Saved by the Bell to the Max

If your friend gets suck in a magical board game, keep playing. Don't make him live in a deadly jungle for 26 years.

Long before The Rock got involved, "Jumanji" was a vehicle for the late, great Robin Williams at the peak of his movie stardom. Oddly, it takes a while for Williams to make an appearance here. We've got a scene in the 1800s, then an extended sequence in 1969. Then, when a grown Alan Parrish finally emerges from his board game/jungle prison, Williams is playing a guy who is understandably bummed out. His parents are dead. He's been terrorized by wild beasts for 26 years. And he never learned how to shave.

Yes, kids, the original "Jumanji" is pretty dark for long stretches. There are two different sets of dead parents! And Robin Williams isn't doing any funny voices! Come on, man. Give us some Genie pizzazz, or, at the very least, a tease of Mrs. Doubtfire.

Luckily, "Jumanji" still has some charm 25 years later, thanks to strong cast featuring the likes of Bonnie Hunt, David Alan Grier and a young Kirsten Dunst. Old Millennials hosts Tyler and Angela discuss 90s-era CGI animals, the bewildering dual role for Jonathan Hyde, badly-dated "going postal" gags and David Alan Grier's one-of-a-kind scream. They also wonder out loud if they traumatized their young kids by showing them this movie.

It's Animal April on Old Millennials Remember Movies! It's an adventure for those who seek to find a way to leave the world behind. Just don't show the monkeys how to load the guns.

Also discussed in this episode:

Derek DelGuadio: In & Of Itself (2021)

Another Round (2020)

The Last Blockbuster (2020)

Richard Jewell (2019)

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

Secrets of Sulphur Springs (2021 TV series)

Check out past "Animal April" episodes of Old Millennials Remember Movies:

Roar! (1981) episode 73

101 Dalmatians (1996) episode 74

Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993) episode 75

"The sauce-a you can have, but the secret? She's A MINE!"

Another "Saved by the Bell" episode that begins one way and takes a hard turn into another plotline entirely. The gang produces a cable access news broadcast, but Screech's cooking segment inexplicably sparks a sensation around Bayside. He also makes incredible spaghetti sauce, and so Zack concocts a plan to sell it using stolen chem lab supplies and, well, as it turns out, a stolen recipe.

Why is everyone so enamored with Screech on TV? He's just as obnoxious there as he is in person, and yet other students want his autograph. Some gold-diggin' girls also want a piece of Screech's sweet, sweet spaghetti profits. What are we talking about here? A couple hundred bucks tops? Anyway, one of the girls is Soleil Moon Frye (Punky Brewster!) She doesn't appreciate classic cars.

The Saved by the Bell to the Max crew discuss this late series installment, which includes the title of the show in an actual line of dialogue. It happens when the gang makes a commercial to sell the sauce... a commercial that goes on for three minutes and includes some really bad Italian accents and cultural stereotypes. Mamma Mia!

Hey, but seriously, Screech is the worst, and his sauce ain't shit either.

Hey, Dennis Haskins: What's your favorite Italian food? Come on the show and tell us about it!

Remember when you had to wait in an actual, real-life line in order to buy concert tickets? Remember concerts? Remember standing near people? Well, take a trip down memory lane with this bottle episode of "Saved by the Bell," one of the few episodes set outside of Bayside High. The gang is trying to score tickets to U2, but once again, they give way too much responsibility to Screech. Why trust Screech with money? Or standing in a line? He's the absolute worst, and SBTB-to-the-Max co-host Angela thinks this episode might be Screech at his worst.

The gang finds a stack of money, and instead of immediately leaving the mall with the cash, they decide to run a ticket scheme, camp in a sporting goods store, hide out in bridal shop display window and get chased around by some generic bad guys. Can you predict the episode's big twist? Should you care?

