, Tahi leads a conversation about the ways we make ourselves smaller depending on the room we’re in, the people we’re around, and what we’ve learned we need to do to feel accepted.

We talk about where shrinking starts, how family, relationships, work, and past experiences can shape the way we show up, and how easy it is to confuse being agreeable with being authentic.

The conversation gets especially personal when we get into relationships: performing a version of yourself you think someone else will love, walking on eggshells, compromising without losing yourself, and learning that the right people should make room for who you actually are.

We also talk about the responsibility that comes with healing. Even if someone else taught you to make yourself smaller, at what point do you have to decide that you’re ready to take up space again?

In this episode, we talk about:

• Who gets the most authentic version of us
• Why we change depending on the room we’re in
• The difference between privacy and hiding yourself
• People pleasing and being overly agreeable
• Shrinking yourself in friendships and relationships
• Performing to feel lovable or accepted
• Compromise versus losing yourself
• Fear of judgment and rejection
• Learning to take up space
• What we’re no longer willing to tone down about ourselves

CHAPTERS

00:00:00 Cold Open
00:00:14 SRDS Bumper & Intro
00:00:50 Who Gets the Full You?
00:07:05 Why Do You Shrink?
00:08:22 Times We Were Told “Too Much”
00:10:13 High School Stories
00:16:00 Finding Authenticity in College
00:17:20 Wrong Place, Wrong Audience
00:20:42 Shrinking in Relationships
00:27:02 Trauma Explains, Not Excuses
00:29:45 Does Love Require You to Shrink?
00:33:08 Small Talk & Deep Connections
00:43:20 Making Others Feel Small
00:49:42 Taking Up Space vs. Making It About You
00:55:28 What Won’t You Tone Down?
01:02:43 Closer

We may be in the same room, but we never have the exact same story.

Where have you caught yourself shrinking—and what part of yourself are you no longer willing to make smaller?

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Leave a comment or review and let us know what you thought about the episode.

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Have a story, critique, or perspective you want to share? Reach out to us at [email protected].

Find more from us at srdspod.transistor.fm.

New episodes every other week.

Have you ever liked someone so much that you started falling for who you thought they could be instead of who they were actually showing you?

In this episode of Same Room, Different Stories, Jessen, Tahi, and Taji are joined by their friend Andy for a conversation about attraction, projection, mixed signals, red flags, and the stories we sometimes build around the people we want.

Jessen and Andy share the unusual way they became friends through someone they had both been interested in—and how differently they experienced that connection. From there, the room gets into the bigger question: When we really like someone, how much are we seeing them clearly, and how much are we filling in the gaps ourselves?
We talk about chemistry versus compatibility, believing in someone’s potential, recognizing behavior that doesn’t match the version of a person we created in our heads, and the frustrating gray area between being misled and ignoring what was already in front of us.

As always, there are different stories in the same room.

In This Episode:

• Attraction, idealization, and projection
• Falling for potential
• Chemistry vs. compatibility
• Mixed signals and inconsistent behavior
• Red flags we recognize a little too late
• Whether someone misled us—or we saw what we wanted to see
• How loneliness and emotional investment can affect our judgment
• Learning to pay attention to what people actually show us
• Jessen and Andy’s very unconventional friendship origin story

Chapters

00:00 Cold Open

00:43 Intro & Icebreakers

10:45 The Topic & Code Names

12:21 Andy’s Story: George

18:07 Taji’s Story: Seth

21:00 Tahi’s Story: Jane Doe

24:40 The Cody Lore

40:25 What Did You Add?

48:15 Red Flag, Green Flag Game

1:01:00 Why Do We Hold Onto Potential?

1:10:19 Being Alone in a Relationship

1:13:31 Closing Reflections

1:19:55 Outro

Join the Conversation!

Have you ever realized that the person you liked and the person they actually were weren’t quite the same?

We want to hear your story, your perspective, or what you would have said if you were sitting in the room with us.

