Satisfying Intimacy ~ A show for Love, Sex & Life

On the heels of jealousy (episode 10), here's another awkward but potentially so liberating and juicy topic: how our minds can get of control, and how to come back to reality. Why we do it is a whole other story, some ideas are given here and as always it's interesting to find your own answers before hearing mine or anyone else's. ~ 

I haven't found so much good literature or people sharing their personal stories on this one, so this podcast bares all about a fairly minor personal freak-out, good for practice and hopefully to not mess up the really important moments in the future, but the bottom line is to some extent we're allowed to make mistakes; we can learn to perform really well under pressure, and we can learn to not put pressure unnecessarily, knowing that it'll show up when it needs to and we can be our best thru it. ~ 

Comments on this podcast and suggestions for future episodes? Send a message to [email protected]! Thanks for listening. ~ 

Thanks to Jette Weiss for the cover art and Youssoupha Sidibe for the music, used under license. 

Should we listen more to a person's words, their body language, or their full-on body responses?  In episode 5 on consent, the emphasis was on respecting a person's "no", and the answer was, listen to all the subtle ways they're expressing themselves, not just their words. ~ 

Now, what about when the emphasis is on a person's "yes" - connecting in more fun, pleasure, and depth? The answer suggested is the same: listen on all levels, but especially to the body. ~ 

This episode shares Gilles Crête's "Who Am I" meditation, where you're in stillness, feeling from within your body not only the whole form and energy but one specific place that has a lot of sensation, and watching it evolve as you hold presence with it trying to do absolutely nothing. From there you can practice keeping this presence as someone touches you or you touch them. ~ 

The suggestion here is that the body is more likely to speak the truth than the mind is, because at least in my culture the education system and media are so biased toward seeing and thinking and controlling, with a hierarchy of humans at the top of a hierarchy of nature. They are full of wild ideas we somehow remain prisoners to even if they have no basis in reality, like buildings with a 13th floor are dangerous or there's only one deity and it's a dude. We get taught to say yes to be nice even when we mean no and when if you pay attention the body is likely saying no, say getting oddly agitated or still with the voice or movement. Only when we have complete freedom to feel how we feel without having to rationalize it, deny it, or anything else can we truly love others who are doing the same thing, and create mutually beneficial relationships. ~ 

With big thanks also to Sarah Knight, author of The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck. ~ 

Comments on this podcast and suggestions for future episodes? Send a message to [email protected]! Thanks for listening. ~ 

Thanks to Jette Weiss for the cover art and Youssoupha Sidibe for the music, used under license.

This is not always a fun topic but let's have some fun with it and get real! The more we can admit our fears and desires, I believe, the more trustworthy and peaceful we are, the less likely to commit emotional or physical violence. And when we get real at ease with them, we can really have some real fun because we're just not afraid of... being ourselves and whatever people think. ~ 

Jealousy can come wherever there is partnership, sex, emotional connection, social status, money, and many other survival factors. The perception that there is not enough to go around can feel like and be a real threat - children who are not touched may experience certain health challenges, as may people who are not welcomed in social circles, a workplace, an ethnic or religious or national group, and so on. ~ 

In their book Sex at Dawn, Christopher Ryan and Cecilda Jethá ask about jealousy and other attitudes in sex and relationships: have we always been this way? is this normal? what other ways have humans done things? And I ask you, what other ways can humans do things? Sex at Dawn talks about exclusive versus polyamorous relationships in terms of child survival and tribe wellbeing, in hunter-gatherer versus agricultural and urban societies, and comes to the conclusion that what we're doing now is possibly the exception in history around the globe. Which leaves lots of room for us to choose how to be today and tomorrow... ~ 

The podcast also includes an exercise on looking at areas of your life in which you're more or less secure of abundance, what you can do to feel more abundant even before you create abundance. ~ 

Comments on this podcast and suggestions for future episodes? Send a message to [email protected]. Thanks for listening. ~ 

Thanks to Jette Weiss for the cover art and Youssoupha Sidibe for the music, used under license.

Manipulation in the realm of relationships can be destructive if very common. For the person receiving it, it is in a way an attempt to break their consent, not see and love them which is to hold their wellbeing the highest. And for the person doing it, it keeps them trapped in beliefs such as, they can't get what they want (because they don't deserve it, don't know how to express it, and so on), the other person doesn't want or love them as they are, even that relationship is a competition for affection, power or such. ~ 

Manipulation can also be on a much smaller level, unconscious, but still potentially damaging and limiting to the growth of the people and the relationship. This episode shares a personal experience of catching oneself in such a moment, unpacking the hidden beliefs, and choosing not to give in to them but instead to give in to loving the other person. ~ 

It's not easy to do, but fortunately something we get many chances to become good at. There are so many things we've been taught that I dare say are wrong, and it takes time and courage to free ourselves of them, but the prize of liberation is so sweet, the chance to actually taste true closeness and trust. ~ 

Comments on this podcast and suggestions for future episodes? Send a message to [email protected]. Thanks for listening. ~ 

Thanks to Jette Weiss for the cover art and Youssoupha Sidibe for the music, used under license.