Jonah serves up his uncanny expertise, Tyler obsesses over the logic of the "twist," and Angela loses her patience with this (expletive-deleted) show. Why is Jesse absent from the episode? Does she just not like U2? Apparently, this group crumbles without Jesse's steady hand. For one, Zack gets SUPER violent.

More importantly? Where the hell is Mr. Belding? Wouldn't it have been great to see him shopping at the shoe store? Dennis Haskins, how do you feel about the show excluding you from one of the most obnoxious episodes?!

All you need to know about the competence of the federal government can be found in the season 2 episode of "Saved by the Bell" entitled "Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind." A government agent watches a crappy student film and is absolutely convinced Screech is an alien from another planet.

Don't get us wrong. Screech is the worst and definitely not a normal human kid. In fact, he may be a serial killer. But this government agent is a complete moron. One day he might become president.

The "To the Max" crew break down this somewhat frustrating episode, which starts out as a story about a broken camcorder and escalates to absolute nonsense. They discuss the different "kinds," the career priorities of Ed Alonzo's Max, the availability of Screech masks (proven to reduce the spread of coronavirus, btw), real life AV club vs. Bayside AV club, dangerous dentistry and Screech's desire to go to heaven alongside Zack, sans underwear. Maybe they should just let the idiot government agent dissect Screech. Also in this episode, co-host Angela loses her shit. She can't sanction Screech's buffoonery.

Hey, Dennis Haskins - what's your favorite sci-fi movie? Come join our podcast!

Fun fact: There's an episode of "That's So Raven" also called "Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind." We haven't seen it, but it's 99 percent guaranteed to be better.

Kelly Kapowski really wants to be Homecoming Queen, but she has a big zit. Zack Morris really wants Kelly, so he takes Screech's screw-up science experiment and packages it into a miracle skin cream. Here's the thing: The cream works! Sure, your face will temporarily turn red for a bit, but then, BOOM. No more zits. Most people would probably take this temporary trade-off, so why is everyone so mad at Zack?

When Screech gets splashed in the face at science class, did anybody else wish his face would melt off like those Nazis in "Raiders"? Screech is the worst! The entire "To The Max" crew is back to discuss Season 1's "Cream for a Day," including references to Jason Bateman on U.S. currency, the origins of infamous Bayside High student Muffin Sangria, another kid universally referred to as "Crater Face" (you can't disparage your students, Mr. Belding), and the strange dynamics of a friend group where everybody seems to hate each other. Plus Kelly L-O-V-E-S George Michael.

Hey, Dennis Haskins! Come on the show and talk about Beldasil!

There's a new "Saved by the Bell" series coming to NBC's Peacock streaming service! A trailer dropped earlier this year, and we learned Slater and Jesse are teachers at Bayside High School! Zack Morris is the Governor of California! Screech is probably in jail!

Saved by the Bell to the Max co-hosts Jonah Anderson (the world's foremost expert on "Saved by the Bell") and Tyler Wilson discuss everything we know about the series, including new cast members, the Bayside alums confirmed to return and the point in which the production was forced to shut down because of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Will Dennis Haskins appear? Or is he too busy with serious roles in well-regarded dramas? Seriously, catch Haskins in the movie "Clemency," available to stream on Hulu! Hey, Dennis, come on the show to talk about it.

Co-host Angela Yoshiko quit the podcast. Just kidding. She was unavailable for this episode and will return on episode 9! She'd all want you to know Screech is still the worst!

It's senior year at Bayside High! And there's a new girl from Idaho! And Zack and Slater sexually harass her!

"The Fight" opens with one of the more offensive moments in "Saved by the Bell" history, in which the boys make a noise and use an inappropriate gesture when referring to a certain person's dumb behavior. We're pretty sure this wasn't appropriate in 1992 either, but don't let that blight stop you from missing one of the most iconic moments in the show's history.