Follow us on Instagram/Tiktok: @srdspod
Email us: [email protected]
Website: srdspod.transistor.fm

Same Room, Different Stories is hosted by Jessen, Tahi, and Taji.

We may be in the same room, but we never have the exact same story.

We all grow up with some version of a plan — the career, the relationship, the timeline, and the person we think we're supposed to become. But what happens when that plan changes, falls apart, or stops feeling like something you even want?

In this episode, Taji, Jessen, and Tahi look back at the lives they once imagined for themselves and how differently things actually turned out. From Tahi nearly joining the Army, to Jessen letting go of a lifelong plan to become a doctor, to Taji navigating career changes, military aspirations, and learning not to attach her identity to a role, the three unpack what it means to change direction without treating that change as failure.

The conversation gets into family and cultural expectations, feeling behind while watching other people reach their milestones, the pressure to make the “right” career choice, relationships that didn't work out, reacting versus responding when life changes, and the difference between having a plan and trying to control exactly how your life unfolds.

Most importantly, they ask whether Plan B really has to be second best — or whether some of the best parts of life only become possible once Plan A falls apart.

In this episode:

• The lives and relationships we thought we'd have by now
• Tahi and Taji's almost-Army era
• Jessen's decision to walk away from becoming a physician
• Growing up with immigrant parents and “approved” career paths
• When a career or role becomes part of your identity
• Feeling like you're settling when you change direction
• Reacting vs. responding when life doesn't go as planned
• Social media, comparison, and feeling behind
• Using work and achievement as a form of escapism
• Relationships, loneliness, and unexpected life changes
• Failure, resilience, and learning to keep moving
• Why changing your mind doesn't mean you failed
• Finding community, appreciating the present, and accepting a different outcome

Question of the episode: What happens after Plan A?

We'd love to hear yours! What did you originally think your life would look like, what changed, and what happened after?

Subscribe to Same Room, Different Stories on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Website: srdspod.transistor.fm
Email: [email protected]

New episodes every other week!

00:00 Intro
00:18 Podcast Cold Open
01:04 Meet the Hosts & Episode Intro
01:35 Our Original Plan A
06:43 How Close Did We Get?
09:42 Why We Switched Paths
17:23 Reacting vs. Responding
27:51 Letting Go of Plan A
37:40 Nursing Journey
39:51 Social Media & Comparison
52:14 Defining Resilience
1:02:39 Fear of the Unknown & Plan B
1:10:28 Wrapping Up

Three friends—Jessen, Tahi, and Taji—launch their podcast Same Room, Different Stories with the question, “Is this really my personality or just what happened to me?” They discuss traits people associate with them—lazy/quiet/funny, reserved/respectful, nice/blunt—and how identity shifts by setting, especially as Haitian Americans raised to “perform.” The conversation moves into roles in friendships and family, including follower/supporter, helper, “mother/dad” leader, dependable one, black sheep vs. golden child, and how validation, boundaries, and needing to feel useful affect them.

A Hawaii zip-lining mishap—road closure, missed instructions, car stuck in mud, no service, rain, and mosquitoes—becomes a lesson in being present and reading texts. They play “Personality or Coping,” labeling humor, overthinking, conflict avoidance, avoiding help, emotional distance, over-explaining, staying busy, and people pleasing. Ultimately, they conclude that personality is a mix of nature and experience, with an emphasis on outgrowing overextending and learning balance.

Subscribe to Same Room, Different Stories wherever you listen so you don't miss an episode — and if something in this one hit home (or you think we got it wrong), email us at [email protected]. We want to build this into a real community, so your stories and criticism are genuinely welcome. Check us out on our website: SRDSPod.transistor.fm

00:00 Cold Open

01:04 Show Intro

01:24 What Traits Define You?

07:59 Roles We Play

15:19 Where We Feel Authentic

16:21 Coming Out & Family Reactions

23:26 Choosing vs. Inheriting Roles

30:00 Roles We're Ready to Let Go Of

37:02 The Hawaii Road Trip Story

43:10 Game: Personality or Coping

01:04:14 Outro & Sign Off