Welcome back to our growing podcast series. Thank you joining whether this is your first time or you've been on the journey from the start. ~ 

The last two episodes we looked at taking time to feel and choose how to orient ourselves toward our truest fulfillment, whether that is in our day to day pleasure, intimacy and connection practices or in our longer term life drive, ideally the two being connected. ~ 

Often, people speak of 5 senses - seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching - and a 6th sense of intuition. There might even be more, for example holding and being held seems different from touching. Any that you would add? ~ 

Each person may have their own particular emphasis on which sense really brings them home and which is maybe less familiar. This episode suggests an exercise to experience oneself through various senses, and connect this to how our senses experience a loved one. ~ 

Comments on this podcast and suggestions for future episodes? Send a message to [email protected]! ~ 

Thanks to Jette Weiss for the cover art and Youssoupha Sidibe for the music, used under license.

One episode (episode 6) wasn't enough... so here we are with another opportunity to savour... and there will be more in the future. ~ 

I speak a little more about simple tools we can all use to live in the moment in harmony with our inner sense of direction in life: stopping to breathe, feeling the pure flow of energy and the presence of the body and environment, feeling emotions, and thinking. All of this can then serve communicating and acting. ~ 

In the first few episodes we've seen various approaches such as tantra, Alexander Technique, and rewilding. Today we also explore the idea from sex and intimacy coach Jaiya of Erotic Blueprints: that each person has their own particular mix of what excites them sexually (touch, words, fantasy, and so on) and ultimately in life. ~ 

I love this sense of sexuality as being continuous with every aspect of our lives, in the same way the more sexual areas of our bodies are connected to a whole person who should be loved and served and able to exercise their love and agency. ~ 

Comments on this podcast and suggestions for future episodes? Send a message to [email protected]. Thanks for listening. ~ 

Thanks to Jette Weiss for the cover art and Youssoupha Sidibe for the music, used under license.

Thank you so much to those of you who have followed this podcast through the first 5 episodes, where we looked at self, other and the world, how they are, and... how both to bring back our original nature undamaged by bad teachings, and to create a new world for ourselves, in our relationship, and a new world together that is plentiful of safety, love, pleasure, and evolution. ~ 

Now we can really get into the juice of exploring and living. And where better to begin than with pleasure? Yes sexual pleasure, but sexual pleasure that is continuous with every breath, pause and gesture in today and tomorrow. This episode simply says: take time, make space, and it will come, full of homecomings and surprises. ~ 

The podcast I mention in the audio here is Clit Talk's 12 Days of Masturbation. Hats off (and clothes off, or on!) to the Clitterati crew for a podcast far above the common adolescent-type attitudes, focused for women but empowering for all genders. ~ 

Comments on this podcast and suggestions for future episodes? Send a message to [email protected]. Thanks for listening. ~ 

Thanks to Jette Weiss for the cover art and Youssoupha Sidibe for the music, used under license.

This episode builds on the foundation we've created together so far: knowing what's healthy for us (episode 2), knowing what we want (episode 3), and facing grief to open up to our full potential in the world (episode 4). Now we have to talk about consent: how do our respective desires meet in harmony and growth, so far that we can actually re-create the world? ~ 

Consent is finally getting a lot of attention through the #metoo, #blacklivesmatter and other social uprisings from years of mental and physical suppression. Especially as a male (with feminine and masculine aspects), it's important to say that my opinion is just one, I'm not an expert, I'm here because of the trust friends and partners have placed in me, mindful of my past failings and the work I have to do now. ~ 

The bottom line is your body mind and spirit are yours, and you get to define what is consent for you to receive. Thank you for the trust you place in me and please let me know any errors I have made with this important topic. ~ 

Comments on this podcast and suggestions for future episodes? Send a message to [email protected]. Thanks for listening. ~ 

Thanks to Jette Weiss for the cover art and Youssoupha Sidibe for the music, used under license.

Sometimes, often, when we think we know what we want and where we're going, things come up. Before we react instantly, say based on habits, we actually have a choice: do I ignore this, sweep it under the rug, beat it down, or feel it and trust that I'll be okay in this moment and know how to work it out? ~ 

The reason to do this is, very often habits don't work to give us what we want because they're based in patterns set at a much earlier age when we didn't have as many tools to protect and satisfy ourselves. And even if we have good habits, we can always add even better habits, right? ~ 

The mentor I talk about in accepting and using grief and nature connection is Jean-Claude Catry of the Wisdom of the Earth wilderness school. On the theme of liberating the wild feminine within oneself, whatever gender you are, and in society, one resource valued by many is Clarissa Pinkola-Estés's Women Who Run With the Wolves. ~ 

Comments on this podcast and suggestions for future episodes? Send a message to [email protected]! Thanks for listening. ~ 

Thanks to Jette Weiss for the cover art and Youssoupha Sidibe for the music, used under license.

Once you know what's good and not good for you (episode 2), how do you make the leap to your next level of what you actually want, building on or changing what you already have? ~ 

This episode goes over a simple technique anchored in the body and feelings, that can be used in almost any sphere of life - a new way of touching, talking, working, and so on. 3 steps: look at something in your life, really feel how you feel about it, don't try to change it right away or convince yourself anything about it, just feel it; now consider a change you'd like to make, and try it; notice how it feels in your body and spirit, and decide to keep it, stop it, or improve it. ~ 

Then once we're all going for what we want, we run into what everyone else wants and we have to figure out how to be together (or not). That's episode 5: consent. ~ 

Comments on this podcast and suggestions for future episodes? Send a message to [email protected]! Thanks for listening. ~ 

Thanks to Jette Weiss for the cover art and Youssoupha Sidibe for the music, used under license.