Zack and Slater have had a complicated friendship over the years, beginning with their competitive pursuit of Kelly back in season 1. Zack eventually won out, and the two bros made nice, but animosity has clearly been simmering for a while. All it takes is for a new girl, Joanna from Idaho, to spark an epic throwdown that involves pranks, shirt-grabbing and fists.

Yes, Zack and Slater actually throw punches in this episode, but that brawl (in which the preppie Zack holds his own against wrestling champion Slater) is nothing compared to the punchbowl-centric battle that caps this episode. Tyler and Jonah break down every single detail of this fight, including the punch to the pants, Mr. Belding's embarrassing toupee incident, and, of course, one of the show's most memorable Slater line deliveries. "Look, Preppie, you're all wet!"

Also in this episode, co-host Angela tries to figure out why she's participating in all this insanity.

As always: 1. Screech is the worst. and 2. Hit us up on Twitter, Dennis Haskins!

"I'll see ya at the galleria." - one of the most famous lines in the history of television.

The premise of "Check Your Mate" is a bigger stretch than usual for an episode of "Saved by the Bell." Screech, widely known as THE WORST, happens to be Bayside's chess champion. It's a big deal, to the point where the school's radio station covers the matches, cheerleaders and fans fill the stands, and everybody pretends Screech is a tolerable human being.

That's not all. Screech has a girlfriend! Somebody should warn poor Violet (guest star Tori Spelling) that this mutant boy will murder you for a one in a billion chance to be with Lisa Turtle.

Despite the Screech-centric story, "Check Your Mate" has it all. Lucky berets, an imposter reporter from Chessboy Magazine, a Russian chess champion with a conveniently similar physical frame to Zack Morris, kidnapping, Cold War jokes, a Valley guy named Guy-Guy, and yes, that wonderful, glorious moment about the Galleria.

Tyler, Jonah and Angela dive deep into this classic episode. We don't mean to be Russian-you, but hurry up and hit that play button!

Hey, Dennis Haskins - Do you know how to play chess? Why don't you contact the show and tell us all about it!

"We need Doc Brown to sort out the timelines of this show." - Jonah Anderson, world's foremost expert on "Saved by the Bell."

The "Saved by the Bell" continuity is... confusing. Never mind the fact the powers-that-be want you to think "Good Morning Miss Bliss" is the first season of the show (it isn't). Things get even more confusing once the gang makes it to Bayside. How long do these school years last? When does the Malibu Sands mini-season occur? Where do Jesse Spano and Kelly Kapowski keep disappearing to during senior year? Do they even know that Tori (Leanna Creel) exists?

Wait, who are you, Tori? And where did you get that leather jacket?Hey, wait, where did Tori go? Did Screech murder Tori? Man, Screech is the worst.

Sitcoms like this always seem to have continuity issues, generally because of behind-the-scenes production issues and conflicts. Jonah and Tyler (with an early assist from Angela) unravel the web that is the Saved By the Bell timeline. You'll even understand how "Saved by the Bell Hawaiian Style" fits into the equation.

If anybody has Dennis Haskins' personal cell phone number, we'd love to talk to him. Dennis, if you're reading this, we're not creepy. We just want you to come on the show!

Zack has a great idea to get out of detention - Join the CADET CORP! Zack and the gang get involved with a student-army after-school program with a HANDSOME coach and a whole lotta RULES. Zack doesn't like rules! So he'll quit. Then learn a lesson. Then compete in a fairly elaborate obstacle course. You know, with colorful tires! Did the school have to pay for all this equipment? Mr. Belding! Did you get fleeced by this wannabe-ROTC outfit?

This episode features some memorable "nerd" vs. "jock" moments. Bayside is a school full of stereotypical weirdos,  just like Butch and Alan. Oh how we love them!

A girl talks to Screech in this episode. Willingly. What's that about? Jonah and Tyler also take the opportunity to discuss whether Screech is a serial killer. Screech is the worst!

Hey, Dennis Haskins - What did it feel like to be an American Gladiator in this episode? Join the podcast!